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I'm Not Gay	By : PunkyEmoFreak Category: Singers/Bands/Musicians > Tokio Hotel Views: 2061 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. I do not know the members of Tokio Hotel. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 8
- 9
- 10
|| Bill’s POV ||

I stayed curled in a ball on Tom’s bed, trying to stop my ragged sobs from coming out anymore. But it was a complete impossibility. I was in his room, I couldn’t go home because both of our parents thought we were safely in Tom’s room without a worry or care like we had been for weeks. I shouldn’t have told him. Tom said I wasn’t who I thought I was. I’m not, he thought I was just this kid who happened to look a little like him. But he was so wrong. And I lied to him about it.

I hoped he would come back soon, but I highly doubted that was going to happen. And that hurt. I wanted Tom right here so we could talk about this. Why did this have to change anything? I mean… just because we happen to be brothers…

Ugh. Even I know that sounds crazy! Brothers shouldn’t fall in love with brothers. I don’t know what I just did. But I certainly ruined everything between us. We could have been something. But someone would have told him eventually. His mom or my mom would have put two and two together eventually and Tom would have found out. But at least I could have had more time with him that way. I just had to open my stupid mouth.

I sat up, pulling my knees to my chest and brushing the tears out from under my eyes and whimpered a little bit. I love Tom. I have never loved someone like this before. I don’t even love Andreas like this. But Tom… he’s so… amazing. He makes me smile and laugh. I had a fight with my mom last week and he made it better. I didn’t tell him what the fight was about, it was about her not telling me before. It was about me wanting to know who my real parents were. In the end I found out. Bill Kaulitz sounded better then Bill Mehr. Tom Kaulitz sounded better then Tom Besuch too anyways.

I love Tom, I just do. And I know that’s not going to change. Andreas says I fall too quickly, but until I met Tom, I didn’t even know what falling in love was. I had called Andreas once Tom left, but we had to get off the phone quickly, Andreas couldn’t understand me. I just hung up and sent him a text telling him I would call him later when I could calm down. He told me he loved me and to stay strong.

I went back and forth in my mind, flipping open my phone and going down to Tom’s name before shutting it again. I should call him, I should know where he is… I want to know where he is and talk. I don’t want him to hate me. I won’t be able to live if he hates me. I let out another muffled sob before my cell flipped back open and scrolled down to Tom’s name. I know I wouldn’t be able to handle my tears if I heard his angry voice at me. So I settled for texting him. I doubted he’d answer me back. But it was worth a shot. Tom… will you please come back? We… we really need to talk…

I leaned my back against his bed and closed my eyes, holding my phone tightly in my hand, keeping it on vibrate so it wouldn’t make any noise and attract the attention of his parents. To my surprise, it vibrated soon after. I’m not coming back anytime soon, Bill Mehr. Or is it really Kaulitz too? If you want to talk so god damn badly then you come find me.

He wanted me to sneak out too? I can’t do that like he can. I’m not good enough to do something like that. But if it was the only way I was going to get to talk to him… I would have to do it. I sighed and sent him one back. Where are you, Tom? Who are you with? I… I’ll come out if you really want me too.

I wanted him to want me to come out. I wanted him not to hate me. Could he hate me? Of course he could. I hate me right now. Things would have been fine if I never asked my mom that stupid question. I flipped open my phone as soon as I felt the next set of vibrations from it and took in a deep breath. Now or never. I’m out with Geo and Gus. At the club two blocks away from the houses. Verein-Stärkungsmittel. We pass it on the way to and from school daily.

I took a deep breath. I’m on my way… I didn’t know what I’d find when I got there. But I knew I had to see him. I got up from his bed and looked at myself in the mirror. Doing a quick fix of my make-up before I crawled out the window Tom had crawled out of mere hours before. I wanted to cry. I missed him so much already.

I pulled my leather jacket tightly around me, it wasn’t really that cold out here, but I was still shivering. I think it was because of what Tom said to me. Or is it really Kaulitz too? I sighed. It really was Kaulitz. I looked up everything I could on our parents once my mom told me. Well, telling me without so many words. Simon was our mother. Our father was no where to be found. I couldn’t find any information on why she got rid of us though. I spent countless hours on my computer at night after spending time with Tom looking up information and coming up empty.

I made my way to the bar Tom had mentioned to me. Verein-Stärkungsmittel… Club Tonic roughly translated. I walked in there, my eyes scanning the place Tom. No one questioned me walking in there. I guess that’s the beauty of being legal to drink here at such a young age. I found him, just not how I hoped I would.

He was with Georg and Gustav, they were all sitting at a booth in the corner. Georg had tall girl with shoulder length brown hair and glasses attached to his side. He seemed to like her. He was kissing her neck and she was giggling. Gustav had a red head attached to him, she was a little shorter then the brunette, a little bigger with bigger boobs and they were in the middle of a heavy make-out session. Ew. It made me sick to watch.

But what made me even more sick was Tom… He was in the center of the booth, Twin girls were attached to either side of him. Busty blondes with hair that covered over one of their eyes as he assaulted one of their necks and I wanted to cry harder then I ever had before. No! Tom was mine and they couldn’t have him! I walked over to the seven people at the table, my hand on my hip as I glared at the girls clinging to Tom.

“Can we help you?” One of the blondes asked me with a drunken giggled as Tom nipped at her ear and the other pulled on some of his dreads for his attention on her.

Tom brushed her hand away from his hair and looked up, he was drunk, I could tell by the look in his eyes and he smirked at me. Even threw the glassed over look in his eyes I could see his anger at me. “Felicia, Sheila,” He said to the girls. I wanted to gag, those were such whore names, “This is my twin brother, Bill. Bill, this is Sheila and this is Felicia.”

“Nein, Tom,” One said, “I’m Sheila, that is Felicia.” Tom just shrugged. I knew he didn’t give a damn what their names were. He was only trying to make me jealous. Georg and Gustav had broken away from their girls when they heard Tom speak though.

“Twin? Faerie boy is you’re twin?” Gustav said in shock, “Tom, that’s not possible. You would have to be-”

“Adopted,” I finished for him. Two could play at this game. Tom wanted to make me jealous. Then fine. I would just out him on it all. I’m not very nice when I’m jealous. “Didn’t he ever tell you? Hailey and Urie aren’t his real parents. Tom wasn’t wanted.” I snapped.

“Neither were you, fag boy.” Tom hissed and I winced. That hurt. I knew the G-strings, as Tom called them all the time, knew I was gay. But Tom calling me that hurt. I opened my mouth to say something but decided against it. Outing Tom on being adopted was one thing… but if I told his friends what we had done together. Then I would be damning us both. “What was that, Bill? I couldn’t quite hear you.”

“I didn’t say anything.” I said with a sigh, I bit down on my lip and pushed spiked blonde bangs out of my face. “Tom, can we please talk?” I asked, taking a chance and looking at him.

“I’m kinda busy, Bill. If you haven’t noticed.” He said with a wave of his hand and the Shelia girl giggled. Nodding in agreement with Tom and kissing his lips. Felicia however shook her head and pushed her sister off of Tom.

“Shelia… the brothers look like they need to talk. Come on.” I had a new found respect for this girl. I didn’t hate her as much as I hated the other one. But she was a twin too, she must know what its like when twins are fighting. Her sister nodded after looking in her eyes and she gave Tom a quick kiss on the lips. “We will wait for you.” They said together, moving off of Tom and letting Tom escape from between them.

He slipped under the table so not to disturb Georg and Gustav, even though they were paying more attention to us then they were to their girls in their arms. He looked at me with his arms crossed stubbornly over his chest and identical brown eyes glaring daggers into my own. “What the hell do you want to talk about, Bill Mehr?” His words weren’t slurred badly, so I knew he wasn’t completely drunk. Just a little tipsy. I could handle him like that.

“You know exactly what I want to talk about, Tom Besuch.” I snapped back at him, crossing my own arms over my chest. It was obvious to Georg and Gustav now that we were twins. I could see the confusion in their faces on how they never realized it before. I could see the same look on Tom’s face. It made me want to cry. Because Tom had thought it at the beginning. But I promised him I wasn’t adopted so the thought had completely left his mind. “Unless you want to talk about it here. Where everyone can hear you.” I knew that would get to him. Tom didn’t want people to know about what we did. Tom had his image to uphold. I couldn’t have cared less.

I could see the fight behind his eyes of what he really wanted to do. Did he want to just let them all hear? No… that would ruin what he kept so hard to keep up. But leaving with me would let them see he was insecure about something. He chose the later, “Follow me.” He hissed, turning away from the others and walking quickly to the door. I followed with ease. I guess he could brush it off as a ‘Brother Fight’ and not let them know anything about it. That would work for Tom.

He looked around for a moment when we got outside. It was dark as hell and he turned into an alleyway that was even darker. I understood why, as much as I hated it. No one could see us down here. Even if they heard our fight they wouldn’t see it. So they wouldn’t know who it was. “Now what do you want?” he growled once he spun on his heal as quick as he had stopped, making me have to jump back so I didn’t run right into him.

“Tom, I’m sorry!” I said. I knew it was the only thing I could say. “I didn’t know how to tell you, I-”

“You lied to me.” Tom said simply, pulling his hat more over his eyes and wrapping his arms tight around his stomach. I had seen him hold himself like this before. It meant he was in pain but wouldn’t let anyone know. And the pain was always random, spastic, and caused by different things every time. But I knew what it was this time. It was because of me.

“I didn’t lie, Tom. Not really…” I looked at him, I couldn’t see his eyes because of the hat, but he stayed silent for me to continue and I sighed before I did. “I mean, I… I guess I did. But not at first. Tom, I really didn’t know I was adopted too! My mom and dad never told me before. But after I met you and we had so much in common and we were so alike… I asked her.”

“When did you find out?” he asked me, looking up and I could see the pain of my lie in his eyes. “How long have you known?”

“Almost… almost two weeks.” I whispered, rubbing my hands together, they were getting red and raw. I was scared as hell. I knew Tom had a temper and I really didn’t want his temper to be on me.

“You should have told me the second you knew, Bill!” He screamed at me, “When exactly did you know? Was it after I fucked you? Before?” I was silent. I couldn’t answer him that. But he knew what my silence was and his eyes widened at me, “Before…” He croaked out. “You knew I was your brother and you still let me fuck you! That’s sick, Bill! You’re fucking sick!”

“I tried to tell you! Honestly, Tom!” I cried, my hands smearing my eye-liner as I wiped tears from eyes, “The first night you asked me to sneak out. The night we… we did it. I wanted to tell you. But you were to drunk when I got there. And when… when you woke up you wouldn’t let me talk. You had to tell me that first. What was I supposed to say, Tom? I couldn’t tell you after you said that. After you kissed me like that! I’m in love you, Tom!”

Tom put his hand over his mouth as though he was trying to stop himself from being sick. He shook his head and spun around, leaning a hand against the wall as he threw up, liquid bile spilling past his lips and onto the ground. He spit and wiped his mouth once he had thrown up a second time before he looked at me and shook his head. “Don’t say that,” He said, spitting again. I hoped it was because of the taste in his mouth. “You cannot be in love with me because I’m your brother. You’re sick. What we did was completely sick. Wrong. I was right from the start. This is all wrong! I have not lied to you since I met you and you lie to me about the most important thing! That we’re fucking brothers!”

“Why is it so wrong?” I said between my sobs, “We never knew, Tom… no one has to know. Why can’t we just ignore that fact and… and just be what we were before?” I begged, my hand over my own mouth to try and keep my crying a little quieter.

“Because everything has changed now.” He said shaking his head. “We… we have to talk about this more, Bill… but not now. And not here. Go back to the house.” He was fighting with something in his head and held his hand over his eyes. I was glad he said the house instead of going to mine. “I’ll be back there soon. I… I need to think.”
- 8
- 9
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