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The Voice of a Prophet	By : FilthyWarumono Category: > Kyo/Kaoru Views: 2756 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: Dir en grey are real people and I do not know them. Simply expressing creativity and curiosity in a work of fiction. I am not making any profit from anything I do.

Chapter List
- 1-PROLOGUE
- 2-SETSUNA
- 3-SILVER COIN
- 4-MISSA
- 5-GARDEN
- 6-ZANGEKI NO YORU
- 7-JEALOUS
- 8-PROPHET
- 9-GAUZE
- 10-YUME
- 11-COURAGE
- 12-CAGE
- 13-CHARMING
- 14-TOMODACHI
- 15-SCARLET
- 16-MYAKU
- 17-OSAKA JO
- 18-HIMITSU
- 19-A KNOT
- 20-MACABRE
- 21-SHOWTIME
- 22-SHINJITSU
- 23-AKUMU
- 8
- 9
- 10
THE VOICE OF A PROPHET
Chapter Eight
GAUZE
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Pain. That was all I felt inside me anymore.
Writhing against a backdrop of abandoned machinery in agony.
Pain. I wanted to express it outwardly.
Gripping stiff bars to keep my tiny body in place as I jerked about violently.
Pain. I was slowly getting addicted to the feeling.
Watching the fire reflect in the camera lens, feeling the heat against my form.
Geist, selle, wille, zelle.

Can you feel the hurt inside me yet?

Needless to say, I didn’t want to be an ‘Indies’ band anymore. No more huge, extremely girly costumes. No more sparkly, feminine makeup. Black was the color I adored. It surrounded my eyes, tinted my lips. I had even dyed my hair a darker color, from its usual blonde to a crimson red, chunks of ebony accentuating it. My costumes consisted of more black than anything now. There was no color in my heart… so there would be none in my life.
As the others were filming their own parts to our most recent music video I sat alone, scribbling away in my pocket-sized notebook. It was filled with depressing, gory poetry of mine. Even now, while making a PV, I was inspired. It could be because the man of my obsessions was looking extraordinarily gorgeous today. His hair, as usual was styled beautifully, soft feathers and a black rose topping it all off. His broad shoulders were bare, exposing that sensual collarbone of his. I just wanted to trace my fingers over his soft skin. Even his lower half was grabbing my attention, his long, slender legs adorned with a tiny vinyl skirt. If I could be even half as pretty as he was, maybe he’d notice me more often.
So I just wrote. I was so frustrated with everything around me. I was ugly. I had no real talent. I had a broken heart. Everything hurt, and all I wanted to do was to show how much grief it all caused me. I wanted him to know. I wanted him to care. And all he ever ended up doing was turn me on. I swore that I would never have perverted thoughts about my band member ever again… but I couldn’t fucking help it. I needed to vent. I needed to screw something. Get the need out of me.
Here, hurry up and ask for more… put it in your mouth, faster. Lick the poison without missing a drop…
My sharp chocolate irises glanced up briefly as I heard the camera crew giving out directions, but most of my crap was filmed already, so they weren’t talking to me. They usually got through me first because I had a tendency to fall asleep if it took too long – and that would mess up my hair and makeup.
I planted the seed and took it out… all in tears with a red mouth, fuck. Here, hurry up and scream harder… just hurry up and open up your eyes. See, if I look at it more and more the honey keeps coming… make your sweet honey gush.
Goddamn. I shifted in my little cross-legged position against the bus, spreading my limbs slightly apart. Writing this out wasn’t helping me any. I groaned in irritation as I slipped one hand into my lap, caressing the leather between my legs. I didn’t even care anymore. I was sick. Why bother hiding it?
I’ll keep fucking you forever… slick, sticky, sloppy. That ugly shaped part, lick it up. Then put it in down there.
A soft pant left me, before I realized that filming a music video with a noticeable erection probably would be very bad. Closing up my book I removed my hand, leaning back against the bus once more as I tucked the pen into the cover. I allowed for my dark eyes to drift shut as I waited for the others to be finished.
And waited…

At the end of the day everyone was getting ready to head back to the hotel for the night. We had rented one because of how much work we were doing so far from home, overseas - releasing an entire DVD, with all of our songs from the GAUZE album made into PV’s. Luckily we had a famous musician aiding us, but eh. Die had already escaped into the bus to change, not even waiting to get out of his costume. I didn’t blame him; it was a full vinyl suit and he had been working in the hot sun all day. Though he had left his guitar laid carelessly against a pile of rocks. I stumbled over towards it, being too lazy to lift the heavy platform boots upon my feet anymore. Reaching out for it I picked it up by the slender neck, and slung the strap over my tiny shoulders. I had tried to learn guitar back in the day, before the bass and before I gave up and decided I couldn’t play anything to save my life. My leather dressed hands plucked at the strings before me with no tune at all anyway... I may as well have been tone deaf. Though I wasn’t really trying either, just messing around. At least, until I heard the rocks shifting underneath someone’s boots behind me.
“Aiee!”
My eyes widened and I quickly turned around only to be met by that pretty head of pink hair. I immediately flushed, averting my gaze. I can’t play an instrument, don’t mind me. Though I heard his gentle laugh, and I glanced back up to see what was so funny. I only hoped he wasn’t laughing at how stupid I was. When my eyes fell upon him he was lifting his hands over his head, as if hiding from something. A look of confusion crossed my features, and he laughed again.
“Die’s going to kill you~”
What the hell was he talking about? I turned to look for the aforementioned redhead, and when I saw him peeking from the bus window, I flashed him an all-but-innocent crooked smile. I wasn’t fucking with his guitar! Lifting my hand I also gave him a small wave, only to hear Kaoru laugh beside me again, that hearty, joyful sound. Aww. I liked him way too much. Though Die didn’t think we were very funny, and flipped us the bird from inside - but the broad grin upon his face gave him away. I giggled, before removing the strap from around me. As I set it down, I just smiled at Kaoru. Damn him. I couldn’t be mad at him, as much as I wished I could be.

Show.
I hated performing live. It was the worst part of being in a band, yet the best at the same time, the most exhilarating. I despised it, and loved it all at once. I got so nervous before being met by a sea of screaming fans, all watching you with greedy expressions plastered upon their faces. If I was to mess up, hit an incorrect note, they would remember. They would wince. If I were to forget my lyrics in the rush of being watched, I would have no back up. At least with the other instruments they could blend nicely, hide in the noisy backdrop. But me... my voice was probably the most recognized part of our work, and when I fucked up, everyone would know it. But it was also the one chance I could have to really be me. To scream without being held down. To cry, to thrash, to bleed, to love. I hated it.
Lie.
This was all I found myself doing anymore. The truth just disgusted me. I had warped myself completely around this false identity that was me, that I loved no one, that I needed nobody, until it had slowly become me, entirely. I found myself lying about my mood. I found myself lying about my work. Lying about my friends, my music, my lyrics, my life. It had become such a pattern of repetitious falsity that I even began lying in interviews. I gave the most ridiculous answers just because I didn't care anymore. Nobody was going to really question me. Why should I show them the real me? That was exactly what he saw, and he apparently didn't like it. It was becoming me.
Mad.
I must have been. Only somebody as fucked up as me could write such depressing, visual, gory poetry. Only somebody as weak as me could express what love really was, but have it shatter in a sad ending every single time. I was so lost that I began forcing myself to throw up before shows, just to get that sick, empty feeling deep in the pit of my stomach. At first I only did it because they screamed for me. They enjoyed the truth behind my suffering, and how I employed it on stage. It was a reality. Could have been mine, could have been theirs, and they would connect. It sold our tickets. But now... I made a habit of it. Just to get the shivering trembles, just to get the acidic taste. Do you feel sorry for me?
Sexual.
I needed it. That time so long ago was a high for me, and I found myself dreaming about it night after night. I wanted somebody to hold me. I wanted somebody to touch me. I wanted somebody to kiss me. I wanted somebody to fuck me. I knew it was wrong, and I knew it was vile. But just look at me. Everything about me was disturbing. I had the opportunity to have someone for my obsessive affections, and I had turned them away. It was almost as if I would rather put myself willingly through this self torture just for him. Everything I did, it was all for him.

Let me ask you a question. Have you ever had one of those dreams, where everything was such a foggy, distant memory that you can't remember anything but the stark white silhouettes of everyone in your mind? Where water could float effortlessly into the sky and creatures would live or die in just the palm of your hand? Where you were a god and controlled everything around you?
The only color involved... was our bright full heads of hair.
We were living our dream. Working hard day by day to make it a reality. I suppose one could say we were lucky. Without Dir en grey, we would all be lost somewhere far away, living a perceived life of normality. But we all worked so very hard to get to where we were at. Kaoru worked us to the bone. And he was where I found most of the inspiration for my lyrics. When we were recording, when we were performing, when we were filming, I always told myself that I was doing this for him, and just that little tiny thought pushed me to do my absolute best.
"Everything is false between us. I am still using you. You don't notice anything, our negative love is frozen."
Dark brown eyes were focused on watching that small television, and I found myself reminded of a crimson blood splatter, staining the crisp white sheets. My scarlet locks even had that particular shine to them signifying liquid, while the darker undertones proved it was something much thicker than water. My white outfit spoke simply, but heavily contrasted with dark zippers, I felt it suited me.
"To silent you, with silent love, give silent discomfort. To silence me, with silent love, leave a silent scar."
My leader was simply gorgeous. I'm sure you must get tired of hearing my praise over him, but every day, he only continued to blow me away. Every breath was a new beat in my heart. His pink and purple hair were done up in his becoming accustomed blades, a cute little fur hat upon his head. And again, his long legs were taunting me, peeping out from beneath the skirt he was in. All in white it was as if he really was my dream, just waiting for me to reach out and touch him...
"We cannot change. We cannot return. That's the silent love. Quietly, quietly, the two of us are entangled."
Die was in a dress. He was probably the most masculine out of any of us, and yet the way the fabric rippled and piled around him reminded me of those old Fairy Tale stories I heard about as a kid. I guess that was also why we weren't a good match together. The shoe just didn't fit.
"I don't feel anything, even when looking at your face. You should just keep being deceived."
Sadly, Toshiya's outfit reminded me of Kaoru's. The two of them were becoming the best of buddies, and I felt my round features scowling at just the mere thought of it. He was stealing him away from me, and did not even realize it. Effortlessly, he had weaseled himself into a star position, and won him over with a stupid laugh and a crooked, toothy grin. Here, let me break my face, maybe you'll find me attractive too.
"I just held you at the end... you'll never know this is the last time."
I could say I was jealous of our drummer. He was so stoic in his work, and never missed a beat - literally. Even with the luscious brown curls bouncing in his face he was perfection, both in his music and his demeanor. I wished I could be like him. Silent enough to cause inquiry, but with such a finely sculpted mask that nobody could read what was going on inside. All for the music, as I should have been.
At the end of the day the usual cheers and praise followed, only haunting me back to my lonely, quiet hotel room. I was tired. I found the days rushing by in my head so fast, I was sure I was mixing memories and forgetting events. Our first full length album, and Yoshiki was determined to push us through the crowd, to make sure our flower bloomed the brightest and would be forever noticed, and leaving us to hang dry to be remembered. It was exhausting, and I just wanted some alone time to think. By the time I hit my mattress however I was already out.
I wanted to go back to this dream.

Today, too, my consciousness fades away.
9:00 A. Insanity. Ever unchanging cherry blossoms surround me, alone in an empty room.
Filming. More buildings, more cameras, more makeup, more costumes, more music.
More bugs.
I can barely remember much of what happened on this day, we were working so fast. Thankfully the costumes we were wearing were supposed to look like we had lost our minds, so we weren't perfect, for once. Directions, feathers, blood. Sand, mattresses, paper planes. And the damn bugs. I had wrapped myself up in my leather jacket to keep from getting bitten by the mosquitoes. Nobody else seemed to care much, as Shinya and Kaoru were goofing around, smacking one another upside their heads, and Die and Toshiya were laughing at themselves on video. Me, well... I had a can of hairspray in my hand. I didn't want my skin to be covered in little itching red bumps, else my next photo shoot would look like I had gotten the chicken pox or something. I batted them away, sprayed at them, but they were resilient. I felt the damn things landing on my face. Reaching a hand up I smacked them off of my cheek, attracting a rather strange look from the camera crew. Stupid bugs! Argh! Hobbling in my heels, I fled. Fuck this. Through the busted hole in the ancient building's wall and back to the tour bus. They could come get me whenever they decided they were finished.

"Sumimassen, Kyo-san...."
My dark eyes fluttered open as the early evening light flooded in, and I lifted a gloved hand of mine to block out the horrendous after sleep glare I was getting, trying to put a face to the voice. Which really didn't work in any case, as it was just one of those nameless stagehands I never cared for. I stirred, realizing that I had fallen asleep yet again on the bus waiting for everybody else to finish. It wasn't my fault they took so damn long! Pushing myself to a seated position I glanced about, just in time to see the rest of my band members climbing aboard. I pushed a false, tired smile to my features while they took their seats, stretching out my cramped limbs.
"It's still early. Anybody else want to hit up an arcade?"
Heh, of course that was Kaoru. He loved his video games. I smiled softly as my dark eyes drifted from male to male, before eventually snagging a warm cloth to wipe my heavy makeup off.
"DDR!" The bassist chanted, pumping his fist into the air. Myself, I wasn't big on video games, but eh. I did like the Gundam first person piloting games. I could just sit my ass down and hide in one of those while everyone else had their fun. Not like they'd notice I was gone anyway. I brushed through my red locks, glad that I hadn't needed to style it today. It was free of product and still silky soft.
A soft chuckle left the eldest. "I'm taking that as a yes. We can grab something to eat there too."
A mall? Hm. Our vibrantly colored hair and the fact that we were hanging out in a group of five wouldn't be obvious or anything. I peeled the gloves from my hands and my diligent fingers went to unfastening the simple white button down I was wearing, only to be replaced with a tight tee I had yanked over my head. Everyone else was drabbing down as well. The sound of the engine bus roaring to life vibrated beneath our seats, and the faint chitter chatter seemed to float right over my head. I was too busy listening to the sound of my growling stomach, angry with me for not taking the time to snack during the day. Hiking up one of those heeled boots into the empty space beside me I quickly traded them out for a much more comfortable pair of sneakers, quickly tying the laces into half hearted knots to keep them in place. Brushing a hand through my hair I also made a mental note to do something with it, as the red was fading out to a sad, wilting color. Perhaps I should dye it blue, that seems a popular color. I sighed with a hiss. My thoughts were always so negative. I guess that was simply me.

When we arrived the five of us poured out of that bus, four bodies cheering with delight and one lingering like a silent shadow. I was an emotional wreck. I didn’t know when to be happy, when to be sad. When to be excited or depressed. It was like my feelings were some sort of a twisted roller coaster, with several mechanical things wrong with it that just threw me through unexpected twists, turns, and loops whenever it felt like it. But still I trailed behind them, hands shoved deep into my pockets and sneakers scuffing at the ground. Did I really even want to spend my money on these pointless machines? I was about mid-sigh when I was suddenly punched lightly in the shoulder.
“Race ya.”
I turned to shoot a scowl towards the male who had socked me, only to find that I was met with that perfect, flawless smile. God, Die had a mouth of teeth on him. It was hard to say no to that broad grin however, and I even found the corners of my own tiers lifting slightly. Fine. I could grant him with one game. I followed him to the token machine with a small shrug, tugging out my wallet and shoving a few Yen into its waiting slot. Only a handful of tokens were spat out at me and I scooped them up with my fingertips, quirking a finely plucked brow at the redhead. “What happens if I win?” I piped out of simple curiosity. I liked video games, but I didn’t like being surrounded by all of the noise and all of the people. I should at least be getting something out of my contribution, right?
The guitarist peered carefully at me, still wearing that beaming grin as he pondered carefully. “I have to drink an entire bottle of alcohol.” He chuckled, pocketing his extra coinage while he led the way towards the racing simulators. Really? What kind of a victory would that be?
“What the hell!” I threw my hands up into the air, grumbling at my band member. “You like drinking! Iie.” I snarled, mouth open and ready to say more but before I could fire back at the other, I felt an arm sling around my shoulder and before I knew it, that pink haired male was leaning upon me playfully, and I practically choked on my sudden intake of air that startled me.
“Beer? What?” He snorted, and I would have melted right there from that wondrous smile he wore. Always, always everything about him could make me so high. I turned my head to stare wide-eyed at him, not daring to pull away from his hold. “Let’s all race! I like a good drink.” Pulling off of me just as quickly as he had come on he motioned for the other two to join us. And yet, he was missing the point. I didn’t do alcohol. I only sighed however and shook my head, waiting until the five of us were gathered. If anything I kept my close proximity to the male though. He had came near to me, and I wasn’t going to loose it – especially not to the clingy bassist. Following the other four over towards the line of racing games set up I sunk into the one by his side, popping in my tokens as we all got settled.
3…
2…
1…
Go! My foot slammed down on that pedal as my car’s tires squealed and I raced off away from the starting line. The other’s would get a kick out of me forcing down alcohol - they knew that I couldn’t stomach it very well, so I had no choice but to try and win. Of course… Kaoru was very good at video games, and racing games were one of his favorite kinds. Usually I wouldn’t mind loosing to him – but I had my own supper to worry about now. So I tried. I really did, weaving in and out of the other cars, taking turns like a psychopath and completely forgetting what the brake pedal was for. I could tell that stupid Die was purposefully trying to fuck the rest of us up too, with his little red speeder colliding and crashing into our vehicles. He loved to booze it up and it wouldn’t matter any if he lost, so I made sure to stay the hell away from him. Our cars gave away who we all were. Toshiya’s was bright blue, Kaoru’s a deep purple, and obviously, mine was a sleek black. That meant the other had to be Shinya, in whatever ugly olive green shade he had picked. By the time the final lap rolled around I was pressing a close second, right behind the man of my affections. Of course. Should I let him win? My dark eyes focused intently on the screen before me as I wrapped around the last bend, jerking the steering wheel harshly to one side as my car skidded across the road. Racing down the final strip, I found myself lost in another daydream. I could just imagine my leader after he zipped across that finish line. He would cheer out loudly with no consideration for who was around him, throwing his hands victoriously into the air. His gorgeous smile would cross his entire façade, those glimmering eyes of his bowing upwards in glee. And he would rub it in. Brag forever about how he was the ‘all-mighty Leader-sama’, and how nobody would ever beat him. He certainly was number one in my eyes.

I slammed on my brakes right at the last second, letting that purple car rush past me and breaking the finish. My car trickled in just a few seconds behind his while the screen portrayed our times, and I was right. I heard loud, triumphant cheering to my left, and was surrounded by a load of groaning around me. I only smirked, a little devilish upturn perking just the corners of my plush, pink lips.

I loved that man far too much for my own fucking good.

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OMG You guys are going to LOVE LOVE LOVE the next chapter. It's personally my favorite out of everything I've written so far. :) So give me lots of love!! And I busted this one out fairly fast, so I hope you enjoy muchly! ^_^
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The Voice of a Prophet