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Until You Lose Your Breath	By : theProphet Category: > Kyo/Kaoru Views: 1741 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: This is the work of fiction. Don't know Dir en grey and don't make any money from this.

Chapter List
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The first thing on Monday morning was a joyous Kaoru’s announcement.
-Finally! There will be no more delays, no more unexpected situations! Nothing! The recording of the album starts on the second of January and even the end of the world will not prevent it!
Kaoru looked at the other band members waiting for their reaction but all he got was a yawn from Kyo, a bored expression on Toshiya’s face and dreamy Die’s and Shinya’s faces.
-Aren’t you happy? –Kaoru asked angrily.
-Sure we are, -Toshiya answered quickly but his face was turned to the coffee machine standing in the corner of the room. Kaoru crossed his arms on the chest and said:
-I expect you to show more enthusiasm. We had to overcome a lot of obstacles to finally begin our recording.
-We know that, -Shinya said. –It’s great that we’ll finally start it.
Kaoru still didn’t look convinced, but didn’t say anything more.
-So, guys, what are your plans for Christmas holidays? –Toshiya asked.
-As usual, -Shinya answered. –Visiting relatives, eating, sleeping and stuff like that.
-I’m going to Miyavi’s concert! –Toshiya announced happily.
-So what? –Die asked with a bored expression on his face.
-I’m going to hear him sing and see him! It’s so great!
-Huh… He’s not even good looking, -Die replied sarcastically. –Well, my… er… the person I’m seeing now is so much more gorgeous and pretty than anybody in this world!
-You’ve got a girlfriend? –Toshiya looked scandalized. –You never told us! What is it with all of you? First Kaoru hides his relationship, now you! Maybe Shinya’s got somebody too? Well, Shinya? Do you?
-I… My private life shouldn’t be interesting to…
-But it is! –Toshiya interrupted. –I want to know everything! How could you keep it a secret from me, Daisuke?!
-We got together only this weekend, -Die tried to calm Toshiya down.
-Oh… Well, I understand now why you didn’t tell me. But now you must tell me everything about that girl!
-Why do you think it’s a girl? –Die asked smiling.
-What?! –Toshiya was shocked but when Die started laughing he got angry. –Don’t tease me, Daisuke! Tell me everything about your new girlfriend.
-Ok, -Die stopped laughing finally. –She’s pretty. She’s very shy and… she’s not very experienced in bed but I intend to teach her everything that I know.
Kyo glanced at Shinya and saw that the guy was blushing slightly. Kyo wanted to stop Die talking because he knew thought it is very hard for Shinya to listen to this.
-Good for you, -Kaoru suddenly said, -but I expect that your teaching program will not interfere with your work.
-How could it? –Die looked confused.
-I expect you to come to work fresh and full of energy, not tired and sleepy.
-Sorry, Kaoru, but my sex life is not your business.
Kaoru looked like he wanted to protest but he had to agree with Die. It was really not his business. Die smiled contently.
-I’m really lucky, -he boasted.
-Good for you, -Kyo said. –Are we going to work today or not?
-Why are you so grumpy today? Relax! –Die said.
-So Shinya, -Toshiya said, -what about you? Do you have a girlfriend? Or maybe a boyfriend?
Shinya looked down and remained silent.
-Have it your way, -Toshiya said angrily, -but don’t expect me to tell you anything when I’ll be with Miyavi!
Suddenly a loud laughter was heard. Even Shinya smiled.
-What? –Toshiya asked angrily.
-You… you think you’ll be with Miyavi? –Die asked laughing.
-Yes.
-How do you think it will happen? He’ll come and confess you his eternal love for you?
-I don’t know! But somehow I’ll go on a date with him!
-It’s ok to have fantasies, Totchi, but really… This is too much to hope for, -Kyo said smiling.
-No, it’s possible! –Toshiya pouted. He wasn’t used to be laughed at. Usually they teased Shinya, but not him. –Kaoru can help me!
-What? –Kaoru looked at him surprised. –What can I do?
-We’ll have a special Christmas concert where we’re supposed to perform together with Gazette, right? You can try and rearrange it. You can make it so that we’d perform with Miyavi!
-But…
-Please, Kaoru! PLEASE! It will be your Christmas present for me! It will be the best present I ever had!
-Toshiya, you’re being childish now.
-No! Please, Kaoru, can you do this for me? Please!
Kaoru looked at the pleading eyes of Toshiya and felt confused. Maybe he could do something about it, but it meant mingling work with personal affaires.
-Please…
Toshiya looked hopefully at Kaoru. Kaoru looked at others for support. Kyo looked surprised, Die confused and Shinya just interested in what Kaoru will say.
-Toshiya, -Kaoru sighted and said, -I don’t think it would be a right thing to do. Sorry.
Toshiya wanted to say something but just lowered his head in disappointment.
-Totchi, isn’t it enough that you’ll see him in a concert? –Shinya asked gently.
-No… I’m not only his fan… Miya’s so funny, gorgeous and wild. I don’t want to date anyone else. I want him. I even didn’t have sex for… for almost five months because I want only him!
-You should change your opinion, Toshiya, -Kaoru said. –It doesn’t do you any good. He’s just a pop star. You have no chances with him so start living your life.
-But why not? I’m a rock star, aren’t I? I am not an ordinary person, I already have more chances with him than other people because of that. Kaoru, please…
-No, Toshimasa. I’m sorry.
Toshiya lowered his head again and his shoulders started to tremble a little.
-Totchi, don’t take it so seriously, -Kyo said. –You don’t even know him. He might not be so great as he looks in the interviews and photos.
-I know, -Toshiya said and sniffed then looked at Kyo. His eyes were tearful but Toshiya rubbed them with a sleeve. –I know he’s a pop star and that there are lots of people who want to be with him and I’m only one of those people.
-You should find a girlfriend. Or a boyfriend, -Kyo suggested.
-Maybe… But I don’t want anybody else except him.
-You’ll see, -Shinya said. –One day you’ll meet somebody and you’ll fall in love. And you’ll be so happy that you won’t even remember some pop star.
-I hope so…
Kyo hugged Toshiya and said:
-Let’s get a cup of coffee and smoke a bit. You need to brighten up.
-Ok…
They went out leaving other band members alone.
-He’s so childish, -Kaoru just shook his head.
-Being attracted to somebody isn’t childish, Kaoru, -Shinya said. –You don’t understand him because you never were in love.
-Oh, so you’re saying that you can understand him?
-Yes, I can. I know what it is like to want somebody with all your heart but not to be with that person.
Kaoru looked at him surprised.
-It’s no use asking you who do you want to be with? –Kaoru asked.
-Yes, it’s no use, -Shinya smiled.
Kaoru just shook his head.
-What I think is that it’s only his childish caprice, -Kaoru said.
-But you never know, Kaoru, -Shinya argued. –You can try to make him happy.
Kaoru didn’t comment that. He didn’t know if his decision was the right one or not.
***
After work Die went away first, Shinya followed him. But Kyo caught up with Shinya.
-How are you? –he asked.
-I’m fine. Why are you asking?
-Well, after what Die said today…
Shinya had to think for a moment when he finally understood what Kyo was talking about.
-Oh, it’s ok.
-Ok?
-Mm… ok…
Shinya suddenly couldn’t keep himself from smiling.
-Die’s got somebody and you’re smiling like mad. What’s wrong with you?
Shinya stopped and looked around quickly. Nobody was in the corridor so Shinya leaned closer to Kyo and asked:
-Will you keep it a secret?
-Yes.
-Die was talking about me, -Shinya whispered. –We’re together.
Kyo looked at him in disbelieve.
-How? When?
-This weekend, during Die’s birthday, -Shinya smiled. –I’m not going to tell you all the details because I have to go now.
-But you’ll tell me later?
-Maybe…
Shinya smiled and waived him goodbye. Kyo waited until he disappeared and then followed Shinya to the parking lot. He saw that Die was standing by his car. When he saw Shinya, a huge smile appeared on Die’s face. Shinya’s car wasn’t anywhere around. Shinya came closer and Die immediately caught him in embrace. Shinya struggled to get free, but Die didn’t let him go and kissed him. After a minute they finally parted, sat in Die’s car and drove away. Perhaps they even came with one car in the morning.
Kyo still was a bit shocked because it was so unexpected.
Lucky you, Kyo thought bitterly.
***
The holidays ended too quickly. The recording started. Kaoru was in extremely good mood but everyone had to do everything to please him because even a slightest mistake could make Kaoru scream for the rest of the day. Kaoru was obsessed with the work. Though sometimes he still waited the end of the work hours on Fridays so that he could go to his girlfriend. To relax and have a wild night as he once said in front of everyone leaving Kyo depressed for the whole weekend.
Die was very displeased because Shinya was away to visit his family and they didn’t see each other until the 4th of January. They met in the work with everyone around and couldn’t even hug each other. They talked on the phone a lot but that was not enough. For both of them.
-I miss you so much, -Shinya used to say. And Die would always suggest coming and visiting him but Shinya would always refuse.
-What will I say to my family? –he said and added. –We’ll meet soon. We’re adults, so we should act like ones and be patient.
So when the break came Die went to the men’s room and waited for Shinya to join him. When Shinya entered the room he was immediately grabbed by Die’s strong arms and eager lips. After a long time of kissing they finally managed to break up.
-It’s so good to have you in my arms again, -Die whispered. –I’m going to your place tonight or are you coming to me?
-I’ve got Miyu waiting for me, so you can come to my home.
-Ok.
Die was still holding Shinya in embrace, pushing him close to his body. He loved the scent of the drummer, loved to see his sweet eyes from this close. Die lifted his arm and traced his fingers on the scar on the cheek. Shinya turned his face away.
-Don’t do this, please…
-Why not?
-It’s repulsive…
Die leaned forward and kissed the scar. Shinya sighted.
-Please, Daisuke…
Die turned his head and now was kissing Shinya’s neck. He lowered his arm and started rubbing Shinya’s butt. Shinya struggled to get free.
-Somebody might come, Die!
-We’ll have to take a risk then, -Die breathed hard and bit lightly Shinya’s neck.
-Daisuke…
Shinya felt that he wouldn’t be able to keep still if Die would proceed, he felt that he was already getting hard.
-Die, let me go… please…
Die was still caressing Shinya’s rear and slowly going lower in order to reach the inner thighs of the drummer. Shinya relaxed for a moment and fondled Die’s back pushing the guitarist even closer. Die was gradually going lower and was now caressing the small bulge in Shinya’s pants.
Suddenly Die withdrew, grabbed Shinya’s arm and dragged him to the one of the toilets, pushed the drummer inside, stepped in and locked the door.
-Die, what are you…
But Shinya didn’t manage to finish the sentence because Die was suddenly kissing him fiercely again. Then he fell on his knees and started unzipping Shinya’s jeans.
-Die, no…
But Die didn’t listen. He slid Shinya’s pants down to his knees and then did the same to his lover’s boxers. Shinya was hard already. Die gently stroked his shaft with one hand and then kissed it lightly.
-What are you doing? –Shinya asked.
-Isn’t it obvious?
Die licked Shinya’s member and then deep throated it. With the help of one hand he started to suck Shinya. His other hand held Shinya’s hips in place. Shinya had a hard job in keeping as silent as possible. He felt the pleasure building up and closed his eyes. Die now gathered a pace and Shinya was steadily coming to climax.
Shinya came in Die’s mouth. He grabbed a hold of Die’s hair and bit his lip trying not to let out a sound. After some time when his breathing became steadier, Shinya opened his eyes and looked down. His belly was surprisingly clean.
-Die, did you… um… swallow it all?
-Yes, -said Die and stood up.
-But it’s gross!
-Nothing about you is gross, Shin-chan, -Die smiled and kissed him. –I missed you so much.
-I missed you too. And Die… thank you…
-You’re welcome, -Die grinned and kissed him on the lips again.
Toshiya, on the other hand, had great holidays. For the first several days he talked non stop about Miyavi and drove Kaoru crazy.
-And then he sang ‘Onpu No Tegami’! I love this song! His voice is so wonderful when he sings that song! And…
And then he would go on for the next half an hour of the break about everything that happened during the concert. When Kaoru couldn’t listen any more, he would tell him to shut up, but Toshiya not always listened.
-He’s just sooo gorgeous, -he would always end the same.
The others could only role their eyes.
For the first several days Kyo listened to Toshiya attentively but later even he got bored about this all. Kyo wasn’t very glad to come back to work because it meant seeing Kaoru everyday again. And he was worried because the intensive singing in the studio caused the pain in the throat. But Kyo just ignored it. The tremendous pain that once struck him at home didn’t repeat itself, so Kyo decided not to worry. Though he still decided to ask Kaoru for frequent breaks.
-Why do you want it? –Kaoru asked. –Does your throat hurt?
-No, -lied Kyo, -but I want to avoid even the slightest possibility of damage to my voice.
-Ok, then, I’ll arrange the day so that you could have more breaks.
-Thanks.
Wow, he even said three whole sentences, Kyo thought sarcastically. The bastard didn’t even bother to ask if I had a good rest.
Kyo felt angry because there was no escape from this fucked up situation. He still saw Kaoru everyday, he still wanted to be with him, he still loved him.
-Damn it! –Kyo swore loudly.
-What a good mood you have this early in the morning, -Die joked.
-Piss off, -Kyo muttered and went out to smoke.
-That was mean, -Toshiya bit his lip. –Kaoru, what did you say to him to make him so angry?
-I didn’t say anything wrong! On the contrary! I granted his wish to have more breaks!
-It’s not good that he’s so moody. The holidays just have ended, he should have had a good rest, -Toshiya mused.
-That’s Kyo we’re talking about, -Kaoru said. –He’s always moody.
Toshiya didn’t seem to be convinced but he thought it was better to drop this topic.
Kyo’s mood didn’t change until the end of the work. He went away not saying goodbye. Kaoru went not long after with Toshiya tailing him and bringing the Miyavi topic again. Die and Shinya were finally alone.
-Let’s get going, Shin-chan, -Die said in a low voice, -I want to be only with you and YOU only.
Shinya smiled and blushed lightly, then put on his coat and they went away.
***
Die leaned back in the chair and smiled contentedly.
-Aww… I understand now why Kyo always welcomed you when you would come to feed him. You’re a great cook! No, I take it back. You’re the best!
Shinya smiled shyly and just took a sip of coffee.
-Where are my cigarettes, Shin-chan?
-Why do you want to smoke now? –Shinya bit his lip.
-It’s all I lack for the total happiness.
-So you like your cigarettes more than me?
Die looked Shinya straight in the eyes for a moment.
-Shinya, I’ve never thought that you’re even I tiny bit stupid. Are you JELOUS?!
-No! Of course not! But you just don’t think about me now at all!
-How do you know?
-I hate cigarettes! How am I supposed to kiss you all this evening and enjoy it when you’ll stink!
Die smiled and leaned forward so that his nose touched Shinya’s cheek.
-Well, in that case I could endure the evening without cigarettes but with my other addiction.
And he kissed Shinya on the lips.
-Would you… -Die started, but apparently changed his mind because suddenly he stopped speaking.
-What? –Shinya asked in between the kisses.
-Never mind.
-No, what?
-I want to make love to you so badly, but I don’t want to apply pressure on you because…
-I know the reason, Die, -Shinya smiled. –I want to make love to you too.
-Really?
-Yes. Just be gentle, ok? I have no experience in this sphere. Not even with a girl…
-What? Do you want to say… Were you a virgin? –Die was shocked at hearing this.
-Yes, I was. You were my first, -Shinya answered not looking Die in the eyes. As Die didn’t say anything Shinya got worried. –Is this a problem?
-What? No! But… your first time with me was so… horrible…
-I don’t care, -Shinya answered and looked Die in the eyes. –It was not all so horrible. I got to see your... you know, -Shinya blushed.- I was so close to you for the first time in my life and I got to see YOU getting hard because of me, -he added smiling.- I hope we’ll have much more beautiful moments to remember and I’m dying to see what the future will bring. I want you to teach me everything you know. And stop feeling guilty for that one mistake!
-Shinya… -Die looked stunned. –You’re… you’re… Oh, the guys were so right when they said that you’re the kindest person on earth! You’re an angel!
-I’m not, -Shinya giggled. –I have my flaws, you just don’t know them yet. AND I wouldn’t be so nice just with anybody. It’s the privilege that only you have.
-Then I’m really lucky…
Die kissed Shinya on the lips for a moment then they stood up and went to the bedroom.
***
-Shinya, what is it with you today? –Kaoru asked angrily. –Can’t you sit still at least for a moment?
Shinya was making love with Die all night long so he felt sore and it still hurt a bit. This was the reason why he couldn’t sit properly. But he couldn’t just say that to Kaoru.
-I’m sorry, -Shinya uttered and lowered his head.
-Leave him alone, Kao, -Die said. –It’s my job to pester him.
-I’m not pestering him, -Kaoru shot back. –It looks like he was fucked sore and can’t even sit properly now. It affects his work because he can’t concentrate.
Shinya blushed so hard that he thought that everyone could see it.
-Leave him alone! –Die said. –If he was fucked sore last night it’s his own business!
-Since when are you so protective?
-It’s my job to pester him, I’ve already told you, -Die said. –So, Shinya, what happened to you? Where you screwing somebody all night long?
Shinya looked shocked at his lover but Die just grinned back.
-It seems that that’s the case, -Die said. -Now when Kaoru knows everything we can proceed with the work.
Kaoru just shook his head. Toshiya, on the other hand, was watching Shinya closely but didn’t comment.
-Where’s Kyo? –Kaoru asked.
-He went to smoke, -Toshiya answered.
-Can you go fetch him? –Kaoru asked.
Toshiya nodded and went away.
-Kaoru san, -Shinya suddenly said.
-Yes.
-Can we talk?
-Sure.
-In private, please…
-Sure! Come here.
Die raised an eyebrow and followed both men with his eyes as they went out of the room. After some time Kaoru came back alone.
-Where’s Shinya? –Die asked.
-He had to go.
-Where?
-I can’t tell you that.
-Why?
-Shinya asked not to tell anybody. He’ll tell all of you when he’ll come back. That should be after a month.
-WHAT?
Kaoru looked at him confused.
-What is it with you today? You’re not his mother, he doesn’t need your permission for anything.
-I’m his… -Die stopped in time and started anew. –I’m his band mate! We all are! His departure for a month will affect the work!
-I’ll arrange so that it wouldn’t affect it much.
-Huh…
Kaoru went back to the papers and Die secretly sneaked out to the corridor with a phone. He wanted to call Shinya and demand an explanation. But that was not necessary because he found a message. He quickly opened it and read:
Die, I will be away for a month. Don’t worry, everything’s fine. I’ll come back after a month with a surprise for you. I’m doing all this just for you so please be patient and don’t be angry at me. Love you, Shinya.
Die read the message at least five times and finally decided that he was still angry. He wouldn’t be able to suddenly live without him for a month! Stupid Shinya decided to torture him! Fuck work! Die thought. I’m going to smoke and calm my nerves as long as I want.
That was a mistake because when he came back after more than half an hour Kaoru had a fit of rage.
-WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN? YOU HAVE NO RESPONSIBILITY! HOW COULD YOU DISAPPEAR LIKE THAT AND…
Die stopped listening at this point because he started thinking about how angry he was on Shinya. Kaoru was still screaming when suddenly Toshiya giggled. Kaoru glared at him and poor Toshiya covered his mouth with a hand in fear.
-What was that for?! –Kaoru demanded.
-I just thought that you sounded exactly like Miyavi when he screamed during one of his songs, -Toshiya answered ghastly.
-I HAD ENOUGH! I CAN’T TAKE IT ANY MORE! IF YOU’LL MENTION THAT FUCKING POP SINGER AGAIN I’M GOING TO THROUGH YOU OUT OF THE WINDOW! I’LL ARRANGE SO THAT WE’D PERFORM WITH THAT FUCKER BUT YOU MUST SWEAR NOT TO MENTION HIS NAME UNTIL THAT CONCERT AGAIN! IF I’LL HEAR YOU TALKING ABOUT HIM UNTIL THAT YOU’LL SEE SOMETHING REALLY HORRIBLE AND BEG FOR QUICK DEATH! IS THAT CLEAR?!
Everyone looked at Kaoru stunned in dead silence. Then suddenly Toshiya’s eyes watered and he jumped to Kaoru and hugged him.
-Oh, Kaoru! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!
Kaoru’s anger vanished in an instant. He looked confused at Toshiya.
-Ok, that’s enough, -he said trying to push Toshiya away but the bassist still clung to him tightly.
-You made me so happy! Thank you, Kaoru-sama! Thank you!
-Enough!
With that Kaoru pushed Toshiya away finally. The guy was still crying from happiness.
-I swear, I won’t talk about him from now on! Oh, Kaoru…
Toshiya was finally at a loss for words and fell silent. Die for a moment completely forgot Shinya and Kyo looked for the first time interested in what was going on around him.
-And don’t embarrass me again like that, -Kaoru said. –Now let’s go back to work!
Everyone just nodded. It was better not to object to Kaoru.

TBC

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Until You Lose Your Breath