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Color me blood red	By : Haru28 Category: J-Rock/J-Pop & K-Pop > Crossovers Views: 991 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own or represent any of these celebrities. I make no profit from this, nor do I claim anything herein as the truth. It is purely fictional.

Chapter List
- 1-Color me blood red
- 2-Color me blood red 2
- 1
- 2
Disclaimer: I own NOTHING…not the slighest thing…just the rather weird idea for this story…. No profits…who would pay me anyway?
Umm….Warnings: Angst….blood…death ...maybe painful memories….SAP…maybe a little citrus…
Any comments… while writing I was actually too lazy to look up the correct date when Gackt left Malice Mizer. I think it was either January 21st or 31st. ….oh well..*shrug*
Also I know Klaha joined Malice Mizer after Kami´s death…..unlike in this story…but oh well..we can´t know for sure. Maybe they did talk earlier…..
I think Közi and Klaha know each other for quiete a while already…because when Malice was in indies Közi once made something with someone from Pride of Mind and it´s quite possible that he and Klaha met then. I know it was Közi who brought Klaha to Malice Mizer ..and so I guess they were already friends then.
“Using” Kami´s death in this story made me really uncomfortable and I´m sorry about it. May our beloved butterfly rest in peace.

Color me blood red
Bloody red.
Small drops hit the carpet.
But there was no pain.
He didn´t even feel the cut.
The pain had stopped a long time ago.

A long sleeved shirt easily hid the cuts along with the tattoos on his arms. The small scars were not even visible with all the colored pictures on his arms. No one had ever seen them – noone except two persons who knew him far too well.
One was Mana of course. His long time best friend and Bandmate. He had shouted at him, cried and trying to get him promised that he won´t do it again. Full of worry.
The other one was Shinya. The slender drummer of Dir en Grey hadn´t even said anything about it. He just had shrugged it of and then shown him his own scars.

January 20th 1999
Közi put his keitei away and looked at his bandmates. “Gotta go. Sorry.”
“We´re in the middle of practise! You can´t just go now!” Mana said.
Közi put Akauzu-kun in his black and silver box and shrugged. “I´ll make it up. Sorry. It´s important.”
“Közi? Where are you going?”
Közi rolled his eyes, which dark color was not hidden behind colored contacts now. “I´m just meeting Shinya, okay? I won´t ask for your permission.”
“I wouldn´t give it anyway. We´re in the middle of PRACTISE!”
“I know that Mana-chan! But it´s important!”
“Do what you want Közi-kun.”
Közi sighed. He hated it when Mana was like that. Still he left the room and drove to Shinya´s apaato.
When Közi unlocked the door – Shinya had given him a key some weeks ago – he saw the drummer sitting on his couch. He was naked, his legs clutched tightly to his chest his arms wrapped around them. This skin was flaming red and he was shivering.
Közi approached him and sat down beside him. Steam came from the bathroom and Közi knew that Shinya had just taken a shower – just that the water probably had been boiling hot.
Közi didn´t ask for the reason. He knew that Shinya wouldn´t tell him. Just like Közi never told Shinya the reason when he had cut himself. He took Shinyas hand and kissed it gently. “Wanna take another shower?”
Shinya nodded, his skinny body still shivering. Közi helped him up and with a faint smile he guided Shinya to the bathroom. Instead of turning the shower on he filled the bathtub and helped Shinya into it . Then he undressed himself quickly and stepped into it himself. He sat behind Shinya so the drummer could lean against his chest. Slowly Közi bathed the auburn haired boy, washing his arms, legs and chest. Shinya just sat there, leaning against him and staring at the opposide wall.
Though both were sitting naked in that bathtub never had anything happened between them. Both loved someone else and they knew that. Közi and Shinya just shared some gentle moments together, holding and comforting each other. Knowing of the internal pain the other had.
Before the water could get too cold Közi lifted Shinya out of the tub, rubbed him dry with a smooth towel and carried him to his bedroom. Together they snuggled on the bed and finally Shinya fell asleep in his arms. He hadn´t spoken all the time but Közi knew that eventually he would when he was up to.
January 21st 1999
The next morning Közi was woken by the beeping of his keitei. Numbly he got up and reached for his pants. His cell was in one of the pockets..somewhere….. finally he found it and answered it.
“WHERE THE F**** ARE YOU??” Mana´s angry voice shouted at him. Közi twitched and took a quick look to the sleeping figure next to him. Shinya´s eyes glistened a bit in the morning sun. He must have cried last night after Közi had fallen asleep. Közi smiled at him and then answered his phone again.
“I´m still with Shinya, Mana-chan.”
“You ……..SLEPT over at him?” Something in Mana´s voice let Közi get the feeling of Mana being jealous.
“He needed a friend to talk, Mana-chan. That´s all.”
“I need you here too, Közi! Now get your butt up and come over to my house! We have a meeting here!” With that Mana hanged up not even waiting for Közi´s answer.
When Közi put down the keitei he suddenly felt a hand on his arm. “It´s okay. You can go to him.”
Közi smiled faintly at the drummer and ruffled his hair. “If you want me to stay I can stay.”
“No…it´s okay. Thank you for coming here yesterday.”
Közi nodded and got up to get clothed. A part of him wanted to ask Shinya why he had hurt himself so much by showering with boiling water, rubbing his skin until it was almost bleeding but on the other hand, Shinya never asked him …so…..it would break their silent agreement. If Shinya wanted to talk about the reasons he had to do it on his own accord.
Shinya watched Közi get dressed and smiled silently at him. After a while he said: “I´m going to break up with my boyfriend.”
Közi blinked at him and sat down on the bed again. “Why?”
Shinya didn´t look up. He seemed suddenly quiete interested in studing his hands. “Yesterday after the concert ….we went out. We really had fun together but I didn´t want more. I was tired from the concert and I just wanted to sleep and …..but he wanted more so he took what he wanted.”
Közi was shoked. “He raped you?”
Shinya shrugged. “It´s not as if it would have been the first time.”
“Shinya…..” Közi didn´t know what to say. He sat down on the bed and reached out for Shinya´s slim hands. “Then you really should break up with him.”
“But I hate to be alone.”
“I´m here.”
Shinya let out a fake laughter and shrugged. “I know… but that´s not the same.”
“Sorry.”
“It´s okay, Közi. You should go now. Mana-san´s waiting for you.”
Közi sighed and strocked over Shinya´s palms. “You sure?”
“Yes.”
“Okay then.”
Still worried Közi left the small apaato and drove towards Mana´s house. Mana was mad at him for sure but Közi didn´t care much about that.
But when he saw the look on Mana´s face he knew that something was deffinatly wrong…and it wasn´t just his leaving from practise yesterday.
“It´s over Közi”, Mana sighed and briefly looked up from the papers spread before him on the table. He weared his huge, black sunglasses and Közi immidiatly knew he had been crying.
“What´s over?”
“Our dream….everything. Malice Mizer is over.”
For a moment Közi just stared at him, letting the words sink into his mind. He felt his chest clutching together and the urgend need to cry out. Instead he forced himself to be calm and say: “What do you mean, it´s over? What happened?”
“Gackt left. We have no vocalist.”
Közi blinked at sat down. “Why would he leave us? Can´t you talk it over with him?”
Almost furiously Mana pushed the papers away from him, sending them sailing across the room. “I will never ever talk one more word with him! He just left m-…left us! Without a word…I …ARGH!”
Közi took a deep breath and gently touched Mana´s shivering hands. “I´ll talk to him, okay? Nee?? Maybe it´s not …”
“No…talk to him of you want but I don´t want him back in the band. He´s dead for me. I will never see him again.”
Közi wanted to ask what had happened the day before after he had left but he didn´t dare to ask. Maybe later when Mana had calmed down but as it was now Mana wouldn´t tell him anyway.
“What ...happens to Malice Mizer then? Maybe we can find someone else..or …Yu~ki or I can sing……Kami ´s voice is great too…..” Közi asked carefully. Mana shrugged and – pushing his sunglasses away – buried his head in his palms. Smearing his make-up. “I have no idea…” he mumbled, trying to hide the sobs escaping him. “Your voice don´t fit the songs, Közi…..I know you´re good but not as good as Gackt ….”
Közi felt a pout coming up but he forced it down. “Noone´s as good as Gackt, Mana-chan. But still ..this can´t be the end of it.”
With a sudden move Mana got up, hid his red eyes behind the sunglasses and walked to the door. “You tell the others, please? I can´t ….” With that he left the room, leaving Közi with the burden of telling Yu~ki and Kami that their band was probably at its end.
January 23rd 1999
Shinya started to worry when Közi didn´t take his phone after the second day of no contact. Finally he drove over to Közi´s place. The smell of alcohol hit him the moment he unlocked the door. Közi´s cats curiously looked up at Shinya and while Zaku purred around his feet to get some attention and maybe some eatable goodies Rara walked back gracefully to the mainroom and snuggled on Közi´s lap. Közi was sleeping, most probably drunk and Shinya found some dried blood on the white shirt he was wearing. Worried that Közi maybe had gone too far this time he shok his friend and when Közi didn´t wake he slapped his face which brought the guitarist back to attention.
“Shini?” With clouded eyes and a bit confused Közi looked up at him. “What date is it?”
Shinya smiled faintly and told him the date. “January 23rd. I was worried when I couldn´t reach you the last two days.”
Közi rubbed his aching neck and sat up. He patted his cats and smiled at Shinya. “I´m sorry, nee? I guess I was a little ….well, I guess I overreacted a bit.”
Shinya bit his lip and sat down. Finally he managed to ask. “May I know what happened? I mean..”
Közi leaned back and tried to get his hair out of his face. “Gackt left Malice Mizer. It´s proabably over with the band. I still have to tell Kami and Yu~ki and I have no idea how to. They might even know by now. I first needed time to think if over to realize it by myself.”
Shinya shot him a digusting look. “By getting drunk like this?” The slender drummer got up and opened the windows. Immdiatly it got colder inside the room for it was only January. Közi shivered and his cats snuggled closer to him. Walking around in the small appato Shinya freed the room from the smell of tabaco and alcohol. After a while he came back and ruffled through Közi´s hair like the other had just done with him a few days ago. “You should go aid your wounds. Are there many?”
Közi slowly shook his head. “I´m fine. I wasn´t as depressed as I thought I would be. Maybe it´s better for us. Gackt and Mana kept shouting at each other and I know Gackt wants to do his own stuff for so long. I think…why shouldn´t we survive it, nee? I mean, Malice Mizer. We can still go on.”
“Without a vocalist?”
Közi sighed and shrugged. “We´ll go on..somehow.”
Shinya smiled and nodded. “I´ve never seen you this obtimistc.”
Közi gave him a tiny laugh. “Malice Mizer is also my baby, like it is Mana´s. We won´t just let it down just because one of us decidet to leave.”
“Is Mana-san thinking the same?”
“Right now he´s mad with Gackt”, Közi sighed. “But he´ll calm down and I think then I´ll talk to him. I probably just have to leave him some time.” He leaned back andgratully sipped at the tea Shinya had made. “What about you and your boyfriend? Finally broke up?”
Shinya nodded and played with his ring. “I knew it would be hard but I just can´t stand being alone. I have my puppy but…”
“Why don´t you move here for a while? Zaku and Rara won´t kill your puppy and I don´t mind a bit company.”
Shinya blinked at the older man. “You think….?”
Közi nodded and smiled. “And maybe I can teach you a bit of my new found optimism…..ne??”
February 24th 1999
The next days worked out just perfectly. Közi and Shinya got along very well and even their pets – though dog and two cats – didn´t seem to murder each other. Közi often spent his days with Mana and the other two left members of Malice Mizer to think about how it should go on. After a while it was decidet that they wouldn´t stop but look for a new vocalist. Mana immidiatly went out searching, accompanied by Yu~ki. Kami didn´t feel well and Közi went home for he knew that Shinya had just come back from a tour.
Slowly openening the door he slipped in and looked around. Shinya´s bags stood neatly against each other on the floor – still waiting to be unpacked. Steam came from the bathroom and Közi knocked at the door. “Welcome back Shini-kun.”
The sound of water stoppend and just a second later Shinya stepped out – just wearing a towel. Közi was always a little worried when he saw Shinya like that for the drummer always seemed even more skinny after a tour than he usually was. Sure, Közi was skinny himself…but not like this.
Shinya smiled at him and greeted him. “We came home a little early.”
Közi couldn´t help but hug Shinya. “Good you´re back”, he smiled, ruffling his hair. “How was the tour?”
“Good but tireing”, Shinya said not looking into Közi´s eyes. He didn´t want the other man to see him blush. During the days he had spend with the older man he had sarted to feel more and more emotional about him. Now he didn´t want Közi to know, for he feared it could destroy everything between them.
“We will have some additional concerts soon”, Shinya whispered, trying to get out of the embrace. Közi nodded and let him go. “Sounds great. Mana-chan organized some photoshootings and well….I´m about to meet an old friend. Would you mind to make yourself dinner tonight? Or order something.”
Shinya nodded and Közi went to his room to get changed.

The knocking on Shinya´s door kept on and finally the drummer opened his sleepy eyes. “What is it?”
“Shini? Can I come in? I got news!” Közi´s voice sounded a little drunk but cheery like it hadn´t been for quiete a while. Shinya sat up and lit a small light. “Sure.”
Közi stumbled in the room and sat down on Shinya´s bed, reaching for his hands. “We got a new vocalist!”
Still half asleep Shinya needed a bit to understand what Közi meant. “New …oh! Who is it?”
Közi smiled broadly. “You remember I told you I was going to meet an old friend? His band broke up a while ago and he was the vocalist….I introduced him to Mana-chan and finally it´s settled! Masaki will be our next vocalist. Mana wants to change his name into something …Kuroi…Ku..Kuraha!..yeah..Klaha”, Közi nearly bounced up and down and then suddenly hugged Shinya. “It´s so great!” he whispered. “His voice is just great and it will fit Mana´s new style. He trained opera singing for a while.” Közi´s lips touched Shinya´s naked shoulders while he was talking, sending shivers through the young drummer and he couldn´t really listen anymore. Közi was deffinatly drunk – which meant he had drunk a LOT the last hours. Shinya knew it would take a lot to bring Közi into this state of drunkness – like Shinya himself. They both could drink a lot and still act like it had been water.
Közi snuggled closer and took a deep breath. “Hmm…Shini..you smell nice.”
Shinya blushed a bit more, remembering he had used that strawberry flavoured shampoo on purpose. Finally he pushed Közi away from him, slowly but surely. “Közi.. you´re drunk. You should go and sleep.”
But the guitarist shrugged. “I cannot sleep.” Gently he strocked over Shinya´s naked arms. “Ne Shini, can I stay tonight?”
Shinya´s eyes widened in shock. Did Közi just ask to stay with him over night? But he couldn´t have meant it! Közi wasn´t gay, was he? Probably he just wanted to stay and talk…right?
But it seemed Shinya had thought wrong, because Közi suddenly leaned in brushing his lips against Shinyas. Shinya could smell the alcohol and cigarettes but that moment he didn´t give a damn about it. All the hours of lonelyless after he had left his last boyfriend hit him and he wrapped his arms around Közi´s neck, deepening the kiss, forcing his tongue to meet the guitarists.
When Közi broke for air he laughed silently and Shinya managed to whisper: “I thought you were only into women?”
Közi shrugged and pulled his shirt off. “I never said I was...”
February 25th 1999
When Shinya woke the next morning he was alone. Before even opening his eyes he knew that Közi had left the bed long before. Probably right after Shinya had fallen asleep. The slender drummer sighed and clinged to his pillow which still smelled of the night before. His heart clutched together as he thought about the reasons why Közi had probably left him alone. He had been drunk and reality had hit him, so he had made a run. Now he would proabbly hate Shinya for what had happened. A sob escaped Shinya´s mouth and he ran off to the bathroom.
About two hours later Shinya was stable enough to enter the kitchen and look at Közi who sat at the small table, drinking his tea and smoking a cigarette. Shinya coughed a little at the smell this early but he had gone used to it during the days he had lived with Közi. It had been his choise to move in with such a heavy smoker as Közi was.
Shinya blinked when he saw two red strains on Közis on Közi´s arm. The weren´t bleeding but were deffinalty not older than a few hours. Shinya wondered what might have caused Közi´s mood to swing and then he almost stumbled back when he realized that it probably had been the last night. It was his fault that Közi had started to hurt himself again – after he hadn´t done it for so long. Shinya swallowed and turned around to walk back to his room again when Közi´s almost too cheery voice stopped him.
“Ohayou Shinya-kun. Slept well last night? Did I wake you? I was one hell of a drunk, sorry ´bout that. Masaki and I celebrated a bit that Mana had accepted him as the new vocalist. Nee, did I tell you yet? We´ll make a new album. He´s not officially joined but that´s probably just a matter of time.”
Shinya stared at the blackhaired. Could it be that he had been this drunk that he had forgotten it all? Everything that had happened? Tears formed in his eyes, but he tried to force them back. So Közi wasn´t interested in him. Why should he? Noone would …….

April 26th 1999
Kisses, tracing down the slender back. Fingertips, barely touching the features and outlines of his face. The person under him moaned with pleasure, reaching out for him, pulling him close to shower him with the same loving movements.
Their legs entangled on the bed, no more knowing which limps belong to who. Slowly they moved together, becoming one, reaching out for heaven together.
Shinya woke and stared at the white ceiling above his bed. Again this dream. Again the same person in his arms. But why him?? He had now the slighest chance. Never had they had any. Besides this one night 2 months ago neither of them had mentioned that topic again and Közi had started to date several girls not leaving Shinya the slightest bit of hope.
Hushed knocking on his hoteldoor let Shinya turn around and sit up.
“It´s me, Toshi! Shinya? You´re okay??”
The blonde drummer sighed and got up. He quickly stepped into a pair of jeans and a shirt to cover some not yet healed bruises and walked to the door. “I am fine. Why do you mind to ask?”
Toshilya let his look wander over Shinyas thin body for a second and then looked into the deep brown eyes. “Because you´re late for the reheasal. That´s not usual for you.”
Shinya turned around and looked at the clock. Almost 11 am. He was really late. Stupid dream. “I´m sorry”, he said silently. “I´ll be ready in a minute.”
“Take your time”, Toshiya smiled and entered Shinya´s room. It was neatly cleaned up – so unlike the rooms of his bandmates. The bassist sat down on a chair next to the desk and smiled invitingly at Shinya. “I´ll wait.”
Shinya ´s expression did not change . He knew Toshiya far too well by now and he had expected this. He went back into his bedroom and changed his clothes.
As he came out again Toshi had conquered the minibar and was drinking an expensive juice which – as is was taken out of Shinya´s minibar – would settle down on Shin´s bill.
“Why did you oversleep? Nice dream you didn’t want to wake from?” Toshi asked when they were on their way to the concert hall. Shinya didn´t answer and Totchi took this as a yes.
“Aww….our Shini´s having wet dreams. Who was it?” Toshi grinned wide and poked Shinya´s arm.
Again Shinya didn´t even react. Toshiya sighed and tried to stay silent as well. But during their walk to the rehearsal he couldn´t keep quiete anymore. “Nee…who are you dreaming about?”
“Noone.” Shinya simply stated.
Toshiya sighed and lit a cigarette. “It´s been almost 4 months now till you and your boyfriend broke up. No wait, don´t shout at me. I know you don´t want anyone to know about your private life and hell, you can even keep it secret to the others but …..”Toshiya shrugged and looked at Shinya´s eyes. “I know you Shini. I care about you and..”
“And so you spyed on me?” Shinya answered harsh. He was furious about Toshiya knowing about it. Now he would tease him even more. Toshiya lifted his hands. “No no no..I was just worried. Ne Shini, you´re my best friend and I was just worried about you. You know……”Toshiya seemed not to know how to go on. “Well, you keep getting thin and thinner. I mean…I thought maybe you have..problems and …”
Shinya´s glare was almost killing when he turned to the bassist. “That is NOT of your business!” he hissed and walked of to rehearsal.
tbc
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Color me blood red