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All We Are is Memories	By : Berlin Category: Singers/Bands/Musicians > Avenged Sevenfold Views: 1160 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. I do not know the members of Avenged Sevenfold. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 8
- 9
- 10
November 18, 1999
The bright pink walls of Ashley's bedroom greeted me cheerfully. They were always so dang cheerful. Just like this entire freaking state, so it would seem. It never rained here. We'd been in California for over three months now and I think I could count on one hand the number of overcast days. Another thing that I had noticed: everyone in the entire state was absolutely gorgeous... and happy. They were all so dang happy, all the time. As happy as the bright pink walls and the butterfly decals that stared down at me from the ceiling.
The walls, the butterflies, and the entire state of California was really starting to annoy me.
"Faith! Guess what today is?" Johnny shrieked as he bounced into my, rather - Ashley's, room and taking a seat on the bottom rung of the bunk bed's ladder.
I laughed lightly knowing full well what the date was on the calendar. "I don't know Johnny, I was kind of thinking it was a Sunday."
He rolled his eyes and smacked my leg. "C'mon Faith. Just wish me a happy fucking birthday already!"
I sat up, my legs still tangled in the covers, and wrapped an arm around him. "Happy freaking birthday, Johnny."
"Kathy says to get you up out of bed while I'm up here... she's taking us all out to lunch for my birthday."
Nodding, I told Johnny I'd be downstairs in a few minutes and shooed him out of the room. He smiled and took off out of the room, tripping over the dog as he turned the corner, laughing the entire time. It was the happiest I had seen him in... well, it quite possibly could have been the happiest I had ever seen him.
Jimmy's family was really great - I think they were everything Johnny wished his would have been. Jimmy's parents, Kathy and Paul, were laid back and supportive but still were those strict authority figures that parents had to be. When the boys were still in high school, they would let Jimmy go to late night gigs in seedy bars, but he still had to get his school work done - if he got a detention in school or anything less than a B, he was grounded. You can imagine my surprise when I found out that he had graduated high school with honors. He pretty much could have gotten into any college he wanted to; but he didn't want to go to college. He wanted to concentrate on the band. And his parents supported him. Their only condition was that if he were going to devote his time to the band, that he devote 100% of himself. Anything worth doing is worth doing right. Even to this day, when the band plays in clubs or bars that are 21 and over, it's Jimmy's parents who go with them and notify them when it's their turn to play and they're allowed to go in. Then afterwards, they collect the money for the boys while the rest of them wait in the family's van.
They didn't ask any questions when Johnny and I arrived in the middle of the night, suitcases in hand... nor did they ask why Jimmy hadn't come home the night before. After meeting his parents, I understood why he was so adamant about them not finding out about his night in jail. Johnny had to share Jimmy's room with him but neither boy complained. I shared Ashley's (Jimmy's younger sister) room and except for her making it known that she "calls the top bunk!", we have had no problems with each other. I guess Kathy and Paul felt bad about me having to share a room with a ten-year-old though because they were in the process of clearing out their upstairs office and turning it into a room for me.
Kathy never asked us why we were out here all alone or where we were from... although I willingly told her everything. She was so much like my mother that I loved having her around and hated it at the same time. I finally had someone I could talk to, but she reminded me too much of my mom. Kathy just made me miss her that much more. She listened patiently as I told her everything - Johnny running away, me deciding to come with him, how we met Jimmy and the boys, what had happened with Nat, and even the recent incident with Trevor (although I left out the part about Johnny and Jimmy getting arrested). It's like she knew all I needed was someone willing to listen - not to judge, not to offer advice.
The only comment she made as I told my story, late one night during my first week staying with them, was about Johnny dropping out of school. I knew it wasn't right - he needed to graduate high school at the very least, but I had always felt helpless to do anything about it. Kathy didn't though. The next day, we all had a "family meeting" (something, I learned, that occurred quite frequently) and it was decided that if Johnny wanted to stay with the Sullivan family then he would have to go back to school. After a little persuasion by both me and Jimmy, he finally relented and agreed to let Kathy and Paul enroll him in the local high school after Christmas.
Stooping over so that I could see in the mirror of the child-sized dresser, I combed through my hair, letting it fall over my shoulder in gentle, chocolate waves. I slipped on the new pink and brown argyle sweater that Kathy and Paul had bought me during a recent shopping trip (after they found out that all of our belongings fit in two small duffle bags, they insisted on taking us out to pick up a few "necessities"). It was soft and warm, even if it did wrap around me a little more tightly than I was comfortable with. It seemed like all the clothes in California were made to fit the petite, health-conscious little girls that congregated out here. Not like I was obese or anything, just all the clothing was a little tighter than I was used to. But Kathy assured me that I looked fine, so I took her word for it.
A knock sounded on the bedroom door and I yelled out for the person on the other side to come in. I smiled as I saw it was Jimmy with Johnny's birthday present in hand. "God, Jimmy, he's going to love this," I murmured as I ran my hand up and down the shiny black bass. "At least, he had better love it!"
"Yeah, we all spent enough money on the little dickwad!"
Rolling my eyes at his disgusting language, I ignored it, knowing that he said it in an odd sense of brotherly love.
"So, do you have a card?"
"Yup," I told him, crossing the room and reaching underneath the bunk bed, my "secret" hiding spot. I pulled out a card along with a large red ribbon to stick on the front of my brother's birthday present. There was no way I would be able to wrap up something that large and awkwardly shaped. "Here, I already signed it. But you and the rest of the guys need to sign it too."
Jimmy took the card and pen out of my hand, stooping down to sign it on the small dresser. "I'll take it down to the guys while you finish getting ready, ok?"
I nodded and watched as he left the room - he was so tall that he almost had to duck to avoid hitting the top of the door frame. Finishing the last of my make-up and slipping on a chunky pair of brown boots, I grabbed the bass, slightly shocked at how heavy and awkward it was. Somehow though, I managed to get it down the stairs without dropping it, or falling down the stairs myself.
"Johnny!" I called out, "close your eyes!"
"Ooh! Is it time for birthday presents?!" he asked, excitedly.
"Yeah, but if I even catch you peeking, I'm taking your gift back."
I struggle through the kitchen and into the living room, praying to god that I didn't drop and break his gift. I caught sight of Matt, sitting on the Sullivan's sofa, rolling his eyes upon seeing me, half dragging the guitar through the room. It certainly wouldn't kill him to get up and help me, would it?
"James," Kathy said, elbowing her son, "get up and help the poor girl!"
"Oh, sorry Faith," Jimmy said, jumping up from his seat next to Johnny and plucking the bass from my hands.
"Thanks," I sighed, relieved. "Ok Johnny, you can open your eyes now."
He tore his hands away from his face, eyes widening as he saw the bow-clad bass guitar sitting in front of him. "Holy fucking shit!!"
"Johnny!" Kathy and I both hissed at the same time, only to be completely ignored by my foul-mouthed stepbrother.
"Oh. My. God. Is this an Ibanez? Holy shit! You guys got me a fucking Ibanez? Oh god... I think I love you!" Johnny was already out of his seat, cradling the guitar as if it were a newborn infant. He even had the gleam of a proud father in his eyes.
I couldn't help but let a smile spread across my face. It really was nice, albeit a little bittersweet, to see him so happy. I tossed the card onto his lap. "Here. Happy birthday, you little brat."
He ripped it open, the guitar still resting in his lap, and skimmed through it, smiling as he read off everyone's signatures. "Faith, Jimmy, Zack, Brian, and Matt. You guys really shouldn't have. Thank you so much."
"Happy birthday, dude," Matt said, slapping him on the back. "Now that you have a decent guitar, I had better see your ass practicing if you want to be part of the band!"
We spent the next half hour or so gathered in the living room, all watching gleefully as Johnny opened his birthday presents. We had gotten him the bass, Ashley got him a new t-shirt, one that I can only assume was picked with the help of Jimmy, and Kathy and Paul got him 5 new CD's (of bands I had never heard of, of course). After all the wrapping paper was cleaned up and taken to the garage in trash bags, everyone piled into the Sullivan's large conversion van and we drove to Chi Chi's for Johnny's birthday dinner.
Everyone laughed and smiled as we sat around the large, round table at Chi Chi's. I believe Kathy even got a picture of Johnny in the giant sombrero. But I couldn't help but feel a little... jealous? Really, what was so awful about me and my mother that made Johnny hate his life so much? My mom wasn't so different from Mrs. Sullivan - in fact, Kathy reminded me so much of my mother that it often brought me to tears. Did he not think of our mom at all? What was she doing today? She of course would know that today was Johnny's 15th birthday. She was probably worried sick... and we were the cause of that pain.
When we got home from dinner and all the guys left to go back to their respective houses, I excused myself, not being able to come up with a better explanation than, "I have a headache." Luckily Ashley had a newfound addiction to AOL - which her parents had no 'parental controls' on - and would be sitting on the computer until Kathy and Paul finally demanded that she get off and go to bed. So I had a good three hours to myself. After stripping off my clothes and pulling on my pajamas, which consisted of a tank top and boxers, I crawled into the small child's size bed and turned on my Discman, hearing the mellow drone of Jakob Dylan's voice as he sang with The Wallflowers.
I must have either drifted off to sleep or simply didn't hear the knock on the bedroom door over the sound of my CD, but I know Jimmy never usually walked in without knocking first and when I rolled over, I saw him standing over me, staring down. "Hey," I said, pulling the headphones off my ears, wondering what he wanted.
He sat down, leaning against the nightstand right next to the bunk bed and looked over at me. "How's it going?"
I shrugged, the movement not really implying what I had intended it to since I was laying, wrapped in blankets. "Fine, I guess."
"You sure?"
"What do you mean?" I asked him.
He shrugged back at me. "Nothing I guess... I mean, you just seem kinda sad or something recently."
"What? Can't I have an off day every now and then or do I always have to be smiley and cheerful? Do you even know how girls work? We're moody, we PMS, we have mood swings - it happens, so just deal."
Where the heck did that just come from?
Jimmy looked over at me with an eyebrow raised in confusion. I can't say I really blamed him though - I did just chew him out over absolutely nothing. Actually, no. I chewed him out because he was concerned about me. How horrible is that?
With a huff and a newly blank expression on his face, he pushed himself up off the ground. "Well excuse the fuck out of me, Faith. I just wanted to see if you were ok."
"Jimmy, wait--"
It was too late though. He had already stormed out the room, slamming the door shut behind him.
Crap.
Ripping the covers off, I slid my feet into my fuzzy purple slippers and padded out of my room and down the hall, finally arriving at the door of Jimmy and Johnny's room. A bit nervously, I rapped on it, not really sure if he was going to let me in or not.
"Go away Faith."
"C'mon Jimmy - just open the door!"
The lock clicked and the door swung open slightly, reminding me so much of me and Johnny's typical arguments. Tentatively, I pushed the door open... this was pretty much the first time I had been in their room. In the short time between when he unlocked the door and I swung it open, Jimmy had managed to go back to his bed, put on his headphones and resume (I assume it was what he was doing before I knocked) drumming on his bedspread with a pair of drumsticks, his head nodding slightly to the beat. It's kind of cute...
"Can I explain?"
"Whatever, I don't care," he said, still whacking away on the bed.
"Must you act like a two-year-old?"
"Must you act like a menopausal, bitchy old woman?"
"Fine," I huffed, steadily becoming angrier and angrier. I had come here to apologize, not to argue more! "I just wanted to apologize, but you know what? Forget it. Forget I was ever here, ok?"
"Wait," he said, reaching out and grabbing my wrist just as I was turning to head back out the door. "Stay. Sorry for snapping..."
Scooting over on the small, twin-size bed, Jimmy pulled me onto it next to him, hand still on my wrist. His headphones lay on his crossed legs, music still blaring out of them. It was a small miracle he wasn't already deaf. He reached over to the large stereo system on the night stand and pushed a button, making the room suddenly go silent. "So um... you were saying?"
Fiddling with the beat-up drumsticks that were laying by my feet, I nervously avoided his eyes, not sure where to begin. "Yeah... umm, I just wanted to say I'm sorry, I guess. For snapping and everything. Today has kind of sucked."
"I noticed. Why?"
I sighed, knowing full well that if I got into - got everything I had been feeling and thinking out in the open - that I would burst into tears. Why did it seem like I always ended up bawling like a baby in front of Jimmy? It was starting to get embarrassing.
Letting out a shaky breath, I tried to explain it to him, wondering if he would understand when I talked about how much I missed my mom and my life back home.
"You don't like it here?" he asked, once I finally finished (luckily for me, without shedding a tear).
I looked over at him - he looked a little sad. For some reason, it made me feel guilty. Like it was my fault that he was sad. Leaning down, I laid my head on his shoulder, his arm reaching up and almost instinctively wrapping around me. Do I really hate it here?
"I don't know Jimmy." My voice was muffled as I leant into his shoulder. "I mean, there's some things that I like out here. But it isn't me... California's not my home and I don't really fit in here. At first, I really did love it here. The weather, the people, everything's so beautiful, you know? But now... it just seems obnoxious. Like everything and everyone's mocking me. Why does it always have to be so sunny and happy? Why do the people always have to be so perfect? Can't people have an off day? Can't it rain just once?"
"Well I'm sure as hell not perfect--"
"Oh please, yes you are Jimmy!"
I could feel his body shake as he laughed out loud. "Yeah, how so? Because according to most people around here, I'm just some freak."
"Yeah, but you can be how you want - look how you want! Back home, Johnny used to get the crap beat out of him every day because of how he looked... mainly by my friends and the people I hung around with. You've got a wonderful, supportive family, you're doing what you want with your life, your band's starting to get really big, or so Johnny says... need I go on?"
"No... the way you say it, I guess I do have it pretty good out here."
"And ever since I've gotten here, I just feel like I'm more and more worthless."
"Don't say that, Faith..."
"But I am! I gave up a scholarship and my dream to become a lawyer... I left my family, my friends, my boyfriend, all to help Johnny out but I've been nothing but a hindrance to him. We don't have a penny to our name, I've let him drop out of school, neither of us work, I've been betrayed and almost raped by one of the few people I thought I could trust--"
"That wasn't your fault, Faith."
"Yeah, but look what happened! You and Johnny both got thrown in jail because of it! And do you want to know what I did with the last of our money... money we should have saved or used to pay our bills... I spent it. I spent it on a stupid cell phone to call my stupid boyfriend and you know who answers the phone? Some whore named Stephanie, calling herself my boyfriend's girlfriend! This entire stupid thing has been a disaster. I never should have come out here."
Jimmy's arm tightened around me, gently rubbing up and down as he once again tried to console me. "Was that what that day was about? With the crying, and the throwing stuff and the kneeing in the balls and everything..."
"Yeah," I whispered, ashamed that I had become so mental over a boy. A stupid, shallow, inconsiderate boy who I wasted the last two years of my life with. "Two years... I wasted two entire years with him. I thought I loved him, you know."
"Well, he apparently didn’t love you."
"No, he apparently didn't," I said bitterly.
"No Faith, I didn't mean it like that!" Jimmy said, practically shaking me. "What I meant was that... I don't know, I mean he would have cheated on you sooner or later, so it's better that you find out now, right? Before you wasted more time with him. Now you can find someone who really loves you and will treat you right and everything... And it's not your fault that Johnny and I went to jail - that was our decision. In fact, I'm glad you came out here. If you hadn't... well, I never would have met you."
I looked up at him, his face blurry through my tear-filled eyes. "Thanks Jimmy. That's really nice of you."
He smiled back at me, reaching a hand up to pull a strand of hair that had become stuck to face thanks to all the tears. "Well, I meant it."
"I'm glad you meant it," I murmured, my heart suddenly up in my throat as I realized how close my face was too him. I could feel it turning red... although I'm sure it wasn't noticeable with the redness already there from my crying fit.
"Yeah, well... I did." His voice was whisper soft as the distance kept closing. It was so deathly silent that I could hear the TV on in the downstairs living room. My heart beat rapidly and I could feel the pulse behind my eyes and in the back of my head.
Finally, mercifully, his lips settled on mine.
My eyes fluttered shut as I sighed into the kiss, surprised at how delicate and gentle it was. My body ached as I suddenly became aware of how desperately I wanted this... of how long I waited for it. Eagerly, I wrapped my arms around his neck, selfishly pulling him into me for more. I needed Jimmy so badly - more than I could have ever thought.
He pulled away too soon - I didn't want it to end yet. I didn't want to come back to reality and the awkwardness that I knew would be coming. Hesitantly, I cracked an eye open, afraid to face him.
I was pleasantly surprised to find him smiling widely.
We stared at each other for what seemed like minutes (although I'm sure it was only a matter of seconds) until finally, almost at the same time, we both burst out in light-hearted laughter.
There was no awkwardness. In fact, there were no words at all. There was no need for us to say anything - we both just knew what the other was thinking and were relieved to find that the feelings were mutual.
I laid my head down on his chest, wrapping my arms tightly and comfortably around his mid-section and feeling happier than I had in a long, long time. "Well, I guess I'm kinda glad I met you..." I mumbled into his chest, laughing.
"Kind of??" He sat up and pulled me off him, becoming suddenly animated. "Kind of??" he roared in mock disbelief. "You had better be more thank kind of glad you met me, or else I'm kicking your sorry ass off this bed!" he laughed, somehow managing to get the upper-hand and pouncing on me, tickling my sides.
"Stop! Jimmy, stop!" I shrieked, squirming underneath him.
"No way. Take it back. Say that you're really glad you met me."
"Never!"
"Say it. Or I'll keep tickling you!"
"Nope, you'll never take me alive."
"Well," he said, quitting his merciless tickling campaign and pain my arms down to my side. "How. About. This." He kissed my nose, my cheeks, my neck in between each throaty, deep word.
I fought to keep my eyes open and not give in... but it was no use. I finally caved as he nuzzled into my neck leaving tiny, wet kisses in a line down to my collarbone. "Ok, ok, Jimmy. I'm really, really glad I met you."
"Mmm," he murmured as I lightly nipped at his ear. "I'm glad I met you too Faith."
- 8
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All We Are is Memories