Play Me / Playing You | By : Tcharlatan Category: > Kyo/Kaoru Views: 1076 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0 |
Disclaimer: This is a work of pure fiction. I do not personally know any of the members of Dir en grey, and do not profit from this work. |
A/N: There are two parts to this story, but I consider it a oneshot because both parts describe the same scene, just from different points of view.
I love watching Kaoru’s hands. Sometimes I wonder if it isn’t maybe a little unhealthy, the way that I always find myself staring at them when no one’s looking. It’s like an obsession. But they’re so hypnotic sometimes… the way his fingers dance so cleverly up and down the neck of his beloved guitar is enthralling, and the confidence of his every gesture makes my belly quiver with excitement. I want those hands for myself. I want to feel them on me, around me, in me. I want to bite them and suck on them and feel those delightful little calluses from years of manipulating hard strings manipulate me. I want to be played by those hands.
Do I love Kaoru? Sure, of course I do. But I love Die, Totchi, and Shinya too. How could I not? We’ve been together so long, been through so much together, we’re like family now. Do I lust for Kaoru? Fuck yes. I haven’t always wanted his hands – that’s a fairly new obsession, maybe a month or two in the works – but I want them now, and I want them bad. Am I in love with Kaoru? …That, I don’t know. I can see how I could be; Kao is smart, he’s funny, he’s confident, he’s gorgeous, he’s amazingly talented, and we have a ton of things in common. I’ve always looked up to him, since the day we met, what… five years ago now? Love wouldn’t be too much of a stretch, but I guess I’ve just never really sat down and tried to work it out. It just doesn’t seem that critical a question to answer.
This week has been particularly trying. I’ve been feeling a bit… overstimulated, and all damn week, I’ve been staring at his hands every time I have half a chance, watching as he plays our newest songs over and over, striving always for perfection. I’m a little worried, though; several times, while I was supposed to be organizing where I wanted the lyrics to correspond with the music, he caught me watching him instead. The first few times, he stopped what he was doing and came over to ask me if I needed something. A couple times I managed to fumble out some banal question about the music or the schedule, but most times I couldn’t think of an excuse fast enough and I ended up just stuttering an apology and going back to work. Eventually, he stopped asking and just watched me until I noticed and tried to turn inconspicuously back to my task. I’ve come to accept my lust for Kaoru, but I still don’t really know what to do about it. I keep hoping this little infatuation will just die out on its own when something new catches my fancy.
We’re packing everything away for the day now, and I’m looking forward to a quick run to the bathroom to reacquaint myself with own hands. Watching him today got me riled up something fierce and I’m pretty sure my imagination isn’t going to let me last the whole ride home before my arousal becomes impossible to hide. I hate being hard-up on the bus. Plus, masturbating at work always gives me an extra little rush; the risk of being caught by a member of another band or one of the stodgy fuckers in management is a heady thrill. I cram all of my things into my bag and sling it over my shoulder, bouncing on the balls of my feet to bleed out some of the excess energy while I wait for our beloved leader to give us permission to leave.
Kaoru sets his guitar down on its stand rather than packing it away, but that’s no surprise. He almost always stays late on Fridays to get a little extra work done – playing with song compositions or dealing with paperwork none of the rest of us could be bothered to do or just fooling around on his instrument to wind down. He runs a fond hand down the neck of his guitar before addressing us, and I feel my pants tighten just a hair as I imagine that loving caress down my neck. Or my back. Or my thighs. Or my butt. Anywhere.
…Fuck, I’m pathetic. He needs to hurry up and dismiss us so I can go jerk off in peace.
Kaoru claps his hands to get everyone’s attention. “Great work, everyone! We’ve made amazing progress this week. Die, the song you’re working on sounds great so far, but over the weekend I want you to think about fleshing out the bass line a little bit more. We don’t want Totchi getting bored and making shit up.”
Die sulks, but it’s halfhearted. “But it’s the weekend!”
“You don’t have to finish it, just think about it. Toshiya, when you’re practicing songs that we’ve already finished, please quit making shit up. You know it throws everyone off.”
“But I get bored,” Toshiya whines, batting his eyelashes prettily at Kaoru. He’s in a mood today.
“I don’t care. If you’re that worried, work with Die and write a bass line that’s more fun for you. Shinya, please put some ice on that wrist and try to rest up during the break. I doubt it’s more than a strain, but we don’t want to risk you.”
Shinya bows his head a little. “Yes, Kaoru.”
“Poor Shin-chan’s little birdie bones are so delicate,” Die whispers loudly to Toshiya.
Totchi snickers. “Every time he breaks a drumstick I’m amazed he doesn’t break his arm instead.”
“And Kyo?” Kaoru calls.
“Yeah?” I ask, and I’m pretty sure I completely fail at keeping my impatience out of my tone. I already know what he’s going to say; rest my voice, think about putting lyrics to some of the new songs, try not to oversleep on Monday. I’ve heard it all before.
“Can you stay back a bit? There’s something I need to talk to you about. Everyone else, enjoy your weekend. We’ll see you bright and early Monday morning.”
What?!
Goddamn it!
I grunt and move away from the door to let the others through.
Toshiya chuckles, slinging his bass over his shoulder as he tugs Die’s sleeve to urge the him out of the room. “Oh shit, Kyo-chan’s in trooouuuble.”
I growl at the blue-haired devil’s retreating back. “Don’t call me that!”
“Later, Warumono! Good luck!” Die calls over his shoulder, waving at me.
Idiots. But they’re my idiots – brilliant and phenomenally talented – and I suppose I wouldn’t have them any other way.
Shinya just bobs his head in farewell and follows after them and I sigh, letting my bag drag along the floor as I cross the room to flop onto the couch, resigned to my fate. I’m not sure how long I can stand to be alone with Kaoru when I’m already so worked up. I subtly shift around until my half-hard dick is at least mostly concealed against my thigh, then press my knees together to keep it in place. I wish I hadn’t gotten myself all psyched up to jerk off. Hopefully this won’t take too long, and he won’t need me to stand up or anything. He shuts the door behind them before crossing the room and sitting on the coffee table in front of me with an odd look on his face, almost like… curiosity? Amusement? Yeah, he’s definitely amused… what the hell?
“What’s up, Kao?” I ask.
“You seem a little… distracted lately, Kyo,” he says, leaning forward to rest his elbows on his knees. “Is everything okay?”
Fuck. He’s way too damn close and it’s damaging my already-tenuous calm. Alright, fine, if this is all he’s worried about, maybe we can get it over with quickly. “Yeah, of course. Just kind of an off week, I guess,” I mumble – casually, I hope – scratching the back of my head.
“You know you can always tell me if something’s bothering you, right?”
Kaoru’s hand comes out to rest on my knee and my brain shuts down completely. Oh. Fuck. Me. My jeans have massive holes torn out of the knees; when he put his hand down, it landed on bare flesh and even such an innocent, unassuming touch sent sparks flying in my belly. I can’t help but stare at the hand. I really like how it looks against my skin, just a shade paler than me, with a firm, supportive grip. What would that grip feel like on my ass, groping so shamelessly? On my thighs, hitching my leg up for easier access? On my dick, rubbing me off? Fuck. I have to squeeze my thighs tighter together to hide my steadily-hardening arousal.
“You know… I thought I was imagining it at first, but… shit, Kyo, you’re not exactly subtle, are you?” He chuckles a little, low and easy.
“…Uh… I…” I stammer, feeling completely stupid as his hand glides up my knee, ever so slowly, to disappear into the hole in my jeans and slide over my thigh.
“I’m sure I already know, but I kind of want to hear it from your mouth. Kyo… are you attracted to me?”
Fuck! Fuck, fuck, FUCK! I can’t say I appreciate being caught with this… what is it, a crush? Infatuation? I don’t know. Whatever it is, I had been very much hoping that it would go away before Kaoru ever noticed it. I’m pretty sure that if his hand – gods that hand! – wasn’t currently sliding up the hole in my pants to caress my thigh, I would be able to think of some plausible excuse for my behavior. As it was, all I could think of was how I liked the press of guitar-string calluses against my flesh, and- oh shit, that’s a pretty obvious tent, isn’t it? Gods, Kaoru must think I’m such a fucking freak! He’s barely touching me and I’m already so damn hard I’m staining the front of my jeans! But he’s been teasing me all day – the way his fingers press and pluck and slide at the strings of his guitar, the way he splays them and stretches them and curls them to work out the kinks when he’s taking a break, the way he twines his hair around and through them when he’s puzzling out problems...
Ahhh, his palm is so warm, and smoother than I thought it would be… FUCK!
The hand slips out of the hole in my jeans and slides up to hook behind my neck, cradling the back of my head. “Well if you’re just going to sit there with your mouth open, I guess I should take it as an invitation?”
Is my mouth open? …Oh fuck me. Yeah, I guess it was, ‘cause it’s pretty full of Kaoru’s tongue now. Gods, he’s fucking delicious; he tastes like cola and cigarettes. A smell so completely Kaoru floods my nose and I hear a fairly undignified squeak between us as I jerk my hands up to fist into his hair, holding him in place so I can kiss him back. I hope it hadn’t been me making that sound… but I’m fairly certain it had. I can’t care about that now. I can’t care because his free hand is sliding up under my shirt, fingertips gliding over my quivering belly and sending little waves of electricity through my every nerve. Then the mouth on mine is pulling back with a wet smack and my eyes flutter open – when had they closed? – to find Kaoru looming over me, with a smirk on his lips and a fond look in his eyes. At some point while we were kissing, I had moved to lie back on the couch with my shoulders braced against the arm, pulling him down with me by his hair.
Holy shit. Holy shit, Kaoru just kissed me. Yeah, I kissed him back, but he initiated it, and I don’t… this makes no sense.
“K-Kaoru?”
“If you want me to stop, you’re going to have to tell me now, because I’ve been thinking about this all fucking day. It feels like you have been too.”
Has he really? …Hell, he really has. A hard heat is straining insistently between his legs, pressing against my thigh and rocking just the tiniest bit, as if he can’t quite control himself. He grins and leans down to nudge against my ear, his lips brushing over the edge, and I shiver as he whispers, “Do you want me to stop, Kyo?”
I push my hips up against him experimentally. He meets my thrust without hesitation and his wandering hand brushes against an over-sensitive nipple, wringing a startled gasp out of me. Either this is a dream – and a damn good one – or he’s playing a joke on me with astounding dedication, or he actually wants to fool around. Two of those options are fine by me, and I like my odds; Kaoru’s jokes are typically not so cruel or elaborate as this would have to be.
“Do you?” He pinches my nipple lightly, rolling the nub between his fingertips.
“No! Gods, Kao, no, I don’t want you to stop…” I groan, letting my head roll back against the arm of the couch.
I can feel him grin against my ear before he nips the lobe a little and sits up, straddling my hips as he yanks his shirt off over his head. Gods, he’s so fucking gorgeous. I can’t stay my hands from reaching up to press my palms against him, sliding over his lean chest down to his toned belly, then around to feel up his sides to his shoulders. For all of his attempts at femininity or even androgyny in make-up and costuming, Kaoru can never be anything other than male – wholly and absolutely and gloriously male. He’s all hard, sharp edges and masculine lines and it makes me absolutely crazy with lust. I don’t get to explore much, though, before he’s yanking at my shirt and I have to raise my arms to let him pull it off.
I sit up just enough to fumble at his belt buckle, jerking it open and tugging at the fly of his pants impatiently. It all comes apart – button and zipper – seemingly all at once, his erection spilling out in its thin boxer tent as it’s finally freed of the retraining jeans. He’s returning the favor before I can get any further and he pushes me back just a little roughly to lie down again, pulling at my pants and boxers simultaneously. I lift my hips and tug my legs back until I’m free of the garments, lying completely bare beneath him. I can’t help it; I wrap my hand around my dick and pump at it furiously once, twice, three times before he catches my wrist and stops me.
“Not without me, you greedy little bastard!”
I would protest the comment, but the fingers of his free hand are pressing against my lips and all I can do is take them into my mouth. I suck at them hard, sliding my tongue over and between every digit with what has to be a horribly wanton moan. I hear and feel him shifting around, and a heady little thrill rushes through me as I hear his jeans hitting the floor. His bare legs slide over mine and I rock up against him instinctively, groaning as I manage to rub our erections together. I hear him moan as well, and the sound is so fucking good I can hardly stand it.
His fingers slid out of my mouth and I whine at the loss, but my complaint is short-lived when I feel one of the slick digits pressing inside of me. His free hand is wrapped around my dick now, sliding up and down over it just enough to keep me from going after it myself. Gods, I love his hands! They’re everything I imagined they would be and so much more as he adds a second finger, then a third; he knows just how and when to flex or curl a finger, to press and slide and rub and massage. Gods help me, he plays me just as skillfully as he plays that damn guitar, and it’s a short order before I’m reduced to a writhing, moaning puddle of pleasure beneath him.
He pulls his fingers out and looks around us, baring his teeth impatiently, and his loss of composure is beautiful. “We don’t have any-”
“Let me,” I interrupt him, pushing him back to sit against the opposite arm of the couch.
He looks confused for a split second, but it dissolves into shock and bliss as I grab onto his hips and take his erection into my mouth. I can’t fit all of it – this is only the second time in my life I’ve ever sucked another man off, and I was too drunk to get much done the last time – but that’s fine. The point is to get him slick, not get him off. He moans and grabs onto either side of my head, only pulling my hair a little as I run my tongue over as much of his dick as I can, panting impatiently against the hard flesh. When he’s wet enough for my satisfaction, I climb into his lap, bracing my hands against his shoulders for support. He grabs my hip in one hand and his own arousal in the other, guiding it into me as I lower myself onto him.
It’s a tight fit – both of us had been fairly impatient for preparation, and I probably haven’t been stretched as much as I should be – and I have to stop halfway to give myself a chance to adjust. We’re both panting hard, and Kaoru leans forward to press his lips against my collar bone, the hand on my hip sliding up to rub my back. Swallowing thickly, I grit my teeth and try to relax as I clamp my legs around his and push down in one swift motion, taking him the rest of the way in and shocking cries from the both of us.
“You ha-… you have no… idea… how fuckin’… beautiful you are… right now,” he pants, pulling me down to kiss me again, deeply.
I’m shaking as I kiss him back – the pain is startling, and does a lot to pull me back from the bleeding edge of arousal I’d been teetering on – but I know that it gets better. I force myself to start moving up and down, my focus split between the slick press of his tongue against mine, and the delicious friction of his cock sliding in and out of my ass. He starts rocking up against me, and the pain is slowly fading, ever so slowly…
“A~AH!” I cry out, my back arching as he brushes against something inside me that sends bolts of pleasure up my spine.
He’s groaning as well – I think I may have clamped down on him just now – and his self-control is apparently shattered. He lunges forward, pushing me onto my back again and hitching one of my legs up until my thigh is pressing into my chest. His other hand comes up and presses his fingers into my mouth again, and my eyes roll back into my head blissfully as I suck on them with everything I have and he begins thrusting into me wildly from both ends. I feel completely filled and stretched and used and he keeps hitting that spot inside me, it’s so fucking amazing I can hardly breath for the overwhelming ecstasy coursing through me. He uses my saliva as lube a second time, reaching between us to jerk at my arousal somewhat off-kilter with the rhythm of his thrusting. It’s just like him; to make such perfect harmony with what should be conflicting cadences. Even now, lost in the throes of passion, he’s playing me like a goddamn musical instrument, and he’s just as skilled as ever, so what can I do but what his compositions always inspire me to do? I throw my head back and sing for him, moaning and crying his name at the top of my lungs.
I’m much too far gone to hold myself back for very long with those hands wrenching pleasure from me so deftly. My vision goes white and I scream as I buck up against him, spilling my release all over his chest and his hand – Gods, that hand! – and my belly. My hips keep rocking after he’s milks me dry, even though I have nothing left to give, and his thrusting rapidly dissolves into mindless rutting. Only moments after me, he goes completely rigid as he paints my insides with molten liquid, his eyes rolling back into his head behind fluttering eyelashes. When he’s spent, he collapses onto me and neither of us can do anything but pant and try to steady our racing heartbeats.
“He-… heavy…” I grunt after a minute, pushing at him halfheartedly.
He grumbles and rolls us both onto our sides on the narrow couch, keeping me close so he doesn’t slip out of me in the process. It’s an oddly… intimate feeling, holding him inside of me even after we’ve taken our pleasure from one another, and I wonder at it, looking up at him. I guess I never really stopped to ask… what did this mean to Kaoru? What does he want from me now; was this just a fling, or was he hoping for something more? For that matter, what do I want? I don’t know if I love Kaoru, but as I said, I think it would be very easy to do so. Moreso now than ever before. Our relationship has changed now, irrevocably… but into what? He gives me a tired smile and presses a light kiss to my forehead, pushing my bangs out of my face with a gentle hand.
“Don’t worry about it. If you want, we can talk about it later, but for now, just sleep.”
“Mmm…”
A smart man, my Kaoru. I oblige, tucking my head under his chin where it’s nice and dark and everything smells like him and close my eyes with a content sigh. Maybe this was a fling, and it will never happen again. Maybe we’re falling together, and something new is going to blossom between us. I have no way of knowing right now, so why bother fretting about it? I’m happy either way, because I finally got to feel those hands on me, in me, and around me – touching me and loving me and playing me like I’d so badly wanted.
And they are everything I’d imagined they would be.
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