The Paladin | By : Tcharlatan Category: > Toshiya/Die Views: 957 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0 |
Disclaimer: This is a work of pure fiction. I do not personally know any of the members of Dir en grey, and do not profit from this work. |
June 7th - 2:00 am
Anyone else would have slept through the sound; it was so soft and unobtrusive. Just a faint whisper of sound trickling through thin walls and still, muggy air. But it was enough to wake Die, and immediately he was sliding out of bed, bare feet touching silently to the plush flooring. He moved with the barest hint of a limp out of his room and across the spacious living area. Coming to a stop beside the other bedroom, he opened this door with a careful hand, peering inside.
Kyo was curled up in the center of his and Kaoru’s large bed, looking impossibly small in the expanse of rumpled sheets and blankets. His face was twisted with pain and fear, deep lines marring the usual smooth roundness of his features, and he was whimpering into the pillow he clutched desperately to his chest. Every muscle on the compact body was straining, thrown into sharp relief by a sheen of sweat as the blonde spiraled deeper and deeper into his nightmares.
“Nnnh…! No…” the voice came, soft and shaky.
Die bit his lip and stepped inside carefully. “Kyo…”
Kyo jerked, but didn’t wake. His head snapped to one side, face almost entirely hidden in the pillow as a low, painful croon poured out of his throat. “No… nnn… Kaoru! ...ple-… please, no…”
“Kyo, wake up,” Die called softly as his knees bumped against the edge of the mattress. “Wake up, buddy, it’s just a dream. Come on…”
“Nnn!” The blonde coiled tighter and tighter. “Ahanh!”
Die reached out one hand and touched his friend’s shoulder gently. Kyo’s eyes shot open, his body snapping out like a spring released. He reeled back at first, then lurched forward, a desperate fist lashing out at Die even as he screamed. It was a raw, terrible sound that shook the redhead to the core, and he was too startled to block or dodge the clumsy punch coming at him. He took a glancing blow to the jaw before he caught the extended arm, and he immediately had to catch another shot from the blonde’s other fist. The wrists trembled terribly, and Die was worried if he held on too tight, the bones within would snap like bird wings. The redhead knelt on the bed, trying to restrain the blonde without further scaring him.
“Kyo, it’s me, it’s just me! It’s Die!” he called, fighting to keep his voice gentle.
Eyes wide and rolling wildly, panting roughly, Kyo stared at him without recognition for a long time before he blinked against restrained tears. “D-… Die?”
Die breathed a sigh of relief and loosened his grip. “Aa, just me.”
Kyo jerked his arms free, then threw them around Die’s waist and clung to him, pressing his face into the redhead’s broad chest. He was shaking badly, inked skin slick with fear-sweat.
“Shh, hey, it’ll be okay. You’re safe now, safe at home,” Die whispered.
“Gods, Die it was-… it wasn’t the same… it was-… gods, Die, it was Kaoru… he was hurting Kaoru and I just can’t-… I don’t understand!” Kyo sobbed angrily. "How could this happen?"
Die closed his eyes and held the younger man close, resting his cheek against soft blond hair. “I’m sorry, Kyo. I failed you both, letting this happen, I… I’m so sorry.”
“I can’t lose him, Die, I just can’t. My Kaoru…”
“Don’t talk like that, we’ll find him, you know we will. Everything will be okay…”
They both knew Die was full of shit. It was a very real possibility at this point that Kaoru was dead, the Niikura family doomed with him, and they were living out the last days of their lives as they knew them. But as long as things were ambiguous enough for some glimmer of hope to remain, they would cling to it, taking comfort from the reassuring words in spite of their emptiness. Kyo took several deep, steadying breaths and nudged his nose harder against Die’s chest, appreciative of the company. There was a moment of quiet, before the blonde’s soft, watery chuckle broke the silence and the aching tension simultaneously.
“Die… you’re so naked…” he murmured with a sniffle.
Die blinked and took stock of his current condition and laughed a bit as well, embarrassed. He had gone to bed completely nude, his bedroom too warm for even the thin layer of cloth he typically slept in. “I guess I am. Sorry, I’m used to sleeping in my boxers so I never checked when I woke up…”
“Heh… it’s not the worst thing I’ve ever woken up to, I guess.”
Die smirked a bit, but his smile faded quickly. Kyo was still shaking horribly, but he could feel the blonde trying to pull himself together enough to push him away, to tell him to leave. Kaoru’s beloved phoenix had burned himself out and a fledgling was stirring in the ashes, determined to burn brightly once more, but in this frail transitive stage, Die felt that Kyo needed support while he built up his strength. The younger man was stubbornly proud at the worst times, even around Die, who had seen him through one of the roughest times of his life. He couldn’t leave his little friend to suffer alone, but Kyo wasn’t likely to accept an offer of an overnight guardian.
“Hey, Kyo?” the redhead whispered carefully.
“Un?” Kyo grunted, his breath a soft puff against Die’s bare chest.
“I’m… still worried about my head. From the concussion, you know… I’m worried I pushed myself too far today.”
One burnt gold eye peered up, frowning worriedly. “Do you need to see a doctor?”
“No, no, I should be okay, but… just in case, do you think I could stay with you tonight? You know, so you can make sure I sleep okay?”
Kyo sat back a little to look up into the older man’s face properly. Die really was a terrible liar when he couldn’t hide behind his glasses. Those soft brown eyes were overflowing with protective concern, and he didn’t believe for a second that the redhead was worried in the slightest for his own head injury, if he was still injured at all. But his proposal did spare Kyo’s ego, while still allowing him to enjoy the deeply profound security that one couldn’t help but feel in his company. It was difficult to be afraid of anythingwhen Die was around.
“Sure, you can stay here. I’ll keep an eye on you.” Kyo nodded his consent to the charade.
Die smiled and moved around to situate himself more comfortably, his back propped against the headboard and a thin sheet pulled up to his hips to cover his nudity. Kyo settled shamelessly into the redhead’s lap, head pillowed against a hard stomach, one hand resting on a long thigh. The blonde couldn’t contain a faint, content sigh as strong arms tugged up a blanket and settled around him, and Die felt a little of his anxiety bleed away now that he had someoneto watch over. The soft music that Kyo never slept without filled the comfortable silence that stretched between them for some time, before the blonde stirred a bit, frowning.
“Hey… Die?”
“Mmm?” The redhead was already drifting off.
Kyo bit his lip, hesitant for a moment before asking, “You’re… straight, aren‘t you?”
“You’ve asked me that before, remember?”
“Yeah, but I’m pretty sure you just slept with Toshiya. And I sincerely doubt that he drugged you. Not that I would put it past him, but I don’t really see you allowing that kind of thing. So…”
Die smiled to himself and said nothing.
Kyo frowned and tilted his head back to look up at the redhead. “So you’re… not straight, are you?”
“I guess in practice, no, I’m not. To be honest, I don’t have much preference either way.”
“Why do you always say that you are? You’re too old to still be in the closet, Die, and it’s not like any of us are going to judge you!”
“It’s kind of a long story. Do you really want to know?”
“Yes! I won’t be able to sleep now, if you don’t tell me.”
Die sighed and shifted a little to make himself more comfortable. “Where do I start… mm… Well, you know that Kaoru and I grew up together, right? From the day I was born, I was meant to be his Second.”
Kyo nodded.
“Well, even if the plan was always for Kaoru to take over the family and me to go with him, it wasn’t really a guarantee. He had to earn the right to take over when Tomohiro left, and I had to earn the right to stand at his side. So when I was younger, part of my training included working with the family’s security enforcers, and going on odd jobs or missions that the older guys weren’t as well suited to. One of those missions was going undercover in a club hosting flesh auctions for pedophiles being held in Tomohiro’s territory without his permission. The man in charge was running a couple of the family’s other brothels, but he kept lying about the one peddling children, so I was sent in to eliminate him. It took about a month before he showed up.”
“How old were you?” Kyo asked, curious. He supposed someone else might have felt sorry for Die, or been disgusted at a child being used that way by his own family. But after so much time spent in this business, in this world, it took a lot to truly horrify him.
“Fourteen. I’m sure you can imagine, I lost my virginity while I was there. After I came back, as soon as Kaoru and I were alone, he asked me about it. We were teenage boys, you know? As disgusting and mercenary as it all had been, it was still sex, and he was still curious. I told him everything. How very few of the people that ‘won’ me for the evening were ever interested in my pleasure, but the ones that were… well, one thing led to another…” Die’s voice trailed off suggestively.
“Wait… are you saying… you and Kaoru?!”
“Mmhmm. Twice, that night, so he could try it both ways. I think I’m still the only man that’s ever topped him. It was a little weird – we’re more like brothers than anything else, you know? – and we never touched each other that way again, but I’ve never regretted it. My virginity was taken by so many strangers, in service of my family, but his was taken by someone that cares about him.”
Kyo stared at the ceiling, a stunned look on his face as he poured over the new information and tried to reconcile it with what he thought he’d known before. “So… that’s a little fucked up, but what does it have to do with you pretending you’re straight?”
“Well, again, we were teenage boys. We were kind of noisy, and one of the cleaning staff heard us through the door. She went running to Kaoru’s father and told him Kao was fooling around with another boy, and he was pissed. His mom tried to stop him, and we could hear them arguing down the hall, so I snuck out before they could catch us. Of course, they still thought it was me, but they didn’t have any proof, and Kaoru lied his ass off. He made up some story about a guy from school, I think?”
“Why lie? I never thought the Niikuras would be so… conservative.”
“Oh, they’re not. They weren’t exactly thrilled that Kao was bisexual, but it wasn’t really that important. But he can’t have a relationship with me. He has to be able to sacrifice me for the sake of the family, and he can’t do that if we’re romantically involved. We lied so they wouldn’t separate us. They didn’t really believe him, and neither did his uncle or my father when they found out the next day. They watched us for a long time; we were chaperoned or spied on constantly. So since Kaoru was already out, I pretended to be straight. It went on for so long, I guess it just became a habit to say that I was. It’s not like I date that much anyway.”
It made sense. Kyo supposed it shouldn’t be all that shocking to know that Kaoru and Die had fooled around once as teenagers, or that they’d had to hide it from their parents. Still, “…That’s fucked up, Die.”
"Heh… tell me about it."
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