Eventide | By : weelow Category: > Toshiya/Kyo Views: 1063 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0 |
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. I do not know the members of Dir en grey. I do not make any money from the writing of this story. |
WARNINGS: forcing, angst
Notes: Okay so I haven't write anything for ages so forgive me for being so rusty. And... I haven't ever written angst fics that much so I don't know where this came from. The lyrics at the beginning are from Something Diabolical by The Bloodhound Gang. Special thanks go to seinen_no for being my beta for the first time.
Eventide
Eventide rise for ritual
With the thrill of a kill
vengefully the engine will
Roar forth steer
the dead leave forced
Toshiya doesn’t like me. He hates and despises me. I can see it in his eyes. And when he bends down to seal my lips with a kiss, I can feel his teeth biting my tongue. Every cell of his smooth body wants to hurt me and all I can do is agree with him that I deserve it.
Sliding slowly on my lap, he scratches tiny red marks to my arm and they hurt me more than my own nails could ever hurt. His trembling breath, full of rage, moves the hair on my forehead and as the air hisses between his teeth I really believe for a moment that he’s going to hit me as hard as he can. But he doesn’t. It would have been so much easier. For me. For him as well. But he doesn’t want it to be easy. He wants to carve his marks as deep as he can and I can’t lift a finger to stop him.
I wasn’t this weak only a few days ago when I finally was able to slide my hands along his stomach and lick him to his peak. Back then I was outrageously self confident and ‘no’ wasn’t an answer for me. I could see his deep eyes gazing at me, asking, being little afraid. I didn’t answer to his plea for comfort but closed my eyes and closed him away from me.
I had had my eyes locked on him for a long time. Usually he pissed me off quite often by being too loud, too cheery, too naïve, too something that’s so far away from my nature. He played a little game with me since the day we saw each other until that very moment when he gave in to me. He didn’t know that playing games with me is dangerous. I don’t like to lose so I’ve decided I never lose. It was new and cool and exciting for him. To me it was a challenge, a new riddle to solve.
I can still remember how he smiled a bit uncertain and tried to figure out what would be a proper answer to me. He still had his shine and I saw it. Sometimes I wonder if it was the shine which I couldn’t never reach that haunted me. I couldn’t share it so I needed to conquer it, own it and spoil it with myself. The others tried to warn him. Little by little. ‘Don’t go too near. You’ll burn yourself if you’re not careful. He doesn’t understand. You don’t understand Toshiya. We love him and we love you, but you need to know…’ He should have listened to the others. They’ve known me much longer than he did. There’s too much evil in me which can’t be tied down.
Toshiya. Like a red flag flashing before my eyes. The more he was teasing me the more I knew I had to make him stop, swallow that pride and understand that I never lose. I don’t count how many people I have to break to win the game.
He smiled, licked his lips and asked me to let him leave. The door behind my back was closed and I didn’t take ‘no’ as an answer. He sighed a little when I took a step towards him and placed a mark on his pale, white skin. “Kyo..” his lips revealed, and sweet Toshiya, beautiful and naïve kissed a man for the first time. Sweet Toshiya. The skin of his neck turned red and bloody under my lips and teeth and he was never the same again.
My killer side screamed like crazy and I could feel the darkness spreading through my heavy hands roaming under his shirt. And I finally was able to slide my hands along his stomach and lick him to his peak. I didn’t do it for love but to win the game, solve the riddle. I know the answer. Everyone’s the same. Eventually, we all give in to the temptation and I was good at tempting. As he tried to control his breath, he gazed at me with his big dark eyes and I could see hesitation sneaking to his mind as I started to undo my belt. Oh no Toshiya. This is how the game works. You knew the rules when you started to play. We have to complete this, so we can announce the winner. “Kyo..” his choked voice revealed and I took him as mine. Sweet, naïve Toshiya. He was never about to live in the same bright world again.
He doesn’t like me anymore either. Now I can see darkness spread behind his eyes, just at the edge of tears, revealing the killer in him. The killer that’s in everyone of us. Flame that fire once and in the end we’re all the same. We don’t like to lose. We want to get even. We want to have revenge. We want blood for blood and an eye for an eye. And to get even, we have to hurt the other one as much as the other one hurt us. The human being has never been a rational creature. So to get a true satisfaction, to really get even, we have to hurt the other one even more than the other one hurt us.
His hand slowly rises to my cheek to smooth it a little and a tight circle presses my heart. And my chest. And my throat. Sweet Toshiya knows how to hurt me more. He knows the killer in me pushes him away from my lap and laughs at him, just like one day ago. When I still had been outrageously self confident and after receiving a silent ‘yes’ as an answer, I never returned back to the place I won. Back then, I saw under the bright light of our rehearsal studio how his deep eyes turned into stone and he tried to nail me to the wall by the look on his face. In the silence I could almost hear his heart slowly breaking, those baby blue dream towers crashing to the ground and for the first time, I could feel his hate which tried to stun me. A laugh died slowly on my lips.
When he undresses his shirt, I have never felt so numb in my whole life. His eyes wander somewhere beyond my face and he curls his hand around me and he kisses me like he’s trying to eat me. I can feel his heart beating against my chest and he’s shivering on my lap. The killer in me wants to tear that heart out for the disgrace, but I have never felt so numb in my whole life. “Kyo…” his whisper reveals. “Don’t ever talk to me again.”
Toshiya hates me. I can feel his cold hatred creeping into my body as he opens my belt. And I… I feel such a strange numbness. He wants to collect my soul and get bloody satisfaction. And I’m so sorry. He hates me and despises me. And I love him so.
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