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An Irresistible Force and An Immovable Body	By : LegnaangeL Category: Singers/Bands/Musicians > Good Charlotte Views: 1233 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not know Good Charlotte or the Maddens. This is ficition & not at all true & no money has been or will ever be made.

Chapter List
- 1
- 2
A/N: I make references to the Wizard of Oz and I quote Yoda, once, from Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back, as well as poke some good natured fun at light sabers and other Star Wars’ characters. Oh, and to my knowledge, Rolling Stone does not have any such Movers & Shakers list. I made it up.

Chapter 1 - Opposite Yet Identical?

The rain trickles slowly down the window in my living room. How convenient that even the sky reflects my pain today. The clouds of despair are crying despondent droplets on to the small rectangular piece of glass. This is momentarily my world. Blinking, I see if my own watery release can mirror the action. It is not to be. My desert-dry tear ducts refuse to cooperate; they always do now. Since no tears form any longer in my emerald eyes, I guess Mother Nature decided to cry for me. She is much better at expressing it than I would be anyway.

Sighing, I run my fingers through my dark amber hair. The long soft waves try half-heartedly to curl around my pale wrist as I rest my hand on the back of my neck. Slipping the elastic band off my wrist, I quickly wind my hair into a make shift up do. My shoulders ache when I finish and pain radiates through my spine caused by my inner turmoil. Biting my lower lip, I tense my lithe body against the pain. Bracing my other hand against the window pane, I rotate myself, slowly turning around.

It is too much.

Dizziness crashes through my head, distorting my view of the room. Gasping for air, I frantically reach out, grabbing for any solid object that might stabilize me. My grasping hands just graze an armchair that I am unable to determine whether is to my right or left side. Crying out in frustration, I feel myself falling as pain shoots through my knees. The floor is merciless to my aching, dizzy body. Throwing my arms out, I somehow manage to accidentally find my head, protecting my face. All too soon, my elbows slam down on the hard wood just like my knees did a second ago.

Gulping air into my winded lungs, I mentally check my body for any breaks. Resting my head on my arms, I open my eyes, trying vainly to right the spinning vortex they see as I finish my silent inventory. Satisfied, that I am not broken, merely bruised, I close my eyes and debate on whether I should get up or not. If it were left up to me, I would stay flat on the ground. It symbolizes my feelings right now: being at the lowest point. Excellent example of who and what I am; why should I change the view? Yes, this is how I would stay if it were my choice.

But I don’t get to choose.

“Oh my God!” A voice cries out.

I sigh. He just had to walk in here didn’t he?

“Jade? Jade, are you alright?”

His footsteps cause rapid vibrations on the hard wood floor beneath me. I struggle to gain some equilibrium so that I can at least lift my head before he arrives. Raising my head a few inches, I groan as it refuses to stay up right. Realizing it is not going to happen, I do my best to soothe his worry before he gets too panicked.

“I just got a little dizzy, Joel,” I murmur softly. “I am not hurt but I can’t get up right this second. Just wait, okay? Everything is still spinning around.”

I feel his body sinking to the floor beside me. “Is there anything I can do?” He asks, his voice sounding so helpless.

“Yes.”

“What?”

“Stop the world,” I joke. “I am ready to get off.”

He doesn’t miss a beat. “I’ll talk to God, and see what I can do.”

I smile, my eyes still shut. “On that good of terms with the big guy upstairs, huh?”

“Didn’t you know?”

“And here I always thought it was Benji,” I quip.

“No, Benj is on good terms with the little guy downstairs,” Joel chuckles.

“Nice to know you guys have the afterlife covered…from one extreme to the other,” I smirk. “But just the same, I think I‘d rather be in your shoes than in his.”

I slowly open my bewildered green eyes and look at his jean clad legs. Joel has way too many legs thanks to my dizziness. He is sitting beside my head, Indian style and I blink several times hoping to re-adjust my view. After a few seconds, the spinning sensation finally starts to abate. Unfortunately, it still looks like to me he has four knees instead of just two. Maybe Benji. is sitting on his lap. Highly unlikely, but if it is true then at least I would be seeing normal instead of double. Of course, in that case, if I am seeing this correctly, that would also mean I caught the Madden twins in an awkward if not downright deplorable position. That thought tickles my twisted little funny bone and I snicker.

“Hey, Benj talks to God too,” Joel says, misunderstanding my amusement. “You for one know I am not always a saint and Benji isn’t the devil incarnate.” Joel pauses, going over what he just said, then adds, “Well…at least most of the time he isn’t.”

I laugh softly and decide its time to try to sit up. I struggle and manage to push my self up on my knees. Joel reaches for my arm but I shake my head and he drops his hand. It is very important to me to do this by myself and he knows this. He doesn’t like it, but at least he respects it.

Sort of.

My arms shake and I have to pause several times before I finally settle my self cross legged in front of him. Even though my vision is still very much doubled, I can see that he is concerned. I know my body is swaying slightly and I know he wants to steady me. Sliding my hands to the floor, my elbows brush something behind me. Aha! The armchair I almost found when I was falling! Leaning cautiously back, I allow the enormous two ton chair to support me.

Glancing back up at Joel, I see his hands out-stretched as if to catch me. He quickly pulls them back, fidgeting with them in his lap, and then running them through his dark hair. I wonder if he knows how adorable he is when he is anxious. Not that I like to see him stressed, no. It’s his hands and actions that I find endearing. Body language is responsible for 93% of the way humans communicate and I could read Joel’s loud and clear. Yes, he is upset about my situation, but the reason he is so agitated is because he cares. A warm feeling spreads through my spine quelling some of the inner pain from earlier. With it comes a need to alleviate the anxiety he so obviously is experiencing.

To take his mind off of my predicament and his worry, I drawl, “You know, it is sooo true what they say about siblings: its okay if you insult Benji but heaven forbid if anyone else does!”

Joel’s nervous hands quiet. I smile, knowing I have distracted him.

“I don’t insult Benji,” He says mischievously twitching his lips. “I merely point out things about his personality that he should…work on some more. You know, kind of like constructive criticism.”

“Or more like overly-critical observations of obnoxious traits that perpetually perforate, perplex, and piss-off your symmetrically suave psyche,” I add with feigned seriousness.

“You know,” he says, dryly. “You are way too vain about your vocabulary. The ‘p‘ words were almost too much.”

“Yes,” I agree, sadly. “I had a gut feeling I’d have to define ‘piss-off’ a little more clearly for you.”

Joel snorts and shake his head. “Back to me ‘insulting’ Benji. I stand by what I said. I merely tell the truth. I have never once been ‘overly-critical’ of Benji.”

“Since when?” Benji’s voice booms from the door as he stands there, his clothes slightly damp.

“Since forever,” Joel shoots back as his twin crosses the floor and sits down between us. Looking him up and down, Joel remarks, “You know Benj; you should put on real clothes when you go outside, not pajamas.”

“I’m comfortable and I‘m decent,” Benji shrugs, smoothing out his semi-wet black cotton night pants. “They look like regular pants. Nobody can tell the difference.”

Joel rolls his eyes and continues criticizing his twin. “You do know that there is a way to keep from getting wet when it is raining. It’s called the umbrella. Been around for years.”

“Thank you Mr. Smart-Ass,” Benji says, cracking his neck and glaring at Joel. “If someone had left the umbrella in his SUV, I would have gladly used it.”

Joel furrows his brow for a second, then looks contrite. “I forgot to put it back last night.”

“S’okay Joel,” Benji pats his twin’s knee with a twinkle in his eye. “Even though it was ‘critical’ to me staying dry today, I am not ‘insulted’ by your lack of common courtesy…and I mean this in all ‘truth’.”

I burst out laughing at the word-play and the twins both smile. “That was pretty good, Benji.”

Benji dramatically spreads out his arms and bows his head again and again. “Thank you, thank you.” After he finishes, he looked around quizzically. “Now I have a question. Why are we sitting on the floor?”

My smile freezes and Joel looks down. Benji didn’t miss the exchange. He knows what has happened.

“You fell,” Benji says softly, his quiet voice is laced with anger. Looking at Joel, I wince when Benji growls, “And where were you?”

“It’s not his fault,” I intervene. “I…I got lost looking out the window and didn’t realize I had even gotten up. I turned around without thinking and as the U2 song says, everything went vertigo.” I try to chuckle but it dies on my lips at the look on Benji’s face: my humor did not reach him.

“I only left for a minute, Benj,” Joel says, still not looking up. “Don’t make me feel worse than I already do.”

“Dammit Joel,” Benji swears, his temper flaring. “I told you not to leave her. How difficult is that to do for 30 fucking minutes?”

“I put her on the couch and she is the one that got up,” Joel grits through his teeth. “It’s not like I own her or control her every move.”

“Guys…” I begin only to be cut off by Benji turning to me this time.

“Why did you get up?” Benji questions angrily, glowering at me.

“I told you…” I start, but Joel jumps in.

“Leave her the fuck alone!” Joel shoves Benji. Benji clinches his fist but makes no move toward Joel. I can see the monumental struggle Benji is having trying to keep his cool. Unfortunately, though Joel sees it too, he isn’t in an accommodating mood today. A fight is definitely brewing.

“Guys, please,” I say softly and decide to play the only card I have that will calm them down some. “This is so not worth it. And,” My voice falters at what I am about to say. Admitting this truth is never easy, but I do it them, more for the sake of peace than for myself. “And, I’m still pretty dizzy and I don‘t need you two to have another row.”

Some of the fire in their eyes cools as they both turn as one to look at me. I smile weakly and say, “I just need a couple more minutes.”

Joel nods and looks at everything in the room except Benji.

Benji takes longer to collect himself and process what I have said. Catching my eye, he raises his eyebrows in the silent question,

Anything I can do?

I barely shake my head due to the vertigo but smile again at him to reassure him.

Benji gingerly touches his ears. He is wanting to know if I am hearing alright.

I blink eyes yes with another smile.

Nodding his understanding, Benji looks at everything in the room except Joel.

Silence stretches between the three of us and I know it will be up to me to break it. I don’t like it when they fight. Fortunately, most fights are easy fixes, like this one. Still, it is the one thing I dislike about their relationship the most. These two proud men do not like to bend to anyone, especially each other.

I know that most people - fans, relatives, and friends - see them as polar opposites but I know the truth. They are identical. It isn’t their appearances, rather, but their inner selves. A lot of the ‘differences’ they seemed to have is actually a defense mechanism of sorts. Long ago, consciously and unconsciously the twins decided they needed to be individuals. In order to do that, they forced themselves to choose the opposite of whatever the other stated they wanted. And hell hath no fury when unknowingly the two pick or do the same thing! No, everything has to be separate and if at all possible, opposite. They have done this for so long, most people assume that this is actually who they are. It takes moments like these, fights no less, to jolt them back to the one unchangeable thing that I had always known.

They are the same.

I sigh. Time to be the peacemaker.

“What happens when an irresistible force strikes an immovable body?”

Both men look at me like I have lost my mind. Well, at least I have gotten their attention.

“Come on, guys,” I goad. “Answer the question.”

“Is this math?” Benji grunts. “Cause I hate math.”

“It’s science,” Joel answers, grimacing. “And I don’t know the answer but I have a strong feeling you are going to tell us.”

“Yes, I am.”

“Wait,” Benji holds up his hand. “Before you stun us with your genius intellect, I wanna know: I am the irresistible force, right?”

I don’t get a chance to respond because Joel answers for me. “No, no, no. Jade will tell you there is no way I am the immovable body.”

“Let’s see, you are OCD, anal, and it takes an act of congress to change your mind, if it ever does change at all,” Benji ticks off on his fingers. “I know, Jade knows, and whole world knows: You are the immovable body, bro. If the shoe fits…”

“Well, actually…” I say but they twins drown me out.

“Oh yeah?” Joel snorts, his color starting to rise. “Last time I checked, I am the one that fronts our band, I am the one that Rolling Stone listed in its top 50 Movers & Shakers, and I am the one who busts my ass to connect with our fans in every medium!”

Benji’s eyes begin to fade into that dangerous shade of midnight. “You may front our band but you ain’t shit without me! If I hadn’t dragged your ass out of Waldorf, forced you to actually turn around when you are singing on stage, the only moving and shaking you’d be doing today is when you squirm to shake the piss off your dick.”

“Fuck you!” Joel snarls and raises his fist.

“I’m warning you, Joel,” Benji breathes, his dark eyes burning with barely controlled rage. “Don’t touch me, fucker!”

Joel stares Benji in the eye and I can tell he is going to invade Benji‘s space royally.

“NO!” I yell and throw myself forward, hoping I will land between them.

I didn’t.

Vertigo hit like a bitch and I fell dead into Benji. He groans loudly and I swear being dizzy makes it feel like he has extra hands. There seems to be at least three of them on me but I can’t be sure. I swallow hard, suddenly desperate. Nausea rolls through me because of the constant spinning and I began to pray fervently that I will not throw up. Breathing deeply, I fight it back with everything I have.

It thunders outside so hard I feel it through the floor and Benji‘s legs. In spite of my quaking stomach, I take note of that sound. My overactive imagination immediately informs me that this was Mother Nature’s way of laughing at me. She has every right to. If I had seen myself at the moment, I probably would have laughed too, because of where I had landed. Genius, that I maybe, though, I have no clue where I am.

“Um, Jade…” Benji pants, slightly, placing his hands on my head.

“Yawh?” I ask, my voice muffled in his lap. I am so dizzy and sick the only thing I know for certain is that my forehead and cheek have connected with his leg.

“Can I possibly move you?” Benji asks, uncomfortably, as he squirms.

“Gimme a second.”

Benji sighs heavily and waits.

Still fighting waves of nausea, I suddenly realize one good thing my stunt accomplished: the fight is over…for now.

It suddenly feels like Benji has too many hands again. They are on my head and my back. I would try harder to figure that one out but the hands on my back start stroking me rhythmically and it begins to help calm my stomach. Concentrating on the rhythm, I breathe deeply. His hands on my head, massage my scalp and neck but it is almost too light to really help. I feel around with my flailing left hand and trying to find my head.

“Doh-n‘t rub da head.” I am still searching for my own head. Sigh.

“You should take your own advice,” Benji strangles under his breath.

“Wh-aht?” I ask.

Before he can answer, I find my target and smack his hands, disgruntled. The movement pushes my cheek deeper into his hard leg. I hear him suck in his breath and I swear Joel chuckles. Benji does as I request. Thrusting his fingers into my hair, he stops the feathery movements but imprisons my head in his palms.

Sliding my left hand back down, I rest it on his knee. It feels strange to me that I should be able to find his knee. With some effort, I bring my right hand up and find his other knee. The world is settling down more now, and my right cheek is getting tired of his bony leg. It feels even harder than when I first landed on it.

“Yur leg is waaay to hw-ard!” I yell in disgust, hoping to be funny and further break the tension between them.

Joel doesn’t chuckle this time. He laughs his ass off.

I smile into Benji’s leg, moving my cheek and I feel Benji jump. That’s when it suddenly occurs to me, Benji isn’t laughing. I also notice that the leg-bone against my cheek gets even…harder.

“OH MAH GWAD!” I cry, finally understanding where the hell I am. Pushing hard with my hands on Benji’s knees, I precariously launch my still-dizzy self, upright. I look straight into all four of Benji’s shocked brown eyes and find myself falling again.

This time, Joel reacts. He grabs me with both of his arms and pulls me into his still laughing form. His noble rescue went well for about 1.3 seconds: that’s how long it takes for my wayward left elbow to accidentally connect with his vulnerable groin.

“FUCK!” Joel shrieks in mortal pain, quite understandably letting go of me.

And here I go falling once more…

Benji catches my right arm and pulls me away from the now writhing Joel.

“Shit, Joel, I am so sorry,” I choke out as I begin to totter back and forth.

Benji tries his best to steady me but finally gives up. Sighing, he pulls me into his lap with my back against his chest. I begin sliding sideways, so he encircles me in his arms. My breath catches as he hugs me tightly to him.

“Joel…”

“Give him a couple minutes,” Benji says, trying not to laugh. “He’ll be fine. Besides, he deserves it for leaving you alone.”

“It’s not funny,” I snap, going rigid in his arms. “You don’t have to be such a dick. I got him way too hard.”

“Poor choice of words, Jade,” Benji whispers softly in my ear. “He’s not the only one you got way too hard.”

I gasp as he moves his arms down mine toward my waist and grinds his hips against my lower back. I can feel that same hardness that had only moments earlier been pressed against my unaware face. My mouth goes dry as I fleetingly contemplate all the glorious things I would like to do him. His hot breath moves from my ear and for a miniscule second, I feel his lips on the back of my neck. Heat flushes my skin pink as it travels from his soft, sensual mouth down to every erogenous zone my body possesses.

All the things I like the most about Benji physically, are now assaulting my senses. His forearms have always fascinated me. It feels so good to feel them holding me so securely. I keep my eyes closed reveling in each sensation. Relaxing in his arms, I lean back into his well-muscled chest. The beating of his heart against my back makes me even more aware of his desire. I can actually feel the pulsing from two separate places. One is his chest and the other is between his legs.

I shiver as I close my eyes, concentrating on my lower back, feeling him throb gently with each beat of his heart. His movements cause my shirt to bunch up and the waistband of my cashmere leggings to slip down. Sweat beads dot my forehead as I start to realize only a couple pieces of thin cotton material separate my skin from his aching, throbbing cock.

“Jade…” Benji breathes my name against my skin and I feel a harsh stab of desire knife through me. My breath catches and my face contorts at the sudden pleasure. He feels my body shudder and does his best to cause another wave of bliss by kissing my neck again. This time, I feel his tongue against my skin as gently suckles my most sensitive spot on the back of my neck. All the air in my lungs has emptied and I feel dizzy for a much better reason now. With every fiber of my being, I want him.

“I want you,” Benji says softly, no longer whispering. He stills his movements and holds me so close to him, like I am his most cherished possession.

Emotions long buried, explode inside me.

I swallow trying to bring moisture to my parched throat, too aware of him. He has said the words I have wanted to hear since the day I met him and Joel, long ago. I used to pray that God would give me a day, just a day, to belong to either Benji or Joel. Instead, I got to be their friend, confidant, and counselor. I was never anything else, but I never gave up wanting more. All the years we have known each other, all of the other women, troubles, and trials; through each of these, I have hoped against hope for this very thing.

For one bright, untarnished second, my hope becomes a reality.

But it is a reality that can no longer exist because life is complicated. I am sick and I will not be getting any better. There is no cure for vertigo or the bouts of hearing loss that I experience. I am not dying, but it feels like I am. In fact, maybe I have already died, deep inside. Benji doesn’t need a corpse. He needs someone who can make him feel the way he and Joel have always made me feel: alive.

Silently, a tear slides down my face. I bite my lip willing my body not to sob. The teardrop slips closer to my mouth and I think of the rain on the window that had a hand in my present situation. I can’t remember the last time I cried. It amazes me that I find tears now. A second tear emerges from my other closed eye and rushes to catch its twin. How fitting, poetic even, to cry two tears for the two people that mean the most to me but that I will never be able to have.

“Don’t cry.”

The voice comes from in front of me, not behind. I open my eyes and look into Joel’s beautiful face. He cups my face in his hands. Pain finds me yet again and twists inside my body. I quickly close my eyes, not wanting him to see it. The roaring rush of sorrow and misery is overwhelming but I refuse to let it spill over from my soul to his. This is my burden, and mine alone, to bear.

Soft as a summer breeze, Joel’s breath dances across my face. Fluttering my eyes, I realize his are closed and that he is only a couple inches from my cheek. Inhaling the wonderful fragrance that only one other man in the world shares with him, I hold it in, not daring to exhale. His lips gently kiss away both of my tears.

Benji squeezes me tight and leans closer to my ear. His anguished, barely audible voice reaches me as I am waiting to exhale. “He wants you too.”

Joel moves back and my lungs release their precious air.

Both.

I know I can resist one of them, but both of them? Maybe Benji is wrong but what if he is right? What if both he and Joel want…

This is too much. My heart is trying to force my mind to comprehend it all. I do my best to buy a little time.

“I’m sorry I hurt you,” I whisper to Joel, the pain I feel evident in my voice.

“I’ll live,” Joel reassures me with a rueful smile. “Not the first time or the last it will happen.”

I half-heartedly smile at his truthful quip and stare into his eyes. Joel looks into mine, searchingly. I know he heard the last couple of things Benji has said and he is trying to see if I feel the same. I break our gaze when I realize that Benji did indeed tell the truth about Joel. I already know its true about Benji because I, ahem, felt it…quite literally.

I keep my head down but Joel puts his fingers on my chin and pulls my eyes back to his. It disconcerts me how much I see him reading through my eyes. Grasping at a way to distract him, I snatch up the first idea that flits through my mind.

“You have lovely eyes,” I say with a failed attempt at humor.

He ignores my compliment and asks the million dollar questions. “Do you want Benji? Do you want me?” His eyes cut to the side but he manages to ask just above a whisper, “Do you want…us?

I glance down at the floor as my heart screams,

Yes, yes, and yes!

“Look at me.”

I comply and allow his eyes to torture mine some more. The answers to these questions are no longer there. He won’t find it. I have hidden the truth from view and am satisfied he will come up empty handed. After a minute or two I decide it is time to move to far safer ground. Staring around the room, I use what is left of my sanity and shattered emotions to formulate a request.

“Benji, I am seeing much better now,” I explain, not looking at Joel. “It’s okay to let me go.”

He doesn’t respond nor does he drop his arms. Furrowing my brow, I glance back to Joel and see that he is barely shaking his head no at his twin. Benji tightens his grip around me until it is borderline uncomfortable.

Sighing, it hits me that there is another thing about them that I don’t like besides their fighting. They each have an innate understanding of the others mind. It borderlines on weird, this telepathy like communication they share. Truthfully, I don’t really dislike their missing link communiqué, per se. I just don’t like it when they gang up and use it against me.

Like right now.

Gritting my teeth, I glare at Joel willing him to use this link of his so Benji will know how ill I am at this moment. “I said let me go, Benji.”

“No.” Benji says gruffly in my ear.

“Why the fuck not?” I query in anger craning my head to the side to try and look at him.

“Because…” Joel answers for his twin. I snap my head back forward causing my world to teeter for a couple seconds. When it is calm again, I press onward.

“Because why, Joel,” I sigh. “Don’t play games.”

“I’m not playing games,” Joel says, evenly. “That’s your job.”

“My job?” I sputter, indignantly. “Tell me how the hell that is ‘my job’, Joel!”

His brown eyes blaze at me. “There are a lot of things in this world I cannot do. There are places I’ll never see and goals I’ll never reach. There are improvements to my character I’ll never make and there are abilities both tangible and intangible that I will never possess. But there is one thing, an ability I have and can do and I do it very well. Remember what that is?”

“Sing?” I answer truthfully, but I know that isn’t what he means.

“Try again.”

Grimacing, I give him the answer he wants. “Poker.”

“Very good,” Joel nods. “And what do you have to do to succeed at poker?”

Chewing on the inside of my lip, I imagine smacking the condescending look off his handsome face. Deciding that this is a stellar idea, I try to lift my right hand up to get the job done. Naturally, I have forgotten that Benji still has both of my arms pinned tightly within his. Struggling does not help me. I barely move thanks to Benji’s strong grip.

“Let me go!” I hiss.

Acting like I properly answered his question, Joel continues. “That’s right, I can read the room. I read people, Jade. I am damn good at it. So you can cut the bullshit right now because I just read you.”

I stop struggling and stare at Joel.

“Tell the truth,” Joel demands.

He can read people. Okay, fine. Then let him read this.

I close my eyes and prepare myself. Once I am certain that I am ready to give a performance worthy of an academy award, I open my eyes. Sighing, for their benefit, I close and open my eyes demurely as I lean my head against Benji’s shoulder. “You want the truth, fine. Let’s go over to the couch.”

Joel’s eyes are boring into me. For a second, I fear he doesn’t buy it. But after an eternity, he nods to Benji and I finally get released. In one fluid movement, Joel gets to his feet and pulls me up. I can’t help but notice him wincing as he stretches his legs and I feel a strong pang of guilt. I smile at him sympathetically.

Benji stands up behind me, placing his hands on my hips, while Joel is standing mere inches away in front of me. I am torn between being annoyed and giddy. It hurts to have them both so close. My mind screams that I must get out of here soon. However, my heart is only whispering one word.

Stay.

Exasperated at my own sappy ticker, I wonder briefly if Dorothy is looking for a new Tin Man…only this time it will be a woman. Wait. That still won’t work because that overly-EMO-pile-of-scrap-metal gets a heart in the end and I would rather that mine just stays gone. Hmmm. Maybe I can convince the wizard to give me some more brains like Scarecrow instead. Blinking rapidly, I inwardly cringe at my Oz inspired tangent.

Jade, get a grip.

Quickly, I gage my own balance. Testing my eyes, I am pleased to note that I can walk across the floor without too much trouble now. My exit stage right is imminent. All I have to do, is remove myself from the twins, then I will be free of this highly uncomfortable conversation. I need an excuse and I know exactly the one to use.

“Arrrgh,” I groan, squirming from foot to foot.

“What’s wrong?” Benji questions urgently, his hands gripping my hips.

Patting his hands, I smile. “Nothing that a bathroom can’t fix.”

Joel is watching me carefully. I smile and tilt my head to the side with my eyebrows raised and say, “If you gotta go, you gotta go…and believe me I gotta go!”

“I’ll take her,” Benji murmurs and promptly ruins my exit. In one full swoop, he lifts me into his strong arms. “Lead the way, Joel.”

“Put me DOWN!” I yell, beating my left fist on his chest while my right hand clings to his neck for dear life. He ignores me and keeps walking to the restroom. “Benj! I am so not playin’ with you!”

Joel opens the door to the bathroom and Benji sets me down on my feet. My vision goes double and I am not completely certain which twin is which. Pointing my finger at Joel thinking it is Benji, I threaten, “Benji, I am going to drop kick your ass when I am done in here.”

Smirking, Benji moves my pointed index finger over from Joel to himself. “That’s fine with me. Your are welcome to try and kick my ass.”

“There is no try, only do or do not,” Joel quotes Yoda and Benji laughs.

“A light saber up your ass, I will cram,” I yell at the Star Wars quoting freak. “Remember this fellas: one ass impaled and the other kicked!”

Benji and Joel laugh even harder.

“Speaking of cramming light sabers, do you think Han would have enjoyed it more taking it from Leia or the Wookie?” Benji asks and Joel has to lean against the wall, weak from laughter.

I raise my eyebrow and pretend disgust. It really is funny, though. I mean, I didn’t get an Oscar because Benji ruined my exit. But, on the bright side, I do get lots of ass…jokes.

And just as long as they keep laughing, they won’t be asking me what I ‘want’.

Benji gets the better of his mirth first and says, “Go ahead and get your business done, but don’t think we are through talking. We are going to settle this tonight.”

“After all,” Joel smiles a little too smugly. “Confession is good for the soul.”

So much for the distraction of laughter.

“Of course,” I agree with a brittle smile. “Wouldn’t have it any other way.”

“Good,” Benji nods then continues. “Oh, and just remember, if you do succeed in kicking my ass later, it wasn’t me…it was Joel.”

“Yeah,” Joel agrees, but not to be outdone by his twin, he continues. “And we all know Benji feels it’s more blessed to receive than to give…when it comes to light sabers.”

“Either way, I would be a winner,” I fume but I don’t really mean it. I grab for the door and look back at both of them, determined to have at least one good exit and closing line.

“If its okay with Yoda,” I glare at Joel. “And Chewy,” I glare at Benji. “I, the only non-sci-fi character here, am going to need some time alone; away from you spaced out freaks.” I quickly slam the door and smile thinking I have gotten the last word.

“Take your time,” Benji calls sweetly. “We’ll be glad to give you some ‘space’…Leia.”
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An Irresistible Force and An Immovable Body