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A day in our lifes	By : gardenrose Category: Singers/Bands/Musicians > Savage Garden Views: 1273 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. I do not know the members of Savage Garden. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 1-A day in our lifes
- 1
~Daniel~

I look him in the eyes and I don’t know how long I’ve felt that way. I don’t know how long he felt that way. I don’t know anything at the moment when I finally look into those blue eyes. Finally look. Look. I’ve seen them before of course. I’ve seen him before thousand times. But have I ever looked? Those eyes suddenly are telling me hundred stories. Darren. Damn, how long have I felt that way?

He is such a perfection. His every move is just a step closer to heaven. Heaven is not an abstract place somewhere up there in the sky, it’s right here when Dn swn sways his hips just barely with such a grace… I’ve never been closer to heaven than looking at him moving on stage, dropping on his knees and leaning forwards, signing his soul out, this is closer to a deity than anything I’ve ever seen.

I see desire in his eyes as he looks at me. I feel so different than I’ve felt when he looked at me yesterday, when he looked at me every other show we played, at the very same moment, timed perfectly with the move he makes across the stage. He has admitted it, too. Tonight is different.

He walks up to me and lightly, almost ethereally throws his arm around my shoulder. He never misses a note. His perfect frame melds with mine for a brief few seconds and then he’s gone. He’s never been as brilliant as tonight. Is he showing me he feels the same? I can’t take my eyes off him as he leaves me, still holding my gaze. How does he do it so natural? So well? So pure? I smile at him, wanting to nod at the same time, but I am afraid it will come across in a wrong way. I think by now we have both finally admitted it is special, something is happening, we feel it. He is unbelievable as he turns to the audience and his shoulders rise and his back straightens as he looks over the crowd. He is born to do it.

When we leave the stage that night, I think of how beautiful he is. His sweaty hair clings to his head, his limbs seem to be heavy yet as free as always. His moves are always so delicate. He looks at me one last time before he disappears in his dressing room. I disappear in mine and smile. I know it. I’ve finally seen him now. I am so in love with this man.

We are back at the hotel. I wait for everyone to go to sleep. But something tells me he will wait for me. I hope he’ll talk to me. I hope he’ll listen to what I’ve got to say. How do I tell such a man that I love him? How do I make him love me back? Will he love me back or is it just the desire that suddenly sprang to life tonight? Whatever it is, I need to find out.

I knock on his door. He doesn’t answer so I just push the door. It’s open. I walk in and I find him sitting on the bed. He looks up at me and I see he is tired. I walk up to him and sit down next to him. It’s dark but I am trying to look him in the eyes. I see his tired loving look on me and I can’t speak. I put my hands on his shoulders and tilt my head to a side, smiling gently at him. God how much I love him. Maybe I don’t need to speak.

I know I want to touch him but I do not dare to touch him the way I really want. I just can’t. He is like a china doll. I do not dare to touch the perfection. Even now. His tired eyes are making me melt. His pale face is the most beautiful tired and pale face I’ve seen. I cannot break this silence. I gently push him down on the bed and wrap my arms around his body. I lay with him in silence, my arms holding him close. This is as much as I dare to do. I want to look into those eyes forever but he closes them and before I realize it, he is asleep.

I look at him for hours. I am not closing my eyes cause I cannot believe I am here and I am holding him. I feel his hair caressing my cheek. I turn my head just an inch and my lips are touching his. My whole body is frozen and I do not move. His eyelashes make an angelic fly and he stares at my face.

These are dead minutes. Maybe hours. We are so still and I feel his heart beating against my chest. Then his eyes are closing again and he opens his mouth to my lips. Carefully, not to scare my precious angel, not to break this special moment, I gently let my tongue run over his lips. Only after I feel his body relax, only then my tongue enters his mouth. He moans. And I feel I’ve come home.

I take his clothes off carefully and gently. I kiss every inch of his body. I love him the way I’ve never loved anyone. When I make love to him, I feel like crying. I’ve never felt that complete. I’ve never seen anything as beautiful as Darren now. His body responding to mine in such a perfect synch. God help me to earn his love. God help me to be good enough for this angel. I thought he couldn’t get more perfect than on stage. But I was wrong, oh so wrong.

I want to hold him forever when I feel him coming. I come inside of him and I want to kiss his lips again and I never want it to end. I look at his face. I want to stay like that forever. I want… But he … His eyes sadden and he pushes me away. He really pushes me away. I feel a sharp pain through my heart. I roll off him and just lay there. I do not dare to look at him. God how can I make him love me? How can I make him love me as much as I love him?

I feel him distant and cold now. I feel rejected. I feel defeated. I should have known I am not good enough for this man. All I could give him I had already given. I cannot find any words. I close my eyes and let myself cry. Silently. He breaks my heart. But my heart is so weak and so in love. If this is all he ever needs from me, I will live with it. It’s better than nothing. Anything. Anything is better than nothing. I shouldn’t have even let myself think it can be anything else. Anything more. It’s still something. God I’m hopeless. I beg for him not to hear my silent sobs.

When I open my eyes again he is asleep. I look at his perfect beautiful features and my heart sinks. I will never make him understand how much I love him. Cause everything comes so easy for him. He is an angel walking this earth. I understand he needs to be set free. I won’t tie him down.

I get up and get dressed. I leave him sleeping. I know he wants me gone when he wakes up. He pushed me away. He took whatever I had to offer. And I cannot tie him down with anything else. He is so beautiful sleeping there. I hate to leave him. It kills me to leave him now. But I don’t want him to push me away again. He’ll wake up and hopefully smile when he remembers… And then maybe some other night on this tour… Maybe he invites me again… All he has to do is look at me … Look at me like he did today …

~Darren~

He looks at me with such an expression like he didn’t know me before. Like he sees me for the first time. Damn you, Daniel Jones. You breaking my heart now shedding my barriers and pretending you’ve never known it before. I’ve felt it since I laid my eyes on you. How long is that? I always knew. Your eyes now are tearing down my shields, one by one, and leaving me bare in front of you. I’ve tried so hard to hide from you.

Does anyone know how it feels to be fake, fake from head to toe? How it feels to pretend I am so much better than I am? Has anyone ever tried to choose the best pictures from their photo albums, only the best angles, hide a thousand flaws in their body, then make a profile of a different person and present it as The Person they are? I look over my shoulder at Daniel and feel such a shame to be so fake. I drop on my knees and sing, and I hope they don’t see what I am trying not to show. I am such a clown.

I make a walk across the stage and can’t control my eyes locking with his. Again I make a mistake. He seems bothered. I know I’ve let it slip tonight. This is the same, always the same, only tonight he sees through me. He sees my desires and my pain and my insecurities, he sees them all. I try to hold on to the last remaining shield I have left – I hold on to my music. I need to be at the best of my fake self as I will have to go up to him now. Now is the time. I have to put my arm around his shoulder and keep singing. This feels the most fake moment of it all. I desire him so much yet I can’t stop faking this person I will never be. This is the only thing that keeps us together. I brake away from him, and again I am a second too late. I can’t take my eyes off him. He grins. He is such a flirt. I am dying here on this fucking stage. I want to be dead. I want to be gone. I look over the crowd and spitefully straighten my posture – if I pretend long enough I might become a person I pretend to be… I won’t let them see anything else. Only what I want them to see.

Walking to my dressing room I feel like I’m an animal locked in a cage, being carried away from the audience, being taken to my cave from my never-ending circus. I know I have lost my charms now but I can’t help to look over at Daniel before I hide in my dressing room. He is killing me. Killing me with his shiny smile. Killing me. I close the door behind me and I cry. I know he has seen me underneath my fakeness now. I love him so desperately, how could I let him see it?

I sit in my hotel room now. I hold my head in my hands as I am trying to comprehend what’s happening with me. I know I love him. I’ve always had. But how did I dare to let it show? I am not the man he admires. I am not the man he desired just few hours ago when he was shooting me his flirty looks. He will never love my plain self. How did I dare to let him even see it? What will happen now?

I hear his knock on the door. He’s here. What do I do now? I am so tired I can’t put on a show now. I can’t play with him. I am so real now. Nothing of a person I want to be. Nothing of a person he wants me to be. I look at him and I know my heart is breaking to thousand pieces when he smiles. He smiles. He smiles.

His hands on my shoulders gently lower me to the bed. I am drowning in his eyes as I wrap my arms around his body and let him hold me tight. My head is spinning as I feel his breath on my face. I am so tired I let myself to close my eyes. I feel dizziness overcome my senses.

I am asleep but I feel his body. I feel his every bone next to my awkward form. In my troubled sleep I hear his every heartbeat. I feel his breath on my cheek. Then I feel his lips… His lips on mine. Right on my lips. I open my eyes and we are so close my eyelashes are touching his face. I give in. I have never wanted anyone that much. I am losing my last barriers, I am sheddin las last covers, looking at him now. I open my mouth and let him kiss me. I know it’s all I’ve ever wanted.

He licks my lips. But hesitates. He holds back and I feel again that my heart is into pieces. He sees me now. When he finally pushes his tongue in my mouth, a shiver through my body makes me cry out in pain. I have lost it all. I will give him my whole being. Even if he throws me away after he finally sees me, I cannot help it any more. My eyes are closed and I frantically answer his kisses.

I undress him with my hands shaking and my heart trembling. I expect him to stop me any moment. But he doesn’t. Can’t he see me losing it yet? I cannot hide my real body any more. My covers are gone, what is he still doing here? I’ve never been that bare and unprotected, I’ve never felt that awkward as now when he makes love to me. He’s so good. I feel him inside of me and I lose my head, I let myself feel the ultimate bliss. I manage to forget who I am as I let him take me all. I manage to relax my body into him. I manage to love him and let him see it. Will he hate me when it’s over? Will he remember me bare and awkward as I am now or pretty and fake as I always want him to see me? I don’t want to lose him.

I come with him and I look at his face… His smiling face. He looks down at me and I can not hold his gaze. I feel burning inside. I cannot bare the thought of it being over. Now he’ll see me. He’ll see my imperfect body. He’ll see my lonely broken heart. I’ve never been good enough for what I am. I cannot bare this thought of him finding me out. I push him away. My love is making me foolish. I shouldn’t have let it happen. I want to cry for letting him see me like that. I am not fake any more. I am real now and I hate him to see me like that. He’ll never love me.

I am proved right. I hear him leave. I hear him getting dressed. I desperately want to scream for him to stay, but I can’t, cause he can’t see me now. He shouldn’t see me. This is the only way to keep him. This is the only way he will ever come back to me. Some other night. I will give everything for it. I will hide my pain tomorrow and I will be a clown. I will be the person they all know. I will be the person he knows. That person he admires. And then maybe he’ll be back.

When he closes the door behind him, I open my eyes and let hot tears run down my temples. I look in the dark and cry for my hopeless love for this man who just left my room. I know the person he really desires doesn’t exist. But just for the sake of feeling him making love to me, just once, just one more time, just another day, I will be that person again.

And I cry myself to sleep.
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A day in our lifes