Love Present | By : Totchichan Category: Dir en grey > General Views: 904 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0 |
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. I do not know the members of Dir en grey. I do not make any money from the writing of this story. |
“Ne Totchi-chan, can you help me please?” a loud but sweet voice asked in the changing room.
“Don’t scream Kyo, I heard perfectly well even if you talk softly you know?”
“You never hear me, you always try to ignore me!!! That’s why I scream!!!”
“Oh! I always try to ignore you??? Are you stupid or what??? YOU are the one that ignores me!! Not me! YOU!!!”
“It’s not true!!!”
“Ah really?? Lemme remind you something! Yesterday night, while we were out…”
“You went home earlier!” scrolled Kyo. Toshiya felt the tears stinging his eyes…He remembered all too well what happen yesterday, and why he went home earlier. Nobody asked him why, or followed him, they just ignored him, also his best friend ignored him. And that hurt Toshiya even more than the other things that happened.
“You…you stupid fucking asshole!!! Fuck you!!!!” screamed Toshiya, the tears falling down his eyes, everybody looked at him, paleing. Toshiya never screamand and never ever screamed at Kyo in particular.
“Totchi? What have happen, why are you so mad??” Kyo tried to calm him down, but the things got worse and worse.
“You stupid goddamit asshole, you said that you are my best friend, but you never even understand that something is not ok with me!!! You stupid masochist of shit!!! You always worry about you and yourself, you don’t even ask me why I leave early, do you???? I was raped and you don’t even notice it!!! You see me quite naked this morning, and you don’t even notice that I have wounds all over my body!You are only a stupid jerk! I HATE YOU!!!” and ran away leaving the 4 member of Dir en grey, without a word. Kyo felt his knees weaken and he fell down, as if he was drained of all his strength.
“Oh my God, what I have done…raped……FUCK!!!” angry tears rolling down his cheeks, the 3 other were even more stunned, they never saw Kyo cry. Die kneeled in front of him.
“Kyo, don’t worry, I go and check on him…ne?”
“He won’t let you, He will be even more angry…”
“I don’t care, if he wants to hit me, it’s ok, if he let him feel better…” Die stood up, and went to look for Toshiya. He found him in the balcony, near a vase, the head on his knee, sobbing loudly.
“Totchi…” Toshiya gulped and looked at the man whose the voice belong to.
“Die-chan…I…forgive me for the outburst…”
“I don’t care of the outburst Totchi, I want to know ...how are you…”
“………I didn‘t mean to yell like that…really…”
“Totchi, why didn’t you tell us yesterday?”
“Oh yes, I could have just come and said: Hey guys, what’s up? I just got raped, but I’m perfectly well!”
“…Sorry…”
“No, I’m sorry, I yelled at you too…it’s just that I don’t know what to do, I feel so dirty right now, I want to end my life…” Die hugged him tight.
“Don’t even try Totchi! Don’t you dare to say again that thing! I’ll hate you if you say that again!”
“Great, another person who hate me…fantastic…”
“Totchi, it’s because I love you that I said that I’ll hate you if you do something like that…You are one of my best friends Totchi! You can‘t tell me that!!!”
“Thanks Die-chan!..”
“Now come on! I want to know what happen…and why don’t you tell us…”
“I…ok…I was dancing remember, with you and Kao…You remember that I told you that I need to go to the bathroom?”
“Yeah…”
“I went in the bathroom, and I didn’t feel well…I feel the heard going round me…I felt like faint…That was when I bumped into someone who was entering…I said him sorry, but he caught me and hit me…He started unzipping his own dress and did the same with mine…and then…then… he…”
“Ssshhh!! It’s ok, don’t say any more…”
“Why?? Why of all of you, HE had to ignore me??? WHY???”
“He was drunk Totchi, he didn’t understand what had happened…that’s why…”
“But why didn’t he come now…you came not him!!! Why???”
“Because he is inside the room, crying for you!”
“Crying?”
“Yeah crying! Totchi, I’ve known Kyo for a long time, I’ve never seen him cry! Never! You are really important to him, but you must remember that he is Kyo! He was always alone, you are the first person with whom he became so close…but he is not used to that, he has to learn how to behave around a friend…That’s why you feel that he doesn’t care about you…”
“Die-chan…can I ask you something?”
“Of course!”
“Why didn’t you become his friend, all of you…Kyo told me, he said that after I join the band you started talking to him, after I became his friend, you started treating him like a friend too…”
“Well, you see…Kyo is a solitary person, we try to talk to him, but he simply answers yes, no…nothing more…so we gave up…but when you arrived, you started talk to him, and even if he answered in the same way, you kept on talking to him, asked him for advice…and he started to soften…he started to talk more, and more…so we tried to talk to him too, and he answered us!!”
“But if you wanted his friendship, you should have done like me! Continuing talking to him, even if he didn’t answer…ne?”
“Yeah, we should have…but we didn’t…But now he has you! And I think I have never see Kyo happier than now!! Never…Now, let‘s go inside, it‘s freezing out here!!!” said Die, standing up, and helping Toshiya up as well.
“Die-chan…”
“Mmh?”
“Arigatò!” Die smiled softly and stroked Toshiya hair gently. They went back in the room, and found a crying Kyo, with Kaoru that tried to calm him down.
“Thank God! Totchi, do something please!! What can I do to stop him from crying???”
“I don’t know, he never cries…neither with me!!” said Toshiya, but he approached Kyo, and hugged him.
“Kyo-chan, stop crying, I’m sorry for having yelled at you! I didn’t mean to say what I said, it’s not true that I hate you… You are the most important person of my life Kyo…” Kyo cried even more if it’s possible, hugging Toshiya and trying to suffocate the sobbing in Toshiya chest.
“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, Totchi…I didn’t notice anything, and I feel so guilty for that!!! I’m sorry…”
“Sssshh!! Kyo-chan, stop crying please…I forgive you for anything, it’s not your fault…come on…”
“Totchi, take him home, he is not able to sing, and I’m sure you prefer to stay with him a bit, instead of play…After what happened…” said Kaoru, touching Toshiya’s shoulder. Toshiya nodded, and stood up, helped by Die, taking with him a still crying Kyo.
“Let’s go Kyo-chan…” said again Toshiya holding Kyo’s hand. He greeted the others and left with the vocalist. They arrived home, Kyo still holding Toshiya’s hand, the tears no more falling down from his eyes, but still some sobs could be heard.
“Kyo-chan…please stop crying…” pleaded Toshiya. They sat down on the couch, Toshiya gave a cup of hot tea to Kyo, who thanked softly.
“Totchi…I’m sorry, I’m sorry……”
“Kyo-chan, stop apologizing! It’s not your fault!! If you don’t stop doing it I swear I don’t talk to you anymore!” Kyo smiled sweetly and replied.
“Is that an offer???”
“Meanie!!>.
“Totchi…why didn’t you tell me?”
“I just hoped that you would have noticed that something wasn’t alright with me…”
“But as I didn’t, you should have told me!”
“I feel betrayed, by everyone, but especially by you! You are my best friend, and you didn’t notice…I feel so alone…” Kyo felt guilty again, he hugged Toshiya, and whispered again and again softly and sweetly ‘Gomen’.
Since that day, Kyo actually became obsessive with Toshiya, he was always with him, always, making sure that nobody tried to molest him.
“Kyo-chan, there’s no need to do all that! I can look after myself, you know? I’m not a child anymore!”
“I don’t want to make the same mistake twice!”
“Don’t worry, nothing gonna happen to me! Come on, go home I’ll go and buy some stuff and come back home immediately!”
“Ok, then…I’ll go…see you later!” Kyo exited from the room, but he didn’t reach his house. He had a strange feeling, and he decided to follow Toshiya, without him noticing it. The bassist exited from the studio some minutes later, he went to a library and start write down in what it seems a diary. Then something happened. Kyo was right when he felt like something was going to happen. A man approached Toshiya, he sat down near him. It’s strange as the library was completely empty! He started to get nearer to Toshiya, touching him on the leg. Toshiya tried to take that hand away. That was when Kyo appeared near the man.
“What the fuck you want from my boyfriend?” asked with anger, ready to punch the man. The man paled visibly. He started muttering something that sounds like.
“Nothing just ask some information…” and he escaped from there. Toshiya looked at Kyo, wiping the tears that have began to fall when the man had started to touch him.
“Thanks Kyo-chan…”
“Come on let’s go home…” He said, taking Toshiya’s hand.
“Why are you here?”
“I had a strange feeling, a bad one, and I decide to follow you…Please next time, if you want to stay alone, lock yourself in your room! There’s no need to stay in that deserted library!”
“I can’t…”
“What?”
“I can’t lock myself in my room…”
“Nani???”
“When I have you around I want to stay with you, I feel so good when I’m with you, so I need a place where you are not …and that library was good…”
“Next time, I’ll go out for a bit, ne? So you can stay alone…”
“Thanks, but there’s no need now…”
“Eh??? I don’t understand you anymore Totchi…”
“I have finished…You know, it’s not a diary what I was writing…it’s a letter…And I finished it…”
“A letter?”
“Hai…” Kyo continued walking still holding Toshiya’s hand. The bassist said again. “You’re not asking me for who it is?”
“You don’t seem to want to tell me…” Kyo replied with a smile. Toshiya smiled back and said again.
“You know me too well Kyo-chan…”
“Of course I know you well! You are the most important person in my life!I want to know you well! And I wish I can know you even more…”
“You know everything about me Kyo-chan!”
“No, for example I don’t know who is the one that will receive your letter!”
“But there’s no one other that will receive that!”
“Nande???”
“Kyo-chan, it’s for you, the letter is for you…”
“For me?”
“Yeah..”
“Why write a letter when you can say stuff to me directly?”
“Because I have no courage to say that directly…”
“Can I have that letter, then?”
“Nope!”
“But it’s for me!”
“I know, but you’ll receive it on your birthday! Tomorrow…”
“Oh come on! It’s only a day!!! Onegaiiiiii!!!!!” puppy eyes.
“Nope! You have to wait until it’s tomorrow…” Kyo thought a bit then a smile appeared on his face.
“So if I wake you up at midnight and one minute you are obliged to give me that, don’t you?” Toshiya sighed, he just couldn’t win against Kyo.
“Ok, then, wake me up at midnight but swear that you’re not gonna tell the others about it!”
“I swear!”
“You win…” And so that night Kyo, at midnight and one minute, woke Toshiya up.
“Totchi, it’s time!”
“Happy Birthday Kyo-chan…” said a sleepy Toshiya.
“Gimme that letter!!!!” Toshiya pouted.
“One moment, at least let me wake up…”
“No! I want that letter!!!!”
“Ok, ok, here it is, I’m going back to sleep, it’s kinda of embarrassing having you read it here, so go to your room, onegai ?” Kyo nodded and left. He went to his room, and opened the envelop. He tried to control his breathing, asking himself why he was so nervous.
“Dear Kyo-chan,
You must be very surprised to receive a letter as a birthday present…I spent two months to write this…I actually don’t know where to start…I was rapde and you didn’t notice it…That’s a good point where to start isn’t it? It was the worst moment of my entire life, having someone thrust into you with no love, only lust and desire. I think it would have been the worst moment of my life, but it wasn’t. The moment was that you saw my body covered in wounds and said nothing, that is the WORST moment. You, my best friend didn’t notice that I didn’t wake you up, that you have to wake me up, you didn’t notice that on my sheets there was blood, you didn’t notice that on my back there’s a big scar, left by the nails of that man. You simply didn’t care about me! And that was the worst moment. I think I would have hated you for ever, but then you cried! I never saw you cry Kyo-chan in 5 years! We lived together since 5 years, I cried a lot, but I never saw you do that as well. And that make me think that maybe you care…Why would you cry for someone that you didn’t care about? That’s what I thought. And I was so happy… You started looking at me, at first I thought that you felt guilty, but then I saw that there’s really concern in your look…But now I have a problem…a BIG problem…That’s why I’m writing… You know, everybody sees me as a slut, I’m sure that even you sometimes think that! But the true is that I fall in love only once, and I never had sex with anyone, because I really love this one…well never had sex….you have not to think about the rape…if you count also the rape it will be….I fall in love only once, and I had sex only once, but against my will. It’s your birthday today, and my present for you is a simple thing……Love! Not brotherly one, not friendly one, real love! That’s my problem, I fell in love with you…If you don’t feel the same, act as if you never read this letter, please! If you can’t love me back, I understand, but please let me be your best friend like before…I think that by now you are shocked enough, so I finish your present.
I LOVE YOU KYO-CHAN
Yours
Totchi”
Kyo still sitting on his bed, felt tears wetting his cheek. He wiped them, and stood up, going to Toshiya’s bedroom. He laid next to him, and hugged him, placing his head on the shoulder of the bassist.
“Totchi I know you are awake…”
“You know me too well Kyo-chan…”
“I read the letter..”
“I already figured it out!”
“…………”
“Kyo, please remember the last part…”
“Actually I’d like to erase the last part…I never expected you to be so brave…I think that you are the type that wants the other to confess first…That‘s why today I was about to ask you as a present to tell me what feelings are for me… because you see, I love you…I really do…as you said in your letter not brotherly, neither friendly love, but real love…” Toshiya turned his body in the hug, facing Kyo.
“I love you Kyo-chan!”
“I know!”
“Happy birthday!”
“This is the best present I’ll receive, that’s sure!”
“So you don’t want my other present?” asked Toshiya, pouting cutely.
“NO! I WANT IT!!!>.
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