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Secrets (Part 1 of 2)	By : Cyndiana Category: Singers/Bands/Musicians > Rammstein Views: 1548 -:- Recommendations : 1 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. I do not know the members of Rammstein. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 1-Secrets (Part 1 of 2)
- 2-Secrets (Part 2 of 2)
- 1
- 2
Title: Secrets PART 1/2
Author: Cyndiana
Archive: A Feather in the Blood (http://groups.yahoo.com/group/afeatherintheblood/)
Rating: NC-17 for GRAPHIC depictions of underage M/M sexuality, language, frank discussion of suicide.
Characters: Till/Flake/Daniel (fictional character)
Synopsis: The death of Till’s father sends Till into a trip into his bittersweet memories…
Disclaimer: Don’t own Rammstein, wouldn’t be writing this shit if I did….Not for profit, is a work of fiction, yada yada bing bang BOOM.

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"You've got to go!" Flake shrieked. "He -WAS- your father, after all!"

Till just sat defiantly, clutching his cell phone so tightly that his knuckles were white.

"Till, you know you have to go.”

"I've got to do nothing I don't want to. I owe him nothing."

"Then -I'll- go, I'll pay your respects for you."

"I have no respect to pay. I only wish him a safe journey to hell…“ then Till whispered softly enough that Flake couldn’t hear clearly, “Mörder..."

"Tillchen, you've got to forgive...It was so many years ago that..." "That he ruined my life, and that’s all you need to know!”

Till remembered it well...he was a young boy...15? 16? The years all seemed to blur together. He had some friends over. They drank beer, talked about girls, and threw rocks at the neighbor's dog. As the sky began to grow dark, Till friends left...all but Daniel.

Daniel was Till's closest friend.

They had a symbiotic relationship. Daniel was American, and had moved to Germany 2 years ago when his dad was given a high-up position in the German office of his company. Daniel told him stories of all his travels. Daniel longed for his America, but he especially loved Spain. He'd discuss Spain at length...His mother was from Spain, and it showed in Daniel's deep, soulful brown eyes.

Daniel spoke English and Spanish, but after only two years in Germany, he now also spoke impeccable German.

Daniel would speak of wondrous things: freedoms and riches unknown to Till. Till could listen to him talk for hours. This night was no different. They lie in the grass, under the stars. Daniel rattled on about his old house in America with the two car garage and three stories! And his swimming pool. Till was particularly interested in the pool. Being a swimmer, he'd love to have his own pool to train in, instead of the one he was forced to train in now. It smelled...it was ice cold. Daniel's had been heated, and it had a fountain.

Daniel rolled on his side and looked Till up and down. Even then, Till had a superb physique for his age. Repetitive breast strokes chiseled his chest, and the torturous exercise demanded of him by his trainers carved him into quite a strapping young lad, and Daniel's eyes feasted on his form. Finally, Daniel spoke softly.

"Till?"

"Yeah?"

"Uh...never mind..."

"Something wrong?" Till turned to face him. Daniel melted, looking into his eyes. He longed to tell Till his secret, but how would he react? He took a deep, long breath.

“I want to tell you something, so badly, but…Give me that!” he took the beer from Till’s hand and took a long swig. He’d need the courage.

“What is it? Tell me….”

“Have you ever hear of a homosexuell?”

Till’s stomach tightened like a fist. He knew that word all too well…
“You’re going to be a champion Till! You’re going to be a man! No son of mine will flounce around like some homosexuell in some ‘rock band’…You’re going to win gold for Deutschland!”

“Yes I have…No, not you Daniel! Are you?” Daniel rolled onto his back, gazing skyward, emotionless. “Don’t you like women?”

“Women are fine, but….once you kiss a boy….” Till looked at Daniel…He was suddenly so beautiful…

“And you have…?”

“Yes, I had a boyfriend in America.”

“What is it like to kiss a boy?” Butterflies flitted through the pit of Till’s stomach.

“It’s not something I could easily describe…”

“Then….show me….” Till pulled Daniel to him in a awkward kiss. “Eh, it’s not that great….”

“You didn’t do it right!” Daniel pulled Till to him, cradled his head in his hands, and kissed him lovingly. It was magical…. Till savored the taste of Daniel’s kiss on his lips.

“You and this boyfriend…Did you…make love?”

“Yes, we did…”

“Show me…” Till pulled Daniel’s hips to his.

“Till? Are you sure?” Daniel asked nervously.

“I’ve never been surer of anything…Daniel, all I’ve ever wanted was to know what you know, feel what you feel…Let me know this, feel this….”

Daniel kissed Till passionately. They undressed each other, naked young bodies glistening in the soft moonlight. Daniel left trails of soft, gentle kisses all over Till’s neck, chest, hips…..then moved down to his rigid cock….He sucked him slowly, making each sensation linger…Till moaned pleasurably…This felt so right, so very right…

Daniel stopped and kissed him longingly. Then Till returned the favor, longing to make Daniel feel as good as he had. When Daniel had all he could stand, he rolled on his side, with his back to Till. Till was so nervous and excited all at once, knowing what it was Daniel wanted. He moistened his cock, and slid into Daniel slowly, and made love to him. Daniel murmured under his breath secret words of passion while their fingers and bodies intertwined…Soon Till shuddered and cried out with orgasm. Till shook softly…He knew what was next, and he was afraid. Daniel looked deeply into his eyes.

“Till, if you’re not ready, you don’t have to…”

“I want to….Make love to me Daniel….”

Till offered himself to him. Daniel pull a finger in Till’s mouth to moisten it, and slid it inside of him, probing gently. The sensation was amazing, and Till moaned and whimpered softly. Then, when Daniel felt he was ready, he slid inside of him slowly. He entered, withdrew, entered further, withdrew again until he had completely penetrated him. Then he made love to Till, whispering lovers’ words hotly into his ear and Till just lost himself in the moment. Now he knew how women felt, how deeply sex pierced their souls…Why they sometimes wept….He felt hot tears on his cheeks.

“Am I hurting you?” Daniel asked lovingly.

“Never…” Till replied.

Till never wanted the moment to end, but all at once Daniel called out his name at the pinnacle of his climax.

They dressed, and lay in the grass, kissing like new lovers. All at once there was a blinding flash of light. Till felt Daniel lifted away from him and heard his body hit a nearby tree. The light shifted and Till saw his father looming over him with a flashlight.

“Drop your trousers!”

“No, father…Why?!” Till shrieked as his dad pulled his pants down, examining his underwear, finding what he was seeking: blood and semen.

“Not my son, oh God, not my son!” Till saw Daniel shaking his head, awakening from unconsciousness. Till’s father raised his flashlight to strike Daniel.

“You’ll pay!” Till charged his father and knocked him to the ground.

“Run, Daniel!” Daniel fled for his life.

As he did, Till’s father called after him, “Just you wait until I tell your father he’s got a faggot for a son! Just you wait!”

He dragged Till into the house and beat him until he was half-deaf for days….

The next day at school, Till waited for Daniel. And waited. And waited. Finally Daniel’s sister, Veronica, strode up to him after school.

“Daniel wanted me to give you this…” she said, and handed Till a letter. Till read it carefully, absorbing every word,

“Meet me in the field behind the park…I love you… Daniel”

Till couldn’t run fast enough. He reached the field, tossed his book bag aside, and embraced Daniel with bone crushing force. He kissed him so hard he thought his lips would split. Daniel pulled away from him.

“What’s wrong?” Daniel’s brown eyes were so sad and longing.

“I wanted to say goodbye.” “Goodbye?!” Till shrieked, eyes welling with tears.

“Your father made good on his promise. Don’t worry, all he told my father is that I kissed you, and that you fought me off valiantly. That you never wanted to see me again. Your secret’s safe…”

“Of course I wanted to see you again! I never want you to leave! Where are you going?” he asked with a whimper.

“My father’s sending me back to America to join the army.”

“No….you can’t go, I love you….”

“I love you too, but I’ve got no choice…Till?” Daniel got suddenly solemn.

“What?” Daniel looked deep into Till’s eyes.

“Remember…” Daniel’s eyes flooded with tears, “WHATEVER happens, I love you, I’ll always love you. Swear to me you know that.”

“I swear…Daniel? Daniel?” Daniel kissed him deeply and walked away.

“No, not yet, come back!”

“I’ve got to go, I’m leaving soon.”

“Let’s run away together! Don’t leave me! Daniel!” As Daniel disappeared into the distance Till dropped to his knees, sobbing.

It was days, and Till heard nothing of Daniel. His life was mundane, each day a gray photocopy of the last. His world had no colors since his rainbow went away. Then, at home, he heard his father call to him through his locked bedroom door, “Till there’s a girl here to see you…What a surprise…”

It was Veronica. Once she laid eyes on Till, her body heaved with sobs.

“What’s wrong?”

“Not here…” she took his hand and led him to the field. All at once she fell into Till’s arms, sobbing.

“It’s Daniel…”

“What? What’s wrong?” Till’s body grew cold.

“He never made it to the plane…”

“What?!”

“They found him this morning…He hung himself in the barn…”

She clung to Till tightly… Till stood frozen, unable to cry, unable to speak.

“I’m sorry Till, I know how much he meant to you…You were his dearest friend…”

Till tossed her aside.

“You don’t know what he meant to me! No one in this godforsaken town does!”

He fled for his home, packed up his most necessary belongings and left town for good.

He didn’t go to Daniel’s funeral. He couldn’t stand the finality. He sure as hell wasn’t going to his father’s, regardless of Flake’s pleading. As far as he was concerned, he had no father. No father would put his son through such torment. Till never told Flake of Daniel. Flake only knew that sometimes, after they made love, Till would get ill, lock himself in the bathroom and cry. He never knew why.
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Secrets (Part 1 of 2)