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No Happy Endings	By : laurarara Category: My Chemical Romance > Slash - Male/Male Views: 1607 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. I do not know the members of My Chemical Romance. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 1-No Happy Endings
- 1
I’m lying in my bunk, trying to calm down after the euphoria of the show. The screams are ringing in my ears, I can almost see the banners, covered in declarations of love, through my closed eyes. I love my band, I love the music that we make. Sometimes, that time I spend on stage is the only reason I get out of bed. Performing gives me a sense of power that is lacking in all other aspects of my life. A sense of belonging, too, I guess.

The curtain around my bunk opens, and I see Mikey standing there. Little Mikey, my little brother. “Hey, Gee,” he says softly, sliding into my bunk beside me. “The guys went out, so we’ve got the bus to ourselves.”

I smile, and kiss his lips.

Right now, you’re probably thinking I’m a sick fuck. I just kissed my baby brother. Yeah, right, I know. Everything you’re thinking, I’ve told myself a million times.

*

I hated it at first, that night five years ago, when my little brother started touching me in ways that I didn’t know he knew how to touch a man.

The first time he fucked me, I cried. Not just from the pain - and it was pretty painful, let me tell you - but because I didn’t want to do it. He was on top of me, forcing himself into me, and the tears were rolling down my face but I never said no. I never had that strength. I just let him fuck me, I lay there, lifeless as he pounded hard into me.

I cried so hard, not because he’d done that to me but because I’d let him do it. I’d never slept with a man before, let alone my little brother. With every thrust into me that night, he shattered my soul a little more.

*

Now, though, things are different. It hurts less - emotionally, it’s still pretty bad physically - and I don’t cry about it anymore. Because I love him. Little skinny Mikey with his glasses and goofy grin. I love him so much.

So, when he lies beside me, trailing kisses down my neck, I don’t freeze or whimper or cry or push him away. He is the love of my life, I don’t doubt it. His hand is on my chest, he’s nibbling, just below my ear. I turn my face towards him, and kiss him properly.

Our kisses are polluted. They’re never soft or gentle or loving, always fierce and kind of violent. His tongue always fills my mouth, his lips working against mine, his teeth sometimes catching me. He runs his hand down my torso, and lifts my shirt up slightly, caressing my stomach. I moan into his mouth.

He gets out of the bunk and stands up, as I whimper from the loss of his touch. He starts to take off his clothes and I quickly do the same.

Soon, we are naked, and he gets back into the bunk, he’s on top of me. This is how it always is.

I love him so much. He kisses me again, more violence, more pollution as he fills my mouth, his hands roaming all over my body. I gasp, his touch feels so good. I love him, that’s all I know. Those three little words keep filling my head, so much so that, when he enters me without preparation - as he’s been doing more and more often lately - it’s still all I can think.

Okay, it hurts. There’s healthy, sexy friction, and there’s the feeling that someone’s sandpapering your ass. This is the latter.

I’m pretty sure that I’m not going to get any sexual pleasure from this, but that doesn’t mean it’s not worth it, to make Mikey happy. I’m gazing up at him adoringly, as he thrusts his cock in and out of me relentlessly. His eyes are closed, he doesn’t see the look on my face, but he’s seen it before. It’s a look that tells him I’d do anything for him, even lie here through this fucking awful pain, just to feel closer to him. Just to be of use to him.

He’s so beautiful. He’s gasping slightly as he hovers over me, his eyes still closed, his mouth hanging open. I feel a sense of pride that I make him feel this way, I can bring him so much pleasure.

He’s getting more vigorous now, though, fucking me almost angrily, viciously. “Mikey…” I groan, not wanting to upset him by asking him to stop, but really suffering. I think I feel something tear. “Mikey!” I shout, and tears start to fall from my eyes. It’s almost like the first time this happened.

He opens his eyes and looks at me. He sees me, his older brother, crying and whimpering in pain, pain that’s caused by him.

He smiles slightly. “Fuck yeah, Gerard, you love it. Keep saying my name.”

Every time he pushes back into me, I think I’m going to die. I can hear the sounds of his balls slapping against my ass with tremendous force. He’s never been this forceful before, it hurts so much.

“Mikey, please….”

I try to push him off me, but the attempt is less than half-hearted. I could never deny him of something he wants, I love him too much.

He keeps going, I keep crying.

He keeps fucking me, I keep loving him.

He’s so beautiful, and he’s enjoying this so much. I’m hurting, but it’s worth it, I think, to make him happy. I want to bring him pleasure. Ever since we were children, I’ve always put him first. I know, letting someone eat your ice cream isn’t quite the same as letting him shove his unlubricated cock into your unprepared ass, but it’s the same principle.

His rhythm starts to get faster and faster, and less predictable, and I know that means he’s about to come. He’s pushing in and pulling out mindlessly now, and all I can do is lie here and try to breathe through the pain.

“Gerard…fuck, Gerard, you’re so good,” he moans, before he spills his seed inside me.

I’m pretty sure something’s wrong, because I can feel his come stinging my insides. He gasps, and his thrusts slow down as he rides it out. He leans forward and strokes my cheek.

“You’re the best big brother anyone could have.”

“I love you, Mikey.”

*

Minutes later, I’m still lying in the bunk, in a pretty unflattering position, on my back with my legs open. I put my finger against the opening to my ass, and it stings. Bringing my finger up, I see that it has red on it. He’s made me bleed.

It must have been accidental.

I turned him on so much, he couldn’t control himself. The fact that he hurt me shows how much he loves me, I make him so horny that he can’t stop himself, he can’t stop to check I’m okay. The fact that I’m bleeding is a good thing, it shows how sexy he thinks I am.

I smile to myself a little. Yeah, it hurts, but Mikey loves me, and only me.

He’s finished getting dressed now, and he’s standing by my bunk.

“Hey, Gerard,” he says. “You know Alicia?”

I nod. Alicia is a girl we know, she’s pretty cool. Mikey gets on with her, especially.

“Well, erm, we’ve been seeing each other for a while, and earlier, I asked her to marry me. And she said yes! I can‘t wait, but well, that means we can’t do…this…again. I’m sure you understand.”

Of course I understand. I understand everything now. He doesn’t love me, and I was a fool to think he did. He fucked me so hard because he didn’t care if I was in pain, not because he was too turned on to notice.

“But, I thought…”

“You thought what, Gerard? That we’d carry on like this, fucking all the time and then we’d live happily ever after? Grow up. It was never going to happen. We were never more than a convenience fuck for each other. Jesus, Gerard, you have to learn…there are no happy endings.”

I flash him my fakest smile. “Wow, Mikey! Congratulations! I bet you‘re so excited!”

He smiles gratefully. “Yeah, I am. Anyway, I’m going round to see her now, so I’ll probably see you tomorrow, Gerard.”

And with that, my brother leaves the bus, leaving me lying there, humiliated, broken and alone.

I get off the bunk and walk slowly to my suitcase. There’re two little bottles in there, both of which I’d been planning to throw out ever since I’d given up both of their contents. Both are nearly full: one of vodka, and another of anti-depressants. I unscrew both bottles, and prepare to meet my fate.

*

“Gerard? Gerard, please wake up. If you can hear me, I want you to know that…I love you, Gerard. I always have. And, whatever happened before you did this, we can sort it out. I wish you could have spoken to me, Gerard. I love you so much, I can’t bear the thought of you going through something like that and having no-one to talk to. I promise I’ll always be there for you when you wake up. You’re never going to feel alone again. I know I’m not perfect, but I want to help you get through your problems. If you don’t want to tell me what they are, then that’s fine, I’ll still be there for you. You’re the most amazing person I’ve ever met, Gerard, and I just want to be near you. I want to help you in whatever way I can. I love you, Gerard. There’s so much love in my heart for you, you’re so special, please wake up…”

There’s a hand holding on to mine. It’s not Mikey’s. I don’t wake up.

*

I open my eyes and gaze, blinking, into the light. “What’s going on?” My voice is cracked from under use, but it makes enough noise to be heard.

“Gerard!” I look to where that familiar voice is coming from, and I see Frank. One of my best friends. He’s pale under his tan, and he has circles under his eyes. He rushes up to me and embraces me, holding my hand in his. It feels familiar.

“Oh, Gerard, I’m so glad you’re awake!” He’s crying a bit now, but I just feel numb.

*

“Gerard, can I ask you something?”

It’s two weeks later, and I’ve left the hospital, on the condition that I live with someone. The doctors aren’t too keen on me being alone, so Frank offered to let me stay with him. He’s been great, making me soup and stuff, but I don’t want to answer his questions. It seems rude not to, though.

“Yeah, sure.”

“You know that night when you tried to, you know,” he looks uncomfortable.

“- kill myself?”

“Yeah.”

“What about it?” I sigh.

“Were you…were you raped, Gerard?”

“No! Why?”

“It’s just, I found you, Gerard. And you were naked, and there was blood…”

I take his hand in mine. “I’m sorry Frank, but I don’t feel like I can talk about that night. I don’t think I ever will.”

He sits down beside me, and I put my arm around him. He buries his face in my shoulder, then looks up at me. “That’s alright, Gerard. You don’t have to tell me anything, but there’s something that I have to tell you.”

“Yeah?”

Frank is red now, and won’t meet my eyes. I place my hand under his chin and lift his face so that he’s looking at me. “Go on, Frankie,” I whisper.

“It’s just, I, erm…I don’t know if this is the best time to say this, but if I don’t say it now then I don’t think I ever will…I love you.”

“I know. I heard you, when I was out of it.”

“Do you love me too?”

I look him straight in the face. “Not in the way you want me to, Frank. You’re my best friend, and in that sense I love you more than I love anything. But I’m not ready for a relationship. I don’t want to be with anyone right now, I’ve been hurt too much.”

I’m worried, I think he might hate me, but he smiles.

“I understand, Gerard. I’m going to be here for you, no matter what, because I love you so much. I love you with all of my heart, Gerard. And it doesn’t matter that you don’t love me back, I just want you to know that you are loved. And…” he blushes slightly, “if you ever change your mind about a relationship, you know where I am.”

I laugh softly, and kiss his forehead.

*

It’s several months since the night I tried to commit suicide, and I’m still here at Frank’s. I never quite got round to leaving, and Frank doesn’t seem to mind. We haven’t seen Mikey since that night, although we’ve heard that he and Alicia are happy together. Frank seems to suspect that Mikey had something to do with that night, and he doesn’t ask me why we’re not in touch any more.

I don’t know what I’d do without Frank. These months haven’t been easy. There are some days when I wish I’d died that night, but he always makes me feel better. He’s guided me through the toughest times, and laughed with me when it’s been easier. He’s sitting on the sofa next to me now, gazing absentmindedly at the TV. I switch it off.

Frank looks confused, then sees me holding the remote. He smiles. “What’s up?” he asks.

“I’ve changed my mind.” I tell him.

“What about? What’re you on about?”

“Don’t you remember?”

“No, Gerard, I -”

He’s cut off by my lips on his.

Our kisses are pure. His lips are as soft as feathers against mine, and as we both open out mouths, our tongues collide and meet their equals. I grin into the kiss. I could have had this years ago, if I hadn’t been so blind, but I can’t think about that now. My life was always going to feature the moment when I realise that Frank Iero is the most a amazing thing in my life, it’s just taken a little longer than would have been ideal.

He sits on top of me, straddling me, kissing me so sweetly that I think maybe I did die that night, and have finally reached heaven.

His hands run down my sides, his hips grind against mine, and I shudder. He breaks the kiss and looks lovingly into my eyes. “Too fast?” he asks.

I shake my head, and he moves down my body until he’s kneeling between my legs.

I want to tell him that I want him to make me this happy for the rest of my life, I want to live happily ever after with him, I love him so much, but the words are stuck in my throat, as a memory hits me.

“But Frank,” I say sadly, “There are no happy endings.”

“Baby,” he says with a smirk and a raised eyebrow, as he unzips my jeans, “This is just the beginning.”
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No Happy Endings