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Surreal Moments	By : HobNobsAndTea Category: Individual Celebrities > Tom Hiddleston Views: 2315 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: None of the writers recieve any money for these stories. They are written for the enjoyment of the readers. No copyrite infringement intended.

Chapter List
- 8
- 9
- 10
"Mummy!! Wook at the bah-woo-gas!! Come wook quick!!" The three of you enter the beluga whale exhibit. She runs to the front of the crowd, pressing her hands to the glass with wide eyes. Jameson follows behind, tapping lightly on the glass. "Jameson, no sir! You know the rules, you're not allowed to disturb them like that!"

"Sorry, mommy. I won't do it again!" You shoot him a little look to let him know you mean business before planting a kiss on the top of his head. You watch them as one of the whales swims slowly up to the glass wall. Marie jumps up and down.

"Mummy, he's coming right to me!"

"I know, I'm watching, I see him!"

The whale weaves back and forth, and both Marie and Jameson mimic him. They both giggle as they wobble left to right, and you pull your phone out to catch a quick video. Marie shows no fear as the beluga opens his mouth right in front of her, while Jameson shrieks and jumps backwards. Marie presses a small kiss to the glass.

"Mummy, I gave him a kiss!" she shouted.

"I saw, baby! You're so silly!" You let them play a few minutes longer. "We have to get going, okay? We have to get home before Tom like we told him last night." They nod, and Marie waves to her new friend through the glass.

"Bye, baby bah-woo-ga, I sees you next time!" The beluga turns onto its side and waves his flipper at her and Jameson. Their eyes double in size and their jaws drop.

"Oh my gosh!! Mommy, he just waved to us!!"

~*~

You dance in the kitchen while preparing dinner. The kids are in the playroom, getting out the last of their energy before they go to bed after dinner. Your eyes light up and a smile takes your lips as you hear Tom's car pull into the driveway. There is no way you could mistake that engine.

Seconds later, he bursts trough the door, searching for you and finding you leaned against the counter waiting for him. In too few steps, he reaches you. He bends and picks you up from the back of your thighs, wrapping you around him. You yelp and laugh at his absolute silliness before he devours your lips. You wrap your arms around his neck, lacing your fingers into his hair. After a moment, he pulls away, breathless.

"I missed you so, you have no idea."

"Oh, I think I know now. We were only gone for one night, baby. You couldn't have missed us that much."

"I can and I did. It was far too quiet all alone, without you. And those beautiful children."

"What are you planning on doing when you have to go to LA and London for two weeks?"

"I'll surely go out of my mind, that's what."

You laugh again. "No wonder you did so well in drama class, Thomas."

He moans against your lips as he kisses you again. "I love when you say my name, say it again."

"Thomas. William. Hiddleston." You punctuate every word with a kiss. And you think for a moment he's going to take you on the counter right there, with the stove on and the kids upstairs in full hearing range.

Tom rests his forehead against yours and you both enjoy the peace for a moment. "I am so glad you're back home with me."

"Me too."

The moment ends abruptly as you hear small feet come down the stairs, one at a time. That's how you know its Marie. Her little legs could only step one stair at a time. She comes around the corner and her eyes brighten. "Daddy is home!" She runs over to him and wraps her chubby arms around his leg.

Tom lets go of you to pick her up. "There's my princess! I missed you so much!"

The whole daddy thing still kinda blows your mind. But Marie was like you. When she got it in her head, it stuck. So you might as well go with it. "Well...Daddy it is." You sighed with a smile as Marie snuggles into Tom's chest. He looks down at her with his own smile.

"It is. What do you think of that, mummy?"

You bite your lip, still smiling. "I think I like it quite a bit."
Tom sits on the bed with his head in his hands. He should be packing. Business in L.A. then home to London. But the only thing going through his mind is you. Leaving you and the children. For two weeks. He'd joked the day you came home from Chicago but he would go out of his mind. He'd spent every night with you for the last two, almost 3 months. He sighs and stands up, going to your drawers and pulling out one of your tee shirts. It smells like your laundry detergent but not like you. He puts the shirt back and moves to the basket in the closet, rummaging through for a tee that smells like you.

The whole house is subdued. Jameson plays with his dinner, only eats half then asks to be excused. Marie shadows Tom everywhere, even waiting outside the bathroom for him. Bed time is full of tears. And you can't even be in the same room. You abandon him to handle it himself. He finds you sitting on the back porch, looking out into the night sky.

"My darling, are you ok?"

You don't answer. You want to lie and tell him you're fine. But you don't trust your voice. He sits on the swing with you and draws your body into the circle of his arms. You discreetly wipe your tears. "I knew this day was coming. I tried to prepare myself, but I didn't want to think about you not being here."

"Love, this is different. I'm not leaving for good." He sighs. "This is something we must both get used to. You have your job and university. I have work." He touches your chin and turns your face. "But I promise that we will see each other as much as time will allow. I love you. I've never loved anyone in the way I love you. It's frightening and exhilarating."

"I love you. It's weird. As a fangirl, I fantasized about this very thing. I never thought how hard it might be."

Tom leans you and turns you to face him. "While you were in Chicago, I got you something. A surprise." He tugs a ring box from his pants pocket. Your heart stops. "A promise. A promise that I'll do whatever it takes to keep you. To make you mine. From now until forever. A promise of something more." He opens the box. In it rests a ruby ring. The stone is in the shape of a heart with four diamonds faceted around it. "You have my heart. And this will show everyone when I am not here."

Your hand is shaking as he slides the ring onto your finger then caresses his thumb over the backs of all your fingers.

"It's beautiful, Thomas."

"Not as beautiful as you." He kisses you. So deeply your toes curl and you're left breathless. "I'd like to spend my last night home next to your body. Clothed or naked. So long as I can touch you."
The two of you spend the night wrapped in each other, making love twice before finally giving into sleep. You fight it as long as possible, so desperate to spend every last waking second together before Tom had to leave. But after 3am, neither you nor Tom can even prop your eyes open.

Seven a.m. comes too early. Your own eyes are ringed with red already. When Tom opens his own eyes, they match yours. All you want is to make it a nice morning for him before he leaves. The last thing he needs is to be made to feel guilty for just doing his job. The very one that brought you together. You do your best to smile before you slip from under the covers. Not that you could do that so easily. Tom has you practically in a death grip with no intention of letting go soon.

"Good morning, baby."

"Good morning, my darling." Tom releases you. You slide off the bed and make your way into the bathroom to start getting ready. Tom sits up reluctantly. Sitting up means it's time to start the day. But today, starting the day means leaving you and Marie and Jameson. It's not a day he's looking forward to starting. Neither are you. But if you can just make it through today, it had to get easier, right?

Breakfast is awful. Marie refuses to eat anything, even her favorite. When she gets up from the table and heads for the stairs, you don't stop her. And Jameson's angry. "Why does he have to leave?"

Fortunately, Tom is upstairs finishing packing the last of his bag. "Jameson Wayne, that is enough! I have already told you. The whole reason we went to Chicago was to get passports, so we could go visit Tom in just a couple weeks. Now you stop it." He looks up at you with sad indignation and your heart falls to your stomach. You sigh heavily. You cross to the table and bend over to comfort him. "This is really hard on Mommy too, okay? But we're gonna see Tom again and soon. He's gonna take us all around London and see all those cool things you've only seen in books, like those big buses and the guards with the funny hats, remember? Don't worry. Things will be just fine in a couple weeks."

You kiss his forehead and hear Tom round the corner with his dark-haired, three-year old red-eyed shadow. Marie hasn't left his side. It wouldn't have surprised you if he'd brought her into the shower with him. Or if she'd fought her way in there to him. She's wearing new clothes than you'd originally dressed her in, so it had to be one or the other. She's latched on to the loose fabric of his jeans, whimpering. Tom walks to where you stand next to Jameson and kisses you.

"You have a little shadow." You manage a small smile.

"I noticed. Although she may be a little small to be mine." He reaches down to hold her little hand. Marie reaches up with both arms, scrambling for him to hold her up. He obliges and she wraps her arms around his neck as tight as she could. Tom places his hand gently on her back and nuzzles her temple. Your mom heart breaks, along with your own.

"Why you hafta go away? My fwiend's daddies don't hafta go away." Marie mumbles against Tom's shoulder. You see his face almost literally crumble at her words.

"Oh princess...I want nothing more than to stay, believe me. But, sometimes daddies, and mummies too, have to go to different places, all around the world so they can work and be able to have such lovely homes and beautiful clothes and dresses like you have. And I'm one of those daddies that has to do that."

Marie pulls back. "When are you coming back to stay wif me and Mummy and Jay?”

“Very soon, my princess. But first, you and Mummy and Jameson are coming to visit me, in London. Remember? We talked about it last night. And I said we were going to see where some of the other princess live, and show all the different places they visit in London. Do you remember that?”

Marie nods while you watch, struggling to keep it together for just a few more minutes. Then the kids will be at day care, and you won’t have to watch this painful scene. Your eyes burn and you bite your lip to keep your jaw from shaking. You glance over to Jameson who is obviously still upset. He gets up from the table and walks between you and Tom.

“Tom, I- I don’t want you to go away, even for a little bit.” Its all you can do to turn around to the sink before you give in to silent sobs. You drop your head, your arms propping you up on the edge of the counter. Jameson whips around to you, always having been a little more than keen on your movements. You were the only one around when he was a baby, so he knew them all. Tom steps right behind you, sliding his arm around your shoulders. “Darling? Are you-"

“I’m fine…I’m- I’ll be okay.” You reach one hand down to cup Jameson’s head and the other up to hold Tom’s wrist. “I’ll be fine. Everything will be all right.” You know part of the reason he's so upset is because of how upset you are.

“Mommy, how many days is two weeks?”

“It’s fourteen days, baby.” You turn back around.

He brings his hands up, counting his fingers. “Mommy look, it’s only this many days, plus four more. That’s all. See? Look, we can count it together until we leave.” Jameson always wanted you to feel better. He hates seeing you upset in any fashion.

You nod. “That sounds like a great idea, baby. We’ll keep track like that. Marie, too.”

Tom looks over at the kitchen clock and realizes the time. “It’s…it’s time for me to get going.” The moment nobody wants to actually face. Marie holds tighter to Tom’s shirt and starts to whimper. “Sweetheart, you have to go over to Mummy, all right?”

“No, I don’t wanna. I want you to stay!”

“Marie, please, come over to me. It’ll be all right.” Her tears start up again as she leans toward you, her face twisted. She falls into your shoulder. Your arms cradle her, resting her own head on top of hers. You watch as Tom’s expression almost matches hers, his face scrunching up trying to avoid crying. At least until he's out the door where the kids can’t see him. He leans forward and plants a kiss on her cheek.

“I love you, my princess. I’ll see you in just two weeks.”

“I yove you, Daddy.”

He kneels down to Jameson, who throws his arms around his neck. Tom hugs him back. “I love you too, Jameson. You’ll see me again before you know it, okay?”

“Okay. You promise?”

“Of course I promise. And I’ll show you everything there is to see in London.” Jameson pulls back and nods.

Now it's your turn. Tom stands back up, but seems smaller somehow. His eyes are shining again, and he’s set his jaw to stop the trembling. You slide your free hand around his neck and he wraps his around your waist.

There aren’t really a lot of words. You certainly don’t have any, at least. “This is so stupid. We’re all going to see you again in just two weeks.” You sniffle and shake your head. Tom slides one hand up your back and rubs the back of your neck. “I love you.”

“I love you too. I’ll miss you.”

You glance at the clock. “You’re gonna miss your flight if you don’t hurry.”

Tom leans in for one last kiss. It's soft and slow and desperate. Like he's already missing you before he’s even left. A tear lands on your cheek but it's not yours. You both pull back and press your foreheads together.

“You’re gonna miss your plane, baby. You have to go.” You reach to wipe his cheek and he kisses your palm.

“I know…I’m…I’m going. I am.” He leans forward for one more kiss, this one shorter. “I love you.”

“I love you too.” Still carrying Marie, you walk him to the door. He picks up his bag slowly. Tom reaches for you one last time and breathes you in as much as possible. “Call me when you land, okay?”

“I will. It won’t be until later this evening. Layovers and all that.”

You nod. You tell each other you love each other again. It's never enough, especially this morning. Tom backs out the door slowly. You watch him toss his bag into the passenger side of the car then walk around to his side. He looks up one more time and Marie picks her head up from your shoulder. She waves. “Bye Daddy, I see you yater.” Tom blows a kiss back while Marie drops her head and snuggles back to you. You mouth “I love you” to Tom as he drops into the drivers seat, closes the door, and slowly backes out of the driveway. This is going to be the longest two weeks of your life.
That night when Tom calls, the kids are already in bed. You had sat up working on your dissertation waiting for him to call.

"I'm sorry I didn't call when I got in. They bumped up one of the meetings for today."

"It's alright. It's just good to hear your voice."

"I've got meetings all day tomorrow then Wednesday I'm flying home to London."

"You need your rest then."

"Yes but I want you on the line for a little bit longer. I've a layover in Indianapolis. It's only an hour and a half. Would you come see me?"

"Oh baby. I don't think I can handle saying goodbye again."

"Oh. Alright." You hear the disappointment in his voice. "I miss you terribly."

"I miss you too. Bedtime was not happy. They're both in our bed."

"I'm sorry, love." He sighs. "Tomorrow night, I'll call earlier. Perhaps we can Skype."

"They'll love that." You draw your knees up in the chair, looking over at the love seat. He'd taken all the books back and the guitar was gone. You can't help the emptiness you feel. And suddenly, you begin to cry.

"Baby? Are you alright?"

"No. I'm not alright. I miss you. I never thought it would be this hard."

"Oh darling, I miss you too. Please don't cry." You sniffle. "Come to Indy Wednesday. Have lunch with me. Let me hold you one more time before putting an ocean between us."

"I'll have to check my schedule."

"Alright." You hear shuffling. "I'm dead on my feet."

"Go to bed, Thomas."

"Yes, love. Night then. I love you."

"Night. I love you."

Tuesday night, you Skype with him. The kids seem better. They laugh and cut up with him on the cam. Your mood even lightens. The kids actually sleep in their own beds. You aren't able to get Wednesday off. And it kills you that he's so close and you can't get to him. And really can't talk to him expect during layovers. But the rest of the week is filled with texts and Skype chats. A few even turn a bit steamy. Only one more week away from him.
Tom loads up his laptop to check his email. You immediately call. Your eyes are red like you've been crying. Your nose is swollen as well.

"Darling, what's wrong?"

"Tom, can you come back? Please. I need you."

"Are the children alright? Has something happened?" You nod and he watches helplessly as you begin bawling again. Panic wells in his chest. "Are you hurt? Please, darling. Answer me."

You sniffle and gasp then take a deep breath. You wipe your tears. "It's Mike."

"Oh my god, darling, is he ok?"

You shake your head and bite your lip. "No. No, he's not. He, uh, his humvee hit an IED. He's gone, Tom."

"I'll be there as soon as I can." You nod again. "Have you told the children yet?" You shake your head. "Don't. Not until I get there."

You exchange I love yous before getting off. You needed to rest and grieve. And he had calls to make.
Thank god for Amy. You call her after getting off chat with Tom and she comes over to help you. With an overnight bag, no less. "Honey, I'm so sorry." You open the door for her. She pulls you into a tight hug. The kids are asleep just up the stairs so you try to keep from crying. She spends the night on the opposite side of your bed while you lay awake, almost unable to think. You guess it will be at the very earliest, tomorrow night late when Tom will get in. And that's if he was able to even get a flight this late.

Mike is gone. The thing you feared most happened. At first, you couldn't even believe it. When you got the call, you were so confused. Your Mike? There's no way. They must have him confused with someone else. But when they stated his full name, Michael Wayne Bowman, you know it had to be him. How could he be so stupid? You told him to be careful. Don't do anything stupid like getting blown up, you'd told him. Don't, don't, don't. Why did he have to be gone, and not, as awful as you think you probably sound, Jimmy? Yes, he's the father of your children. He's also a deadbeat asshole who may or may not be responsible for hurting young women and who attacked you in your own front yard.

Amy gets the kids up the next morning and ready for daycare. Marie has gotten better and is happy to see Aunt Amy. Jameson is a little more wary. "Where's Momma?"

"She's just upstairs in bed, sweetie pie. She wasn't feeling good and called me and said she would need help getting you guys up and to school."

He makes a face at her answer. "I'm gonna go check on her. I want to make sure she's okay." He hops up from his chair and heads up the stairs. "Momma? Are you okay?"

Jameson's voice interrupts your thoughts and you sit up in bed to see him. "Monkey, what are you doing up here? You need to finish getting ready for school."

"Momma, why are you crying? Is it because you miss Tom?"

You hate nothing more in life than being dishonest with your children. But you have to for now. "Yeah, baby, I do." At least it wasn't an out-and-out lie.

"I'll stay home from school today with you, so you're not lonely." You think your heart will burst as he walks around to you and climbs up the comforter. He snuggles into your chest and you wrap your arms around him. It kills you. It's like having a little piece of Mike there with you and it breaks your heart all over again. Jameson pulls back and raises his fingers. He studies them for a minute, counting, before showing you nine of them. "Momma, look- we only have nine more days until we go see Tom in London. It's not so bad, huh?"

You lift a hand and rub his cheek with your thumb. He smiles, wanting you to feel better. "Yeah...it's not so bad. You're right." Jameson snuggles back down to you. "But you can't stay home with me today, Monkey. You know how important school is. And Tom would be upset if he knew you didn't go."

"I don't want you to be upset by yourself, Momma. I don't want to go to school."

"I'll be okay, sweetie. I won't be alone. Aunt Amy is here with me. She's gonna stay today and we're gonna hang out and do boring momma stuff you wouldn't like anyway. You'd be so bored, you'll wish you had gone to school."

He isn't really buying much of it but Jameson knows you would make him go. He pulls you into a hug. "I love you, Momma. I'll see you after school. Maybe we can go get ice cream. That always makes me feel better."

"Of course, baby. Maybe we'll do that, you, me, and Marie."

He lets go of you as Amy calls up the stairs that it was time to go, and he slips off the bed to head out the door.

You have to get up and at least shower or something. Standing under the hot spray, you worry about how to tell the kids. It's going to be a rough couple of days.

Amy leaves shortly after your shower, so she can make sure you eat. You choke down a bagel and cream cheese. But it tastes like ashes in your mouth. Mike is gone. Your one constant throughout all your ups and downs. You hold onto the counter as the tears take you again. The phone rings and it's a welcome distraction.

Thank god, it's Tom. "I'm so glad it's you."

"My love, have you been crying again?"

You sniff. "Yes. But it's less frequently now."

"I've got good news. Luke and Christian were able to juggle my appointments and auditions. I'll be in Indianapolis tomorrow evening."

"Oh thank god." The relief you feel brings you to the floor. You sink done with your back against the cabinet. "Let me know when your flight arrives."

"I'm sorry you're going through this."

"You'll be here soon." There's a rapid knocking at the door. "Someone's here. I've gotta go."

"I love you. I'll call from the airport."

"I love you too, baby."

The person knocks again. "I'm coming." You sniff and wipe your eyes. You don't recognize the gentleman on your porch. "Can I help you?"

"I'm from the benefits division of the United States Army. Are you (Y/n)?"

"Yes?"

"Could I come in?"

"Uh, yes of course." You unlatch the screen door. The short, blocky man steps in and you lead him to the couch in the living room.

"Let me start off by saying I'm sorry for your loss."

"Thank you."

"Staff Sergeant Bowman was a an excellent solider and person."

"I know."

"Now, I just have a few papers for you to sign and I'll release your check. The funeral home has already received theirs."

"Check? I don't understand."

"Staff Sergeant Bowman named you as his sole beneficiary."

"What? What about his parents?"

"Afraid not. Looks like you've been his beneficiary since he signed the contract. In '98?" That mother fucker. "So if you'll just sign here?" The man holds out a pen to you. You sigh and sign. Dammit, Michael Wayne. "Aren't you going to ask how much it is?"

"My best friend since I was 12 died, sir. Money can't change that."

"I'm sorry, ma'am." He hands you an envelope. "Once again, I'm sorry for your loss, miss." He stands and salutes. You leave the envelope on the table then let him out.

The phone rings. It's Wade. "Hey, bub."

"Hey, doll. How you holding up?"

"I'm alive. Amy got the kids off to daycare for me. Mike's parents stopped by on their way home from the funeral home. And a guy from the army just left."

"What did he want?"

"Mike made me his beneficiary. He was having me sign for a check."

"Are you sure, doll? They don't usually do that unless it's a large amount."

You sigh and close your eyes, pressing the bridge of your nose between your fingers. "I don't know how much it is, Wade." There's a knock on the door. "I've gotta go."

Jack peeks his head in the door. "You up for company?"

"Come on in, pop." Jack pulls you into his arms and hugs you tight.

"I'm sorry, honey." You just let him hold you for a while. "When is Tom coming back?"

"He's flying in tomorrow." Jack rubs your back.

"Good. I don't want you going through this alone."

You wipe your eyes. "How are you and Denise holding up about Jimmy?"

"I've put up with a great deal from Jamestown, but I told him he's no son of mine. Denise is a mess. You think we could get the rugrats for a few days?"

"Can you wait until after the funeral?"

"Of course. Or we could take them tonight and tomorrow night."

"I - uh, yea. That's fine."

Jack packs a bag for the kids, leaving you to field a visit from Jason. The rest of the evening is filled with visits from townspeople and family. Bringing covered dishes and flowers. You and Mike had been inseparable since 6th grade. Everyone pretty much treated you as his widow. If Tom hadn't come into your life, you probably would be. But Tom has your heart.

You stare at the stuffed fridge trying to play tetris with the food. Your phone rings. The picture of you and Tom at the fair pops up. "I love you."

"Well that's a wonderful thing to hear. I love you too, darling."

"It's a long day."

"I can't imagine. I'm getting ready to board. Want me to call you when we land in New York?"

"Yes. But if I don't answer, it's only because I'm sleeping. Jack and Denise took the kids for the night."

"Alright, love." He sighs. "I can't wait to hold you in my arms."

"I miss you like crazy. I love you."

"I love you."
Close to midnight, your phone chimes. It's Tom. *Are you awake love? -T.*

You smile and squint at the glaring screen. *I am*

Your ringtone goes off seconds later and you slide to answer it. "Hi you."

"Darling. How are you? You must be in bed. You sound so tired."

"I am. My eyes are killing me, but I wanted to wait to hear you and make sure you got in safe."

"How did I ever get so lucky to find you, my sweet girl?"

"About as lucky as I was."

You smile. As awful as you still feel, Tom seems to have a way to soothe you. It's what you need most at a time like this.

"Are you checked in to a hotel?"

"Not yet, darling. I'm waiting for a cab. I've tried to get an earlier flight home tomorrow, but nothing worked out. I'm so sorry."

"It's okay, baby."

"No, I hate that you're alone right now. Not even the children there or anything."

"I'll be fine. You'll be here soon and everything will be fine." The truth is you're a ball of distraught and angst. And even though Tom makes you feel better, he can't bring back your best friend. You trade goodbyes and 'I love yous' and hang up.

Tom is beside himself. You ache so deeply and he knows it, no matter how much you tried to cover it up. He feels useless. Nothing he can say can comfort you enough. He understands grief. He has lost important people in his life before, so he understands the well of pain you're drawing from.

He thinks about the times he met Mike before he shipped out. How jealous he was and for no reason. How much attention and love he showered on your little ones. And how at their last meeting, they made peace with each other. Tom thinks about what he told Mike at the party that night, that he would always treat you and the kids better than they could ever hope for. Lying in bed that night, he makes up his mind that he'll do everything possible to make that Mike's legacy.
"Darling? Where are you?” He wasted no time getting to your house from the airport. He didn’t call because he didn’t want you driving, either. The house is quiet without Marie and Jameson there. Tom listens carefully and finally hears you upstairs in bed.

“I’m up here.” Tom drops his bags and takes the stairs two at a time to reach you. As he pushes the bedroom door open, he sees you laying on your side of the bed curled up in a ball, your pillow tucked under your head.

“Oh, darling.” He breathes out, saddened by the sight of you. A wave of grief had washed over you when you came home from work and the house was empty and quiet.

“Hi baby.” Pushing a deep breath out, Tom crosses the room and crawls into the bed, wrapping around you and pulling you close. He kisses your forehead and tucks your head under his chin. You slip your arms around him and breathe him in. His cologne is nothing but wisps at that point, but you still detect it and it comforts you. You grip his shirt with one hand and try to wipe your tears away with the other.

You lay there together in silence for a while. It's such a relief to have Tom there, to know you weren’t alone. You break the peace gently. “How are we gonna tell the kids?”

Tom takes a deep breath and strokes your back. “I don’t know, love. It’s not going to be easy, is it?”

You shake your head. “It’s gonna be awful. They’ve never had this happen before. I don’t know how they’re gonna take it. Before you, I could swear Marie was shades away from calling Mike ‘daddy’.” That makes Tom smile a little. The notion that Marie compared him to Mike is one he likes because he knows how much she loves him.

You both fall silent again before telling Tom about yesterday. “Someone came by yesterday from the Army. Mike apparently made me his beneficiary.”

Tom pulls back and brushes the hair out of your face. “He did?”

“Yeah. The guy made me sign for a check.”

“Really? Darling, that sounds like something rather serious. Have you put it in the bank yet?”

“No, it’s still downstairs on the table. I don’t know how much it’s for. It doesn’t really matter. It won’t bring him back.” You fight back tears again. Tom pulls you close again and shushes you, rubbing your back up and down. He knows it will be a while before you're okay, but he wants you to be all right by tomorrow. The kids will come home then. And tomorrow wil not go down easy.
Jack gives Jameson and Marie one more hug before leaving. Tom steps out of the den to shrieks of delight. They attack him and nearly bowl him over. It's a ray of light in the darkness.

The joy of Tom's unexpected homecoming falls short. Jameson cries when you and Tom pull him into your lap and tell him about Mike. It breaks your heart all over again. You hate to see him like this. He holds you tight then goes to Tom and won't let go. Tom hushes him and rubs his back and lets your boy cry and snot all over his shoulder. Marie comes in, thinking her brother is in trouble. You pull her onto your lap and tell her. She cries then wipes her face.

"Nana Boo wiw take care of Uncy Mikey." Nana Boo was the dog you'd had up until this spring when she got hit by a car. You pull her close and squeeze her, the tears starting all over again with the image of Mike and the pit bull rolling around in the yard. She pushes you back and takes your face. "It be ok, mummy. Daddy wiw make you happy gan." You sniff and nod. She kisses your nose like you do her when she's sad then slides off your lap to go play.

You manage to keep it together during the funeral but the tears are right there ready to fall, like a dam about to break. That is until the soldiers who fold his flag on his casket present it to you and salute. You clutch it to your chest and bend over. The sobs tighten your chest and twist your face. Wade takes Marie from Tom, so he can lean down and whisper comforting words to you. His large hand rubs your back. Tom feels useless to help, your face buried in one shoulder, Jameson's in the other. Mike's parents, his brother and you lay your roses on the casket.
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Surreal Moments