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The Moon	By : theProphet Category: Dir en grey > AU - Alternate Universe Views: 1373 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. I don't know Dir en grey and make no money from this.

Chapter List
- 8
- 9
- 10
Author comment: So here’s the belated chapter 9 :)
Thanks to the LurksInTheShadows for beta-reading it ^^

CHAPTER 9

Kyo rolled the cigarette between his fingers, feeling its smooth surface. He was pondering yet again if he should light it up or not. Was there a reason to start again after 4 years of quitting? Or was there absolutely no reason not to start again? But the temptation was big – he felt saliva gathering in his mouth just at the thought of putting the cigarette’s end between his lips, squeezing them on it gently and lighting, feeling how the smoke fills his lungs in that relieving one intake of breath.
Kyo let the breath he was holding out and put the cigarette back on the table.
Maybe tomorrow he’ll be 100% sure. Today his resolve was reaching only 98%.
“Are you still mad at me?”
Kyo lifted his eyes warily, looking at the Man in the black suit on the other side of the table, sitting in front of him and staring intently.
“Come on, I said I was sorry!”
“You tried to strangle him!” Kyo hissed at the Man.
“Try to understand me – he’s a stranger, he came between us and now I have to share you. I do not like that, Kyo. Not in the slightest.”
“The fuck do I care what you like” Kyo grunted, leaning back in his chair, starring at the Man.
“And where is he anyway?”
“Work” Kyo said, trying not to start thinking about Toshiya all over again.
“You see” the Man said, his voice sounding gentler. “Why do you even need him when more than half of the time he’s not even here? But I am. I’ll always be next to you, Kyo.”
Somehow, at that moment, Kyo wasn’t sure if it was good or bad news. He wasn’t sure about anything anymore. Not even about Toshiya.
“Maybe I should make him stop coming…”
But the next second he shook his head, standing up and taking a glass from the table. He filled it with water and drank.
He didn’t want to deal with the situation that he found himself in. It was easier to just let go of all doubts and thoughts and not give a slightest thought about what was wrong and what was right. And, ultimately, he didn’t want Toshiya to go, because he didn’t want to be left alone. That was something he wasn’t sure he would be capable of dealing with.
He felt physically sated after days and days of countless fucking.
Toshiya’s smell was planted deep into his pores and into his head now. He was owned by Toshiya and despite everything, it felt relieving and calming to finally be touched by another human being.
That’s why the thought of letting Toshiya go, even if that might be the only right thing to do, was too unbearable. Kyo believed he wouldn’t be able to remain grounded in this world without somebody by his side. Somebody like Toshiya.
Because Kaoru…
“Kyo, you look like shit. Go to sleep. I’ll wake you up if the alarm goes off.”
Being in the dazed state that he was, Kyo didn’t question the Man. He put the now empty glass back on the table and slowly headed to his bedroom. The bed was tidily done by Toshiya, but Kyo pulled the covers off and threw them down in the gap between the bed and the wall together with all the pillows.
He kicked off his slippers and managed his way in that narrow space, lying between the tangled sheets and countless pillows. Feeling the wall with his back and the sides of the bed with his knees, Kyo finally managed to relax. He closed his eyes and let himself drift away.
Somewhere in the distance he heard the Man humming a calm melody and he managed to have a quick thought that it was familiar before sleep claimed him.
***
Kyo fidgeted nervously on the doorstep and double checked the address. It all seemed right. So why was he standing in front of a cheap looking night club instead of a McDonald’s?
“Well, this doesn’t make sense” the Man said, staring at the paper in Kyo’s hands as well.
“Wait here, I’ll go inside and ask” Kyo mumbled, staring at the front door. “Maybe there’s a McDonald’s somewhere close, they just confused the numbers in the address or something…”
Kyo put the paper in his pocket, pushed the door of the night club and stepped in.
He had an interview with the manager Ryuu Hoshi for a position of a McDonald’s part-time cashier on the 21^st of January. Shitty job, but that was the first job interview he got since he got back to Earth. As much as he didn’t want to do this kind of shitty job, he had to pay his bills. He couldn’t let his parents or Toshiya do it for him.
Kyo closed the door behind himself gently and looked around. The entrance to the club was narrow and dirty, though it did look like it was still being used. There were some lights on in the hall, so Kyo hesitated for only a moment before proceeding down the hall.
Suddenly he heard a door in the distance open and barely audible but quick footsteps echoed through the empty hall. Somebody was approaching him. For a second, Kyo got terrified, not knowing what to do. He just stood there, frozen and waiting. Soon though a short and frail-looking guy appeared from the shadows and Kyo relaxed immediately.
“Hello! I’m sorry to disturb you, but I was wondering if you know where…”
But Kyo was silenced by a quick shake of the guy’s head. Then the newcomer gestured with his head for Kyo to follow and started walking back again. Kyo hesitated for a second, but then slowly his legs moved on their own accord and Kyo started walking after this strange young man.
They didn’t go far. In the dimly lit corridors of the club there was only one door, which was widely open. The guy stepped inside and Kyo followed. He found himself standing in the shabby looking room with only one huge bed in the middle of it and absolutely nothing else.
“It is very nice to finally meet you, Nishimura-san” the guy spoke, startling Kyo unexpectedly.
“I don’t think I know you” Kyo said hesitantly.
“No, of course you don’t” the guy smiled gently and crossed his hands over his chest, but didn’t make a move to sit down on the bed.
“I was just looking for McDonald’s, because I’ve got a job interview there with the manager.”
“Yes, I know” the guy nodded. “Ryuu Hoshi.”
“How do you…”
“I am Ryuu Hoshi.”
Kyo stared now, getting a little wary and uncomfortable.
“I wanted to see you and talk to you” Ryuu said.
Kyo kept silent, suddenly getting a bad feeling about all of this.
“I’ll try to be as quick and clear as I can” Ryuu said, looking around slowly. “First of all, nobody can know you talked to me. If anyone will ask, the job interview was a cruel joke. There never was a job for you. Second, nobody can know this place. Please return the piece of paper you have the address written on.”
Ryuu extended his hand and waited. Kyo hesitated, looking at the guy’s thin and frail fingers, wondering if he would have to, would he be able to overpower this stranger and make a run for it. The guy didn’t look much older than him, if older at all. For now though, he slowly fished the paper out of his pocket and gave it to the guy who immediately pocketed it.
“Thank you. Now, you have to know that if you tell any living soul about me and what I told you, you’ll put these people in mortal danger together with yourself. You cannot talk about any of it at your house or anywhere else. You are being closely monitored and followed, so we can’t know what places are safe and which ones are not.”
“What? You mean…” Kyo struggled with words, finding it hard to believe the stranger.
“Yes, there definitely are listening bugs in your house. But as long as you don’t mention a word about me and anything else you’ll hear now, it’s not going to be a problem.”
Kyo nodded, though he still felt disbelief.
“As I said, my name is Ryuu Hoshi. I work at the Emperor’s Palace. But for many years I’ve been a part of an organisation and am helping them to build a successful plan on how to take the Emperor down. For this, we need you. We need your help.”
He looked at Kyo pointedly, waiting for a few seconds for the information to sink in and then continued.
“We’ve been following the Emperor’s activities – official and secret ones – for years. And with each year we, as an organisation, got stronger and bigger, and more powerful. We’re nearing the point where we can attack and succeed 100%. But for that we need to put all pieces of puzzle together. You are one of those missing pieces we still need.
We are not asking you fight nor do anything like that. The only thing we want is for you to tell the people of Japan the truth. The truth about how it really was like to be up there. What horrors did you see, what you had to go through, what they made you do and what the Emperor did to punish you and those close to you. What he is still doing to you – watching you, not letting you get on with your life, ruining you financially so that you would be a prisoner in your own house without the money to go out and take your life back.
If the people of Japan will get to know that their Emperor is a sadist and a murderer, they will finally be brave enough to resist. But now, sadly, nobody knows the truth – the whole truth of the horrors of the Emperor.
We also need you to tell the whole truth to one particular, very important person whom we tried to recruit for years. We need that person on our side, because he is the closest to the emperor that we could get and he is already full of doubt. He only needs a nudge – and he’ll be ours. We need him and without you we cannot get him on our side.”
Kyo stared at the guy in front of him, hundreds of thoughts going through his mind in crazy speed.
“We can promise you will be safe with us. Also, we will protect your family from harm. Sadly, we cannot waste our resources and people on your friends. Not even on Hara-san.”
“What?” Kyo looked at Ryuu confused.
“We do know about you and him. We also knew about Niikura-san. So if we know, you can be sure the Emperor knows as well.”
“Why does the Emperor need to waste his time on me? I’m nobody!”
“No, Kyo-san” Ryuu shook his head, looking very much bitter and grim. “Since you came back from Moon and are the sanest from all of those few who did manage to come back, the Emperor will find you worrisome and will keep an eye on you. You know too much.”
“This is nonsense!” Kyo turned around, wanting to go, but Ryuu suddenly grabbed his arm and pulled Kyo close to himself. The look in Ryuu’s eyes was almost feral.
“Please, Kyo-san! Please, help us ruin that man’s power! Help us squash him like a bug under our feet! Help us save the whole country from becoming isolated and driven by fear of one man! Don’t let him kill more people and ruin more lives! Aren’t you the slightest bit angry about what happened to Shinya?”
Kyo just stared, eyes wide with fair.
“They killed him just because he was missing you! Or did you forget all about him so easily? Did his death mean nothing to you?”
Kyo managed to finally free his arm from Ryuu’s grasp and stepped back, his eyes wide with horror.
“It’s not my fault… I never… Shinya, he just… but… if you knew about Shinya, why did you let them kill him?”
“Your friend sentenced himself to death the moment he decided to contact you. If we tried to prevent his death, the Emperor would have known somebody was following all his activities and we would have no longer been a secret. Saving one person would have ruined what we were building for many years.”
“So you’re exactly the same!” Kyo screamed. “You’re no better than the Emperor! Killers! All of you!”
Ryuu looked alarmed, but Kyo barely noticed it. He glued himself to the door, hanging on the handle as if his life depended on it.
“Whatever you want me to do, I’m not doing it! I want to get on with my life and not fight somebody else’s war! Leave me, my family and friends alone!”
Kyo then opened the door and ran. He never turned to look back, only when he was out of the building, he spared a quick glance while he was closing the door – nobody was following him.
The Man looked worried, but Kyo didn’t say anything to him. He kept his mouth shut, his heart racing, and walked to the nearest bus stop as quickly as he could.
The three minutes that he had to wait for the bus were nerve-racking. He tried not to stare at everyone who passed by the bus stop or stayed to wait for the bus.
You are being closely monitored and followed.
Kyo closed his eyes for a second, trying to will himself to calm down.
Did he mean that he was followed all the time? Or where they only watching him at home? If there were listening bugs in his house that meant…
Oh God, not a single thing has been left private. They got into the only safe place I had.
Kyo put his hands in the jeans’ pockets and as soon as they were hidden from view, his hands turned into fists.
Did I do the right thing by refusing?
Kyo could only think about that when he finally got on the bus and sat in the farthest corner, slouching, trying to look invisible.
If they needed his help to bring the Emperor down, maybe he should have agreed to help. Nobody would be forced to go to Moon anymore and die there working isolated from all living beings. Nobody would die just because they missed those people who are being sent away. The boarders to foreign countries would open and anyone who wanted to see the world could go without needing any permission. There would be no threat of not getting a food ticket to buy your monthly stock. When he was in a successful band, none of that was a concern for him, so Kyo managed to provide to his family and for himself and turned a blind eye to everything that was happening.
But he experienced first-hand what it was like to be used by the Emperor and the system he created.
And Kyo would lie if he would say he wasn’t afraid.
They already ruined everything he earned working hard. They took away his chance to be happy. And now, when he managed to survive and get back home, he didn’t want to test his luck. Helping those people meant putting in danger himself and everyone around him. And that was the last thing he wanted to do.
Ryuu said they need him to get another person on their side. But there must be other ways of getting the Emperor down, Kyo can’t be the last piece in the puzzle they need.
Kyo nodded to himself slowly.
That’s right. They don’t really need him. It would be better if they had him, but they don’t really need him!
Feeling a tiny bit better, Kyo let out a deep sigh and a tiny smile appeared on his lips.
Soon he’ll get home and cook dinner for Toshiya who will be back in a couple of hours. They’ll eat and have sex as always and everything will get back to normal.
“Yes, it will” Kyo said, answering to the sceptical look the Man was giving him. “You’ll see.”
***
Toshiya dropped the bag on the floor and kicked off his shoes. He was exhausted. The lack of sleep and countless hours at work were slowly but assuredly draining him out. Not to mention he had to deal with Kyo’s bouts of panic and weirdness every day.
It all was getting a toll on him.
He headed to the kitchen and even before stepping in he could smell dinner.
“Hey, Kyo!” Toshiya greeted.
“Hi! Tonight for dinner – miso and spicy noodles! Sorry, vegetarian tonight, I had no extra money for the meat.”
“That’s alright” Toshiya said and sat down on a chair. “Better tell me, how did the job interview go?”
Kyo fell silent for a moment and turned his back to Toshiya, took a couple of bowls out and started filling them with miso.
“Apparently somebody thought it would be a funny joke. There weren’t any McDonald’s around. Or maybe I just got the address wrong. Anyways, I didn’t get any job.”
“Oh, baby…”
Toshiya stood up and came to hug Kyo from the back.
“I’m so sorry. I know you didn’t want that job anyway, but I know you need it badly. I’m so sorry.”
“I know… me too…”
Kyo took the bowls with miso and wriggled out of Toshiya’s embrace.
“Let’s eat, Toshiya.”
They sat down at the table and Toshiya dug in. Kyo fidgeted in his seat for a moment, but then turned his head slightly and mumbled:
“You go, leave us alone now.”
Toshiya glanced at Kyo’s side, but as always there was nobody there. It was creeping Toshiya out – in those few months that he made his way into Kyo’s life, he never got used to it.
“How was your day?” Kyo asked and Toshiya was happy for a distraction.
“It was OK, though very busy. I saw… I saw Kaoru today.”
Kyo’s hand with the spoon stopped in the middle of the movement, but then slowly Kyo resumed eating and stared down at the food in front of him.
“He asked me how you are doing. He’s concerned about you.”
Kyo snorted, even though he didn’t really mean to do it.
“What a load of bullshit.”
“Year, right…” Toshiya shrugged. “But I thought he really meant it.”
The conversation stopped there. Kyo was being more silent than usual and it worried Toshiya a little. But on the other hand, he understood that the failure to even get a job interview today might have upset Kyo more than he was letting out. So Toshiya just let Kyo close in and be silent.
It was a strange relationship they were having. And sometimes Toshiya wanted to just call it quits. It was too hard for him sometimes to fall face flat to the ground when Kyo would bluntly call out Kaoru’s name when they were having sex, or when he would find Kyo masturbating while watching a video of Kaoru playing his guitar, or when Kyo would just simply say he wasn’t in love with Toshiya.
All of that Toshiya knew, but it still hurt. But wasn’t he the stupid one if he still stayed? He didn’t gain anything from this relationship apart from sex.
No, as long as I make Kyo feel better and get over Kaoru, I can deal with that. And when Kyo’s over Kaoru completely, then I might have my chance with him. Nobody remains in unrequited love with some person for years and years. Kyo’ll get over Kaoru with time.
And Toshiya believed that to be true. He just wasn’t sure he was strong enough to wait until that time comes.
Toshiya looked back at Kyo. It was a mystery to him why Kyo let him stay. Why he was having sex with Toshiya. Why he embraced Toshiya’s offered company so easily. He guessed that perhaps for Kyo it was better to have Toshiya’s love than no love at all. Perhaps Kyo’s fear of being alone terrified him more than anything else.
When Toshiya stayed one night, Kyo didn’t say anything. The second night was the same. Nights went by, but Kyo didn’t say anything. He even started cooking meals for Toshiya. But why? If it was anybody else, would Kyo have let them stay as well? Is it that at this point he doesn’t care who’s fucking him, as long as somebody’s fucking him?
Toshiya finished his meal and pushed the plate aside.
He wanted to ask Kyo all those questions, but he couldn’t force himself to do that. The fact that Kyo called out Kaoru’s name during sex should be a good enough hint for Toshiya.
“Can I ask you something?”
Toshiya jumped a little bit from unexpectedness. He was too deep in thought and didn’t notice Kyo was staring at him for the last few minutes.
“Sure, Kyo.”
“When you last saw Shinya… how was he? I mean… happy? Worried? Tired? Or… I don’t know, just…”
Toshiya’s face saddened a little, but he extended his hand over the table and caught Kyo’s one.
“Last time I saw him was a couple of months before… before he died… But I talked on the phone with him just three days before it happened…”
Toshiya looked Kyo in the eyes and smiled sadly.
“He sounded happy and excited. He said he wants to meet me, because he will probably have exciting news for me. I never got to know what it was…”
Kyo lowered his eyes and stared at the table, afraid his face would betray the guilt.
“I miss him a lot…” Toshiya said quietly. “But I’m happy you made it back home, Kyo. I’m really, really happy you came back.”
Kyo nodded, though he wasn’t sure why. Suddenly he felt a huge weight on his shoulders and he felt like he couldn’t bare it anymore. Shinya’s death. Kaoru never loving him. Toshiya to whom he couldn’t return the sentiment, only the physical release. And the responsibility that was put on his shoulders today. The one he couldn’t help but feel guilty for refusing.
“All is going to be fine, Kyo. I promise.”
Kyo just nodded again.
Toshiya stood up and went over to Kyo. He leaned down and kissed Kyo on the head.
“Come on, let’s go to bed. I know it’s a bit early, but we both need some rest.”
Kyo complied, though he didn’t feel sleepy at all. In the corner of his eye he saw the Man following them and he made sure to close the bedroom door before he got in.
He snuggled up to Toshiya and let the other man embrace him. It felt safer this way. He could bury his head in Toshiya’s broad chest and muffle the sounds of footsteps and the beeping of the alarm.
With Toshiya it felt safer.
He closed his eyes, but the sleep never claimed him. It was only when he heard Toshiya fast asleep that he slipped out of bed and laid down in the gap between the wall and the bed, hearing Toshiya’s deep breathing above him.

TBC

I’m trying not to forget I’m writing, but so far I’ve been failing at that >_<” I still hope I’ll be quicker with the next update :)
As for this chapter… not so sure… I’m struggling to put everything in the story so that the plot would make sense. I hope I am succeeding at least somewhat.
Feedback would be very much appreciated ;)
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- 10
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The Moon