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Darkness All Around	By : DemonRose88 Category: Singers/Bands/Musicians > DBSK Views: 1765 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. I do not know the members of DBSK. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 1-Darkness All Around
- 1
Title: Darkness All Around
Lenght: Series 1/20?
Author: Demonrose88 ( ff.net; Darkness Demon Rose)
Raiting: Um...no idea, in the middle ^^;
Genre: Romance, angst
Pairing: YunJae/JaeHo, slight YooSu and if you look closely you might spot JaeChun if you want XD
Warnings: Eh.... hmm, well. Warning for mixing the boys looks with wrong periods of their career, manipulating rumors and facts for my own pleasure and needs. I think that’s it XD
Credit: And thank you, Yoru-chan, for beta reading this! ^^

Summary: The band’s dear Joongie has gone blind from an unfortunate car accident and now has to adjust to his celebrity life in his new condition. Will he be able to learn the dances and make it through life without his sight while he suffers from his own dark demons taunting him in his darkness, or will he crumble under the pressure? Will the band make it or break, and will YunHo be able to handle the new situation he has to handle as the band leader?

Darkness All Around

Prolouge

YunHo walked slowly and soundlessly into the dark room, the night outside covering the walls and the small room in a heavy and thick darkness. Immediately he spotted the lead singer, sitting completely still beside the window on the other side of the room, looking out on the city below them while the moon’s light caressed JaeJoong’s face in an unearthly way, making the singer look etheral.

Looking sadly at his band mate, the leader slowly made his way over to the black haired male beside the window, positioning himself softly on the bed beside Jae. If the lead singer noticed him or not, he didn’t show. He just continued gazing out the window, his right cheek pressed gently against the cool glass of the window, the rain falling outside in soft tunes while the moon fought against clouds of rain.

For minutes they just sat there, YunHo completely at a loss for words. What should he say? What was he expected to do? Should he just be as usual or should they make a really big deal about it? Would they all be able to make it in the end or would they fail, having to quit and lose each other? So many questions and no real answers...

Sighing, he eyed Jae for a while, focusing on his friend whom he had no idea how to handle at the moment. JaeJoong had been so quiet about it, not letting anyone know how he felt or wanted about the subject, securely hiding behind his own massive stone walls. He had just agreed to everything the manager had said, nodding and acting as his usual, shy and timid self, not really objecting to anything but not really agreeing to anything either. The singer had been just like a puppet, powerless, willingless and emotionless. But YunHo knew there was more below the surface, emotins swirling deep inside Jae, screaming and clawing at him from within. There had to be...

“Jae...” YunHo found himself begin, slowly placing his hand on the lead singer’s left shoulder, feeling the tense muscles beneathe the thin fabric of the pink shirt JaeJoong wore. The muscles in themselves spoke of a weary soul and exhausted body, emotions too much to handle.

“Jae... I know this is hard on you, but... you can’t bear this all by yourself. You need to let us know how you feel and what you need, we’re a family. We help each other. We’ll get through this together, we just need you to let us in and allow us to help you“ he said, squeezing the slim shoulder beneath his hand, laying even more weight behind his words, wanting the other so desperately to feel his true and honest feelings for him. How they all felt for him...

He felt JaeJoong tense even more, flinching from the words more than the squeeze. He was afraid, afraid of what might happen if he let those stone walls of his ripple for the slightest moment, showing more than was “acceptable”.

Ever since Jae had woken up from the car accident and heard the news, he had suffered an initial breakdown. He hadn’t spoken a word apart from single words as ‘yes’, ‘no’, ‘ok’ and ‘thanks’, always locking his emotions away from others’ view. YunHo understood how the lead singer felt. Or well, he couldn’t really say he completely understood his friend’s feelings and pain, but he could make a very good guess, knowing his friend as well as he did. But that wasn’t the only thing that frightened YunHo, making him constantly worry about his band mate. JaeJoong had also started eating less, now a bleak copy of the once bright Jae they were all so used to. He also spaced out a lot, more so than before, now almost completely blocking all of the members out from the world of his mind. YunHo guessed this was a defense mechanism and a way for JaeJoong to deal with the fact that he had, actually, lost his sight and that there were no way he would regain it ever again. True, it was a terrible thing to hear, but considering the accident, they were all very lucky JaeJoong had made it out alive. Judging from what the other bandmembers had seen at the sight of the accident, JaeJoong had been very fortunate.

JaeJoong had gone grocery-shopping a few weeks back one afternoon after he noticed that they were out of eggs, something needed for the dinner he wanted to make for them. So he had snuck out from the apartment without them knowing, making his way to the shop. But after a few hours of no one seeing or hearing Jae, they had begun to worry, trying to call the lead singer’s cellphone, but never getting an answer, echoing tones greeting them from the other end. So, after no succes in reaching the other, they had grabbed a car, driving around town looking for him as they called their manager, worry for the other starting to rise in each of their chests, their heart beats starting to speed up. Jae always called if he wouldn’t make it to dinner and YunHo could feel his entired being screaming that something was wrong. Terribly wrong.

Damn, had he cursed his right senses when they had, after a long drive, found JaeJoong sprawled on the ground. God did he hope he’d never have to see somthing like that again....All that blood....

Shaking his head lightly, he focused on the man before him again after getting no reaction from the other. JaeJoong’s eyes were still lifelessly fixated on the scenery outside, neonlights reflecting clearly in his open pools of dark stone as unshed tears danced in the dark depths, refusing to make themselves completely known to the world.

“Joongie-ah... please, you’ll only hurt yourself more like this. You can’t lock yourself up like this, nothing good will come out of it. Not for you nor for the band...” YunHo continued, now letting his hand on Jae’s shoulder drop and instead start rubbing soothing circles on the lead singer’s slender thigh, something exclusively done by YunHo. But still, he got no reaction, a sea of sorrow screaming back at him from empty pools.

Sighing in frustration, the leader grabbed JaeJoong by his shoulders and turned him around, their faces now meeting each other, chests facing.

“Common Jae!” he said, aggravation and helplessness evident in his voice as he looked into cold, dark eyes. “You can’t continue like this! I know you have it hard, but you have to realize that you survived and this was something that followed with it! You’re not dead, thank god, and we are all so happy, so, so happy to still have you here with us, Joongie! You have no idea how happy we are....” he said, looking down at the floor and gulping slightly, taking in deep breaths of air, afraid of his voice betraying him if he continued just yet.

Suddenly, a shuddering intake of air from JaeJoong greeted his ears, alerting him. YunHo guessed Jae fought with his tears, keeping his emotions to himself again, refusing to put more pain on the other band members. YunHo respected that, but sometimes JaeJoong just needed to know that no matter what, the friends in the band did not only share their love and happiness with each other, but also their pain and sorrows. That was how you made it through in life....

Looking up, YunHo again locked on unfocused eyes, shaking the lead singer somewhat by the sholders again.

“I know losing your sight is tough, but you can’t act as if you’re dead because of it! You’re very much alive and we’ll make it through together, as a band, as friends, as a whole family... You have to accept that we’re here for you, no matter what Joongie. You mean a lot to all of us, and to our fans...” he finished, searching in every line of Jae’s face for a trace of emotion. He would so welcome the tears, even. At least then he would have a clue of what the other one thought and felt. Right now he was more like a blank paper, hiding secret messages that it wanted no one to see.

But after moments of facing nothing but a desert of emotions, YunHo ran a hand over his face in defeat, burrowing it in his palm and closing his eyes while still keeping the other one on Jae’s shoulder. This was so hard.... so, so hard...

Suddenly, a small shake rippled through the lead singer’s body. At first YunHo just thought he had imagined it, but soon enough, more shakes followed, making the form under his right palm tremble softly.

Startled, YunHo looked up, and what he saw made him doubt his own strenght. Maybe YooChun should have talked to him... He had always been more emotional and in connection with his heart, but they had all insisted that YunHo should talk to him...He was both grateful and happy about the honor, but right now, all he could feel was his heart break, shattering violently inside hos body and soul and tearing them bloody.

Before him sat a shaking JaeJoong, the all too skinny body trying to surpress the sobs trying to escape through the mouth, the moon making him look all too pale...It was so evident in that moment, the pain hidden so deep inside that small form. It was like a barrier had fallen, now letting the sea of pain flowing out, assaulting everything around them. This was so completely different from their Hero JaeJoong, the silly dork always being the mother hen and helping out...

Covering his face with his hands, jaeJoong finally broke down completely, tiredly letting his tears fall freely down smooth cheeks, sobs singing their misery to the world. The leader didn’t know what to do... Maybe he had done more damage than help...?

“Jae...” he started again, rubbing the other’s arm softly and comfortingly.

Suddenly JaeJoong turned his head up, trying to find YunHo in the maze of darkness he now fought every single moment, eyes searching sadly without really seeing.

“I can’t see you, YunHo...” he said brokenly. “I can’t...see you!” he repeated again, lifting one hand to try and find the leader’s face but only grabbing at empty air, YunHo ending up grasping Jae’s hand in his own in the end. “I... so desperately want to see you, Yunnie. All of you... It’s like I’m being kept from the world, cocooned in a black place keeping me away from all of you...” JaeJoong choked, his desperation attacking YunHo like immense earthquakes penetrating a fort. “Please, release me from this prison...” he sobbed before he was unable to speak, his sobs and pain making it too hard for him, his body weary and drained.

This was as much as YunHo could take. Before he knew it, he leaned in and wrapped his arms around JaeJoongs’ quivering body, drawing him close, letting them be one. Jae was so cold...so thin...and so fragile. So different from before...

“Schyyy...” he cooed, placing the lead singer’s head in the crook of his neck, stroking the black mane of hair softly while hugging him even closer. He so desperately wanted JaeJoong to be able to feel his cheer joy of having him alive and still in the band, to have him still share their life together. He wanted Jae to feel his warmth, his affection and his immense happiness of just knowing the male in his arms. To share his pain with him and know that he always had them there, willing and more than happy to share everything with him, people that would be there for him until the end...

Rubbing his cheek against the lead singer’s head, he slowly began to rock back and forth, swaying in soft movements, trying to make the other one relax as he felt his shirt getting more wet with each second that passed. There seemed to be no end to JaeJoongs’ tears, but YunHo didn’t mind. He just sat there, letting the black haired beauty pour his heart out while he gently held him, wanting more than anything to make the other understand that it was ok, that no matter what, they were there for him....

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Chapter 1: The Beginning

ChangMin stood bent over the stove, completely focused on the task of getting the breakfast ready while two other people had just joined him in the kitchen.

“YooChuuuuuun, why do I have to do the breakfast?” ChangMin whined, turning and pouting, his lower lip trembling slightly in annoyance and misery. “It’s not really easy ya know’” he ended, leaning on one leg and puting his right hand on his hip.

YooChun looked up from his morning paper, raising his eyebrow lightly at the sight of ChangMin’s... position.

“Well, First: You eat the most of us. Seriously, sometimes I’m this close to tear open your stomach just to find out if there is a black hole in there or not.-“ YooChun began, earning an indignant and slightly scared look from the youngest of the members, while the other occupant in the room, JunSu, stared at YooChun with big and irritated eyes.

“Please YooChun, we’re going to have breakfast. I seriously don’t need that image in my head.” JunSu muttered, sending a cold stare in YooChun’s direction. “I’m perfectly fine without having images of you tearing Minnie’s stomach and scanning through it like a mad scienist in the morning.” he added, leaning over the table and hitting the american born singer lightly on the arm.

Chun winced a little, rubbing his now sore arm.

“Ow, sorry Su. I’ll....remember that.” he apologized.

‘And how damn strong he can be while upset, especially in the mornings’ he added mentally, having discovered JunSu’s really brutal side that crept into daylight in the early hours of the day.

“And two:” he continued. “You’re the youngest and you should therefore show some respect towards your elders. Like now, making us breakfast. Look at this like an opportunity to learn about the world and an experience in how real life is.” YooChun added dramatically, smiling innocently at ChangMin while the said person snorted from the other side of the kitchen beside the owen.

“Right, like making you lazy butts’ some breakfast is ‘showing respect’ and an experience in real life! And besides, it’s hard. I have no idea how you fry these eggs!” Min half whined, half sobbed. “I’m too young for this, and too hungry” he added, his tummy rumbling an afermative to the boy’s statement. “Besides, JunSu is second youngest, he could also do breakfast or at least help me out.” the youngest pouted again, crossing his arms over his chest. “And he eats a lot too.”

JunSu’s eyes widened before his upset voice rang in the room.

“Hey, I do help! I always help out with dinner!” he said, offended.

“You set the tables, it takes like 1 minute!” ChangMin retorted.

“At least it’s more than you do!”

“But this is much harder than setting the tables!”

“You should have thought about that before then, setting the tables yourself!” JunSu yelled, rising from his chair and glaring at the youngest, the soccer loving guy’s cheeks all fluffed in offence.

YooChun glanced between them from his spot at the table, eyeing the situation. Sighing he finally said.

“Su, help ChangMin fry the eggs or prepare something else, then go and get ready for practice.”

JunSu gaped at him.

“Bu-bu-but!! Why me?! Why can’t you help then?” he shouted, offended yet again.

At the shout, YooChun quickly shushed him, giving him a hard and serious look.

“Keep it down! Ok, and I have a third reason for one of you doing the breakfast. THIRD: YunHo has been up all night, comforting JaeJoong in their shared room. So I think the least we can do is doing our own breakfast. We need to be able to do it now, to show our oppa we can handle it and to help Jae, since he can’t really...” Chun said upset before slowly trailing off, his voice disappearing and leaving a heavy silence in the now quiet kitchen.

JunSu and ChangMin both glanced at each other with sad and regretful eyes, slowly getting to work with the breakfast, Junsu mumbling something about ‘stupid wanna-be-american’s’ and ‘I’ll get you for this’.

YooChun sighed again, looking sadly over at JaeJoong and YunHo’s room quickly, pondering if he should wake them up for breakfast or letting them sleep and bring something with them to the studio instead.

His pondering though, were quickly interrupted by a loud bang from the other side of the room. He looked over quickly and was met with two shocked males beside the microwave, an apologetic smile soon gracing ChangMin’s face as he met YooChun’s gace.

“Sorry... we didn’t know you can’t really warm eggs in the microwave... at least not like...this...” he said goofily, JunSu scratching the back of his head as he looked anywhere but at the eldest in the room....

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YunHo tried to no avail to block out the intruding noices invading his peaceful sleep, his mind desperately trying to hold on to the comfiness of sleep. But after a few minutes of battle, the singer soon gave up and slowly opened his eyes, yawning tiredly as he listened to what had awoken him from his sleep.

He could hear quite loud bickering coming from the kitchen, the other three aparently up and making themselves ready for leaving. YunHo half heartedly wondered what they were up to at this ungodly hour, but let his curiosity slip as he enjoyed the cosiness of the bed and closed his eyes once more, burrowing himself back deeper into the mattress. Screw practice today, he was definitely not in the mood....

But just as he was about to drift back into a pleasant sleep, he felt something stir beside him. Or more correctly, in his arms.

Frowning, YunHo slowly opened one tired eyelid as he gazed down, meeting the sight of a sleeping JaeJoong, laying closely to himself, head tucked perfectly in the crook of the leader’s neck.

For a second, YunHo could swear everything in the world froze as he stared at Jae, breathing evenly and calm despite the pained frown gracing the other’s pale face.

Why were they in the same bed? Even if Jae and himself were the closest and were very touchy-feely with one another, they didn’t really share a bed... It was just weird to YunHo. So finding himself holding JaeJoong closely in the other’s bed felt really strange... and disturbingly right... Something he desperately tried to deny and so pushed the sensation into the back of his mind.

But after a few seconds of brainfreeze his brain soon started to function again and the night before washed over him. That’s right....

During the night:

After he had tried to talk to his friend, Jae had broken down completely, unable to hide the immense pain he held within him any more and YunHo had been there, trying with all his might to comfort the suffering male. The leader had been stunned and completely taken aback by the sudden flood of emotions and had just held the lead singer close, trying to protect the shaking form from the darkness attacking it. In the end, JaeJoong had begun to fall asleep in his arms and YunHo had then carried him gently over to the lead singer’s bed, gently laying him down on the comfortable bed. But as soon as he had been about to walk tiredly over to his own bed for much needed sleep, a painful and low whimper escaped those perfect lips, Jae desperately grasping at YunHo’s sleeve, begging him to stay.

“Don’t leave me alone...” he pleaded, crystal tears falling slowly from big, blank eyes. Eyes unable to find him as they just stared right ahead.

That was all it took for the leader to stay, placing himself slowly beside JaeJoong on the others’ bed, drawing the blanket over them both. They just lay there, Jae staring up at the roof while YunHo also lay on his back, now and then glancing towards the other. He had wondered what YooChun would have done, if he could help his broken friend and what the next days would bring as the manager had forced them to continue their normal routines, except for a few changes for JaeJoong.... What would it become of them all in the end?

As he had lay there deep in thought he could feel the sleep starting to claim him, his mind and body drifting more and more into the world of dreams. But just as he felt himself beginnig to drift away from the space between conscious and sleep, he felt something cold grasp his hand.

Forcing himself awake again, YunHo opened his eyes and saw JaeJoong’s hand hold his desperately as his form, yet again, trembled as he stared blankly ahead of him. He seemed unable to sleep and the fright shone clear in the wide open eyes, lips slightly parted, quiet pants escaping the mouth.

“Jae?” the leader had asked. frowning.

JaeJoong didn’t answer, he just held YunHo’s hand even tighter, the leader slightly pondering over how strong JaeJoong could be when he wanted.

“Joongie?” YunHo asked again, turning on his side, worry evident in his face. “Are you ok?”

It looked as if JaeJoong was debating about something silently before he finally turned his head, trying to focus on YunHo even though all he saw was darkness. Still shaking, the lead singer slowly began to move towards YunHo unsurely, his hand fumbling on the mattress until it found the leader’s shirt and grasped it. Doubt and fear once again flashed in the dark pools before he positioned himself beside YunHo, his trembling form wrapping an arm over the leader and holding on to the back of his shirt while YunHo lay there, unsure of what to do.

It felt slightly awkward to have JaeJoong laying against him, hiding himself in the leader’s own chest, upset and trembling breathing playing against his chest. And even though Jae was his best friend, he just couldn’t hold back the feelings of ‘wrong’ screaming in his mind. He was well aware of the times when JaeJoong and YooChun had shared a bed when the lead singer had been sad or upset or when YooChun felt lonely, but that was them, it was different... Or at least he thought so...

He knew Jae needed comfort and depended on others, but that still didn’t change the awkward feelings YunHo felt at the moment.... or the scaring feeling of it being so right, that they belonged like this.

A tired whimper escaped the other again, drawing YunHo’s attention one more time.

Jae’s trembling had become even worse even though he seemed to be half asleep.

So, ignoring all his emotions for now and focusing completely on helping JaeJoong, he did the only thing he knew was right in order to help the other. Gently, he wrapped his warm arms around the smaller male, drawing him even closer and cooing softly, yet again, to the other as he held him. He immediately felt Jae’s own grip on him tighten and an almost inaudible sigh escape the full lips as the body relaxed slightly.

YunHo looked down and saw the lead singer’s eyes begin to close slowly, dark eyelashes closing over blank, dark eyes, brushing against perfect skin. Relieved to know that they would finally get some sleep and hopefully be rested enough to start their practice again tomorrow, he closed his eyes himself.

But just before he fell asleep, two words, silent as a breeze, floated out into the dark room from a dozing off being.

“I’m sorry...”

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YunHo frowned.

Those two words troubled him deeply. What had Jae meant? What had he been sorry about?

Looking down into his arms, he couldn’t help but smile softly even though so much bad had and was still, happening.

Despite his worn out and too thin body, his too pale skin and his too troubled breathing, JaeJoong still managed to look beautiful and surreal. His whole being told of a male with unending beauty and a heart bigger and greater than the ocean, his caring for other’s never ending. YunHo gently stroke a few bangs away from Jae’s face, dwelling in the smooth skin under his fingers. Once again, the leader felt that unnerving feeling flicker to life again and he hastily withdrew his hand from the other.

Shaking his head, YunHo wondered if he should wake the other one up and force him to have some breakfast before they returned to their dancing hall that they hadn’t visited for almost two months since the accident. Or if he should let him sleep, staying away from the harsh reality a little while longer...

Suddenly a loud bang rang through the whole appartement and YunHo jumped slightly while JaeJoong stirred, but did not wake up.

Well, now he was more than wide awake and too curious to fall back asleep again.... And he was the leader after all, he couldn’t really skip practice... sadly.

Making up his mind, YunHo carefully rose from the bed, softly removing JaeJoong’s arm still around him gently and placed it around his pillow instead. He would wake him up later and feed him when they got to the studio.

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“What...are you doing?” YunHo asked, looking shocked as he stopped dead in his tracks at the kitchen entrance.

“Oh, morning Ho” YooChun greeted him, followed suit by a high pitched scream from ChangMin, caused by a raw egg being smacked to his back, _under_ his shirt.

“Suuu!!!” he yelled, flailing his arms in annoyance before grabbing a spoon and walking towards the other with said object like a sword, ready to fight. JunSu in return, grabbed a fork and smirked at the youngest confidently as he too, got into a fighting position.

“I’m ready Min. Bring it on, _squid_!” And a high warrior sound echoed from ChangMin as he leaped forward, engaging them both in a furious battle between fork and spoon.

“You’ll be SWIMMING in egg before I’m done with you, Su!” ChangMin yelled, earning a mad cackle from JunSu as said person smacked an egg on the youngest head.

“...You were saying...?” he asked triumphantly, grinning as the youngest froze on the spot, before glaring back and jumping forwards in a wild counterattack.

YunHo, still positioned in the kitchen entrance, half frozen in place, looked around the kitchen again before finally landing on YooChun nce more with raised eyebrows and disbelieving eyes.

“Oh, haha, don’t mind them. They’re just making breakfast.” the american born singer finally said, looking back to the still ongoing battle. At the moment, JunSu had grabbed a pan as a sheild while ChangMin had gone for the offensive, adding a bottle of whipped cream on bottle, spraying JunSu while the other defended himself with his new object.

“I would love to say ‘I can see that’, but... I really can’t.” YunHo said, slowly taking a seat beside YooChun and skillfully avoiding a string of cream flying right past him. “If that’s our breakfast-“ he said and motioned over the kitchen, were piles upon piles of raw, smashed eggs lay messily, mixed with random vegetables “I’d rather wait till dinner.” he finished, laughing as ChangMin caught JunSu off guard and managed to spray two dots of cream on each eye, making him look. like a squint-eyed alien.

“Haha, ah, and honestly, I can’t do anything but agree with you.” YooChun chuckled softly before a sudden dark look overcame him. “But I’m sorry if they woke you up, we didn’t mean to wake you... How’s Jae? Is he up?”

The leader smiled gently at his friend and shok his head while slowly grabbing an apple from the fruit basket on the table.

“Nah, it’s fine. We got to sleep and Jae seemed completely knocked out, so I guess he won’t be up until we’re leaving. Besides, it’s good to see everyone still being themselves. That if something might prove really good for JaeJoong. I think he needs to really be able to feel we’re the same, and that he still belongs here. As for his condition, he’s....well, not better. He totally broke down on me last night. I don’t know what to do Chunnie...” he said sadly, looking down at the table and fiddling with his fingers.

The other looked troubled and a worried frown plastered itself deeper on YooChun’s face.

“You can only do what you feel is right while still keeping in mind what Jae is in need of. And we’re all here, we need to work together on this. But...it sounds really bad. If we can’t get him to feel better I don’t think-... and he needs to eat, otherwise we’ll have to move him to a hospital, his body can’t take much more.” he said, folding his newspaper and looking towards the clock.

YunHo sighed in return and ran a hand through his still tousled hair, trying to steady his shaky voice.

“I know... I really don’t want him to end up there, but I’d choose that in front of him starving himself... to death. And with our upcoming schedule, he’ll definitely need energy and a healthy body. Chun, do you really think the manager was serious? Do you really think Jae can do most of the things he did before?The new dance for the japanese Rising Sun video is not that simple....” he asked, burrowing his face in his hands and heaving another sigh.

Placing a comforting hand on his friend’s shoulder, YooChun went for being brutally honest.

“I know he meant it. Jae is the lead singer, for him not to participate in the dances would be... odd. The live performances will surely be different, but he must be in the PV’s. And even though I think it’s pushing him too hard at the moment, I still think that Jae can pull it off and manage it. We are his family, he belongs here. No matter what the costs, he’ll stay here, we’ll manage the obstacles... And I’ve seen blind people do a lot of things, so with the right support from us he’ll make it... when his own low spirit has subsided first. With his current state, I honestly don’t think he’ll manage much...” he said, standing up.

YunHo looked up and leaned back in his chair, looking over the kitchen towards the duo, now finding them tumbling on the floor, as enthustiatic in their battle as ever. He looked at them for a while, not really seeing them as he thoughtfully bit his apple.

No matter how bad it sounded, Chun was right, about everything. No matter what, Jae belonged here, and no matter what, they’d help him stay. It would probably always involve more work for them, but it was definitely worth it, no doubt. But maybe the darkest truth was that Jae would probably have it even harder by his own outside the celebrity world and YunHo didn’t even want to imagine how Jae would have it without them....

“No...I agree with that. As he is now, he won’t manage much... And god do I hope he wont push himself too hard... like he usually does, hiding away his emotions and problems to himself and just keep going for us...” YunHo sighed.

“We’ll have to work together to make sure he won’t be able to do that.” YooChun reassured, slowly standing up. “And I’ll tell the children to get ready to leave, you go and wake Jae up.” he added before turning to the messed up duo on the floor, now biting each other on the arms and pushing carrots up each others noses.

The lead singer turned on his heels, walking towards his and Jae’s room while he could hear YooChun command the other’s to geat ready. Whines sounding from the other two still mostly like on the floor.

“But....But we haven’t eaten enything yet!”

“That’s what you get for having a food fight for an hour!” YooChun’s voice rang in the apartment before it was blocked out as YunHo closed his bedroom door.

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The ride to the studio for the awating dance rehearsal and practice was not the least... peaceful.

First off, Junsu and ChangMin still hadn’t stopped their fight over whom should do the breakfast, even though YunHo and YooChun descretely had tried to shut them without JaeJoong noticing. They knew Jae felt bad already as it was, they really didn’t think he needed to feel bad over not being able to continue cooking. But JunSu and ChangMin had apparently totally forgotten about their presense and the fact that JaeJoong was in the condition he was. Something the other two, excluding the unknowing JaeJoong, felt both happy and annoyed about. But they guessed there was always two sides of a cookie. They just hoped that Jae wouldn’t hear them while he sat in the front seat of the car, sound asleep, his head wobbling lightly when the car hit a bump.

And they sooooo prayed that the youngest would stop fighting before they reached the studio.... or before YunHo’s veins burst and he too, would have to go and pay the hospital a visit. Seriously, when these two fought, they FOUGHT. There were worse than rabid fangirls and could keep going for even longer periods of time. JaeJoong though, seemed mercifully spared from all of it.

JaeJoong had strategically asked for the front seat that morning, not because of the fight he had somehow missed, but because he was well aware of YunHo’s upcoming attempts to make him eat, something the lead singer didn’t feel like. So instead of having to deal with YunHo force feeding him in the car, he had chosen his spot at the front, away from YunHo’s clutches. But what Jae didn’t know or expect was that the leader still hadn’t given up on his quest to make him eat...

YunHo was quite sure that JaeJoong expected him to get all engulfed in the dance practice, again, as usual, forgetting all about feeding JaeJoong and “hopefully” spare him the ‘having-to-eat-speech’ until dinner again. Or lunch, depending on who else joined in to eat with them... But Jae was oh-so-wrong. Even if YunHo really wanted to give his best at practice, he was still too much aware of their new situation concerning the band, and scaringly concerned about his band members’ health, that the dance didn’t really mean much until they all felt good. So feeding Jae today had slightly become his main goal, smartly joining YooChun in the quest ‘To-make-Jae-eat’.

And it didn’t matter how hurt or bad JaeJoong felt about ANYTHING. No matter what, even if it might sound heartless, YunHo WOULD get him to eat. They all loved Joongie too much to let him suffer like this any longer, not if they could help. And in this case, they _would_ help.

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“YunHo! I said _I don’t want it_!” JaeJoong said fiercely, though his tiredness was clearly visible in it. “I’m not hungry!”

The said leader sighed and looked irritated at Jae where he sat on the floor, at the side of the dance floor and against the wall.

He really felt sorry for the other, loosing his sight, along a lot of other things YunHo knew, must take a big toll on poor Jae, but he would never allow the other to stop eating like before again. He needed to eat, even if he wasn’t hungry and felt like giving up on life. He wouldn’t escape ot, not as long as YunHo had a say on it.

Growling silently in his throat, YunHo took another spoonful of yogurth and pressed the tip of it on Jae’s full lips, trying to force past the sealed lips apart.

“Don’t be silly JaeJoong! You haven’t eaten properly for weeks, your body is practically begging for food! I won’t let you go until you’ve eaten something!” YunHo said sternly, continuing to try and get the spoon into the lead singer’s mouth, which the other one currently tried to move away.

JaeJoong made an angry pout while he tried to grab the annoying hand as he fumbled after it in darkness, agitated at his own constant failures. He made a sound mixed between a whine and a groan.

“Yun, I said I’m not hungry! Please...stop.” he now begged, tired of fighting himself and everything around him, the darkness pushing him to his every limit. He didn’t want to fight with YunHo, but he really didn’t feel like eating. If he did, he feared he might throw up...the little there was anyway...

“I can’t Jae.” YunHo said regretfully, yet determind. “You must eat.” he said, moving even closer to JaeJoong, their legs now brushing, the spoon once again against Jae’s lips.

The lead singer growled lowly, hos whole body tensing before he slapped the hand away, the spoon flying half across the dance floor, still unoccupied, the other’s still in the locker rooms, changing.

“For heaven’s sake, _leave me alone_!” JaeJoong screamed, anger mingling with his feeling of uselessness and helplesness. He really didn’t want to act as a cry-baby or be all dramatic nor refusing to eat, he just couldn’t do it. There was no way he could explain it to the other’s. The feelings of complete and utter uselesness to others. He couldn’t help them with practically anything. And everything for them all would be harder from now on thanks to him. Damn, he couldn’t even make them breakfast anymore. Yes, he had heard. And he knew they didn’t mean anything bad about it, but the feeling of just being in the way was eating away at him. Everywhere he “looked”, all he saw was darkness... and the demons taunting him, their gleeful faces telling him about how worthless he was. How they all probably felt he was just a drag, a pain they had to put up with. It didn’t really matter that he knew they wouldn’t think like that, because the feeling still wouldn’t go away. And the more he heard it, the more he felt it was true... The darkness had really gotten to him, the demons a constant presence to him whenever the other’s weren’t around. When YunHo wasn’t around....

YunHo stared furiously at JaeJoong as the spoon went flying, glaring at his friend as the other kept the face hidden from view, hands still covering the pale face

WHY couldn’t JaeJoong understand that they cared for him and that they did this for his sake! If he couldn’t eat for himself, then at least he could eat for them! It was so agitating and frustrating to see JaeJoong like this, so far away from his former self, destroying himself like this. Even if it was hard, he couldn’t just give up! YunHo just couldn’t allow it.

Upset, he grabed JaeJoong by his shoulders roughly, shaking him.

“Jae! Why the hell do you do this!?” he yelled in frustration, his anger fueling him and making him even more angry. He didn’t know what to do any more, all he wanted was to see JaeJoong better, no matter the costs, no matter what Jae himself felt at the moment. He needed to eat, that was all YunHo cared for. All he knew was that if JaeJoong didn’t eat, he would en up at the hospital and be even further away from them, feeling even more sick, and YunHo didn’t want that. He was responsible for his band mates!

JaeJoong didn’t move a muscles as YunHo shook him quite violantely and the leader made up his mind. If this was the only way, so be it...

Suddenly stopping and releasing his grip on Jae’s shoulders, he roughly stood, stomping over and fetching the spoon while Jae’s hands fell from his face, a look of confusion plastered on his pained face. Having the spoon yet again, the leader walked determinedly back to the lead singer and positioned himself on JaeJoongs’ tighs, stradling them.

“If this is the only way...” he growled lowly “...I have no other choice. Sorry, Jae, but you brought this upon yourself.” he said darkly, concern voiced in every edge of each word as he looked at Jae’s face while the other looked down, exhausted and weary, face hidden under black bangs.

The leader suddenly took a hold of JaeJoongs’ chin, forcefully turning the other’s head up before taking a hold of his jaw, parting his mouth brutally and pushing the spoon down into the mouth.

Jae’s eyes widened considerably and he tried desperately to get away, writhing and pushing at YunHo’s chest with what little strength he still held in his weak body. But everything went unnoticed by YunHo as he continued to force down spoon upon spoon into Jaejoong’s mouth, now and then making sure Jae swallowed it. Not even the tears that started to roll down pale cheeks stopped him, his mind only set on saving his friend from more pain. The tears were a small price to pay with what good eating would do his friend...

Muffled protests kept trying to come out from JaeJoongs’ mouth as he felt the spoones continuing to attack him.

“Yu... plea....sto...” he choked, feeling his stomach protest and mind going desperate to make it stop. He felt so sick... in every aspect. And he just couldn’t hold back the tears any more, crying even more as YunHo wouldn’t stop. He just wanted it to stop... to make the feelings of wrong go away with the horrible sickness in his stomach.

Crying, he choked on the fluid in his mouth and he felt a panic rising in his chest as the battle for air was growing more difficult. Coughing, he fumbled for YunHo’s shirt, finding what he guessed was the collar of his neck and griped it weakly, beggingly.

“Sto....stop!” he cried weakly, fear and panic so evident.

YunHo stopped immediately, anger subsiding, leaving feelings of dread and regret in it’s absence as he stared at the person before him, slumping against the wall, breathing heavy and desperate as the grip continued to tighten on his shirt.

He looked so scared....

What had he done?

A soft whimper suddenly echoed in the room, making YunHo’s heart ache and his bad conscience even worse. Even though it had been for a good cause... god was he stupid...

“Yun.....Ho?” he heard Jae croak, obviously wondering why he didn’t do anything and praying it was over. Maybe he still thought he was still angry at him, wanting to force feed him more?

Well...duh.

And god, the tears! They were still coming in forces, sobs barely audible accompaning them. How he desperately wished YooChun was there now. He loved Jae, but YunHo was sure that Chunnie would be better for him in a moment like this...

Again, a soft whimper was heard as the body under him began to tremble. Because of what, the leader wasn’t sure. Either it was pain, sickness or....fear. something he begged wasn’t the case.

“Yun...Ho?” Jae whimpered again, sobbing as he pulled at the leader’s shirt hesitantly again.

Yes.... it was fear.

Though it wasn’t only the fear our dear leader thought, completely unaware of the demons eating away at his friend beneath him and the overcoming sickness filling the fragile body.

“...Jae.” he said hesitantly, moving closer and touching one cheek, looking at the other’s face. “I’m... so sorry.” he said desperatly, truth more clear than the moon in a winter night. “I’m so terribly sorry.” he repeated, trying to hold back his own tears as he hesitantly placed his arms around JaeJoong’s waist, drawing the other one against him as he cradled him, holding him close.

“I love you, so much.... I’m so sorry” he whispered in the lead singer’s ear as the other continued to cry while YunHo placed Jae’s head against the crook of his neck. “Please....forgive me.” he pleaded as the lead singer clutched at the back of his shirt for all he was worth, shaking as harsh sobs racked through his whole being. He felt like he would break right there and then.

JaeJoong knew YunHo didn’t mean anything bad with what he had done, he really did. But it still didn’t make the situation... pleasant... the intense sickness threatening to overthrow him any second.... but for YunHo, he’d do anything. He couldn’t be mad at him, he knew he did what he did out of concern, and JaeJoong was grateful no matter the results.

Burrowing himself even deeper in the other’s neck, he nodded softly, hoping the other one would understand him and he breathed in the other’s scent, trying desperately to get rid of the unplesant feeling of trowing up with YunHo’s scent and warmth.

No matter what YunHo did to him, he always knew he never meant anything bad with it and he always felt...at ease. YunHo was his stormy but safe sanctuary... a sanctuary he couldn’t have...

TBC!

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OK!! So that’s the first part of my first YunJae fic!!! ^_____^ Haha, I was actually planning to have another scene at the end, but I’ll write it for a later time instead! XD ^^ *laughs evily* Ah, how I love a broken JaeJoong in need of being healed by YunHo >333 *knows she’s evil and heartless* What?! At least I didn’t kill him! XD *cackles*
This is actually my first attempt at an IRL pairing fanfic and I’m so nervous to know what you think! XD >3 *has only written RikuxSora, LeonxCloud and YamixYugi before* XD So, how was it? Horrible? XD *snickers*
Anyway, the second chapter shouldn’t be too far away as I really like writing this one, even if I might be the only one liking it! XD Though, as the chapters are very long, might not update every day XD ^^; So, pleeeeeeease feed me with some comments, you make me work! >3 *bribes with a blond JaeJoong chibi plushie* <3
THANKS FOR READING!! <3333333
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Darkness All Around