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Insecurities	By : angelicmalfoy Category: Singers/Bands/Musicians > Busted Views: 1350 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. I do not know the members of Busted. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 1-Insecurities
- 1
TITLE: Insecurities
RATING: NC-17
PAIRING: Matt Jay/James Bourne
DISCLAIMER: As far as I know, this never happened. It’s a fictional piece of work.
FEEDBACK: Much desired and appreciated.
SUMMARY: James knows that Matt loves him, so why does he let insecurity get such a firm hold on him?

Insecurities

As they sat in the hotel bar, Charlie turned to James. “Those poor girls. I wonder how many of them think they’re in with a chance.”

He indicated the area around the actual bar, where their band-mate wasrounrounded by a group of five girls. All of them were giggling at what Matt was saying, though it was clear that all five were “competing” with each other at the same time.

James sighed. “I don’t know…the brunette’s pretty.”

“James.” Charlie forced James to look at him. “Aren’t you spotting a slight problem?”

“Well, he did have Holly…”

“And you had Kara.” Charlie shook his head. “Trust me; you have nng tng to worry about.”

As he said this, Matt came over and dropped into the chair next to James. “Well, that was…interesting.”

“What, have you left them all to fight over who you liked best?” Charlie smirked.

“They can do what they like. I know who I’m leaving with.” Matt smiled at James as he said this.

James forced himself to smile back. “Isn’t it a little unfair, Mattie?”

“How?” Matt drank some of his pint before continuing. “It’s not like they were after me for me, is it?”

James looked up to see the brunette he had noticed before staring at the group. Or, more specifically, staring at Matt. He let out a slight growl, fighting back the urge to grab Matt and leave.

Matt looked more closely at James. “What’s up, J?”

“Hmm? Oh, nothing.” James turned to stare at his drink. “It’s nothing.”

Matt glanced around, trying to spot what had riled his boyfriend. Spotting the brunette, he turned back to James. “Are you worried because of those girls?”

“I tried telling him not to be,” Charlie offered.

Matt placed a hand on James’ arm. “Believe me, J, I’m not interested.”

“Hmm.” James looked up at this. “The padlock isn’t showing.”

Matt leant in a little closer and whispered, “There’s a journalist over in the corner by the bar. He’s interviewed us before, and I didn’t think you’d want him hearing me explain why I have a padlock with James’ bitch on it.”

James let out a soft sigh, knowing that Matt was only trying to do what he could to protect them. In a murmur, he said, “I hate that we have to pretend.”

“So do I,” Matt sighed. He downed the rest of his pint before asking, “Should we go somewhere else?”

“Sounds a good plan,” Charlie agreed. “Might get Matt’s little fan club off our backs.”

James tensed at this term, but still nodded. “Okay. Let’s go.”

~*~

An hour later, the three friends were in a club. Matt was a lot more relaxed now, unafraid to show that James and he were a couple.

Still, James couldn’t shake off his fear. The “fan club” had followed them, and despite Matt being as obvious as he could without shagging his boyfriend in the middle of the room, they didn’t seem to be getting the hint.

As he noticed the brunette staring at Matt for what must have been the hundredth time, James slammed his empty glass onto the bar. She was really starting to piss him off now, and he was seriously tempted to do something about it.

Matt noticed the scowl on James’ face. Grabbing his boyfriend’s hand, he ordered, “Come on.”

Charlie smiled as he watched Matt drag James onto the dance floor. James seemed reluctant, but Charlie knew that Matt would get him to relax soon enough.

Out on the dance floor, James had to bit back a moan as Matt danced sensually around him, rubbing his ass against James’ crotch. James knew what his boyfriend was trying to achieve with it, but as far as he was concerned, all it was doing was making him incredibly horny.

He pulled Matt back closer against him, whispering, “You are one hot fucking muppet.”

Matt smiled as his lips brushed past James’ ear. “Yep. I’m also your hot fucking muppet.”

James groaned at this. “Fuck, Mattie. Can’t wait to have you…”

Matt turned round in James’ grasp, knowing what his boyfriend meant. “What about Charlie?”

“He can look after himself.” James pressed his body against Matt’s, whispering, “See how badly I want you?”

Matt swaed, ed, knowing that they had to leave – otherwise he and James really would end up shagging in the middle of the room. Taking James’ hand, he led his boyfriend over to where Charlie was now surrounded by the “fan club”.

Ignoring them, Matt walked over to Charlie and whispered, “James and I are leaving.”

Charlie nodded. “Okay, I’ll see you at breakfast. I can’t say I’m that keen to watch you two in this state,” he teased.

Matt smirked. “I don’t know what you mean. See you tomorrow, Chaz.”

As he moved to leave, he felt a hand on his arm. He sighed as he turned to be faced with the brunette. “Hmm?”

The brunette didn’t speak, instead tilting her head and moving in to try and kiss him. Matt stepped back in order to avoid her succeeding. “What the hell do you think you’re doing?”

“Mattie…” The brunette stepped closer again. “I want you.”

Matt let out a frustrated sigh. “For fuck’s sake, how much more obvious do I have to make it? I’m. Already. Taken.”

As he said this, James grabbed his arm. “Come on, Mattie.”

Matt allowed James to lead him away, shaking his head. “I thought it was meant to be blondes who were dumb – no offence.”

James stopped, turned and kissed Matt roughly. “Forget her. You can join me in the mental image of me fucking you into the mattress of the hotel bed.”

Matt groaned softly at this. “Please tell me thatoingoing to be more than a mental image soon?”

James smiled as he grabbed Matt’s hand again, leading him out of the club as he replied, “Count on it.”

~*~

The taxi ride back to the hotel seemed to take an eternity. Even with all the kissing, even with hands roving over each other’s bodies, the couple needed more.

It had registered with Matt – briefly – that maybe they shouldn’t be letting the taxi driver see them like this. Then James had kissed him again and he no longer cared.

As they reached the hotel, Matt forced himself to pull himself together a little. As he paid the driver, he turned to James. “Remember, we have to be careful in there.”

James moved to gently nip Matt’s shoulder. “Careful? Why? Your fan club’s with Charlie.”

Matt forced James to look at him. “They might be, but the journalist probably isn’t.”

James smirked. “He’s probably seen all he needs to. You really think he’d miss the chance to get the scoop on our ‘wild night out’?”

Matt let out a frustrated sigh as he got out of the taxi, knowing that James had a point. “Stupid fucking media!”

James followed him out of the taxi, reaching for his hand. “I was joking. I mean, I didn’t see him.”

“Doesn’t mean he wasn’t there.” Matt swallowed, trying to think. “We’re going to need a cover…okay, if we’re asked, we were both very drunk.”

James rolled his eyes. “Fine, we have our cover for the stupid public. Now come on – there’s a mattress up there that’s waiting for you to be fucked into it.”

This was enough to stop Matt worrying. He followed James into the hotel, both lads refusing to make eye contact with or even look at anyone as they headed for the lift.

The lift seemed to take twice as long as the taxi had. The two lads were thankful that they were the only ones in there, since they seemed unable to keep from groping each other.

When the lift finally reached their floor, the two lads stumbled out and almost ran to Matt’s room – it being the first of their two rooms that they got to. Matt fumbled for the key, desperately trying to ignore James as his boyfriend pressed his hard-on against Matt’s ass.

James smiled as he sucked at Matt’s neck. “Come on, muppet.”

Matt finally found his room key and quickly opened the door. As soon as he did so, James grabbed his hand and pulled him inside.

It wasn’t long before both lads were stripped. As James forced Matt down onto the bed, he smiled. Matt was so beautiful – and, James reminded himself as he climbed onto the bed himself – was also his.

“Mine,” he murmured, almost to himself.

“Yours,” Matt confirmed as he pulled James down to kiss him.

James smiled against his boyfriend’s lips as he deepened the kiss. He allowed their bodies to brush past each other, delighting in the groan torn from Matt’s throat as a result.

His hands trailed down Matt’s chest, gently skating over his nipples. He kissed down the side of Matt’s jaw to his neck, and felt a hand snake into his hair.

Matt felt as though every inch of his skin was on fire. The parts that weren’t burning under James’ touch were burning with the desire that they soon would be. He moaned as he murmured, “Want you so much, J.”

“Mattie, I want you.”

James had to force himself not to freeze as the brunette’s words suddenly flew into his mind. He moved to kiss Matt again, hoping that he could shake off the images of Brunette that were trying to take hold of his mind.

“Mattie…”

Matt’s eyes opened in time to see James mouth whatever it was he’d meant to say next. He was about to ask, but any question was cut off as he felt a hand travel down to his inner thigh. He let out a soft moan, pressing a kiss to James’ shoulder.

James made himself focus on his boyfriend. His sexy, wonderful, loyal boyfriend, who would never –

“Mattie”

As Brunette’s voice sounded in his head again, James inadvertently dug his nails into Matt’s thigh.

Matt let out a sharp gasp. “J!”

James bit his lip. “Sorry, Mattie.”

He moved to kiss the damaged skin, already noticing the deep half-moons that he had cut into Matt’s skin. As he licked the marks, he felt Matt arch up a little. James placed a tantalising kiss to Matt’s erection before turning his attention back to the thigh, and was rewarded with Matteauteautiful cry. Damn, he was lucky – everything about Matt was perfection to him.

And to her.

This time, James instantly sat up. Why had he suddenly thought that? Mattie was here, with him, he had told Brunette where to go. So why?

Matt used his elbows to prop himself up a little. “J? What’s wrong?”

James looked down at Matt’s obvious concern, feeling a little silly. “It…it’s nothing. Really.”

Hoping to close the matter, he moved to kiss Matt again. The desire in his boyfriend’s kiss was enough to confirm that James had succeeded. In a low voice, he asked, “How ready for me are you, muppet?”

“Give me everything.” Matt nuzzled James’ neck. “I can’t wait for fingers.”

James smiled as he kissed Matt briefly. “You’re so impatient, Mattie.”

“I’d be less impatient if things didn’t take so long,” Matt returned.

James grinned as he moved to retrieve the lubricant from his jeans. As he climbed back onto the bed, he was instantly pulled into another kiss.

Matt locked eyes with James. “How do you want me?”

James began to oil himself as he replied, “Wrap your legs around my waist. That way I get to see more of you.”

Matt smiled as he complied. “Works for me.”

Once James was ready, he gently eased himself into Matt’s body. He heard Matt’s groan and stroked his cheek. “My beautiful muppet.”

Matt’s hands gripped at the bed sheets as James pushed himself in further, the slow pace threatening to drive him insane. “James…”

James met Matt’s gaze as he pulled out as slowly as he’d pushed in. “Yes, muppet?”

“James, please,” Matt moaned. “Can’t take this…”

James pushed in again, using a little more force this time. As Matt tried to push against him, James gripped his hips. “Easy, muppet.”

Matt moaned wordlessly as James continued at a steady pace, longing for his lover to fulfil his earlier promise.

As James began to lose himself in Matt, an image of Brunette flashed in his mind again. He gritted his teeth and thrust harder, forcing his attention back to Matt. His Matt. His little muppet.

His little muppet with her.

His grip on Matt’s hips tightened and his thrusts became even harder, as though James was trying to fuck the images out of his head.

His little muppet fucked by her.

As James’ mind delved deeper into his insecurities, he gripped even more tightly to Matt. He was barely aware of what he was doing as he tried to block the thoughts out. Matt loved him; he didn’t need anyone else. Hadn’t Matt made a point of showing people who he belonged to?

“We were both very drunk”

Anger now stirred amidst the fear – this was all Matt’s fault. Stupid Matt and his need to keep the public happy. He belonged to James; James should be his first priority.

His thrusts were becoming frantic now as he tried to drive the insecurity and anger away. Through the haze that seemed to have settled around him, he could sense something nagging at him. He tried to ignore it, but when the nagging turned into someone pushing him away, he roused with a thud.

He blinked as he realised he was no longer on top of Matt – or even on the bed at all. He was about to demand what the hell Matt was playing at, but when he finally looked at his boyfriend, words left him. Matt – his beloved Mattie – was in tears, and his hips and upper legs were do wit with red where nails had broken skin. The look in Matt’s eyes was a mixture of fear, confusion and pain.

James stood up shakily, unable to believe what he had done. He loved Matt – how could he have let this happen?

Matt winced as he tried and failed to up, his voice thick with concern and pain as he demanded, “What the fuck was that, J?”

James couldn’t answer. His throat choked with tears as he realised how he’d let his insecurities control him. As he snatched up his clothes, he uttered, “I…I’m sorry,” before running out of the room.

~*~

The next morning, Charlie and Matt were sat in the hotel dining room. Charlie could tell that something was wrong with Matt – his usually lively friend was almost silent – but he couldn’t bring himself to ask.

However, as he saw Matt shift in his chair for what must have been at least the twentieth time, Charlie couldn’t help but speak up. “Matt, what’s up? I know you’ve never been one for sitting still, but this is bad even for you.”

“I can’t help it!” Matt snapped. He sighed as he glanced yet again at the dining room doors, offering a tetchy, “Sorry.”

Charlie’s concern grew at this. “It’s okay…but where is James, anyway?”

Matt sighed. “Still in his room, probably.” He ran a hand through his hair, wincing as he did so. “I should go and talk to him.”

Without giving Charlie a chance to reply, Matt stood and walked out as quickly as the pain would let him. He wasn’t entirely surprised when Charlie followed him.

Charlie placed a hand on Matt’s arm. “What’s happened, Matt? Did you two have a fight or something?”

Matt ed ued until they were in the lift before replying. “I don’t know what happened.”

He pulled down the waistband of his jeans a little, letting Charlie see the red mark at the top of his hipbone. As he covered it again, he said, “One on each side, come down to here.” He motioned to just below his thigh. “And don’t even get me started on the rest of it.”

Charlie’s eyes widened. “James?”

Matt nodded. “I don’t know what got into him last night. I don’t even know if he was with me – he seemed so far away.”

Charlie frowned. “I’m sure he didn’t mean to hurt you. Not like this.”

“So am I.” Matt sighed as the lift doors opened at the requested floor. “Which is why I need to talk to him. If he’ll listen.”

“How do you mean?”

Matt bit his lip. “I tried to get him to talk to me last night, but he wouldn’t.”

“Maybe he was afraid you’d be angry with him.” Charlie squeezed Matt’s shoulder. “I’m going to phone Camilla. I’m sure you and James will work this out.”

“Thanks, Charlie. Say hi to her for me.”

Charlie smiled. “I will.”

As he watched Charlie walk into his room, Matt sighed. Gathering his courage, he moved to knock on James’ door.

James looked up as he heard the knock. Sighing softly, he called out, “Just a minute!” before pulling on the boxers and jeans he’d just thrown onto a chair the night before.

As he walked to the door, he felt his heart thumping.

He’s come to shout at you.

James’ hand paused above the doorknob. Was he ready for Matt to have a go at him?

For fuck’s sake, James, it’s Matt. Just talk to him!

As anotsideside of his brain fought back, James pulled the door open and braced himself for his boyfriend’s anger.

Matt looked closely at James when he laid eyes on him. If he knew his boyfriend, he wouldn’t have slept – and the tired air around James told him he was right.

Sounding almost a little afraid, he asked, “Can we talk?”

James nodded, standing back to let Matt in. He felt almost physically sick as he saw the pain in every move his boyfriend made – pain that had been caused by him and his stupid insecurity. In a voice filled with regret, he whispered, “I’m so sorry, Mattie.”

Matt sighed. “What happened, J? Why wouldn’t you listen to me? I yelled, I begged you, I screamed and you wouldn’t stop.”

James looked down guiltily. “I…I didn’t hear you.”

Matt winced as he sat on James’ bed. He motioned for James to sit by him. “Where were you, J? Cos mentally, you can’t have been with me.”

James bit his li he he sat down. “It’s gonna sound so stupid…”

Matt wrapped an arm around his boyfriend. “If it’s upset you, then it’s not stupid.”

James took Matt’s hand in his own, holding it tightly as he explained, “I kept seeing and hearing that brunette…with you.”

Matt’s eyes widened. “J, you know I wasn’t interested. I have all I’m ever going to want or need.”

James bit back a sob. “I know, Mattie. But I couldn’t help it. I just…” He tried to pull away. “I don’t deserve you.”

Matt, however, didn’t let go. “Hey! I’ll be the judge of that, and you deserve me.” He forced James to meet his gaze. “I wish you’d said something.”

Another sob threatened as James replied. “I couldn’t. I feel so stupid, but I couldn’t.”

Matt pulled James closer. “Okay. But we have to work out how to stop it happening again.” He bit his lip. “I was so scared I’d knock you out or something when I threw you off me.”

“I’d have deserved it.” James gently ran a finger down Matt’s leg, tracing the path of the scratch mark. “I never meant to hurt you, Mattie.”

Matt gently kissed his boyfriend. “I know. Just…promise me, if you ever find yourself getting that worked up again, stop and tell me. I’ll mind less than if you do this to me again.”

James finally allowed tears to flow freely. “I promise, Mattie. Just tell me you don’t hate me.”

“I could never hate you.” Matt hugged James as tightly as he could. “I love you too much.”

“I lyou you too, Mattie. I love you so much that sometimes I can’t help but be scared of losing you.”

Matt sighed as he kissed the top of James’ head. “What can I do to prove that I’m yours?”

James looked up at this. “Just promise me you’ll never leave me.”

Matt looked into James’ eyes as he replied, “I promise.”

~*~

That evening, the three band-mates were in the hotel bar again. This time, however, Matt was being a lot more open about things – for a start, he had left the padlocked chain outside of his shirt so that everyone could see who he belonged to.

Even so, James’ heart sank as he saw the same five girls from the previous night walk in. He glanced at Matt, who squeezed his hand reassuringly. “Forget her. She’ll never have your muppet.”

James smiled at this. “Thank you, Mattie.”

Charlie rolled his eyes. “I know I should have brought Camilla with us.”

Matt smirked. “Is poor Charlie-boy feeling left out?”

“Shut up, Matt.” Charlie smacked Matt’s leg, reacting without really thinking about what he was doing.

Matt inhaled sharply before smacking Charlie in the arm. “That hurt, you bastard!”

Charlie instantly realised what he’d done. “Shit, sorry Matt. I forgot.”

“It’s okay.” Matt’s voice clearly reflected the amount of pain he was in.

James gave him a concerned look. “Are you okay?”

Matt nodded. “I’ll be fine…just don’t ask me to move in the next ever.”

Charlie bis lis lip. “I’m really sorry, man. I guess I’m just used to you being able to take it.”

“Really, Charlie, forget it.” Matt grinned as he finally managed to control the pain so that it didn’t overwhelm him. “If you’ve lost the feeling in your arm, I’m happy.”

“Not quite, though I wish I had.” Charlie shook his head. “I’m gonna have fun explaining this one to Camilla.”

“Hey! When she finds out where it came from, she’ll be asking why I didn’t hit you harder.”

James shook his head as Matt and Charlie started one of their tamer play-fights. “When you two are quite done.”

Matt plastered an innocent look onto his face. “He started it!”

Charlie raised an eyebrow. “Oh, because he wasn’t taking your side anyway?”

James smiled. “He has a point there, Mattie.”

Matt grinned as he lifted James’ hand and kissed the back of it. “Thank you, oh Gracious One.”

Charlie rolled his eyes. “I’ll get the next round, then.”

James smiled. “Thanks, Charlie.”

Matt smirked as Charlie left for the bar. “I tell you something, if looks could kill we’d be six feet under.”

James glanced round and saw the group of girls staring at them. Smiling a little, he turned back and kissed Matt. “Well if they insist on watching…”

Matt nodded. “You think I should go and educate them in the padlock?”

“Nah. They don’t deserve to know.”

Matt pulled James closer so that the younger lad was leaning over the table. “Alright, then I’ll just have to kiss you again instead.”

~*~

As the hotel bar closed, James stood and offered a hand to Matt. “Come on. You can’t sit there all night.”

Matt allowed James to help him stand, gratefully accepting the arm around his waist as he bit down on his lip to try and bite back the pain further down.

James gently freed Matt’s lip from his teeth. “Don’t do that, baby.” In a lower voice, he added, “That’s my job.”

Matt smiled. “Sorry, J. It was either that or me waking the entire building as I screamed in agony.”

A guilty shadow crossed James’ face. “I’m really sorry about that.”

“I know.” Matt kissed his boyfriend gently. “Unfortunately, it doesn’t stop it from hurting like hell.”

Charlie let out an over-exaggeratedly impatient sigh. “Come on, you two. I know you’re an old invalid, Matt, but still…”

Matt shot a challenging look at Charlie. “You want a matching bruise on the other arm?”

Charlie pretended to consider this before retorting, “I’d say yes if I though they would match.”

Matt pouted, turning to James as he said, “He’s only saying that cos I can’t fight back.”

James laughed, hugging Matt to him. “Never mind, Mattie. Just think, he doesn’t get to share a bed with anyone tonight.”

Matt smiled ais. is. “That’s true. Although…”

“I know.” James kissed his cheek. “But I still get to watch you sleep.”

Charlie rolled his eyes. “Come on, then. Let’s at least be on the way to our rooms.”

“He’s going to phone Camilla and tell her we’re ganging up on him,” Matt teased as they reached the lift.

Charlie raised an eyebrow. “You trying to tell me you’re not?”

Matt smirked. “I’m not doing anything of the sort.”

~*~

Once the lift had reached their floor, Matt turned to James. “Your room or mine?”

James smiled. “Hmm, tough choice.”

Charlie shook his head. “I’ll leave you both to it. Night, guys.”

“Night, Charlie,” James and Matt replied as one.

James then turned to Matt. “Yours. Then I’m surrounded by you-ness.”

Matt smiled, clearly amused. “Has anyone ever told you that you’re odd?”

“All the time.”

“Anyone ever tell you that it’s incredibly endearing?” Matt gently cupped James’ face with his hand.

James blushed. “Not so much.”

Matt kissed him. “Remin to to rectify that.”

James smiled as he followed Matt into the room. “You’re an amazing guy, Mattie.”

Matt pulled James close again. “I’m your muppet.”

James rested his forehead against Matt’s. “You’re more than that. You’re my everything.”

Matt blushed a little at this. “As you are mine.”

He pulled away, carefully stripping down to his boxers. James followed suit, eyes fixed on Matt the whole time.

Matt smiled as saw James watching him. “Come on. We’d better get some sleep. If the lovely Mr Pain decides to let me.”

James climbed into the bed, shifting back so that there was room in front of him. “Get in.”

Matt did as he was told, making sure that he was facing James. James shook his head. “Turn around, if you can. I know how to help you get to sleep.”

Matt sighed, though not unhappily. “You’re not going to let me say no, are you?”

James shook his head. “It’s my fault you’re in pain; the least I can do is help you out as much as possible.”

Matt nodded, carefully turning over. He smiled as he felt one of James’ arms slip beneath him, encouraging him to slip back a little.

James gently kissed his boyfriend’s shoulder. “Just relax, baby.”

Matt was about to reply when he felt James stroking the back of his neck. He found himself slowly relaxing, the pain seeming to have been numbed somehow.

James smiled as Matt’s eyes closed. He knew he was lucky to still have his boyfriend, and cherished Matt even more for it.

As he settled down to join his boyfriend in sleep, he felt his insecurities begin to fade. It had started tonight, seeing those girls and not letting them bother him, and James knew that, as long as he had Matt, the insecurities could have no hold on him.

And this time, he was determined to remember that, no matter what.
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Insecurities