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What Is And What Should Never Be	By : TheFairyWithBoots Category: Singers/Bands/Musicians > Led Zeppelin Views: 231 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I obviously make no claims to the characters in this story (except for Evie, who is of my own creation.) This fic was written as a joke, and no disrespect is intended towards any of the real people mentioned in the story.

Chapter List
- 1-What Is And What Should Never Be
- 1
Robert Plant had finally gotten off from touring with Led Zeppelin, and he decided that he would spend the next few months enjoying the peace and quiet of his farm in Kidderminster with the joys of horseback riding, and his beloved dog Strider.

Robert was walking towards his garden with Strider one afternoon. It was a very beautiful day, and he was happy to have the finest dog he ever knew beside him as they walked together down country lane.

Suddenly, Robert caught human movement out of the corner of his eye. He knew his eyes weren’t playing tricks on him because Strider started to bark in that direction. He followed his beloved dog as it ran towards the garden.

Someone was picking flowers from his garden. He frowned. “Excuse me? Just what do you think you’re doing?”

A woman stood up with wide, fearful eyes as she saw Robert and his dog standing there. She had eyes the color of an emerald green sea, and hair the color of the brightest flame. Soon her cheeks turned as red as her hair which she had been sticking the flowers from his garden. Robert’s face softened. She was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen.

“Oh… I’m so sorry…” she said in a soft voice. “I didn’t realize this was your garden.”

Robert came closer to her, smiling softly as he took the flower she was holding from her hand and placed it in her hair.

“No need to apologize, my dear,” he said as he watched her face flush even brighter. “Would you like to come into my house for some tea?”

The woman blushed even brighter. “Y-y-you want to have t-t-tea with m-m-me?!” she stammered adorably.

Robert nodded. “Of course. If that’s okay with you.”

The woman agreed and the two of them went back to his house. Robert put the kettle on and began brewing some tea as the woman sat down at his table. Strider was sitting and looking at her like a good boy, and she reached out to pet him.

“What’s your name, darlin’?” Robert asked her as he waited for the tea to finish brewing.

Her face flushed even brighter when she heard him call her “darlin’.”

“M-m-my name is E-Evie…” she stammered nervously.

“Evie… that’s an adorable name. My name is Robert. Robert Plant.” He began pouring her some tea. “Where are you from? And how did you end up in my garden?”

Evie blushed. “I-I-I r-r-ran away f-f-from home b-b-because my f-f-father tried to arrange a m-m-marriage for me… I’m a D-D-Dutch p-p-princess…”

Robert’s eyes lit up. “A princess!? Well, that isn’t something that I see every day… I take it you didn’t love the guy?”

“N-n-no…”

She stuttered so much, that Robert began to wonder if she had a speech impediment and not just nervousness. Evie sipped her tea, her rosy lips curling around the edge of the teacup. She was so beautiful…

She caught Robert staring at her and her cheeks turned as red as her hair.

“Has anyone told you how beautiful you are?”

Evie stammered harder than ever, Robert could barely make out her next sentence. “I- well- y-y-yes, I-I-I-I have had m-m-many me-e-n t-t-t-tell that to m-m-meeee…”

Robert smiled softly. He doesn’t know what came over him. He felt as if some unseen force were guiding him towards Evie and her beautiful face. He leaned in towards her slowly. She closed her eyes and gently parted her lips, giving him unspoken consent. He pressed his lips to hers ever so gently. Her lips were soft and pillowy.

As they were lost in a passionate kiss, suddenly, Robert’s door burst open and off of its hinges. The two lovers jumped apart in shock. Strider was whimpering in fear and hiding underneath the table.

Standing in the doorway was none other than Jimmy Page. He was wearing warlock robes that billowed around him in the wind for dramatic effect. Two flying monkeys floated on either side of him as if waiting for his command. Robert always wondered what he did when he wasn’t on tour but he never imagined it was this.

“Excuse me!!!! I have been informed that there has been a runaway princess escaping from an arranged marriage!!!! So I have come to claim the beautiful Evie for myself!!!!” Jimmy announced menacingly.

Evie’s eyes widened in horror. “N-noooo! I don’t want to!!!”

Jimmy didn’t acknowledge her protests and ordered his flying monkeys to tie her up and carry her back to his Tower. Robert jumped up and tried to stop him.

“Wait! No! Evie wants to be with me! Not you! Leave her alone!”

Evie screamed in horror as the monkeys finished tying her up and flew away with her.

“NOOOOOO!!!!” She wasn’t stuttering anymore. She was screaming and crying in terror. “Help!!! Save me, Robert!!!”

Jimmy cast a spell that knocks Robert flat on his arse before teleporting back to his Tower.

Robert lay sobbing on his kitchen floor. He had only known her for a few minutes but Evie was the love of his life. And now Jimmy had taken her away from him.

Strider came out of his hiding spot and licked Robert’s face to comfort him. Robert cried harder and held his dog to him like a teddy bear. “What am I going to do, Strider? I loved Evie so much! I only knew her for a few minutes and didn’t even know her last name, or even if she liked the same kind of music as I do, but I was so in love with her!” He banged his fists on the floor like a child throwing a tantrum. “It’s not fair! Jimmy gets all of the groupies that I like on the road! Why does he get Evie too!?”

Strider barked.

“What was that?”

Strider barked again.

Robert’s eyes lit up. “You’re saying that I should get up off my arse and go rescue Evie myself and not lay around feeling sorry for myself?”

Strider stared at him with his tongue hanging out and panting.

Robert got to his feet. “You’re absolutely right, Strider! Evie is the victim in all of this, not me. I should rescue her from Jimmy. He had no right to do what he did!”

Robert picks up a knapsack and some dog food for Strider. “Let’s go save the princess, Strider!”

Strider followed Robert eagerly as they headed down the countryside together, making the long journey to Jimmy’s Tower together.

~~

Evie sat crying in a cell at the top of Jimmy’s Tower. She stared out the window over the dark terrain of land where he ruled with his black magick. She kept praying silently that Robert would come and save her. She couldn’t believe how easily Jimmy and his flying monkeys had just stolen her away!

One of the flying monkeys entered her cell to bring her a tray of food.

“Master Page said your wedding ceremony will be tomorrow!” it told her. She had tears in her eyes as she opened her mouth to protest. “That is not a request!” It slammed the door on its way out.

Evie broke down in tears as she picked up her food. She ran away from home to escape a forced marriage only to be led into another one…

~~

Robert walked with Strider as Jimmy’s Tower came into view. He looked up at the sky, letting the sun beat down on his face as stars filled his dreams about Evie.

“We made it, Strider. Now we will go and rescue Evie!”

They ran towards the Tower. As soon as they reached the front gates, it started raining on cue. A large projection of Jimmy’s head appeared before Robert.

"ROBERT, YOU BASTARD! You’re here for Evie, aren’t you!? Well, you can’t have her! We were going to get married tomorrow but we will have the ceremony early tonight!!!!”

His head disappeared and Robert howled in anguish. “NOOOOOO!!!!”

Strider barked.

Robert stood up straight. “You’re right, Strider! It’s up to me to go in and save her!”

Robert and Strider ran up the courtyard to the Tower entrance to rescue Princess Evie.

~~

One of the flying monkeys had tied Evie up again and forced her into a wedding dress kicking and screaming. It was far too tight on her as if it were designed for a teenager rather than a grown woman.

Evie was standing in front of Jimmy at an altar with her hands and feet tied. One of the flying monkeys was reading them their wedding vows. She was pretty sure this wasn’t legal.

Right in the middle of the ceremony, the door to the front hall burst open and Robert and Strider came running down the aisle. Evie gasped and her eyes widened in pure joy and relief. They had come to her rescue!

“Robert!”

Robert had hearts in his eyes. “Evie!”

Jimmy let out a frustrated shriek. “You insolent Fool!!! How dare you interrupt my ceremony!?”

Flying monkeys come out of everywhere and start attacking Robert. Robert took out his sword and started to fight them off. Strider was not an aggressive dog so he stood off to the side and barked and jumped, playing cheerleader for his master.

The monkeys continued to slap and yank at Robert’s clothes. His shirt ripped off of him, revealing his muscular chest. Robert began to sing as he fought for his love for Evie:

“CATCH THE WIND, SEE US SPIN, SAIL AWAY, LEAVE TODAY, WAY UP HIGH IN THE SKY! AND WHOA BUT THE WIND WON’T BLOW! YOU REALLY SHOULDN’T GO! IT ONLY GOES TO SHOW THAT YOU WILL BE MINE BY TAKING OUR TIME!”

He sang all of this in one breath without breaking his concentration from the fight. Evie had tears in her eyes. What deep and meaningful lyrics!

Pretty soon, all of the flying monkeys had either been killed or knocked unconscious by Robert. Furious, Jimmy let out another infuriated scream.

“You bastard!!! You’ve gotten rid of all of my servants!!!” He cast a spell aimed right at Strider. The spell missed the heart but it hit him in the side, and the dog whimpered and limped away. Rage flashed across Robert’s eyes.

It was at that moment, Jimmy knew that he fucked up.

Robert turned a perfect cartwheel before aiming his sword straight towards Jimmy. No one hurt his dog, not even his bandmates.

Jimmy ran for his life, knowing that he made a huge mistake by attacking Robert’s dog. Robert could be heard singing cheerfully as he chased Jimmy down, trying to kill him.

“Ah caught you smiling at me. That's the way it should be. Like a leaf is to a tree, so fine! Ah all the good times we had, I sang love songs so glad always smiling, never sad, so fine!”

It was the song that Robert wrote for Strider, Bron-Yr-Aur Stomp. Of course attacking one of his muses was a horrible idea, Jimmy thought. He wished he could take it back because Robert was a lot better with a sword than he anticipated. Robert smiled as he continued to sing confidently, with no doubt that he would be able to kill the guitarist/warlock for trying to hurt his dog.

“I’M SORRY!!!” Jimmy yelled as he ran throughout his Tower, dodging Robert’s attacks.

“My my! La de la! Come on now, it ain’t too far! Tell your friends all around the world! Ain’t no companion like a blue-eyed merle!”

He clapped his hands and stomped his feet as he sang, all while trying to run his sword through Jimmy.

Robert swung his sword and knocked over an oil lamp. The entire room was engulfed into flames.

“Oops.”

Suddenly, as if remembering the reason he came there in the first place, Robert bolted downstairs to the main hall where Strider seemed to have made a full recovery and was chewing on Evie’s restraints to set her free.

Evie threw her arms around Robert and kissed him passionately once she was free. Robert picked her up bridal style and ran out of the great hall with Strider following close behind him as the fire quickly spread throughout the Tower.

~~

Robert held Evie in his arms as Strider licked the rope burns on her wrists to make her feel better. The three of them watched as Jimmy’s Tower burned to the ground. Robert couldn’t help but worry about Jimmy and if he made it out alive. He did kidnap the love of his life (whom he had just met) and tried to curse his dog, but Jimmy was still his best friend and bandmate.

He smiled down at Evie and kissed her lips. “I’ve loved you since I first saw you in the garden, Evie! If the sun refused to shine… I would still be loving you. If mountains crumbled to the sea, there would still be you and me.”

Evie teared up at his poetic brilliance.

“An inspiration is what you are to me. Will you marry me?”

Evie had hearts in her eyes. “Of course I will marry you, Robert! I love you too!”

They kissed passionately and Robert set her down and promised to buy her a ring once they got back into town. Strider jumped happily and followed the Lovers as they walked hand in hand down the path home.

~~

Meanwhile, Jimmy’s Tower had burned completely to the ground. Amid the ashes and the rubble, an arm burst through the remains.

Jimmy pulled himself out of the remains, bruised, battered, and covered in soot but otherwise not seriously injured. With all of his servants dead and his Tower burnt to the ground, he was left with nothing but his magick. He was furious with his fellow band mate. He realized that he brought this all of this on himself but he was too arrogant to care.

In a rage, he kicked aside some rubble and made his way to the nearest village, planning to intimidate the local innkeeper with threats of witchcraft into giving him some free food and a room while he planned his revenge on Robert.

The End
- 1
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What Is And What Should Never Be