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Blurry	By : EnchanteNoir Category: Singers/Bands/Musicians > Linkin Park Views: 2255 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. I do not know the members of Linkin Park. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 1-Break Up...
- 2-To Make Up
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~~~~~~~ All right… this story was written after a VERY sad dream I had. I will try to recall the dream as I write this. It is about Mike and Chester… yeah I know I know. But this dream was vivid as if I was there. I decided then the story needed to be written. Now here is the deal. In this story three songs will be used. The first, being “Blurry” by Puddle of Mudd. The second “My December” by Linkin Park. Trust me it works. I dreamed it like this. “My December” will be used twice. The third: “Open Arms” by Journey. Let me know what you all think. This will come in two chapters: “Break up…” and “To Make Up” Also please note that if you knew me on Fanfiction.Net my name was Lady Bennington Please R&R. BTW I do not own Chester or Mike, or the others. ~~~~~~~~~

Nothing could have prepared me for knowing what it was like to watch the man I loved slip away from me. It had been horrible for us both, the constant arguments, the others getting involved, the horrible night when neither of us could take anymore. I can still remember the night he told me he could no longer take it. We had gotten into a huge fight over me no longer giving him what he needed. Yeah. That was months ago… I know I should be over it by now, but once you have tasted love like I have you won’t let go either. It will haunt you night and day, in your dreams, when you wake up, while you sit on the couch watching TV only to remember how the dark haired angel had made love to you there. Oh, sorry I got off track there for a moment.

I am hurting… bad. Everyone thinks I am over him, but they couldn’t be farther from the truth. I ache for him as if he is a drug I cannot get enough of. I am surprised I have lasted this long. Sometimes it gets unbearable, especially on his birthday or mine, our anniversary, and the holidays. It gets even worse when I find myself walking through the house catching visions of everywhere we made love to each other when I enter a room. It eats at you like a cancer slowly deteriorating you until there is nothing left but this empty void inside you that you can no longer live with. As I lay here on my bed, the clock in the living room chimes the hour of ten, and I found myself watching the scene unfold once more in my mind. It was all so vivid it was as if I was living it over again….

It had been a cold night in October and he was losing his mind. He was suffering badly and no one had realized what he was feeling. He had been high on life all day and seemed to be the happiest person around, but now he was growing distant and that was because he was crashing and hard. Being a Bipolar depressant was not a good thing at all. He was losing control over his emotions and knew that at any moment he would break. He had been hiding this from the band and from Mike for years, but now it looked like he was going to lose control right in front of Mike as he yelled at him for growing distant.

“Goddamn it Chester I cannot take this shit, I fought too hard in this relationship, fighting to hold onto you… the others are right… you no longer care about us!”

He had done nothing more than listen that night… his body shaking as he fought for control, wanting to explain what was wrong. But he had been unable to… was weak… too tired to fight. The crash began slowly and inside he cried for help, but knew his emotions would be unread by the one man he loved.

As I lay in bed the words to a song I recently heard floated through my head as I watched the images of that night flash through my mind as if showing a movie I had never seen.

Everything’s so blurry
And everyone’s so fake
And everybody’s so empty
And everything is so messed up
Pre-occupied without you
I cannot live at all
My whole world surrounds you
I stumble then I crawl

You could be my someone
You could be my sea
You know that I’ll protect you
From all of the obscene
I wonder what you’re doing
Imagine where you are
There’s oceans in between us
But that’s not very far.

Can you take it all away
Can you take it all away
When ya shoved it in my face
Explain again to me

Can you take it all away
Can you take it all away
When ya shove it in my face

“Constantly you say nothing, you close yourself in this unbreakable shell leaving me on the outside looking in. I cannot reach you, no one can. You give the others and me no reason for it… why do you torment me?! Chester! Don't you understand what I am saying?! You have totally pushed me away, and I can’t take you back!”

He longed to tell him that it wasn’t like that, the enclosing depression holding on tightly not letting go. He wanted to run to him and cling to him, tell him he loved him and that he was the very air he breathed, but he couldn’t… the darkness wouldn’t let him. There was nothing he could do, and his silence only angered him further.

“Damn it Chester! Do I mean nothing to you? Does our relationship mean nothing?!”

Silence.

Everyone is changing
There’s noone left that’s real
To make up your own ending
And let me know just how you feel
Cause I am lost without you
I cannot live at all
My whole world surrounds you
I stumble then I crawl

You could be my someone
You could be my sea
You know that I will save you
From all the obscene
I wonder what your doing
I wonder where you are
There’s oceans in between us
But that’s not very far

Can you take it all away
Can you take it all away
When ya shove it in my face
Explain again to me

Can you take it all away
Can you take it all away
When ya shove it in my face
Explain again to me

He had sighed, the hurt inside him clearly shown in those dark chocolate orbs, tears glistening like diamonds filled his eyes, reflecting the pain he must have felt in his heart.

“I am leaving Chester… I cannot stay in this relationship any longer… I would have stayed blind if not for the others… without them I would have continued to play the fool.”

Nobody told me what you thought
Nobody told me what to say
Everyone showed you where to turn
Told you where to runaway
Nobody told you where to hide
Nobody told you what to say
Everyone showed you to turn
Showed you where to run away

Can you take it all away
Can you take all away
When ya shove it in my face
Explain again to me.

Can you take it all away
Can you take it all away
When ya shove it in my face
Explain again to me

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Explain again to me!!!!!

His heart had broken in that moment, and he knew that he was losing him forever. He had wanted so bad to tell him everything, and beg him not to listen to the others. He had felt helpless as he clung to the edge of total insanity, watching as he packed his things. He had an aching feeling inside of him that made me feel as if someone was slowly ripping his heart out, enjoying his pain and suffering.

“Forgive me Chester… I really do love you… but this is for the best.”

Mike had walked up to him and kissed him softly for the last time before turning and walking out the door, never looking back, and at that moment he had hit rock bottom of his depression, his soul now shrouded in darkness, dying with the loss of it's light. He could still feel the imprint of lips on his own, for the very last time, the soft, masculine lips that belonged only to Mike. He had flipped out that night throwing a rampage in the house before collapsing into a heap in the floor and crying his eyes out, his heart shredded into a million pieces. He had lost, and it was not his fault… the others had helped in this, and now he had to suffer without him.

That whole night had ended with Chester passed out in the middle of the floor surrounded by fragments of glass from mirrors and vases he had broken. Chester himself, looking like complete hell -- his hair disheveled, his head hurting because he was not wearing his glasses, and then there was the constant need to kill himself, lurking, wanting to be let free.

The clock chimed twelve times. Midnight. Chester sighs softly and turns over in bed closing his eyes falling asleep, his heart aching for the man he no longer held, the man who had moved on in his life, and was even in a new relationship. His life, his light, his heart, his soul… Mike.

You take it all
You take it all...
Explain again to me
You take it all away
Explain again to me
Take it all away
Explain again

The dream came quickly, before he could even think about what was going on. Now he was standing in the snow outside of his home. Snow in Arizona? He would shrug it off thinking he always dreamed weird shit, but then there was something else. There was his voice carrying on the wind singing My December. He turned around in a half circle trying to figure out where it was coming from. He was not singing. It was then he saw Mike standing not too far away from him. His breath caught in his throat. There he stood dressed in black pants and a baggy black shirt much like he wore in the “In The End” video, his dark bluish-black hair nicely spiked and perfectly flawless. Chester stood there, frozen in place. His heart pounded quickly in his chest as he locked his sight with the emcees dark chocolate colored eyes.

This is my December
This is my time of the year
This is my December
This is all so clear

This is my December
This is my snow covered home
This is my December
This is me alone

He watched as Mike held his hands out to him, as if to beckon him closer. He did love him; he was calling him back! Chester immediately started to run toward the man he loved with arms wide open only to soon notice he was not getting close enough to grab a hold on him when he should be able to reach him with the speed in which he was running.

And I
Just wish that I didn’t feel
Like there was something I missed
And I
Take back all the things I said
To make you feel like that
And I
Just wish that I didn’t feel
Like there was something I missed
And I
Take back all the things I said to you

And I
Give it all away
Just to have somewhere to go to
Give it all away
Just to have someone to come home to

He watched the pain in Mike’s face as he continued to run toward the man he loved. Dear god, he couldn’t reach him. Please oh please… Mike… He kept running and noticed that he was getting nowhere fast. What in the hell was going on here, why couldn’t he reach Mike?! His heart started pounding more in fear than adrenaline, he was panicking... no he couldn't lose him not again... dear god not again.

This is my December
These are my snow covered trees
This is me pretending
This is all I need

And I
Just wish that I didn’t feel
Like there was something I missed
And I
Take back all the things I said
To make you feel like that
And I
Just wish that I didn’t feel
Like there was something I missed
And I
Take back all the things I said to you

And I
Give it all away
Just to have somewhere to go to
Give it all away
To have someone to come home to

Suddenly the illusion was gone and he was standing in front of Mike. He gasps softly looking into his eyes watching Mike’s tears fall. It was killing him to see Mike in such pain. He loved him and he was losing him as he had that night. He reached out and wiped a tear away. He immediately regretted it as he watched Mike begin to fade away. He wraps his arms around him, a weak attempt to hold on to him, saying the words he should have said the night Mike told him he was leaving.

“Please don’t leave me…”

This is my December
This is my time of the year
This is my December
This is all so clear!

Give it all away
Just to have somewhere to go to
Give it all away
To have someone to come home to
Give it all away
Just to have somewhere to go to
Give it all away
To have someone to come home to

He was gone. Chester fell to his knees and wept the words of the song bearing down on his shoulders, his own hauntingly beautiful voice mocking him. He cried his heart out never noticing the cold of the snow, his heart broken, and his pain clear.

Chester awakes in a start, sitting up in bed; tears in his eyes as he looked around disoriented, the dream still fresh in his mind. He lays back down pulling his knees close to his chest, curling himself into a tiny ball, his tiny frame shaking as he cried himself to sleep. The man he loved haunting him in his sleep, mocking him, as if to punish him for all his crimes, and there was nothing he could do about it. Many would call him a damn fool, he had fortune, fame, and women throwing themselves at him, and yet he was the unhappiest person around. To make matters worse it was all because he loved a man he could never hold again, he had been a fool to let him go, and this night he realized that the fame, fans, and fortune was not all he needed.
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