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White Nothing	By : Cyndiana Category: Singers/Bands/Musicians > Rammstein Views: 1306 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. I do not know the members of Rammstein. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 1-White Nothing
- 1
TITLE: White Nothing
AUTHOR: Cyndiana
RATING: NC-17 for graphic depiction of M/M sexuality, violence, gore elements, character death?
ARCHIVE: A Feather in the Blood (http://groups.yahoo.com/group/afeatherintheblood/)
PAIRING: Doomy/Paul, Doomy/Richard
SYNOPSIS: Paul wakes up to reality…But, does he really want to?
AUTHOR’S NOTE: Trippy, I know. I warn you, do not read this story while ingesting LSD…Not that I’d recommend LSD in the first place, I mean, drugs are bad…
DISCLAIMER: A work of fiction, not a statement of fact in any way, not for profit.

***************************************************

Paul slowly sniffed the morning air thick with the smell of manly body wash floating on clouds of fresh steam.

Schneider must have popped up early and hopped into the shower, Paul figured, and smiled softly to himself. He felt more content in this moment than he had in years.

He could still taste Schneider’s kisses on his lips, feel Schneider’s hands roaming his body. Just the thought of their late night rendezvous had him tingling, and growing hard.

He fought off the urge to sully Schneider’s smooth, olive skin once more, and tried desperately to lose himself in the veritable ocean of blue silk bedclothes he laid in.

He heard the bathroom door ease open, and heard Schneider humming softly to himself. In his mind’s eye he could see Schneider tip-toeing around the room, towel slung low across his hips, trying his hardest not to wake him up, as the remaining shower water makes his skin glisten like diamonds in sand…

“Someone got an early start today…” Paul muttered from his blanket crypt.

“Oh, liebling, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you. Was I too noisy?” Schneider whispered unnecessarily.

“No…I smelled you…Mmmm….” Paul mused, and was greeted by a warm, damp Schneider cuddling up to him.

Paul ran his nose along the curve of Schneider’s neck, breathing him in.

“Mmmmmmm…You smell even nicer up close…”

Schneider giggled girlishly as Paul’s breaths tickled him.

Paul kissed him deeply, sucking on his lower lip.

“Mmmm…As much as I’d like a replay of last night, Paulie, we have an appointment. Remember?”

“I know, I know, we gotta go to the rent-a-kid place, right?”

“No! We’re going to the ORPHANAGE. Remember? We decided it was time to start a family? Seriously Paul, you’re hopeless! If you don’t want to adopt, just say so, and we can’t just forget the whole…”

“Engel…Bitte…There’s no one I’d rather raise a family with than you, ok? I was only teasing. You need to relax, baby…”

Paul held Schneider close.

“I guess I do have the jitters. I mean, what if that kid doesn’t like us? What if he grows up resentful of being raised by gay parents? What if he does talk shows?”

“Schneider, relax…Everything is going to be fine…We have always been so lucky. I mean, since we’ve been together, everything’s gone right. Our album’s a huge hit, and is even in heavy rotation on AMERICAN rock radio of all things. And since we’ve been together, there hasn’t even been one rain cloud in the sky. We can do anything, Engel.”

Schneider nodded in agreement, and they both rose, and dressed.

The orphanage was just a few blocks away, so they decided to walk it, taking in the serene scenery as they journeyed.

They chatted excitedly over future plans, unaware of the dark figure that loomed only a few steps behind.

Schneider grabbed Paul and kissed him madly beneath a wide oak tree that grew beside the sidewalk.

Paul laughed between kisses.

“What was that for?” Paul gasped.

“I just couldn’t contain it anymore. We’re planning the whole rest of our future together, aren’t you just…exhilarated?”

Paul caressed Schneider’s cheek.

“More than you know…”

Suddenly over Schneider’s shoulder, Paul saw it…

Rather “HIM”…

“Oh no you don’t! Go away, and leave us be!” Paul shrieked.

“Paul?” Schneider asked, now growing scared.

“Schneider! Run!” Paul demanded.

Schneider turned to be face to face with Richard, who toted a cocked and loaded shotgun.

His eyes glowed red, and his teeth were white and fiercely sharp.

Richard grabbed Schneider by his coat, and flung him against the wall of the brick building beside them.

“Richard please, don’t do this!” Paul plead, as Schneider shook his head, crumpled on the sidewalk.

“I’m not doing this, Paul, and you know it. YOU are!” Richard shrieked in a voice far too evil to be his own.

While still looking Paul squarely in his eyes, he pointed the shotgun backward and fired one shot, directly into Schneider’s heart.

“Nooooooooo!!!” Paul lunged at Richard, but he disappeared into cackling curls of black, sooty smoke.

Paul scrambled to Schneider, sobbing and shaking.

“Engel, Engel! Hold on, I’ll get help!”

“No, Paul. There’s no time. You’ve got to wake up, Paul…”

“No! I can’t do that!” Paul sobbed into Schneider’s chest.

“If you don’t wake up, I die here and now. It’s the only way you can save me, Paul. Just remember, no matter what happens, I love you…”

“No, Paul. There’s no time. You’ve got to wake up, Paul…”

“No! I can’t do that!” Paul sobbed into Schneider’s chest.

“If you don’t wake up, I die here and now. It’s the only way you can save me, Paul. Just remember, no matter what happens, I love you…”

“Wake up, Paul…”

The sidewalk began to turn into a glowing, white liquid beneath Paul’s feet.

“WAKE UP!!!”

Suddenly Paul fell into the whiteness, falling for what felt like forever into this vast white nothingness that felt like mud all around him.

All he heard was ear-splitting silence, until suddenly voices and sounds began to pour in.

“Schneider…” he mumbled, “Schneider…Bitte…I want to go back…Bitte…”

Suddenly he was slammed into what felt like a bed. The white nothing turned, in a flash, into monitors, doctors, nurses, hustle and bustle.

Paul was gripped by gut-wrenching fear. Something wasn’t right.

“Paul? Are you awake? Paul?” a voice spoke softly.

Paul struggled for lucidity…

Finally he saw the face that owned the soft voice. It was Schneider.

“I saved you, I saved you!” Paul gasped, tears streaming down his cheeks.

“Yes, you did, Paul, you did.” Schneider comforted him gently.

“The gun, and…You were shot and…”

“Gun? No Paul…The bus accident. You don’t remember?” Schneider asked, face soft with concern.

“No, no, Schneider, we were walking, and then, and…” Paul began, but before he could explain, a fearfully familiar face appeared by Paul’s bedside.

“You fucking son of a bitch! I’ll kill you!!!” Paul howled, lunging for Richard.

Richard dropped the cups of coffee he held, and fell to the floor.

“Richard, go, he’s obviously been having dreams. Go get the nurse!” Schneider ordered.

“Schneider! Get away from him, he’ll kill you! He tried once before, but I saved you! I woke up, just like you told me to!” Paul shrieked, frantic.

A nurse came in with a syringe.

“Ok Mr. Landers, big stick, ok?”

“No, don’t, don’t! No!!!” Paul howled as she injected the drug that soon sent Paul into a deep, thick calm.

Schneider and Richard left the room, and stood just outside Paul’s door as his doctor entered in.

Schneider clung to Richard, sobbing.

“Oh, Engel, it’s going to be all right. He’s just disoriented.” Richard cooed, stroking Schneider’s hair.

“He was going to hurt you, Richard!” Schneider wept.

“Years of resentment probably manifested in his dreams. It has been 5 years since he went into the coma, Schneider. Give him a while to get used to reality again, he’ll be just fine.”

They kissed briefly, and stood there, locked in one another’s embrace.

They heard a voice beside them.

“Ahem…Can I speak to both of you, in my office downstairs?” Dr. Heirmann requested.

They obliged, and after taking the elevator in labored silence, they entered the doctor’s office.

They took a seat in front of his desk, and the doctor sat in his large, black leather office chair.

Schneider’s eyes scanned the beige walls, lined with various diplomas, family photos, pictures from hospital outings, and the like. The fluorescent lights sizzled in his eyes as the doctor began to speak.

“Seems that while in his coma, Herr Landers has been living in a sort of ‘dream world’, if you will. He is not yet adjusted to reality. He has no recollection of the accident. He is convinced that Herr Schneider was shot, and nearly killed by you, Herr Kruspe, and only saved by the fact he woke up. I have arranged a psych eval, but it is advisable, until further notice, that you both stay away. Just until he can be brought to realize what is real and what is not. Can I expect both of your cooperation?”

Schneider nodded softly, gripping Richard’s hand until his knuckles were white.

“Ja, of course. Anything to further his recovery.” Richard spoke softly.

“Excellent. I promise you I will keep you posted on his progress, and will let you know when his therapist has given the all clear for you to return.”

Both men shook the doctor’s hand, and journeyed for home. They reported Paul’s condition to their band mates, and Schneider crawled into bed.

Richard slipped into the room and snuggled next to Schneider.

“Are you going to be ok, Engel?” Richard asked, nuzzling his cheek.

“Ja, sure. Today was just a bit of a shock, is all.”

“That it was. But, they’ll get him all straightened out, and he’ll be back to the Paul we both loved.”

“You’re right, as always…”

Richard smiled softly, kissing Schneider deeply.

Schneider needed more than anything to forget the events of the day…

He slid his hands up the back of Richard’s shirt, purring as Richard’s muscles rippled beneath his touch.

Richard drew his lips downward, and sucked on Schneider’s neck, chuckling softly as Schneider grew hard beneath him.

They tore each other’s clothes away, sending them cascading to the floor.

Richard slid down Schneider’s body, sucking his nipples gently, biting them softly until they stood at hard points.

He slid further, and gripped Schneider’s cock, drawing the tip of his tongue over the shaft, sending Schneider’s back arching sharply upward.

Richard flittered his tongue over the head, thrusting the tip of his tongue into the sensitive slit, driving Schneider slowly mad.

Richard smiled, as he swallowed Schneider whole, sending the entirety of his length and girth down his throat.

Schneider gripped Richard’s hair, slowly fucking Richard’s face, savoring every sweet sensation.

When Richard could taste pre-cum, he disengaged himself, capturing it on his fingers, and using it to ease their descent inside of Schneider, fingering him as he returned to sucking him, taking all of him that he could handle.

It didn’t take long before Schneider cried aloud, sending sizzling white cascading down Richard’s eager throat.

Richard rolled Schneider onto his stomach, and entered him swiftly, causing Schneider to cry out in delight, still reeling from his own climax.

Richard thrust into him desperately, aching for his own release.

Schneider thrust himself backward, longing to drive Richard as deep inside of him as he could go, mewling as Richard brushed past his sweet spot over and over…

Soon, Richard was pistoning himself in and out of Schneider, nails latched into Schneider’s shapely hips, clawing at them like an animal, leaving trails of angry red in their wake.

Richard sobbed, screaming aloud as he filled Schneider deeply.

Richard collapsed, a breath flying out of his lungs, and Schneider rolled over to face him.

They held one another close as sleep over took them.

*********************************************************

Paul sat up in his bed as the psychologist spoke with him.

“Do you know your name?”

“Paul, Paul Landers.”

“Yes. Do you know how old you are?”

“41...”

“No, Herr Landers, you are 46. You went into your coma at 41.”

“Oh…”

“Do you know what ended you up here?”

“No…I thought I did, but I was just dreaming it, I suppose.”

“Do you want to know? Are you ready?”

“Ja…”

“Your band was on tour, and on your tour bus. Your bus driver was very tired, and was pushing himself too hard. He fell asleep while you were on a mountain road. He ran off the road, and over a cliff. You threw yourself on top of your friend, Christoph, and protected him, but in the process, a seat came loose and hit you on the head, crushing your skull and causing significant damage to your brain. Your driver was killed, but the rest of you fared much better. The others suffered a few bruises and minor fractures, and you had the most severe injuries.”

Paul absorbed all the doctor was telling him.

“So, I did save Schneider?”

“Yes, you did. Your body deflected the debris. It’s because of you he is alive.”

“Do you know if…Were Schneider and I…Well…you know…”

“A couple? Not that I am aware. From the information I have, you were a couple once, broke up on good terms, agreeing to see other people, and he is now seeing Herr Kruspe.”

At that Paul felt a clenching in his gut, and cried out.

“Herr Landers, are you all right?”

“Ja, ja…I just got a stomach cramp…I think I’m fine now.”

“Ok, good. Well, Herr Landers, you seem quite lucid to me. Would you feel comfortable with having visitors?”

“Ja, that would be great, danke.”

“Ok then, I’ll let your doctor know my findings, and clear you for visitors.”

“Danke, Doctor.”

The psychologist left, and Paul sat in bed, wide awake, still trying to absorb all the new information.

In his dreams, the love Schneider felt for him seemed so real…Too real to be a dream…

Hours passed like minutes, and the hands on the wall clock in Paul’s room seemed to spin like helicopter blades.

The hospital grew dark, and the eggshell walls turned a deep, blood red.

Paul’s heart pounded against his chest as he tried to call out for help, but his voice was distorted, like he was screaming through water.

His door opened and Schneider entered.

“Schneider, Engel! Help me, I’m scared!”

Schneider gasped for air like a fish out of water, and held his chest.

“Schneider? Talk to me? What is wrong?”

Schneider kept gasping, holding out his palm, showing it to be covered in blood.

“Engel! He did this to you, didn’t he? That evil son of a bitch! He did this, didn’t he?!”

Schneider fell on top of Paul, coughing up what seemed to be waterfalls of blood, and Paul crawled up to the very top of his bed.

“Stop this, stop it now! Schneider, stop!”

The room filled with blood, blood that slapped in great waves against the walls.

Paul felt hands grip him.

“Let me go!” he demanded, tearing the hands away.

“I didn’t do this, Paul. I didn’t do any of it.” a chillingly familiar voice hissed behind him.

Paul scrambled to the foot of his bed, facing his challenger.

“Ja, you did! You killed him, Richard, it was all your doing, I know it!!!”

“If I did it, Paul, why are you holding the gun?” Richard growled.

Paul looked in his hand, and in it was a double barrel shot gun. He gasped, and let it fall to the floor.

“I didn’t do it, Richard! You MADE me do it! It was you!!!”

“Oh, silly man, how easily you forget everything…We had that horrible accident…You were convinced that after saving Schneider’s life, he’d surely take you back. But, instead, you went into a coma, and he stayed with me. Remember?!”

“You’re lying! You’re a liar, Richard!”

“You woke up. You woke up, convinced Schneider was waiting for you, but he wasn’t. He counted you for dead, just like the rest of us. You woke up, and no one was there. You were angry. He should have been there, or so you thought. You bought a shotgun, convinced I was holding him hostage. We were making love, he and I, remember? We were fucking like mad…”

“Shut up! Shut the fuck up!”

“You crept into the room, like some kind of vengeful demon, and you closed your eyes. You closed your fucking eyes Paul! You were too much of a coward to even watch as you missed me completely, and landed a shot right into Schneider’s heart. You remember now, HUH?!”

“You’re a liar!!!” Paul screamed, lunging for Richard.

They both fell with great big splashes into the undulating sea of blood.

“You’ve been waking up ever since, haven’t you Paul? But you never really woke up. You think I’m such a liar, what are you so fucking afraid of, huh? Wake up! Wake the fuck UP, Paul!”

“I’ll kill you!!!” Paul screamed, holding Richard under the red ocean they struggled in.

“You can’t!!! I am not real, Paul! I’m in your head. You blamed me for Schneider’s death and have been blaming me ever since! Wake up!!!!!!!!!!!”

“NOOOOOOOO!” Paul screamed as the blood seemed to fly from the room, along with all the monitors, the television, his bed, and everything, and soon, he was once again floating in the expanse of white nothingness.

From nowhere came a tan leather strap, snaking its way over to him, grasping his right arm, then his left, then both ankles.

He struggled against the bonds.

“No! Let me go!”

The white faded away to reveal gray, concrete walls.

A wall clock ticked as loudly in Paul’s ears as a scream.

He was held fast, and heard voices outside, barely able to make them out.

“Ja, Herr Kruspe. He is becoming increasingly more lucid. He might wake up completely soon. We can’t formally charge him until he sees a therapist who can tell him what he did, and see if he understands. “

“He’ll be heartbroken. He loved Schneider, you know. I’d be happy if he was just kept here, instead of prison.”

“That’ll be for the court to decide, Herr Kruspe. Until then, we’ll keep you posted. Would you like to see him?”

“For a moment, then I have to leave. I have to arrange for Schneider’s funeral.”

Richard slipped into the small, barren room. The only sound was Paul’s steady breaths and the beeping of heart and brain monitors.

Richard ran his hand over the wrist restraint that held Paul’s left arm fast, then moved up his arm, caressing him gently.

“Oh, Paul. It’s been tragedy upon tragedy. I’m so sorry. I forgive you, Paul. I forgive you.” Richard sobbed softly, as Paul’s eyes flew open.

He wanted to strike out, to kill Richard once and for all, but instead of the vengeful demon, he saw Richard, the heartbroken man.

Richard’s sobs turned into cruel laughter.

The room grew red, and Richard’s eyes blazed, his teeth grew long and razor sharp.

“I forgive you of nothing! You will pay, Paul! For eternity, you will pay!”

Paul screamed, but made no sound, as he repeated to himself, “Sleep, sleep, I must sleep, I must sleep….”

Once more into the white nothing, then up and up…

Through it, above it, until it turned hard as concrete beneath him.

“Paul, Engel, are you all right?” a soft voice asked.

Paul blinked as sunlight blinded him.

“We can cancel this appointment, I think you need to lie down, Engel.” the voice spoke.

Paul looked up to see Schneider’s face looking down on him.

“What? No, I’m fine. We aren’t late are we?” Paul muttered softly.

“Only a few minutes. You collapsed. We can go home if you need to.”

“No, no, let’s go get our child.”

Schneider helped Paul up, holding him close, making their way through the crowd that gathered.

“Schneider…”

“Ja Engel?”

“Are we planning our future…or our eternity?”

“Which do you want?”

“Eternity…”

“And so you shall have it…” Schneider cooed, holding him close.

*****************************************************

Paul never woke up from his catatonia.

Schneider was buried, and each band member went on his own way, each to carry on his own life.

But, somewhere, all was right.

Somewhere sadness was joy.

Night time was day…

And Paul vowed to never wake again…

Because truth was far more cruel than fiction.

And fiction meant Schneider by his side, and ignorance…

…was truly bliss.

DIE ENDE
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