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Obscure	By : Semichan Category: Dir en grey > General Views: 1041 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. I do not know the members of Dir en grey. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 1-Obscure
- 1
Title : Obscure
Author : Semichan
Pairings : Kyo x Shinya / Die & Totchi x Shinya

A/N : Here's a pretty old fic of mine again (I guess this title has been used thousands of times already, but since this fic was directly linked to the PV…). It's an idea we had with a friend of mine, we settled on both writing a fic on our side; with the same theme; and then compare what we did. It's not really useful explaining this since she wouldn't put her version on AFF so nobody can really compare, but well, briefly, here the handicap we had was that we had to 'kill' the blonde girl of the Obscure video (I know, it's weird lol). This has nothing to do with Dir en grey basically so, but we managed ! ^^; (I think so at least lol) Anyway, I guess I'm gonna put these kind of explanations above some other fics I did also, cause my friend and I have been making several fics using a mutual theme, then comparing. Actually, now I'm thinking of it, she might have published hers elsewhere already XD Anyway, I'll just stop rambling on and on like this, this isn't what I'm supposed to talk about here, ne ? lol Last precision, it's written in Shinya's POV.

And, wait, another word : The blonde girl in the Obscure PV is, from what we know, French. We also managed finding her name (…looks like a real inquiry now I'm writing it XDD); but this isn't important. Lol Anyway, I just wanted to precise, cause Shinya's talking of European girls at the beginning, and that wouldn't have make sense if I didn't write this ^^;

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I could never forget that day . Really, I should get over it, but I can't . Not that I never tried to, but this is just too hard . It's been 3 years already , almost 4 , but I still can't . I can't forget . I can't sleep at night . I can't smile at him and say it's alright , cause it's not . I just can't .

And now we came here , in Europe, it's even worse . I can't bear the idea anymore . I don't wanna go out except for live shows . I can't walk in the streets and look at them .
European girls . I can not look at them . They make me wanna puke .

There're so many things I just can't do anymore and they didn't realize . Even he, didn't . We're supposed to be together , but I'm surely not suffering enough for him to see . Even though we were already going out together when it happened, Kyo never realized I was feeling awfully bad.

Toshiya, he, didn't see I wasn't alright . He perfectly knew it. He knew because he was one of the person who caused all that.

The second one being Die .

Die . I can't look at him without wanting to throw up either . And he knows it . I've the feeling that's making him even happier .
I didn't know someone I considered to be my friend could hate me that much .

~~~

- Let go of me, totchi … I said for the third time already, but he wouldn't give up . I was trying to come home since at least 20 minutes now but he wouldn't give up . Almost like he was perpetually glued to me since the day was announced finished .
- Don't you wanna spend a few minutes with me ? He asked with a pout . Toshiya knew absolutely well I won't refuse him, but he kept on insisting nonetheless .
- Not the way you're asking me to spend time with you …
- I won't be too rough … He then added with a grin , taking one of my hands in his and guiding me to some random room nearby . Some of the staff members were almost staring at us because of Totchi and I 's sudden 'intimacy' , but I couldn't care less right now . We were real close friends so… They should be quite used to that kind of stuff happening in the band .
- Toshiya … I sighed and rolled my eyes . I didn't wanna go there with him . I already had a boyfriend and was pretty much tired from the day we just had . We shot an entire PV in an afternoon . Actually, we didn't have many things to do, since most of the video would be special effects and so on … Moreover we're not appearing that much in it, but I felt totally worn out nevertheless .
- Totchi, let me go … I said again contradicting myself by following him .
- Stop talking for a second … He sighed . He opened a door on our right and gently let me in .
- But To …
- Shut up ! He suddenly yelled slamming the door shut and pushing me against the wall. Hard . He then brought one hand to my mouth and held me tightly by the waist muttering a low "you better keep silent as long as you're in here" and looked away. I was so shocked I even didn't think of reacting . I just stared at him, eyes wide, as silent as if I had just lost my tongue . But then, my eyes turned to the direction he was looking at , and they widened even more if possible .
Die was sitting on a chair in a corner of the room , bare chest , and was licking his fingers . Slowly .
As the sight hadn't startled me enough yet , I suddenly realized both his hands were covered in blood . It wouldn't have shocked me so much if his forearms weren't too . They didn't have used that much fake blood on him for the PV … They even didn't put it on his hands ! I thought shaking my head unconsciously , literally staring at him.
- What the hell is going on ?! I suddenly succeeded on pushing Toshiya's hand away and tried to run away from him but he quickly grabbed me, encircling his arms around my waist, making us lose balance and fall to the floor . I half cried in pain but was quickly silenced as my bandmate hit me on the head to warn me , then let go of my waist and gripped my arms to firmly hold them behind my back .
- I said you better shut the fuck up !
I never heard him talk like that . I never heard Toshiya say such things to anybody . Damn, I can't even recognize his voice !
A few seconds later , I felt Totchi raising his head to look up all the while straddling me and footsteps coming to us . Of course I knew who it was , but for some unknown reason that wasn't reassuring me at all . I remained completely silent until Die knelt in front of me , looking into my eyes, smiling .
- Hi, Shin-chan … He said with an immense grin , lips red from blood . I couldn't believe what I was seeing . This must be fake blood of course ;I even was feeling quite stupid for having been thinking it could have been real some seconds earlier ; but I really couldn't grasp what was happening .
- Die what are you¾!
- Haven't you heard what he told you ? Die suddenly grabbed my chin tightly with one hand, restraining me from doing much of anything except from nodding . And so I did , I nodded shamefully, feeling tears forming in my eyes .
I didn't understand why I nodded to that . Why was I feeling ; no; being so weak ? With two persons that I considered to be my best friends ? Why was I letting them … do "that" ?

Yeah, "that" . Cause I didn't know what they were doing at all , actually .
I wanted to talk , I wanted to ask, badly, but was too afraid Toshiya, or even worst Die, hit me again .So I stayed silent .

But then … My eyes became wide all of a sudden. I didn't realized it until yet , but a strong sickening scent was filling the whole, quite dark, room .
And I realized that it was even stronger just beside me . I even didn't dare to look up now .
I made the horrid and disgusting conclusion that what Die had on his hand wasn't fake blood , finally .
I had an immense urge to vomit just as the situation sank in, and it only grew more important when I realized he probably left some blood stains on my face when he took my chin in his hand earlier .

I was so caught up in my thoughts and disturbing conclusions that I first didn't feel Toshiya tug at my pants and slowly and awkwardly take them off , still difficulty holding my wrists securely with one hand .
When Die saw I was going to react he immediately grabbed my shoulders, pushing me to the cold ground even more , my forehead roughly coming in contact with it , making me feel dizzy. I let out a light cry .
- Shhh ! Die shook me quite violently, not really helping my abrupt state of giddiness . Stay silent, k ? He asked almost gently , not looking that mean and sadistic anymore . If there wasn't blood all over his arms and lips and wasn't holding me in place on the floor, I wouldn't have seen a difference with the 'normal' Die ; the one I see and talk with everyday .
- What are you doing … I dared to whisper then , too affected to stay silent more . Obviously, I carefully kept my head down to look as submissive and vulnerable as I could . I thought they would probably took pity on me . But I was damn wrong .
- Shinya, love … Die brought one hand to my cheek to stroke it softly . We're just trying to have some fun, don't you wanna have fun too ? He cocked his head to the side as he finished his sentence, looking rather innocent .
That sight made me wanna cry . I initially thought he might be drunk, but then replayed the whole scene til the beginning and , no, he definitely was sober . And so was my other bandmate .
He and Totchi were forcing me into something ,that I still didn't know about, and he was acting like everything was ok . Like they were acting normal . Like they should act like that with me and that I had to accept it . Surrender .
Die continued to stroke my cheek and he smiled at me warmly, slowly looking up to Toshiya , and then he nodded , looking back down at me just after he did. His face suddenly changed into one of pure coldness .
- A single sound coming from you and be sure you won't be able to talk for a long while. understood ?
My stomach twisted with worry as I nodded weakly, and this time I felt some tears roll down my cheeks slowly, as discreetly as I could manage .
Gently then, I felt our bassist's free hand parting my naked legs and sinking between them. I closed my eyes tightly in knowledge of what was to come, but nothing happened .
Silence .
- You ,first . I suddenly heard Toshiya state , instantly switching places with Die as he spoke . I didn't even have the will to fight when he released my wrists , and I felt more tears finding their ways out my eyes , as I couldn't really think that was going to happen . I was going to be raped . And my best friend was going to do it .
- Please don't … I let out faintly, fighting back some sobs .
Toshiya sat in front of me and didn't do a single thing to restrain me from escaping, or even moving for that matter . I realized that Die wasn't even holding my wrists like totchi had done until then , he was just holding my waist , and not so strongly . Oh how weak I must have looked . How weak I was .

Die then bent my knees a little , positioning himself . Before I knew it , he had entered me in one strong push , making me scream so loud I wondered how I could still have such strength to do so .
- Don't be so loud ! Toshiya ordered taking my face in both of his hands forcing me to look up . My only response was a feeble and shaky nod as more tears ran down my now red cheeks, and Die started to develop a quite fast rhythm of thrusts . I didn't know why I nodded . I didn't know why I didn't protest much . Why I didn't protest at all . Since the very beginning I didn't really try to escape. To say no . I gave in pretty fast . Though I never willed to do that .
- Damn, he's so tight …! Die exclaimed throwing his head back . I saw Toshiya grin and I felt my stomach contract again .
- You didn't say you were still a virgin Shin-chan ! Totchi said cupping my chin with a wide, perverted smile .
- That, or Kyo isn't really big ! Die added obviously grinning , thrusting into me harder when he pronounced the last word .
This was the last straw and I burst out in tears, not restraining my whines and sobs anymore . I couldn't stop screaming, yelling and begging for them to stop; though Toshiya wasn't doing much of anything . For once they didn't tell me to shut up, they didn't hit me.
They just snickered right now and then at some of my words or moans of pain , and the more I begged , the more I felt Die become even rougher .

For the next fifteen minutes , I didn't really grasp what happened . He was so violent it was making me feel dizzy again . He did strike my prostate numerous times but it only made me more nauseous . At least I wasn't hard . But how could I ? I was being raped . How could I be enjoying it ?
I couldn't even open my eyes anymore . I was too exhausted , both mentally and physically speaking . But one thing that kept me conscious a tad bit, was the fact I knew it would end one time or another and maybe ; maybe they wouldn't be too mean and leave me alone when Die would be finished .
But how foolish I was to think they could ever, let me go . Obviously they didn't . Not only I had to bear the idea of my rapist's cum inside me , mixed with the blood he had drawn from me the last past minutes , but I'd also have to hold that another time .

And so I did . Well they did . They forced me to have sex with them . They forced me into this room . I didn't even know what that room was . It was almost empty save from the chair Die was sitting on earlier , and various sheets stuff sprawled all over the floor randomly . I didn't see they were blood stained until then . The room was far too dark for me to see clearly and I didn't really pay attention to that since I thought it was just things that had been used in our PV or something … I didn't have time to think when Toshiya brought me here actually .

When Die sat in front of me placing a hand on one of my cheeks again I jumped slightly and looked up. He still had the same grin playing on his lips . I couldn't understand why . Why it made him so happy to do that . Why he was happy to rape me . Why he was letting Toshiya have his way with me right after he just did.

And so it happened . A second time . I got raped two times the same day. But this time I fainted . I can't even remember what Toshiya did to me ; as soon as he entered me, I collapsed to the floor . This was too much for me to handle . The realization of what was happening , Toshiya pushing into me, Die's cum trickling down my thighs , and that horrible scent of blood still present .
Well, of course it was still there . Die was sitting right in front of me . I still didn't know why he was covered in blood though . In my both shocked and hazed state I never pondered on the question .

A few times later , I abruptly came back to consciousness with a harsh slap on my face, accompanied with sort of a yell .
I opened my eyes difficulty realizing there was still someone thrusting into me, and I wanted to cry again .
I finally succeeded on focusing on something and was greeted by Toshiya's face , not looking at me though . He was looking down my groin, and holding one of my legs in the air . I suddenly realized Die's arms were encircling my chest. I don't know how but they managed to shift my position and got me resting against Die's torso without waking me .
- Stay awake . I heard him say , pressing me against him tighter to make his point clear .
I wish I could have answered or nodded , cause I couldn’t protest now anyway , but I even couldn't make a single sound find its way past my lips . I clenched my eyes shut firmly and cried again , but I couldn't sob. I couldn't scream . I just stayed silent , my body lying limp into our guitarist's arms .

I tried . I did tried to stay awake as he commended . I didn't wanna be hurt more . I wanted to stay awake , but I didn't . I couldn't . I fainted again .
I thought I had heard Toshiya make a comment on my state before completely blacking out, saying something like I was even too weak to just stay conscious …
I would like to see him in such a situation . I would like Toshiya to live something horrible for once . To see him scream. Scream in pain . Scream in disgust and desperation . I would like him to go through what they did to me that day .We could reconsider the fact I was too weak or not when I got raped then .

~~~

As I said , I really should get over it now, since it has been almost 3 years , but I just can't.

~~~

When I woke up , I immediately felt sore . Sore, sick and weak . I couldn't move, and I wanted to puke . There was still that horrid sensation of Die being here , I could still smell that blood scent all around me .
But my two bandmates were nowhere to be find . They left me lying on that fucking cold floor . As if I wasn't feeling bad and painful enough, they left me like that, all alone. Of course , they wouldn't have been waiting for me to wake up or something . They wouldn't stand by me obviously . They even didn't put my pants back up .
But since when rapists are caring anyway ? I'm such a fool . I'm so stupid .Why would they care …?

Yeah , they didn't care at all . Not the least bit . For anybody . That's here I realized that this unbearable scent of blood was still and always there . I was literally surrounded by that smell . I was still lying on the ground then , and I couldn't grasp where did it come from . I couldn't see clearly and started shaking my head from side to side a tad bit , feeling the floor all around me until I came in contact with something .
A cloth . One of the sheets-thing I saw earlier . I feared a tad bit . Last time I saw them they were covered in blood . I focused on my hand and slowly brought it back . It was all red . Bloody . And wet .
I looked at the cloth again and saw it was roughly painted in red , much more than the few and smaller others that was scattered all over the floor . It was pretty big in fact , and seemed to be pushed as far as it could in that small corner of the room .
I suddenly forgot about all my pain and sat . I winced slightly and looked around for my pants, that I quickly but awkwardly put on while looking at that sheet on my side . I wanted to look behind it . Badly . I wanted to grab it with my hand and prove myself I was wrong . Please , tell me I'm wrong .

But of course , I wasn't . That was the only and single time I wasn't wrong in the whole day. All was totally upside down . Fun became awfulness, friends became rapists, right became wrong, good became bad , fake became real and Life … Life became death .

Death .

Five words : Friends. Rape. Pain. Blood. Death.

Only one doesn't seem to be fitting . Though it's this one , that caused the four others following words to happen. To be real .

What I saw when I took that clothe in both hands made my heart stop beating for like seemed to be an eternity . My blood stopped running through my veins . I froze . I couldn't move .
Dead .
She was dead . That girl . The blonde girl in our video . She was lying there . Naked . One arm missing . Heart ripped from her chest and lying on the floor . Eyes wide open and empty . Dead.

I felt dizzy all again . I shakily brought my hand to my mouth in prevention but couldn't repress myself . I threw up . I cried . I tried to get as far as I could from her . But I couldn't get on my feet . I couldn't stand up . I let my body fall limply to the ground again , and I sobbed loudly for a moment , then started to let out some agonized cries , holding my head tightly in my hands , my whole body shaking .

That couldn't be real . So Die's hands … That was that . His arms.

~~~

I cried for so long . Not just in that room . I cried for hours ; for months ,for years . I still cry at night . When Kyo would sleep before me I would curl up on the other side of the bed and cry my life to sleep .

I would cry when pretending going bathroom at practise .
I would cry when seeing kyo laughing with them .
I would cry when being alone and remembering .

I still can't really grasp it happened . For real .

Maybe I still saw them as friends when I woke up that day . Maybe I couldn't believe what had happened and thought I just had a nightmare . I hoped . I wish it could have been that . I wish I could have been dreaming but ,yet again, I was wrong . Actually, I spent my whole day being wrong .

I thought shooting a new PV could be fun . I was wrong .
I thought spending some time with Totchi could be fun. I was wrong .
I thought the blood Die on his hands was fake. I was wrong .
I thought they would took pity on me one time or another . I was wrong .
I thought I was having some weird nightmare . But yet again , I was wrong …

I could never forget that day…

~Owari~

Semichan's last (and useless) comment : So, how funny that was ? XD I think that's actually one of my most unfunny fic… Lemme know what you think of this ! Constructive criticism is always welcome. Thx for reading !
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Obscure