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Healing Lily	By : Lilie Category: Singers/Bands/Musicians > HIM Views: 1557 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. I do not know the members of HIM. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 1-Healing Lily
- 1
Disclaimer

All Persons stated in this story are not mine. They belong to themselves and I never met them in Person (unlucky me). The situations described are also a pure work of fiction. None of this ever happened!!! So please don't believe that any of this is based on reality okay.
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Healing Lily

***
Lily laid on his new bed in his new flat in Helsinki and reflected on his life. Why he did - he couldn't even answer this question himself. All he knew that he haddo tdo this from time to time and as it seemed today was such a day.

Throughout the moring and early afternoon he had band practice and a son writing session with Ville, who again had been in a hell of a bad mood. As it seemed Ville had been out the night before and again had an unsatisfactory one night stand with an 17 year old girl.
***FLASHBACK***
Band practise was just over when Ville walked up to Lily, who was getting ready to leave the basement, and asked him to stay for another hour or so to listen tme sme songs Ville had just written down. At first Lily was quite reluctant to stay as he hated it when Ville was in such a kind of mood but then he decided to stay because Ville seemed to need some change of company.

"Okay, I'll stay and listen to your songs..."

"lyrics"

"...lyrics but only for another hour. You know I have to get home to get my flat ready. Is this understood? We only have another three weeks before we have to get onot the tour bus again, and by then I want to have it all done."

"I promise you will be out of here in sixty minutes sharp."

Altough Lily knew quite well thats wos would take much longer he stayed.

Together they sat down on the couch and opened a bottle of bear each. Ville searched in his backpack for a few minutes and then he started to read aloud:

~~~

Forbidden love
An angel sweet,

so sad and lost,

what is there to weep,

a live so unjust.
A live so sad,

innocence spoiled,

love already dead,

with you everyone toyed.
Lost forever,

forever more,

I'll loved you ever,

evermore,

could we be together

from now on till forever?
No way is there to go,

to love you so strong,

Oh no,
can loving you be so wrong?
~~~
After Ville was done readthe the text Lily sat there in shock. He had a feeling that he knew for whom Ville had written this song but didn't dare to ask. He only sat there while Ville stared at him with an expectant look on his face.

"So, what do you think? Could we make something of it?"

Still, there was no reaction from Lily, he sat there in shock with tears forming in his eyes.

"Lily, are you alright? What's up with you?"

This was when Lily found his voice back.

"Who are you talking about in this text. What was your inspiration?"

Ville looked down at his hands while he answered:

"I'm sorry, I know you asked us all to never take your former life as inspiration for anything but I did."

Lily let out a sildent sob and stood up to leave the basement:

"I thought I could trust you. Why did you have to betray me, for such a stupid song for gods sake."

By now he was in tears and almot couldn't talk.

"Lily, please stay, I didn't want to hurt you, I just wanted to tell you that I'm in love with you, and ever was."

Lily only shook his head:

"You just read it aloud, I'm not capable of love and I also have my trouble in trusting people abd you just proved that to me."
~~~END FLASHBACK~~~
Well, at least he knew what had triggered his melancholy. Tears were again streaming down his face. He had lied to Ville, that much was for sure. He was capable of loving someone, and there was nothing more in the world he wanted more than somebody who loved him for what he was and not for his body and beauty. But life had shown him one thing for sure. Nobody really loved him the way he was, they all wanted him for his body and what they could do to it. And what made the situation even worse was that he loved Ville as well. But he was sure that Ville loved not him but his body. Oh how he hated his looks, they never got him anything but pain and trouble.
~~~TEN YEARS AGO~~~
14 year old Mikko was quite excited, he was allowed to spend his weekend at his father's. His parents had been divorced since he was merely six years old. It was quite seldom that he was allowed to see his father, but he never knew why and he never asked, why should he?

The afternoon he spend with his father was fun, they watched a movie and went out to eat together in an italian restaurant. His father knew quite well that he loved italian food, especially lasagne. The only thing that made Mikko a little uncomfortable around his father was that his father touched him quite much, in a bad way, that much was for sure. But Mikko thought nothing much of it and was sure that all those touches were by accident.

This night, he had to sleep with his father in the same bed. As it was his father he didn't mind that and soon was sound asleep. What he didn't know was that his father had some bad intentions for the rest of the weekend. He fell asleep and trusted his father to protect his sleep.

It was around midnight when Mikko awoke again to his father's touches. He was too much in a state of shock to fight of his father when his trousers were pulled of and his father laid down on top of him. The pain that followed was terrible and Mikko screamed out loud in pain, but his father didn't mind and just went on.

This was the night Mikko lost his innocence and his trust in people. But it was not the last time he had to experience the pain his father inflicted upon him.
~~~BACK TO PRESENCE~~~
Lily cried when he again emerged from this nightmare that was his past. His father had been a cruan aan and even suceeded in being allowed to see Lily more often. When Lily was sixteen his father was able to have his son every second weekend. But this luckily never happened. Lily decided to leave his home and flee from further rapings at his father's hands.
~~~EIGHT YEARS AGO~~~
It was already late at night when Lily was done with the preparations for his flight. He left his' and his mother's home on a cwintwinter night. The only things he had with him was his backpack with clothes and some persoal stuff he couldn't leave behind. He had not much money and only a one way ticket to Helsinki. He knew that he would never return, he didn't dare. The only thing he left behind was a short letter for his mum:

Dear Mum,

When you get this letter I will be gone and you won't see me again for a few years at least. Please don't be mad at me for leaving you like this, be assured that I love you and I really hope that there will be reunion someday and that it will be a happy one. I also ask you not to go into ch och of me because I'll make sure that nobody will find me.

I know you will be astounded and sad that I left you so abruptly, but be assured that you are not the reason for my flight. It is father who made me do this. I don't know if you ever knew this but he's a pedophile and since I was fourteen years old I was his favorite victim, he raped me every chance he got and I don't want this to happen are. re. I need to save at least a little bit of my dignity.

I love you

Mikko

The years that followed this night were hard for Lily, he lived in fear of being found by the police which never really stopped searching for him. Most of the time he lived on the streets or in old basements. Life was hard, as he was not a member of a gang but a solitary man as he liked to call himself. It happened often that he was kidnapped by one of the gangs and forced to buy himself free. So it happened again that he had to sell himself or being forced to participate in illegal actions. His life went downwards every day.

The final straw came when he was again in the force of a gang of boys who were specialized in getting their money by selling the younger street kids. When Lily walked the street this night he realized that he had to put an end to all this shit, he needed to get out of this or he would break. While this thoughts were on his mind a car pulled up next to him and a man asked him the the price was, when Lily refused to answer the question and wanted to walk away a member of the gang he 'worked' for walked up to him, took him by the arm and told the man the price. About half an hour later the same guy kicked a broken and bruised Lily out of his car and drove away. Through the tears in his eyes Lily took in his surroundings and saw that he was close to a bridge. Altough he had troubles to stand up he managed it and walked over to this bridge. When he looked over the handrail he realized that only one step would be needed to end this endless pain. He already wanted to jump when he heard a voice behind his back:

"He, what are you doing there? Are you crazed?"

Lily let out a sigh and turned around to look at a young man who was walking up to him and came to a halt right beside him. The boy also looked over the railing and let out a sigh:

"You are aware that this jump would kill you?"

"That's the plan you idiot."

The man looked at Lily with a smile playing around his lips and started to talk again:

"Why would such a good looking and nice guy like you want to kill himself?? By the way my name is Ville."

When Lily heard the expression good looking he broke down in tears and started to sob again. All the pain of the last years came rushing back to him and for the first time in his life he was aware that all people saw in was was a beautiful man to use and abuse. Ville shot the boy an alarmed look and as he saw that Lily was about to let jump he quickly reacted and pulled him back onto the bridge. Altough Lily tried to fight Ville's touch of and get back to the railing Ville held him in a strong grip:

"Hush, calm down. I won't do you any harm, I don't want you to die, please stay with me and let me help you."

These words triggered in Lily a long forgotten feeling, the feeling of being save and loved, so he stopped his struggling and sd pud put. Ville was relieved when he noticed this and rocked Lily back and forth for some time before he started to talk again:

"Do you have a home?"

Lily shook his head.

"No, I live on the streets since I'm sixteen, I don't have anywhere to go and nobody cares what becomes of me."

"Well, then you'll come with me to my home and there we'll put your pieces back together, is that okay with you?"

Altough Lily was sure that Ville wanted to have a go at his body as well as the rest of the world he nodded. Nothing sounded as good at the moment as a few days off the streets. Together they left the bridge and walked to Ville's flat.

Ville didn't push Lily to talk about anything they just sat in his kitchen for some time until Ville asked Lily if he would like to take a bath. Lily nodded and Ville retreated to the bathroom to prepare everything for his friend. Lily was still convinced that all of this was just foreplay and he shivered slightly at the idea of being raped (this was what he calit eit everytime someone fucked him, even if it was consensual) a second time the day. But he wanted to live in an actual house so badly that he ignored it and decided to play along.

"Okay, everything is ready, you can use all of my stuff to wah yourself and I gave you a pair of boxers and t-shirt to wear. Is that okay with you?"

"Yeah, thank you very much."

For the first time in two years Lily came to enjoy the blessings of a bath and he loved it. He regretted it when the water was starting to get old and he had to get ready to get out of the tube. While he dried himself up he accidently took a look in the mirror and it was all Lily could do to keep his nausea in check. Like he was used to from other times he was at home with one of the men he served from time to time he dried himself up properly after the shower and started to prepare himself with some vaseline he had found. He was used that he had to prepare himself in order to avoid unnecesary pain. As everytime he did this he started to lock all his feelings and made his unemotional face.

He ignored the clothes Ville had prepared for him and walked back into the living room naked, ready to pay the price that was expected. The reaction he got from Ville was quite unusual he thought, when he noticed that Ville's eyes went wide and the shock of his 'rapist' got even more when Lily walked up to him and went onto his knees in front of Ville and pried his knees apart. Just as Lily tried to open Ville's Jeans Ville was able to react and took Lily's hands in his. Lily was quite scared when Ville did this and asked:

"What is it Mister, did I do anything wrong?"

"What are you trying to do?"

Lily was alarmed, he never had been in such a situation and didn't know what to do, so he just hung his head to hide his fear and started to answer:

"I try to repay you for your kindness like it is expected of me, do you have any special wishes or why are you holding me back?"

Ville was quite taken aback when he heard this and let go of Lily's hands and instead kneeled down next to the blond boy and took him into his arms.

"You don't have to repay me at all but if you insist of repaying me then let me help you and don't force me to accept this."

Lily looked up. He didn't know what to say and so he kept still until Ville talked again:

"Sit down on the couch, so I can take care of your injuries, okay? I won't hurt you and I don't want to fuck you."

Lily only nodded and sat down while Ville walked into the bathroom and emerged again with a first aid kit and tube of Vaseline in his hands. When Lily saw this he thought that Ville had changed his mind and turned around to lean over he back of the couch, ready to accept his neverending fate. Ville saw this with disdain and walked up to the couch and turned Lily around again:

"I already told you, I don't want to fuck you, I just brought this tube with me to ask you why you needed it."

"To prepare myself for the rape I thought you expected me to accept."

Ville looked at Lily bewildered, but sat sown next to him none the less and bandaged some of Lily's wounds from his former Jack. It was some time before Ville spoke again:

"Do you always refer to lovemaking as rape?"

"Lovemaking? I don't believethatthat kind of stuff, why should I?"

"Because it's the most beautiful thing in the world. Did you never experience what it's like?"

"No, my father started it and thousands of other men showed me over and over again that I don't have any right to experience love."

Ville stopped bandaging Lily's wounds and looked up into the beautiful and sad face of Lily:

"What do you mean by that?"

Lily gave Ville a short cut of his life from the time he was 14 until the evening they had met on the bridge. Altough he stayed without any emotion while he told his tale Ville had tears streaming down his face afterwards.
~~~BACK TO PRESENCE~~~
It was already getting dark when Lily again emerged from his dreamlike state and wiped away the tears that streamed down his face. Altough much had changed in the last eight years one thing had never changed. Lily was still sure that he would never be one to experience the joys and wonders of true love. In the years of his youth he had been used for all he was worth and nobody in a right state of mind would accept him as a partner. Altough he knew quite well that Ville was in love with him and he was in love with Ville he didn't see a way for them. With this thought in mind he fell asleep.

Around midnight Lily awoke again from a nightmare haunted sleep and decided to do some housework to keep his mind from stuff. He was just cleaning his bathroom when the was a knock on the door. Lily was in no mood for company so he ignored the knocking and when on.

"Lily, I know you are at home, please open the door I need to talk to you"

By now Lily was getting slightly irritated and called back:

"Go away!"

But the knockin went on and on and so Lily resigned and opened the front door to let Ville in.

"What do you want, I'm busy."

"Lily, listen to me, I love you and I never ever wanted to hurt your feelings, but I needed to tell you I love you because I need ou in my life. You are all I ever wanted and more. Please don't turn me down, I feel that you love me as well and I need you so badly."

Lily just shook his head:

"Why, for god's sake would you fall in Love with me of all people? I'm not worth shit, I don't even know how I could handle the situation. I know I love you too, but I don't want to hurt you."

Ville looked at Lily and shook his head.

"You could never hurt me, you are just afraid that I could hurt you. Am I right? Please believe me when I say that I will try to keep harm from you as much as possible. Please, try to put some trust in me."

In the meantime Lily had laid down again and looked up at Ville. He knew that this was his chance to experience love and he wanted to try it so badly, but he also knew that this would make him vulnerable and weak. After a few minuutes he had decided:

"I will give you a change to show me that I can trust you with the rest of my soul. I don't know why I am doing this, but I know that I want to experience lovemaking some day. Make this today and I'll know if I am capable of being in a relationship based on mutual feelings."
Ville smiled when he laid down onto the bed and kissed Lily for the first time. Lily, who had never really kissed somebody had to moan at the feelings that went through his body. This feeling became more and more as Ville started to kiss him deeper and longer and their hands started to undress each other. From time to time Lily became rigid and Ville had to calm him down again with gentle words and kisses. They both took their time with foreplay and getting to know each other's body. Only after Lily felt like he couldn't take it anymore he asked Ville to start preparing him. Ville had to smile and went into the bathroom to fetch a tupe of vaseline to prepare Lily. Lily, who had never experienced lovemaking before was quite taken aback by th feelings he exprienced when Ville prepared him and entered him with his fingers. But even more beautiful he thought was the feeling when Ville entered him the first time and looked into his eyes to check for any signs of ain or discomfort. Soon small moans and sighs filled the air of Lily's bedroom. They slowly started to reach their peaks and when it finally happened, they came in unison and Lily's soul was healed.
***
Lilie
- 1
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Healing Lily