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Gone	By : ScratchandBleed Category: Dir en grey > General Views: 966 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. I do not know the members of Dir en grey. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 1-Gone
- 1
Okay, Some-chan is soooooo busy lately. Trust me --; a new futon doesn't set itself up at 10 PM at night. I don't know why I wrote this story but I like it. I'm thinking of continueing it since there's foreshadowing OwO and I know wher it would be heading. And eventually crashing into a wall for its untimely death.
Ratings: agnst (dear lord, the agnst), self mutilation, sappiness, horrible writing, O/C, m/f

I can see him shaking during lives. I know he’s so far gone that not even the others recognize what’s happening. He’s slowly fading…into nothing.
I thought it was weird at first since he had stopped with all the affection he was giving and concentrated more on working in the little office he used in our home. Our home..we’d moved into it almost five months ago. Is that when it happened? He was so happy. The band drank beers together and we were all happy. Was that when it happened?
All I can feel is the cold sheets of our bed. Correction; my bed now. He’s taken to sleeping on the couch or in his office. I can’t stop him. I feel so Mary Sue even though inside I’m wrenching my organs apart just in hope of reaching him. What can save him?
I already know the cause and anyone can see the symptoms. But what I want, need is the cure. I found them all in his office while he was away on tour. Forms, pink, blue, scattered everywhere about everything. A picture of me when we were younger and were teenagers. Those days it was tough but I fought and won. I guess he’s a little left behind. I found a draw that was locked and, danm curiosity, I picked it until it prang open. Hundreds of them.
Rusted.
Red.
Coated with substance unimaginable.
Hundreds…of small razors. I shut the drawer as soon as I could and hid in the bathroom until he got home. And stayed in there as he yelled at me for going to into his private domain.
And slammed the door showing he’d left me alone tonight.
When he finally came home he didn’t say a word. And neither could I. I made him supper and gave him a beer. He didn’t eat, he didn’t drink, he just starred out the window. I finally burst and screeched in a whisper how could he do this to himself. How. He gave me a dead look and I nearly died from the lack of love in it. I saw a glimmer but I think that glimmer died the moment it was seen. “…you’ve fallen out of love..” I murmured. Later I went to bed and I knew he took the couch. It’s been this way ever since.
I started to go with him on tour and keep a check on everyone’s razors in the bathroom. The others started to get annoyed and I left them alone with only that it was something to do with a slight OCD I have. I could tell Toshiya was willing to accept it, Die was skeptical as was Kyo and Shinya was only silent. Kaoru had been held in a meeting near the pavilion. Later Shinya confronted me and asked what was wrong. My only friend, only ally. I pushed him away and ran. Ran away into a strange place. But came home like a dog and said I had been ‘out’. No one answered and I went to bed.
It was the night we were all returning to Japan that was the most confusing of my life. As celebration we’d gone drinking and of course, we all got drunk. I was jostled by a few fan girls but soon I knew I Was being pulled outside. The cold bit my arms worse than it did in my bed. But soon I was warm again with a pair of familiar lips kissing my neck, holding me gently. “This is how I Wanted you but you had to be born.” he told me, even as we crashed into his bed for the night. Taking action quick and furious, he pulled me to him in the dark and ravished me like there was no end. It was only in the early morning sunlight that I saw nothing had really changed; when the dream and spell of that night was broken. Broken as the scabs scrawling their ways across his arms. I could see white and bruised scars in some areas but almost ten or twenty fresh little lines splayed on his forearms wear he covered them up from the sun. From me.

Dearest,

I will not be yours for as long as you keep killing yourself slowly and surely. Because when you do this, your killing me. Softly, slowly, and cripplingly. Don’t you love me too much to do this to me?

I know I’m another Yoko. I’m sorry. I’ll leave so at least the band is salvaged.

I loved you once. I feel like I still do. But I know the love your felt killed itself in a quiet suicide. I can’t help but be frightened at what made you do this. To us. To me. To…maybe it’s best you don’t know.

I wanted to help you, but you pushed me out of your arms until we were both drunk. I can’t do this anymore.

I’m leaving.
To my dearest Kaoru, I loved you, Sakura

--

And she was gone. With all her things, my pictures of her, and a single guitar pick I gave her when we first formed the band. I’m messed up, I admit. I did smoke something odd back in high school but stopped almost immediately after my parents found out and we moved to a more cleaner, strict area of town. That’s where we found each other…and I thought we’d be together forever.
But things started happening.
I couldn’t stand her anymore. I don’t understand exactly what was going through my mind when I started but ever since that little slip of a extra sharp decoration I like, I couldn’t stop. She couldn’t control it and it was almost as if I were on a drug again.
But I should have known this would happen. She saw the last love for her die, even though she couldn’t see a new love being born in my heart. She couldn’t see that I was loving her all over again even though she nearly ruined the chemistry in the band by pushing herself on us all. I can’t believe how willing and how much she needed something last night. Was I so far gone I didn’t even feel the instinct I normally have to grab my girl and…
It’s too late…and now she’s got a secret and I can’t feel anything but the torture of knowing she knows everywhere I am and will know what I do while she’s disappeared with everything she had together and I don’t have any hope of finding her again.
I asked Kyo if he knew anything and I knew he did, just by the way his contact protected eyes glanced away and he shook his head in shame. My Sakura. Where did you blow off to?

Will I never smell your sweet scent, feel in your soft touch, or revel in your overwhelming aura ever again?
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