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Crossover From Hell: Across the Universe	By : jediragsniffer Category: Individual Celebrities > Orlando Bloom Views: 952 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. I do not know Orlando Bloom. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 1-Crossover From Hell: Across the Universe
- 1
This is a Crossover From Hell Epilogue ShitFic! Based on the story "Crossover From Hell." Fandoms in the crossover include, but are not limited to: Star Wars, Lord of the Rings, Harry Potter, X-Men, X-Files, and Van Helsing among others. Ancient mythology is borrowed and abused, and we step into the realm of Real Person Slash. Nothing is off limits.

Disclaimer: George owns most of what we’re messing with, Tolkien owns a bit as well, and the rest of the copyrighted material will belong to J.K Rowling, Chris Carter and Twentieth Century Fox, and Marvel Comics (though not necessarily in that order). For the hell of it we’ll mention Bruckheimer, and Mickey. Orlando Bloom is his own person. The events in this story are complete fiction. I repeat: none of what is mentioned in this story happened. It’s fiction. In short: Roses are Red, Violets are blue, and the recognizable is not ours, so please don’t sue. Any similarity betweens sts story and others is purely coincidental.

Crossover From Hell:

Across the Universe

“I just can help but want to go back and assist, penneth. This is a very important trial these people have to face. It hasn’t been easy for me; finding out an order I served over two millennia with has been annihilated completely. I have knowledge and information in my memories that will help this young man rebuild our order to what it was before. This is my duty. I swore an oath, don’t you see? Please, you have to understand that.” Legolas crossed his arms over his chest and turned to face his pouting husband.

Orlando scowled. “ You swore an oath to *me* too, Legolas. You have a duty to me, as well. I just don’t understand why I can’t come with you, that’s all.” He rubbed absently at a bruise on his wrist that had developed of god knew what activity, unable to meet the piercing gaze of his elven partner. He sniffed absently, the pain of abandonment twisting in his heart.

Legolas smiled weakly and stepped closer to the younger man, pulling him into a familiar embrace. “I wish I could take you with me, darling. You know that. The pain of separation affects me too, you know. But this is my job. If I’d have been responsible and returned all those years ago when the call came in, things might be different now. I can’t neglect my duty anymore.”

“If you’d have gone back then, things would be different, rest assured.” Orlando forcefully pulled himself from the elf’s arms. “You’d be DEAD, that’s how things would be. You wouldn’t be here, happy, with me.”

It was Legolas’ turn to scowl. “Please don’t talk like that, penneth.”

Orlando huffed. “Whatever. I’m going out. We still need a few things from the grocery. I’ll be back later.” He stormed over to the closet to retrieve his coat, and slammed the door behind him. Legolas sighed deeply, and sat on the sofa in contemplation. Ida hadn’t had any trouble with Remus when she’d announced her decision to return, albeit briefly, to Coruscant in aid of the New Jedi Order. Remus had understood her duty and let it be. The werewolf hadn’t expressed any concerns about his wife never returning to him, and Legolas was finding it hard to understand why Orlando’s reaction was so different. True, Ida had children here on Earth, whereas he did not, but the bond he shared with his partner wasn’t simply going to vanish when he left the solar system. Perhaps that was it? The elf shook his head. Orlando wasn’t so foolish. He picked up a frame from the coffee table. Encased inside was a photograph taken on their twenty-fifth wedding anniversary, taken five years ago. Orlando still looked as young and innocent as he had the day they had met, his chocolate eyes full of warmth and awe at his situation. Legolas smiled. His lover was beautiful. Granted there were a few changes. A bit of grey now teased the younger man’s temples, much to Orlando’s dismay. There were a few laugh lines that hadn’t been there before, but all and all, Orlando looked brilliant, even now, for a man of fifty-five. In fact, most mistook him on the streets for no more than thirty-five, forty at the most. Herminone Granger, a brilliant medi-witch and scientist, and also one of their oldest friends, had hypothesized that Orlando’s aging was somehow connected to his bond with Legolas, who was immortal. This had pleased both partners. The inevitable separation they were to suffer as a result of Orlando’s passing caused much strain in the early years of their marriage. The knowledge that they might have a bit more time together on this plane had brought some much-needed comfort. It wasn’t much to go on, but it was enough. It had to be. He sighed again, and reached for the holovid that Ida had graciously sent him detailing the specifics of the condition of the New Galactic Republic. He started when he noticed the vid was missing. It couldn’t be missing! He stood with graceful ease and searched the rest of the small apartment with utilitarian efficiency. Nothing. Stretching out with his force senses, Legolas stopped, confusion etched on his features. Now why would Orlando want vid tapes from Coruscant? It was obvious he’d taken them with him, but why? Apparently, there was something more than separation anxiety bothering his young husband. They’d have to have a small chat when he came home. The elf huffed and made his way to the kitchen. Cooking always made him feel better. Maybe today it would give him some perspective.

~*~*~*~

Orlando shifted uncomfortably as he hit the playback button once more. The images shifted in the tiny window at an extremely fast pace. So much so that it was giving him a headache, but he had to find the image again. Just once more. Image after image floated across the screen at a lightning pace, faster and faster. He was going to miss it. It would float past before he could stop it. Wait. He paused. There it was. The boy.

No. Not a boy.

The man. The last Jedi Knight. Luke Skywalker, savior of the Galactic Republic. Orlando scowled. He didn’t know what was so special about Luke. The man was handsome, but not singlingly so. He was in serious need of a haircut and a decent meal. Maybe he might want to visit a tailor. He zoomed in on the man’s face. Hmmm. He would definitely need a protein pack or two. That hair was atrocious! Where did this guy come from, a desert?! This was supposed to be an advanced society. Hadn’t they heard of conditioner? And that cut! Obviously, bowls had been in numerous supply when this guy had last been in a salon. Orli grimaced. Yes, there wasn’t really anything to worry about. The guy may be the last Jedi Knight. He may be incredibly powerful with a great deal of history connecting him to Legolas. Sure, he was high up in the chain of command, related to the Chief of State. He had money, was good looking. But, apparently he was a bit naïve to the ways of the world…unless you counted the fact that he’d stood up against his own father and fought in a huge intergalactic war for the better part of the last ten years and was now considered the most powerful Jedi in the Galaxy. That didn’t matter. It didn’t matter that he was a warrior like Legolas, that he was graceful and mighty and everything Orlando was not. Nope, it didn’t matter at all.
He had shitty hair.
Orlando felt the tears prickle the corners of his eyes, and knew he was being an idiot, but he couldn’t help himself. Call it his midlife crisis, but he was absolutely certain that if he let his husband get on a spaceship and travel across the universe to help this young man rebuild the cosmic order and “restore balance to the force,” he’d never see him again. Legolas would arrive back where he was supposed to be, back home, and he’d set eyes on this guy and trade Orli in for the newer, younger model. He wasn’t stupid. He knew how these things worked. He’d read Danielle Steel. He sniffed and wiped at his eyes. The sad looking grocery bag sat at his feet, now carrying limp produce in place of the fresh stuff he’d picked out hours before. It was getting dark, and Legolas would worry. He had to get home.

When he entered the flat, his senses were assaulted with the sweet aromas of his husband’s gourmet cooking. He smiled weakly and toed off his shoes. He approached the kitchen slowly, almost apprehensively, and peeked inside. Legolas sat at the small table drawing doodles on the surface with the tip of a long, elegant finger. “Hey.” Orli squeaked, and then blushed madly at the un-masculine sound his vocal chords had produced. He was instantly wrapped in a pair of powerful arms and crushed against a firm, warm body. He allowed himself to melt into the embrace, one of the last he might ever have. He tried in vain to push those thoughts away, but they haunted him. Warm lips soothed his brow, and he arched into the kiss, suddenly desperate for contact.

“Where have you been? What is wrong with you?” Legolas held him tightly, his hands stroking soothing circles on the former actor’s back.

“I just needed time to think.” Orlando hiccupped, hiding his now red face in the elf’s tunic.

“Hmm, time to think? Why did you take the vid unit with you?” His hands continued to sooth the smaller man in his arms.

“I just- I wanted to know more about where you’re going. I was curious- *hiccup*- that’s all.” Orlando hoped the elf would buy it. He pressed hard on his shields. If this got out, he’d never hear the end of it, but something was telling him that his thoughts were most definitely on the right track.

“Alright, love. Are you sure you’re okay? I’ve been worried about you.” Legolas tipped Orli’s chin so he could gaze into the chocolate eyes he loved so much. They were filled with anxiety and pain. What was the little one hiding now?

Orli nodded. “I’m fine.” He whispered, kissing Legolas’ neck softly. “What are you cooking? It smells good.”

The elf laughed. “Just an experiment. I told you I was worried. I needed something to do.” The actor nodded, a trace of guilt flashing across his face before it disappeared. “Why don’t you set the table, darling? We can taste this experiment and decide if it’s worthy of recreation at a later date.”

Orlando moved to gather the necessities of proper table decoration when the phone rang. He stopped and picked it up. “Hello?”

“Hello, Orlando. This is Ida, may I speak to Legolas for a moment, it’s quite urgent.”

Orli felt his stomach knot. “Uh-yeah, sure. Hold on.” He gestured to Legolas who took the phone, and then stepped back to wait. The one sided conversation did little to ease the pounding of his heart in his chest.

“Are you sure?” Pause. “It’s so soon, penneth.” Pause. “Well, I can’t say as I’m happy about it, I’d hoped to have had a bit more time.” Pause, nod. “Alright then, at two you said?” Sigh. “I suppose it’ll have to work.” The elf looked sadly at his husband. “He’s not going to be happy, Ida.” Pause. “Right. I’ll see you then.” The elf hung up the phone, and took a deep breath. “Well, Orli, it appears we’re leaving sooner than I expected.”

“When?” Orli breathed, resuming his patented floor stare.

“Tonight. I have to meet Ida at the designated place at two am. I’m sorry darling. It can’t be helped. There’s a window through the rift. If we can make that window, it will shave a week off our traveling time. The sooner I get there, the sooner I can get my work done and come home to you.”

Orlando glanced at the clock on the wall. It was already nine pm. He’d wasted so much time this afternoon. If only he’d known. Food forgotten, he all but threw himself in the elf’s arms. “Take me to bed,” he pleaded, his eyes moistening with unshed tears.

“But penneth, the meal-”

“I’m not hungry. I just want you.” Orli replied stubbornly. “Please.”

Legolas nodded. “Come then.” Sensing the mood, the elf scooped the actor into his arms and carried him down the corridor to their bedroom. Recalling the food he’d left in the kitchen, he cheated and set a preservation charm Remus had taught him with a wave of his wrist. His energy concentrated on the trembling man in his arms. “Hush, little one.” He kissed him softly. “Everything will be alright.”

When Orlando awoke some time later, he reflexively clutched at the other body beside him, and relaxed when a pair of arms enfolded him in their strength. Cool hands smoothed over his body, relaxing him further. “What time is it?” He asked.

“Just after midnight. Hush. You need to rest.”

“I’m not sleepy.” He paused a moment. “And if you dare cast the fucking sleeping spell thingy on me now, I’ll come across the galaxy for your balls.” He snarled half-heartedly.

“Just my balls, darling?” The elf purred suggestively, rocking his body in a manner that belied any innocent intent.

Orli moaned. “Don’t tease.” He settled himself beneath his partner, wrapping his arms around the elf and just enjoying the comforting presence and the gentle weight settled atop him. “I don’t want you to go.” He whispered, ashamed of his confession.

Legolas closed his eyes in frustration. “I know. But we’ve been through this. I won’t be gone long. You can look into a film project to keep you occupied whilst I’m away, and before you know it, I’ll be back and things will be normal again. It’s just a minor business trip.”

“Across the universe.” Orli huffed, suddenly pulling himself into a sitting position. The arms around him refused to give up their hold, but Orlando just as surely refused to meet the gaze of their owner. Another glance at the clock told him that time was becoming shorter with each passing moment. His heart pounding erratically, he finally turned around to face his husband. His eyes glistened with unshed tears, but he steadfastly denied them release. “You’d better get your things packed.” He whispered tersely, rising from the bed and wrapping the sheet around his waist to hide his newfound modesty. It didn’t matter that the elf had just spent hours fucking him through the mattress. He suddenly didn’t feel comfortable before him naked.

“Orlando-” Legolas sighed deeply, but stood and dressed as needed. He was completely bewildered. Shaking his head, he withdrew a travel satchel from the cabinet and began stuffing necessities into it. He wouldn’t require much. He had millions of credits stashed in secure accounts throughout the republic, if he forgot anything, he’d simply purchase a replacement. His husband didn’t need to know that, however. He grabbed his lightsaber from its customary position on the bedside table and strapped it to his belt. Drawing on a thick outer robe of brown wool, he snatched up the bag and followed Orlando out into the main room of their cozy apartment. His husband was seated on the red armchair that had come as a wedding gift from his sister, Dexy. The chair was well worn, and had been moved several times since its arrival in their household. He was curled up in it, the sheet still wrapped tightly around his body, staring out into the darkness of the room. Legolas kneeled before him, taking his lover’s cold hands into his own, larger ones. “I sense you are afraid, penneth.” He forced Orlando to meet his eyes. “My love, you needn’t be afraid. I promise, on pain of death, that I shall return to you. I won’t be gone long, dearest, I promise.” He leaned up and kissed the actor’s smooth brow gently. He smiled as a stray curl fell into Orli’s eyes and brushed it away with a gentle caress. “By the force, you’re so beautiful.” He whispered. “I love you.”

Orli smiled weakly. “I love you too,” he croaked. “Come home soon.”

The elf nodded. “I will, darling. Now go get some sleep. I’ll be back before you know it.” He kissed his lover one last time, pouring his love and devotion into the gesture, and ‘ported from the apartment.

~*~*~*~

6 months later…

“Bloody hell, where the fuck are the fucking transponders?” Legolas raised an eyebrow at his partner’s language, but handed the case of machinery over to the irate Jedi woman without a word. Obviously, Ida had picked up more than a few Terran habits in her years spent with her husband. Come to think of it, Remus did have a horrible potty mouth when he was angry or drunk. Neither of which happened often, as far as the elf could recall, but then, he hadn’t lived with the werewolf for over twenty-five years.

“Relax, Penneth. Slow down, take your time. You’ll never get it fixed with all this tension in your aura.” The elf smiled one of his charming, soothing smiles. If anything, it only served to annoy the woman further. Ida decided to just ignore him. Turning to the task at hand, she struggled to remember which wires connected where…it really had been too long since she’d engaged in the technology. She was losing her touch. If it hadn’t been lost already, that is. Then a familiar voice broke her train of thought and it took every bit of willpower not to groan. Turning from the open consol, she smiled a fake smile and greeted the newcomer. “Hello, Jedi Skywalker. What brings you here?”
Ida was the only one who flat out refused to address Luke as a Jedi Master. Legolas was constantly glaring at her, telling her she was disrespectful, but she didn’t care. She hadn’t trained through years of her life to discover the knowledge she had of the force so she could bow down to a young man she didn’t feel her equal. That’s what she didn’t understand about Legolas. He’d been studying for millennia, and still no one had thought to grant him such a prestigious title. Though that would soon change, if the stars in young Luke’s eyes were anything to go by. Ida rolled her eyes. She was a lost cause. So what if he shared Anakin’s innate talents in the force and was more powerful than she and Legolas combined? That didn’t make the man a master, did it? Truthfully, the only Jedi she had ever felt comfortable addressing as Master was Yoda himself, but Yoda was a special case.

Luke smiled his charming farmboy smile. “I thought I’d come down and see if you needed a hand. It’s been awhile since you’ve dealt with ship repair, so if there’s anything you need help with-”

A low growl of frustration cut him off. “I’m just fine. Thanks.” The pale woman glared at her elven counterpart. “Legolas?” she smiled sweetly. “Why don’t you and Luke go talk teaching strategy while I finish here?”

The elf took the hint, and led a confused yet beaming Jedi Master away for a lengthy discussion on the appropriate age in which a Padawan learner ought to have their first lightsaber. Ida shook her head. She missed her family, and couldn’t wait until this damned mission was complete so she could finally go home.

~*~*~*~

Dexy stared at her brother from his sofa, watching as he curled tighter and tighter into the plush embrace of the overstuffed red armchair. She'd sent Wolvie to the bar and headed over as soon as Lando had phoned. Through the bawling and blubbering, she hadn't been able to make out a word of it all, but it was clear enough that her presence was needed. And upon arriving at her brother's apartment, the reason for his need was made apparent:

The absence of the elf.

"Where did he go?" she asked softly, having asked three times already to no avail. She could see his throat close up on him each time, and she wondered if she wouldn't be holding an oxygen mask to his face by night's end.

This time, however, by the grace of God, he managed a response. "I don't know."

What do you mean you don’t know? “Why did he leave?"

Choke. Gasp. Waterworks.

"Oh, Jesus…" Standing, she paced to the kitchen, leaving him until he had collected himself enough to field her questions. As doting a little sister as she was, Dexy found his babyish bullshit intolerable. Give me something to work with, Lando. She returned to the living room with a glass of water, and was relieved to note that Lando was calm enough to talk. She waited.

“He went back. With Ida. They’re helping some young guy rebuild the Jedi Order or something. I saw the mission briefing.” He sniffed, and looked up to meet his sister’s eyes. “I don’t know if he’ll ever come back, Dex.” Fresh tears slipped from his eyelids, and Dexy inwardly rolled her own set of optics.

“He’ll come back, Lando. For Christ’ sake, he’s your *husband.*”

“But you didn’t see the other guy!” Orli whined. “Look at me, Dex! I hardly look as good as I did twenty years ago, and Legolas stillks tks the same. This new Jedi, he has a lot in common with Legolas, they’re both warriors, and-” The actor sighed. “I just can’t see him wanting to come home after experiencing all that he once left behind.”

Dexy sighed. “Well, Ida’s coming back, and she’ll drag the elf back too.”

“Ida has a reason to come back. She has kids. If Legolas decides he wants to stay, no one will be able to just drag him back.”

Dex conceded that her brother had a point on that one. Legolas had never been dragged anywhere. She sighed again. Why did it always fall to her to explain things? This was a delicate issue, but she couldn’t pussyfoot her way around it now. “Lando, listen while I explain something here, okay? And promise you won’t get mad at what I’m about to say.”

Orli nodded.

“Legolas doesn’t want to stay on the other sif thf the universe with some young warrior Jedi. It doesn’t matter how good looking the guy is, or how much they have in common. You know why?”

Lando swallowed tightly and shook his head.

“Because that other guy doesn’t need him. That other guy is a warrior. Lando, a part of Legolas’ attraction to you is your dependence on him to protect you. Legolas gets off on the fact that you need him. He feels his presence is necessary, and that alone will draw him back across the universe to you.”

“So your saying that Legolas will come back because I’m a pansy who can’t hold his own, is that right?”

Dexy rolled her eyes. She should have known he’d take it the wrong way. Giving up, she muttered, “Yes Lando, that’s it.”

Orlando nodded. Over a quarter century of marriage and he could finally admit what everyone else had seen all along. Now all that was left was the return of his knight in shining armor. Cause if he didn’t qualify as a damsel in distress, who did? He smiled. “Thanks Dex. You always could make me feel better.”

~*~*~*~

“A Jedi feels no passion.” Luke quoted.

Legolas shook his head. “Nay, penneth. A Jedi feels no anger. No fear. But there are good passions as well as bad.”

“You’re speaking of sex.”

“What else? Sex is an important factor of a healthy lifestyle.”

“As a means of reproduction.”

The elf paused. This could be tricky. “Not necessarily.”

Luke swallowed, his brow furrowing in confusion. “I don’t understand.”

“Reproduction is not always possible in a healthy, sexual relationship.” Legolas croaked. A drink wouldn’t be out of the question at this point.

“You speak of homosexual relationships?” Luke paused. “Some cultures have delegated such unions as sinful, wrong even.”

“The Jedi Order is not among those cultures.” The elf supplied.

“So it was okay, then?”

“Yes.”

“How do you know?” Luke busied himself with a tear in his robe. It needed mending, had for months, but he’d never found the time to do it. Kam Solusar would be very interested in this conversation. He’d asked Luke of the Order’s policies on such matters not even a month ago.

“I know from personal experience.”

That got Luke’s attention. His eyes darted up to meet those of the elf, and he couldn’t repress the satisfaction that has blossomed in his chest. “You’re gay?” His hand snapped up to cover his mouth in horror, but the words were already out. “Sithspit! I’m sorry, it’s not my business, really.” His cheeks tinted faintly in embarrassment.

Legolas smiled gently. This young man was as awkward as Orlando. It was an endearing trait. “Yes, I am.”

What happened next was a bizarre sequence of events that Legolas found difficult to fully explain even after decades of reflection.

One thing was certain to him immediately. If the Terran media had been responsible for making his relationship with Orlando stronger, the Galactic Republic media had most certainly done enough damage in a few seconds to rip he and his husband apart.

~*~*~*~

“Can’t say I didn’t tell you so!” Orlando shouted, throwing a priceless stone sculpture that Legolas had procured at a market in Tanzania straight through a faux window that had been installed to make the small dining room seem bigger. He might have had the satisfaction of watching the glass shatter had Remus decided not to intervene. Something about watching his grandchildren play while covered in shards of glass lacked appeal. He scooped young Emily and Ethan off the floor and handed the children to his daughter, who gratefully accepted them and removed them from the apartment, and their furious uncle’s presence. They’d meet up later. Orli collapsed into the remaining dining room chair and looked shamefully at the other occupants of the table. Remus stood to the side, his expression sympathetic, yet stern. Dexy sat to his right, and across from her sat Gabriel, her young son who had only just reached his majority. The young man was striking, a perfect combination of his two parents. His father sat at the opposite end of the table from Lando, a scowl on his face that would have sent bunnies running for cover. If looks could kill, Logan would be permanently armed and dangerous. Well, he was that, Orli amended, but it would be worse. He winced. “I’m sorry I had a tantrum. I um. I didn’t mean to blow up.” Oh hell yes, you did!
His attention was now fixed on the small screen on top of the table, and the pale face of the woman encased in its view. “Tell me what’s going on out there, Ida. Tell me the holovid’s are wrong.”

Ida Talath sighed. It figured that she’d be stuck with the job of calling home. The truth was, Legolas had tried, but Orlando hadn’t been willing to talk to him at the time. “You need to relax, Orlando. I don’t know what’s really happening here, but I would be the last person in the universe to accuse Legolas of being unfaithful.”

“But I saw those damned vids!”

“You, of all people, should know never to trust what you see in the media, Orlando Greenleaf.” Ida admonished. Suitably chastised, Orlando fell into silence. “I’m sorry Orlando, but at this time, I cannot fully disprove what you’ve seen. I know that Luke Skywalker worships the ground Legolas walks on. And I know they’ve spent a considerable amount of time together. But I also know that Legolas is an honorable man, and the strain he went through to bind himself to you is not something he would overlook for a fling. So, the best advice I can give you now is to relax, and let time reveal the truth. As it is, we’re scheduled to leave Coruscant within the week. As soon as I’m given clearance, I’m leaving.” She smiled at Remus in the background. “But I have to severe this connection. There is still work to be done. I’ll be in touch.” She disappeared from their view.

Orli coughed, clearing his throat with difficulty. "Well, that's it then." He threw his arms up in a gesture that rang of his usual drama, but was for once, his hurt and frustration were completely sincere, as made evident by his words, which lacked their usual self-centeredness. "I guess you can all go home now. I'm sorry I bothered you with this." He shrugged sadly.

"Nonsense Lando." Dexy interrupted. "We're all family here, and family take care of one another." She eyed said family warily, her own son in particular looked about ready to gouge his eyeballs out, and her husband...well, it was Logan. She tried again. "Is there anything we can do, Lando?"

"Actually, Dex, I think I'd rather be alone right now. I kind of have a lot on my mind. I wouldn't be very good company."

Dexy winced. Logan decided this was the opportune moment to speak. "Kid, I think you need to start learning how to be a fuckin' man. For Christ' sake. The women in here have bigger balls than you."

His wife gave her own person a pointed look, as she was the only woman present, and fired him a look of obvious displeasure, which he nonchalantly shrugged off. "Well, you do."

"Now Logan, I don't think that was necessary." Remus interjected. He looked at Lando, his eyes warming with sympathy. "Orlando, surely you don't believe this rubbish?" He pointed at the video terminal.

"I think it's pretty safe to say he fuckin' believes it, Remus." Logan gave his knuckles a crack, his glower growing darker by the second. "Otherwise, we wouldn't be sitting here listening to all this pansy-ass bull-"

"You want to see the fucking videos?!" The jilted actor made a beeline for the living room.

All parties paled.

"Uh, no thanks. We kind of got the idea from the stills you emailed." Logan shifted uncomfortably in his seat, his strong stomach nauseated at the idea.

Orli whirled to face them momentarily, dark curls bouncing with fury about his angry face. "Apparently you didn't," he hissed, seizing the tapes and rushing them back to the table.

Remus gave his collar a light tug. "That's not necessary, Orli. Really."

Too late. Orlando had turned the tapes on. Gabriel was out of his chair and in the next room before he was traumatized for life, and Dex decided the kitchen looked in need of the cleaning she barely ever bothered to give her own.

Logan was glued to his seat, more in shock than anything else. It was like a fuckin’ train wreck, you couldn’t help but look. Sure enough, there were two men on screen. One with a head shaped like Legolas’ head, and another guy the Wolverine had never seen before giving it to the elf. Now THAT was something he never expected to see. He laughed. “This shit ain’t fuckin’ real.”

Remus nodded in agreeance, though his pallor suggested he really wasn’t into taking a close look to be sure.

Orlando pursed his lips. “How can you be so sure?”

“Uh, the tan lines were my first hint, bub.” He pointed at the screen. “I’ve never seen Legolas tan. Even after puttin’ up a fence in 90 degrees one afternoon, without a shirt. He came in white as a baby’s arse when we finished.”

Orlando squinted at the image, but he still wasn’t convinced.

“And second?” He laughed again. “Legs ain’t going to let some punk give it to him like that. This is fake. Legs never screwed the kid, and the kid never screwed him. It’s a done deal.”

Orlando shrugged.

"Fine then. You don't believe me? Then wallow in it. I'm fuckin' outta here." The Wolverine stood and exited the apartment, telling his wife a quick goodbye on the way out. His son followed suit, rolling his eyes at his uncle as he cut past en route to the door.

Remus sighed. “He’s right, you know. You need to have a bit more faith.” He reached into his robe and pulled out a familiar looking box. “But in the meantime, this might help you a bit.” He put the box in Orlando’s palm and stood up. “I’ll talk to you soon, Orlando.” He ‘ported out. Orli smiled at the chocolate frog in his hand, and laid the box gently on the table. He’d eat it later. He wasn’t hungry right now.

Dexy leaned casually against the doorframe and watched her brother with a hint of pity. God he was pathetic sometimes. She coughed. “So, now that you’ve traumatized everyone you know with gay porn, do you think you’ll be able to get over this?”

Lando pounded his head on the oak table top in frustration. They didn’t understand.

His sister sighed. "Whatever. You know, I actually like Legolas. He took some getting used to, but he's a nice guy. Don't do this Lando. And after all the shit you put him through, at the very least, he deserves the right to explain."

“I think you should leave now.”

He didn’t have to ask twice.

Orli sighed, and though he tried to stop himself, he flipped on the vid recorder one more time. He knew he shouldn’t bother, but he simply couldn’t help himself. The images that appeared on the viewer were the most horrid he’d ever seen, and they crushed his heart in a way he’d never thought possible. He should have known better, after all, hadn’t be predicted this exact outcome? Still, the sight of his husband making love to another man was far worse than anything Orli could have imagined on his own…

**The two men wrestled each other for dominance, bodies slamming together with incredible force. Eventually one will be forced into submission…

Maybe it was the fact that Legolas had never submitted to Orli that made the watching of him begging Luke Skywalker to fuck him so painful. Orlando wasn’t sure. But when he watched his beloved’s hands grasp hold of Luke, watch as Luke slid into the elf’s willing body, something inside him broke.

How could you!

Orlando knew why. Obviously, what they had shared had not been enough for the elven Jedi. He had not been enough.

And that was all there was too it. **

~*~*~*~

Orlando sulked for three days after the horrible meeting with his extended family. He refused to leave the apartment for any reason. Not even Girl Guide cookies were enough to entice him downstairs, and that was saying something. He was after all, in desperate need of chocolate. He sniffed and burrowed further into the soft bed furnishings, wondering for the thousandth time in the last thirty years whatever had happened to his beloved childhood blankie.

“I see you’re being as ridiculous as I expected.” Orlando stiffened beneath the downy duvet cover. He heard a gentle sigh, and felt an equally gentle weight settle on the end of the bed. A gentle hand grabbed hold of his foot, and he kicked it away irritable before pulling it up under the safety of the duvet. “I suppose this will be my only chance to provide an explanation, and while I can’t see how this situation warrants one, I’ll do my best to convince you.”

Silence

“Nothing happened betweeke Ske Skywalker and myself. Nothing that was not of a completely chaste, not to mention platonic nature. To me, Luke was the son I was never given the opportunity to have. I taught him what I knew of the Jedi arts, and in return, he gifted me with the peculiar awe that is not uncommon among students to their teachers. During one conversation, that happened to verge on sexual in nature, but only because it involved the Jedi perspective on sex, my own sexual preferences were mentioned. Young Skywalker was so shocked upon the discovery of my homosexuality, that he stumbled forward and slammed his jaw into mine. Awaiting paparazzi caught that instant on film, and used the vastly enhanced technology available to them on Coruscant to create a vivid retelling of my passionate love affair with the young Jedi Master.” Legolas paused. “I know that these stories struck a chord with you. It was only until I was standing in Luke’s presence for the first time that I fully understood the extent of your fears.” The elf swallowed, his throat dry. If Orlando had been looking, he would have seen that the Jedi’s eyes were anything but. “Orlando. I don’t know what I’ve done or not done that could have ever given you any reason to believe that I wanted to be with anyone other than you. I love you. I always have, since that first moment I saw you in your sister’s apartment. I knew then that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you. I wanted to marry you, and together, forge our own version of happily ever after. Now, I can see that I’ve somehow failed in that dream. And for that, I’m sorry.”

Orlando sat up, and slowly removed the covering from his face. His face was covered in tears, and his eyes were watering profusely. He smiled warmly, his eyes sparking. “I can’t believe you’re here.” He whispered, his voice hoarse.

“I promised you I would come back. When have I ever broken a promise?”

Orlando chocked. “Never.” He wiped his eyes in vain. “God, Legolas, I love you so much.”

“I love you too, Orlando.” He reached out and brushed away a newly fallen tear form his lover’s gentle face. “Come here, little one.”

Orlando didn’t wait before smashing his lips into those of his husband. He didn’t care if he got the patience is a virtue lecture at that moment. He reached out and began to swiftly undress his lover with practiced ease. The past weeks had been an emotional roller coaster, and the past months had been filled with incredibly lonely, horny nights. It had been over half a year since he’d last had sex, and Jesus fucking Christ, if Legolas didn’t fuck him right now he might die. He felt like a man trapped in the desert without water. “Honey, please.” He begged.

Their lovemaking had a sweetness to it that had been lacking the last time around. Reunion sex was hardly as desperate as goodbye sex, but it was close. The fast pace had been set when Orlando couldn’tt bet before having Legolas naked and nestled atop him in their favored position. God how he’d missed this, how they’d both missed this. Orli sighed in pleasure when Legolas was finally sheathed inside him. This was right. He was full, and he was safe, nestled in the groove of his elf’s arms. He wrapped his legs up around his husband’s torso, grateful for the pillow that elevated his hips and gave Legolas greater access to his body. The rhythm had been set, steady, and fierce. He writhed beneath the elf, squirming in ecstasy. “Oh yes, harder…. God…. Leggy…. oh”

He cried out when he came, tears pinching the corners of his eyes when he heard Legolas’ whispered declarations of love and devotion.

They lie together in the afterglow, enjoying the peacefulness of the afternoon. “So we’re ok now?” Orli asked.

“I think we always were.” Legolas replied, holding him tighter.

“Good. So now that you’re home, what are you going to cook?”

The elf laughed. “Now I get it. You’re only sleeping with me for my cooking.”

“Fuck yes! Do you know how much Kraft Dinner sucks? Yeah, I didn’t think so.”

“I’ll cook later. I’ll probably have to hit a grocery first, love.” He smiled. “Let’s just rest awhile, ok?”

“Sounds good to me.”

~*~*~*~

“So, I guess this means that we can be open about our feelings for each other now.”

“That’s what Legolas said. In the Jedi Order, there’s no room for prejudice.”

“Excellent.”

“I thought so, too.”

“Antillies, you kill me.”

“Shut it, Skywalker.”

In the distance, Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan smiled. It was a good day.

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Crossover From Hell: Across the Universe