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Old Flames Die Hard	By : angelgirl9987 Category: My Chemical Romance > General Views: 1866 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. I do not know the members of My Chemical Romance. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
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Gerard cried the whole way home. He was surprised he even see the road through the haze of tears. He wanted to be with Bert more than anything, but he knew that after everything that had happened it was not a good idea to just jump back into something without really allowing time for both parties to heal and process. Gerard was positive Bert would be pretty pissed at him for saying he wanted to be with him, and then the next day deciding it wouldn’t work. He tried to brace himself for the almost inevitable barrage of “What the hell? Why are you doing this to me? Were you lying when you said you loved me?” The best he could hope for was that Bert would only stay mad for a couple of days and then realize that it really was for the best that they were just friends until they were healed enough to try something again.

When he pulled up in front of the house that he and his band shared, he almost couldn’t bring himself to get out of the car. He didn’t want to face Bert and the rest of the band. He had been so sure about everything yesterday, he felt like a failure having to go in there and tell everyone he’d made a mistake by taking Bert back so quickly. He knew his band mates would be ecstatic that he was breaking up with Bert, only because they didn’t trust him. He also knew that the guys would be watching him like a hawk for the next few months to make sure he didn’t slip back into his old habits, or sneak behind their backs to spend time with Bert. He was very grateful for the amount of concern his friends showed him, because without it he would never have been able to get sober, or stay alive after his first breakup with Bert, but it was going to be hard to do anything with the guys breathing down his neck to keep him on track.

Gerard finally brought himself to get out of the car and walk up the steps to the house. He entered the living room to find Bob, Frank, Ray, and Mikey talking in hushed tones, no doubt about Gerard and Bert. He cleared his throat to get their attention.

“Oh, Gerard! Dude don’t leave the house without telling us we didn’t know where you were or what you were doing, we were worried about you man!” Mikey jumped up to give his older brother a hug before reclaiming his seat on the couch.

“I’m sorry, Mikey,” Gerard replied, “I just needed to get out and think for a bit. I have a lot on my mind you know? It’s kinda hard to think in this house when you’ve got 4 other dudes and your boyfriend around you twenty-four seven.”

“Sorry man,” Frank said, “We just want to make sure you’re okay. You’ve been so distant and depressed lately.”

“I know and I’m working on that okay. I just have to go through this at my own pace. You can’t rush me. I promise I will be better, but right now there’s something I need to go do okay?”

Gerard left the guys without waiting for an answer. He slowly made his way to his bedroom where he was sure Bert was still hiding out. The hallway seemed longer than it ever had before. It was like time had slowed as he made his way to the bedroom. It seemed to take hours instead of the probably less than thirty seconds it took to make it to his bedroom. When he walked inside he was greeted with the sight of a miserable looking Bert crying on the bed curled up in a ball. Gerard sighed and walked over to sit next to him.

“Bert,” Gerard said to get his boyfriend’s attention.

Bert didn’t respond for a few seconds, only continued to sob and wrap his arms around his legs even tighter. Finally he said, “This isn’t going to work is it?”

“Bert, I’m so sorry. I thought I was ready to take you back, to have you in my life full time again. When I got up this morning I heard Frank and Bob talking, and they’re right. You’re the one person in my life who has made me the happiest, but you’ve also hurt me more than anyone I know. I thought if I had you back I could get over that, but I was wrong. It’s going to take me a long time to be able to fully trust you again, and I don’t think it’s a good idea to start this again when I’m not able to trust you completely; it’s just not a stable basis for a serious relationship.”

“Gerard I’m so sorry I’ve hurt you. I know that all those horrible things I’ve said can never be taken back, and I kick myself everyday that I’ve put them out there. I’m fucked up, even though it kills me to say those things about you I still did. It was like word vomit, it just kept spewing out even though I didn’t mean any of it. I have always loved you Gerard, and I don’t think I’ll ever stop, but I know I’ve fucked things up too much for us to be together right now. I was just so happy that you were willing to talk to me again after everything that has happened that I shoved all those things I said aside and tried to get you back. I never thought I’d actually have you again, but when you said okay I was the happiest man alive, but I couldn’t stand it if I knew you were unhappy or uncomfortable in the relationship, and I know now that by rushing into it again you were.”

“Bert, I love you, and just like you, I don’t think I’ll ever stop either, but you’re right. Everything you’ve said in the past about me and us has had a deep effect on me. I know it came from a place of hurt, but that doesn’t change the fact that you still said all of it. I still want to be your friend. I’ve missed you these past few years. I want us to be able to work past all the pain and distrust to get back to where we were; friends who stuck by each other, and hopefully we’ll eventually get back to lovers who were made to be together. We’ll just have to see where life takes us.”

Both men were crying by now. There was a mutual feeling of regret. Neither man had dealt with the initial breakup in the right way. Bert had said all those things about Gerard, and Gerard had let himself slip into a depression deeper than almost any other he’d had in his entire life. Now the realization that their mutual mistakes had possibly cost them the chance to be together again, they were extremely emotional. “I’ve missed you so much Gerard. I don’t know if I can bear to lose you again!” Bert cried out hysterically. Gerard moved closer to his friend and pulled him close to his chest, letting Bert bawl on his clothed chest. “Bert, you’re not losing me. We’re still going to talk, we’re going to see each other, maybe we can even go on tour again together sometime, but we both know that right now it’s best for us to not be together in a romantic relationship.”

“I know we’re still going to talk and be friends and all that shit,” Bert said through the tears, “But I’d be lying if I said that this doesn’t hurt like fucking hell. I finally got you back, and not even twenty four hours later we’re breaking up again. God is a cruel man sometimes.”

Gerard just hugged Bert tighter hoping to convey that he would always be there for Bert and hoped that they could always be friends, if not something more again later on. Gerard was glad that Bert hadn’t gotten angry at him for wanting to break up, like he initially thought his scruffy friend would. He was glad that Bert was being somewhat mature about the situation and understood that it was the best for both parties involved to not tread down that road again just yet.

Bert looked up from Gerard’s now tear soaked t-shirt and gazed into his beautiful eyes. Quietly, almost pleading, he asked “Gerard, please, just let me kiss you. I just need to kiss you one more time please, just give me this one thing.”

Gerard hesitated for half a second before leaning down and pressing his lips to Bert’s. Oh God how he’d missed those lips. He quickly lost himself in the kiss, allowing Bert’s curious tongue to slip past his lips and explore the hot confines of his mouth. Bert grabbed the back of Gerard’s head and slipped his fingers into his black hair wishing he could hold him there forever. Gerard let his own hands wander to Bert’s neck; he let his thumbs softly stroke it up and down sending shivers through the younger man’s body.

Gerard let himself fall back against the pillows and pulled Bert on top of him, moving his hands to Bert’s sides and rubbing up and down the same way he had done with his neck. Bert moved to kiss Gerard’s neck and nibble at his collarbone. Both men tried to burn this moment into their memories forever, it was too perfect a picture to lose.

It wasn’t until Bert moaned quietly that Gerard came back to reality, realizing that this could quickly head to a place that he wanted so desperately to go to but knew it was definitely not a good idea to. He softly pushed Bert up away from his face and looked into his eyes. He was met with a look of distress and lust that made his heart break. “Bert, we have to stop. This is quickly heading into dangerous waters.”

“I know, I just, I wanted to keep you for as long as I could,” Bert said so sadly that Gerard considered for half a second giving him what he wanted, but he knew that would be the worst decision he could have ever made.

“I love you Bert.”

“I love you too Gerard,” Bert responded before placing a chaste kiss on his friends lips and getting up off the bed.

They walked together to the door ignoring the strange looks the other guys gave them as they passed the living room. No doubt they both looked a mess; puffy eyed and hair all mixed up from their passionate kiss earlier.

“I’ll call you okay?” Gerard said to his friend as he hugged him tight on the sidewalk.

“If you don’t, I will.” Bert responded with a half hearted laugh. He hugged Gerard again before turning and walking away trying to hide the new tears that were falling from his eyes. Gerard watched him walk all the way to the end of the street, and smiled warmly when Bert turned around, blew a kiss and then disappeared around the corner.

As he walked back into the house he was met with four pairs of prying eyes staring out the window trying to figure out what was going on. “Guys can’t a man get any privacy in his own home?” he chuckled.

“No,” replied Ray, “Now spill. That looked like a scene from a cheesy romance movie…what the hell is up? Have you been crying? What did that fucker do to you this time?”

“Ray, he didn’t do anything. What’s up is I decided that I was too hasty in taking him back. I’m not over what he did to me, and it would be foolish to try and start a relationship again when there’s all that pain there. When I came back from the park, he was crying. He said “This isn’t going to work is it?” He knew it wasn’t a good idea either; he was just so excited that I was talking to him again that he didn’t really care; he just wanted to be with me so badly. We both decided that we should just be friends for awhile. Hopefully one day we can put the past aside and become romantically involved again, but not right now; it’s just too hard.”

The guys were stunned. They never thought they’d see the day where Gerard willingly broke up with Bert. They all thought he was too blinded by love to see that he was being too quick in getting back with him. They were all so proud of him that there was a collective rush to give their singer a huge hug. They all reached him at the same time and ended up collapsing in a heap on the floor taking Gerard with them.

“Oww, guys what the hell?” Gerard laughed as he untangled his limbs from the four other men on the floor with him.

“We’re just so proud of our little Gee for coming to his senses and making such a big boy decision on his own!” Frank said as if talking to a four year old.

“Yah, Gee we’re just so proud and relieved right now.” Mikey told his older brother.

“Thanks guys, I love you all. I don’t know what I would have done these past few years without all your support and love.”

“Ahh we love you too Gerard,” Bob said before deciding he’d had enough mushiness for one day and headed back to the living room to watch a movie. The rest of the guys soon followed, and decided to celebrate Gerard’s “newfound adultness” (according to Frank), with ice cream sundae’s and pizza. When Gerard finally went to bed that night he was stuffed silly and determined to make this friendship with Bert work. He felt better that night than he had in three years.

A/N: Okay not really sure where I'm going with this story now so but thank you for the continued support and enthusiasm. I'm so glad you guys like the story and continue to come back and read it. I toyed with the idea of a goodbye fuck but didn't like the idea almost immediately after I thought of it....I knew it wouldn't be good for the characters if they went there...so I just let them make out a bit lol...gotta get some kinda sex stuff in there for you guys right?? There is WAY less porn in here than I thought there would be when I started writing this story....sheesh what am I doing?? lol oh well.. maybe in later chapters yah??
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Old Flames Die Hard