Amorous Arcanum | By : Khaoscore Category: Singers/Bands/Musicians > Avenged Sevenfold Views: 983 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0 |
Disclaimer: I do not know the members of Avenged Sevenfold and do not mean any harm with this fiction. No profit was made from this. |
I never thought it would have ended this way. The only person I ever really felt connected to died just a mere month ago but it feels like centuries in my heart. Jimmy was my everything though we hid all of our personal matters away from our friends, our families, and even our girlfriends. To say we felt connected was an understatement. Jimmy, my Jimmy, wasn't only my best friend but also my lover behind closed doors. If I remember correctly, our growing relationship started out when I was just a little tyke around the age of five or six. With Jimmy being older, and also bigger, than me, I had no way of backing out of everything he would or could do to me. I hadn't a clue as to why he would pick on me more than my older brother back then so I asked my parents about it. They told me that the blue eyed older boy just wanted to be friends with me. I took that in consideration and tried to live my life from day to day with Jimmy teasing me harder as the days passed.
I recall being ten years old and sitting out on my front lawn waiting for my school mate Darren to come over so we could play video games and Jimmy just 'happened' to be around and hopped over my white, picket fence and strolled over to me like the most smug son-of-a-bitch in the world before he plopped his skinny, white ass down next to me and smiled deviously. There was pretty much nothing I could do then. Calling for your parents officially labeled you as a pussy and a momma's boy so I just sat there and took all the stupid hazings he had for me that day. It was later on that year that I asked my parents what I should do about someone teasing me, this time lying and saying it was a girl that was doing it to me instead. The response came out different than I had expected. “Son,” I remember my mom saying, “That means the girl likes you and wants to be your girlfriend.” Yep, that one had totally threw me off guard considering I was still classified as a child and the thought of someone liking me like that made me want to toss my cookies. But there was something about Jimmy that made me want to hang around with him even though he tormented me nearly everyday.
When I started to become interested in girls, my opinion of Jimmy had shifted from thinking he was a total asshole to having hidden feelings for him. Being fifteen, your mind starts to wonder constantly into the gutter and that's exactly what happened when I would go to bed at night. Thoughts of my blue eyed acquaintance, I guess you could say, filled my mind just about everyday. I couldn't get the image of his long legs and thin torso out of my brain. And with Jimmy being eighteen, there would be no way I could get him to have sex with me. Hell, I hadn't even had sex with a girl at that age. The law in the U.S. would never allow that to happen and that was a real bummer on my part to say the least.
Jimmy would stay away from my house for a couple of days and it always made me wonder where he went after school. I came to realize that he was playing drums in his band. I was severely pissed that not only Matt, Zack, Brian, and Matt Wendt got to hang out with him more often but also my brother and Zack's little brother Matt did as well. They never invited me to come by Sanders' garage to listen to them jam out because I was too young and not cool enough to hang out with them even though Matt Baker was the same age as me, not to mention one of my friends. Things looked pretty bleak for me as Jimmy started to bug me less and less over time. I was heartbroken but I could never let Jimmy see that hidden behind my eyes. There was nothing that I wanted more than for Jimmy to pay attention to me again though I played it off like I hated it.
One night when I was seventeen, the sneaky bastard decided it would be a good idea to show up drunk at my house, climbing up the drain pipe to my room mind you, after a hard night of partying and rapping softly on my window. It was a little strange at first to see him do this but I gladly opened my window to let him in as if I were a stupid mortal that was fooled by a wily vampire. He came in, his speech slurred all to Hell as he flopped down on my bed in a fit of giggles. I remember him beckoning me to him with a single finger as I tried to shut him up. It was three o'clock in the morning and my family was asleep but Jimmy was never really one to care what others thought of the things he did. I had sat down beside him as he sat up slowly before he placed his large hands on my cheeks and pressed a huge, wet kiss to my lips. I was a tad bit shocked at first but I instantly melted into the kiss he had given me no matter how sloppy it was. Our tongues and lips fought for dominance, continuing on for at least a couple of minutes but I was so lost in rapture that I completely lost track of time with it. At that moment, I knew that I wasn't just lusting over him but in fact, I was in love with Jimmy Sullivan.
The next few days for me felt like a blur, my heart seemed to skip a beat every time I thought of him and the kiss we shared but of course, Jimmy had forgotten the whole thing, or at least I thought he had. When I asked my brother if I could go see the band practice, he told me that they were playing gigs out in other parts of California and that they couldn't be bothered by a little shit like me. I was hurt to think that Jimmy just left like that for the fun of it, to tease me because somehow he knew I wanted to be with him. At that point, I just went back to school and tried to think nothing of it though it was very hard to do so.
Time went on like this for the rest of the year. Little did Avenged Sevenfold know that I was a skilled bassist and that if the need be, I could fill in for the guy who dropped out. Needless to say, I finally got my chance when I was eighteen after several incidents of me drunk off my ass slurring things like I was a bad ass mother fucker to the rest of the guys. It was after Zack's brother convinced them that I could join the band because a. I was good enough and b., because I really had nothing better to do than to finish high school. They were all pretty reluctant at first but they eventually accepted me which I was pretty happy about because I could be closer to Jimmy. They beat me up for years as everyone knows but I got that playful reaction from the drummer that I had craved since that drunken kiss.
One day after a few months of being on the road, the van that held us all had made a pit stop at a gas station for gas, food, and what not when Jimmy had held me back from the others while they went inside to do what they needed to do, waving them off as to say that we would be there in a minute. I remember he grabbed me by the shirt front and pushed me up against the side of the van, kissing me fast but hard on the lips. The words he told me will forever be etched in my mind. “Don't think I don't remember the last kiss because I do.” And with that, he let me go and playfully slapped me on the cheek before he smirked and turned on his heel to head towards the gas station. My mouth hung open like an idiot of course because I couldn't believe he did that just out in the open but more surprises were in store for me in a few years.
The game of cat and mouse continued on for what seemed like an eternity though it was only a couple of years. I was too much of a chicken shit to admit how in love with him I was but he knew he had me wrapped around those long, calloused fingers of his. He would get me alone just for that brief moment to tell me exactly the same thing as he had before. He was like the most addictive heroin on the market to me. Girlfriends came and went between everyone in the band, well besides Matt being with Val and then Brian getting with Michelle. At one time, both Jimmy and I were girlfriendless and found ourselves alone in a hotel room together. As soon as that door closed, my provoker had locked it and insisted on pushing me down onto one of the posh beds. I was sure Jimmy was going to just ravish my mouth like he had done many times before but this time he climbed on top of me, a leg on either side and removed my shirt in what seemed like it was faster than I could blink. He rolled his hips against mine in a lusty motion, sliding his tongue over his lips to wet them as he stared at me.
I just lay there like a bump on a log, too afraid to even move. This was definitely more than I thought would ever happen between us. It took only a second for him to lean down next to my ear and whisper how badly he wanted to get me alone like this, how much he wanted to be inside of me the moment I reached a legal age. My lip quivered a little as he rose back up and slid his shirt off as well, the indentations on the side of his torso taunting me. “Touch me, Johnny.” He said, rolling his hips forward again. I couldn't say no to the man I loved could I? Of course not. Both sets of hands explored each others chests and the rest of our bodies as our dicks got harder to the point we felt like they'd break off if we didn't do something about it. Little did I know, he came prepared.
He asked me if I had ever actually been with a guy, apart from locking lips with him. I told him that I hadn't and he smirked devilishly at me before a chuckle passed through his beautiful mouth. I somehow managed to give a shy smile back before I leaned up and gave him a quick peck on the lips. It didn't take long before our kissing led to more touching and the touching led to removing the rest of our clothes. Jimmy had me completely nude on my back, legs spread eagle and waiting for him to continue on. My blue eyed devil first started to stroke my shaft, coursing his hand up and down teasingly and whispered that he would take it slowly with me at first until I got used to it. The seconds it took for him to lube up a couple of fingers was a blur before he slowly slid one of said fingers into me. Jimmy managed to keep me calm throughout the whole ordeal, shushing me sweetly as he reminded me to relax. I was pretty much reduced to putty after that. He had stretched out my entrance to where it would be more comfortable for both he and me before he lifted my legs over his shoulders and pushed his cock gently into me as I made faces from the slight discomfort it gave me. Jimmy didn't bother to wear a condom even though I knew he had brought one. I guess he figured that we were both safe. And to be honest, I never felt more safe in my life.
Years passed on as Jimmy and I continued on with our hidden little rendezvouses, hiding our feelings away from everyone we knew just like Brokeback Mountain. We would meet at each others' houses when we weren't on tour and whenever we were, we would find some way of getting around the others to have our little romps in the hay so to speak. I started to doubt that we could keep this up much longer. After all, I had Lacey and Jimmy had Leana to attend to when were were stationed at home in Huntington. Jimmy was always brilliant with the excuses he could come up with to get me alone with him. The main one involved either of us appearing at the other's place so that our girls had a shopping buddy to go with them to the mall. This usually worked except on the occasions that we didn't plan it out a head of time but regardless, we managed to get at least one of them out so that we could have our fun together.
Jimmy always wanted me to be bottom though he never really explained why. I'm sure he would have said some smart ass comment about it if he knew it wouldn't hurt my feelings but my lover never really said anything hurtful to or about me in private. We would usually have sex in the shower so that all the musky smell of our love making would wash straight down the drain and clean up would be virtually effortless, leaving no trace of us being together. It was that exact idea that popped into my head to do one day, to get the girls out of the house and for Jimmy and I to enjoy each other's company. I remember calling his cell and talking to him that afternoon. He was out of ear shot of Leana when he told me he loved me for the billionth time, blowing a sweet kiss into the phone. “I'll see you after my nap.” He told me and I could tell that there was a smile in his voice. We said our goodbyes but not before we both said I love you again.
To say I was devastated when I heard the news was an understatement. I had just talked to him a mere hour or so before. I instantly fell to my knees and bawled my eyes out. Sure I loved Lacey but the love that Jimmy and I shared could never compare to anything that I'd ever felt. I still remember every word, every kiss, everything we'd ever went through. And it still breaks my heart to know that he can't be with me even though he's in a better place now. Brian, Matt, and Zack seemed to show their melancholy more than me because of the way Jimmy and I played off our supposed 'I'm not buddy-buddy with you like I am with the others' relationship. They still have no idea that his memory holds my heart like a vice grip, squeezing me tight and never wanting to let me go.
I don't have the heart or nerve to tell Lacey and Leana what really happened between Jimmy and I when they weren't around but sometimes I think they both sort of knew. Like why he and I never wanted to join them in many of their activities. I refuse to tell them the truth because it would most definitely rip their hearts and their trust in me apart. If the subject came up between the guys and I, I might tell them because I would trust them not to say anything to anyone else because we are more like brothers than just casual friends even if they call me a faggot and kick me out of the band.
Without Jimmy, a part of my heart will be missing, a huge part that will eventually heal up over time. It might take me years to achieve this but keeping his memory alive will help me to move on without him in my life, at least in the physical sense. There's no time for me to waste asking why he passed on so young. I'm quite happy that I got to know him for as long as I did. He could have been taken from me long before when he did. All I have left of him now in the memory of his kiss, those icy blue colored eyes, and that voice that let me know how much he loved me every chance he got. I know he's looking down on me now from somewhere, wondering why I'm so sad over losing him when I have so many fond memories of our love. I have to remind myself that life goes on even after someone's gone. And that's what I have to do, keep living my life one day at a time until we get that glorious chance of being together again.
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