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I'll save you from yourself	By : PunkyEmoFreak Category: Singers/Bands/Musicians > Tokio Hotel Views: 2242 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. I do not know the members of Tokio Hotel. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
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|| Tom’s POV ||

They say that you don’t remember anything before the age of five, maybe a few spasms of memories, but nothing serious. I can tell you that’s a lie, I remember a lot from before I was five. I remember everything after. I remember that when I was seven, I stopped talking. I don’t think I can talk anymore; I haven’t tried in eight years. I remembered when I was eight I was in a home with a lot of other kids after my dad died from drinking so much. I remember lashing out at one of them for doing something to me, that’s when I was brought here. I was ten. I’ve spent the last five years in this place, in my new home.

It’s a mental hospital. For the first two years, I was worked with nearly every day. They tried to make me talk, I never made a sound. I didn’t cry at night like the other kids here did. I didn’t show emotion. I don’t think I have any emotions other then being annoyed and getting pissed at the idiots that get put in this place sometimes. They stopped working with me personally after my second year here though; I was a lost cause they thought. In my first week here, I had climbed a tree outside and fell out of the branches when I got to high and they could no longer support my weight. I broke my arm and had a long gash on my leg, I didn’t make a noise. I had limped over to one of the ladies who was supposed to be watching us outside and pointed to my leg with my arm that would obey me. She freaked out more then I had.

Kids were freaked out by me; no one understood why I just acted like nothing was wrong with my arm sticking out at a weird angel. It hurt, I won’t lie, but things had hurt worse before. It’s always better if you don’t make a sound.

When I was thirteen, I got in a fight with some kid who called me retarded. He was new in the home; he didn’t know any better like the other kids did. You just don’t mess with Tom. Talk to him, fine, he’ll stay silent and listen to you. But fuck with him and his anger gets the better of him. You won’t know he’s mad until his fist connects with some part of your body. I know I didn’t kill him, but no one has seen him since.

I had one friend here, if you could even consider him that. His name was Georg, and he liked to talk. Which suited me just fine, he never expected me to answer him. He came here a year ago, brown hair that passed his ears and nearly touched his shoulder that always had to be perfect. He was here for self mutilation and drug use. You couldn’t get the drugs locked up here, but if you want to hurt yourself, you’re going to find a way. I knew that Georg had his ways, he always told me. He knew I wouldn’t tell. That worked just fine for me, as long as he was alive, did it matter what he did to make himself feel better?

No one knew why I could stand Georg around me when I couldn’t stand another person even looking at me for too long. To be honest, I didn’t understand it either. I think it’s because Georg just accepted the way I am and didn’t ask questions. ‘You don’t talk.’ He had said, it wasn’t a question, ‘Wicked.’ He said before he had sat next to me at lunch. He chattered away, I listened, but never made any notion that I was paying attention. He was probably the only person here who could get a reaction from me other then my fist in their face. After the first two months of not even looking at him, Georg got small things. A raise of a brow, a small nod if needed or even a shake of the head.

But now I’m fifteen, I only know because they told me my birthday was today and I just turned it. They asked me if I wanted them to do anything special for it, they asked me that every year. I just gave them a blank stare and walked away to find Georg. Birthdays meant little to me. So I made it to be another year older, who honestly cares?

Since it was my birthday, I was excused from all the things that were mandatory for me to do for the day. I didn’t do anything wrong, so I only had homework and group. I did my homework and went to group anyways. There was a new kid there today; he was the strangest kid I had ever laid eyes on. “Everyone, this is Bill. He’s new to our group so I’d like everyone to say hello and make him feel welcome here.” Lacy said, pointing to the newcomer in our group class. Everyone but me said hi and waved to him, Bill just grinned and waved back like a spastic child. I’m guessing he liked the attention. “Bill, would you like to tell everyone why you’re here?” Lacy asked him.

Bill just gave a lopsided grin and flipped his puffy black hair over his shoulder and batted long eye-lashes at her. “Sure,” he said, his voice was chipper and loud. It made me cringe. When Georg talked, it was always low, quieter, only I could hear him half the time. “Because the courts tell me I have to be.” Was his simple answer and Lacy frowned.

“No, Bill. What did you do to get yourself sent here?” She asked him, trying to make it more clear for the teenage boy who couldn’t have been any older then me. Bill giggled behind his hand, he knew what she had meant. He obviously wasn’t stupid. He obviously didn’t want to answer her question though either.

“No thanks,” He said, flashing her a grin that would probably make grown men melt, “I’d much rather not tell them why the courts think I should be here since it’s all wrong and they don’t know what they’re talking about.”

Lacy sighed at him, I hated when she did that. This was going to be one of the days she tried making me talk now. She did the same thing with Georg when he came here. We hadn’t hadn’t a new addition to our group since Georg. We were always full. Our group was for long term kids, ones that weren’t going to get out within a few months. As a matter of fact, Connor was the only person who had ever gotten out of this place. He was of age though; he said he didn’t want to be here anymore. They tell me I can leave when I’m eighteen too, but leave to what?

“Alright Bill, fine. You don’t have to talk about it now. But you will eventually. It’s the only way to start making things better. Andreas, why don’t we start with you? We’ll go around and everyone can introduce themselves to Bill.”

No said anything more then their name. Andreas. James. Jamie. They were twins, a boy and a girl. Gustav. Rachael. Georg. Lacy looked at me expectantly and I just continued to give her my blank stare. She sighed and waved her hand for Emma to continue. Alan. Ricky. Peter. And Rochelle. She sat next to Bill who was sitting next to Lacy in Connor’s old spot. Bill hadn’t paid any attention to anyone after me though, he had his eyes locked on me and wouldn’t stop staring. It was making me uneasy. I hated attention on me.

I just got up and left, Lacy couldn’t say anything. It was my birthday; I didn’t have to be in there anyways. And with the way Bill’s eyes were on me, I didn’t want to be in there either.

“I can’t wait for my birthday so I can just walk out on Lacy’s dumb ass too without getting a fucking warning.” Georg tended to get a lot of warnings already because he couldn’t shut up, one more and it was straight to lockdown for him. Georg wouldn’t be able to handle being alone in lockdown for a week. I can’t even handle it in lockdown; you’re stuck in a room with no windows, a bed, and a toilet. There is a single light in the room that you can’t control and you are brought your three meals a day. Nothing else. “You left because of the new kid, didn’t you?” he didn’t wait for me to answer, “I would have to if those eyes were staring at me. What kind of boy wears that much make-up around his eyes? Or any at all for that matter. I dunno, he’s just weird. I don’t think I’m going to like him in our group class at all. He seems like a diva, Yanno? The one who always wants attention on them,” Georg didn’t have much room to talk there. Georg liked attention too, “Awe fuck, I’m still hungry. I’m gonna go grab an ice-cream thing. Be right back.” He was long passed asking me if I wanted one.

Much to my dismay though, as soon as Georg had gotten up from his spot at our table, I say it’s ours since no one else sits with us. People are freaked out by me, so they don’t even bother to sit at the table if I’m not there. “Hi,” I winced at the voice, loud and chipper and I knew exactly who it belonged too, “I’m Bill,” I didn’t even bother looking at him. He was starting to annoy me. “Are you mute or something?” He asked, I started drumming my fingers against the table, where the hell was Georg? This kid was starting to really annoy me and I won’t be held responsible for my actions.

“Can you even hear me?” He asked, poking my shoulder a little with a long nail that was painted black. My fingers gripped at the table, he had five seconds to get away from me before I snapped.

“Bill!” I knew that voice too, it was the voice of the bleach blond Andreas from group, “Come on man, the others are waiting for you.” He said, grabbing Bill’s hand that was so near my shoulder again, “Sorry Tom,” He said to me, “He’s new, don’t loose you’re temper at him.” Andreas had been on the receiving end of my temper before; I broke his nose after he said my dreadlocks looked like overgrown worms coming out of my head.

“Alright,” Bill said, letting Andreas pull him out of Gerog’s seat, “I’ll see you later, Tom!” he said to me and my fist clenched tighter around the table. I could still hear them talking as they walked away, “Is he okay? He didn’t even look at me when I was talking to him.”

“Tom doesn’t look at anyone when they’re talking to him. If I were you, Bill, I’d stay away from him. He only puts up with Georg and no one else. No one knows why, and its better not to ask questions unless you have a serious wish for a lot of pain.”

By the time Georg was back I could no longer hear Andreas and Bill talking. “They had mint,” he said, putting a little mint ice-cream cup in front of me. It was the only one I liked, Georg had picked up on that along the way. If they had it when he went up there, he got it for me. He handed me a spoon as he started eating his own pink ice-cream, my guess is strawberry, and I ate mine. He continued talking about something, but I wasn’t really paying attention, Georg was used to that. “See ya in the morning, Tom.” Were his final words to me as he walked down to his room and I walked into my own, freezing at the sight.

Bill was sitting on the usually unoccupied bed on the other side of my room. Did this place have a death wish for the kid? “Hey Tom!” he said happily, waving at me as I walked in. I ignored him and fell onto my bed, rolling over so my back was facing him. There were plenty of other guys here who had spare beds in their rooms, why did they stick him with me? Hadn’t they learned yet that I’d rather be alone? “Are you going to give me the silent treatment forever, Tom? Because, I happen to like to talk.”

Breathe in. Breathe out. Ignore him. Hitting him will only get you put in lockdown again. I’m not willing to go back there already; I was there last month for being in another fight. Normally I could control myself better after being in there, but something about Bill irritated the hell out of me! “Tom, come on! I won’t tell anyone you can talk! You can talk, can’t you? Andreas said you can, that you just don’t like too. He said he’s never heard you talk though, has anyone?”

Honestly, I don’t know if I can anymore. I hadn’t in so long it was second nature not to. If you don’t use your voice for a certain amount of time, can it just disappear? I know I used to talk. I know I used to make noise. Nothing comes out anymore. Ever. “Andreas said that you broke your arm once and didn’t even scream.” That was always the first story they heard about me. Always. “Is it true?” Doesn’t he get it yet? I’m not going to say anything!

“Maybe it is, but I don’t see how you can’t scream when you break your arm. Andreas also said that you’re really mean, but I don’t think that’s true.” One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Ignore him. Six. Seven. Eight. Nine. Ten. “Are you scared to talk, Tomi?” My entire body stiffened, I closed my eyes tight and did my best to block him out. No one, calls me Tomi. “I think that’s what it is. I think you’re just scared.” Holy fucking hell! Can someone please shut this kid up? I won’t be held responsible for my actions much longer. I can’t handle his questioning.

“Well, good-night, Tom. Talk to you in the morning.” He said as he shut off the light by his bed. One. Two. Three. Four. Five. You won’t smother him in his sleep, that’s wrong and considered murder! Even if you are in a mental hospital. Six. Seven. Eight. “Hey Tomi?” My hands tightened into fists, “I think I know why they put me in here with you.” He didn’t say anything after that, thank fuck. I didn’t care why; I just wanted him gone by any means necessary.

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I'll save you from yourself