“Sigh,” Michael Palin let out the most profound sigh as he was in his car, letting it idle. He stares at the house that was Terry Jones's, and he wants to go inside so much, but he can’t move. He sighs deeply again. Heand John had a row. They have had many lately, but this made him finally say hehad enough. “Damn it, Graham,” Michael swore to himself. This all started with whatwas supposed to be an innocent dance. A dance he wasn’t even planning to have.
It was Graham, drunk as usual, who pushed him into Terry and teased, “dance dance dance!” Michael almost felt John shooting daggers at him, but before he could excuse himself, Terry grabbed his hand and playfully said, “Madam, may I have this dance?” Homosexuality was barely just made legal, but for the wild Python boys, no one suspected anything. Only Terry Gilliam was straight. John, Terry Jones, Eric, and he were all bi and very much in the closet. Only Graham bravely declared himself “king of the gays. “Michael and John were able to hide their relationship well; no one suspected they were anything other than writing partners. A picture they had framed was actually their first date, but the tabloids that snapped a photo of them at a café titled “Hard-working Pythons take a break.” It helped that they never went too far from the studio. Though it felt good tonight, no one noticed the intimate moment between Terry and himself. After a few moves, they both held each other tightly, laughing, and then it happened. Terry got a hard-on, and Michael was too shocked to move; he was frozen in time. The moment seemed forever, but it had to be seconds before John shouted his name behind him. John must’ve counted on people thinking he was drunk, despite not even taking a sip, but Michael knew he was furious. Forever the composed gentleman, he didn’t say a word, but his eyes, his wild eyes, were filled with rage. Michael felt chills, fearing what would happen when he came over. They had separate flats for appearances, and Michael always left in the very early hours, but a lot can happen in a short night, and he dreaded it all.
The car ride was so icy. Michael could tell Terry had a hard-on, but could John really see it? ,? But he wanted to cool things down just in case. A fight until morning would last only a few hours, if he was lucky. Michael, in a timid voice, said, “John, he didn’t mean it.” John said very coldly, “Why did you linger?” Michael was almost sure he hadn’t seen it now, but wanted to be sure.“Is that all you're mad about?” John abruptly pulled the car over. Michael, who barely drinks, found himself time and again the group's designated driver, but John was the most careful driver of them all. The others remarked he drives like a granny. He was trying to keep his composure, but Michael knew he wouldn't drive this angry. John snapped, “Is that all! That idiot was flirting with you all night, and then, in front of everyone, you danced and held him. We're together even if we don’t look it. It’s embarrassing and disrespectful.”“Graham was the one…” “You should’ve pulled away, made an excuse, joined your boyfriend, but you damn sure don’t linger!” John hit his wheel hard, and Michael was afraid he would break it. Michael summoned all his courage and said, "Take me home.” “No, we're not going to talk about this!” Michael, almost fearful, insisted, “I can’t keep fighting.” “You’re to blame, you are nagging me about work, about intimacy, about Graham!” “I can’t help it, John, I have feelings and should be allowed to express them! “And how long are you going to express your disapproval of our life?!” “I’m not disapproving of our life, John…I'm just tired.” “Fine, I will take you home, just don’t speak to me for the rest of the drive.”
Michael was tired. John was always a workaholic, which wasn’t new, and he knew that when he decided to take John on. But lately all he can do is work, and lately he feels suspicious of him and Graham. Everyone knew they were best friends, practically brothers. But he also knew Graham had very few inhibitions, especially when drunk. John wouldn’t be the first man he slept with who was in a relationship. Lately, John has been coming home later, canceling their nights, and speaking in hushed tones when on the phone with Graham. The only thing that helped his paranoia is that Graham and John are complete opposites outside of comedy. Typically, opposites attract, but if John were in a relationship with Graham, the rest of the Pythons could take bets on when John would kill him. Not to mention, since coming out of the closet, Graham would refuse to be put back in it, even for John. And with this latest breakup, he was back to his Playboy ways. John staying over at Graham's one night didn’t help. He didn’t tell Michael; he only found out when Graham gave John back an item he left over at his house. John gave the excuse of working late and being tired, but knowing a very hungover Graham, the last thing he does on a late night is work. This pattern led to a major fight that lasted for days.
Now Michael is sitting in his car trying to move. He decided enough was enough and took the leap. As Michael started to step out, the moonlight caught his promise ring on his finger. Andin that moment, he was flooded with memories of John. It was a rainy April day when Michael had worked up the courage to confess his feelings to Terry. He had a speech plan and an elegant watch, as Terry always seemed to have terrible timing. He even had his home decorated with roses and candles, which he planned to light later, along with a candlelit dinner. He even picked up a new compilation of classical romance music. When he arrived at their agreed-upon spot, he apologized, saying that a girl he’s been talking to had held him up. She asked him to date her, and he didn’t refuse. Michael was shattered but did his best to support his friends. The rest of the day, his mood was clearly off. He hardly spoke. When everyone left the studio, John stayed behind.
Michael braced himself for John to scold him, but instead he sat down and looked him deep in his eyes. John's chestnut brown eyes seemed so gentle and warm as he said, “Tell me what is troubling you? I can see it all over your face.” Michael teared up a bit and answered, “I just got my heart broken today. Guess you guys are right for calling me a blind optimist. I thought of everything going right, never even crossed my mind what I do if things went wrong.” He choked up a bit and continued, “I was sure he was the one.” “He?” “Guess the secret is out, it’s hard to explain, I am attracted to women, but I also notice men.” “Me too, it's easier to explain than you think. There is a man I find completely beautiful at work, but I’m sure he finds me brutish. I tried to put him out of my mind, but every time I see him, my heart skips a beat. Michael innocently asks, “Graham, ”God no!” “Eric?” “Now you’re just making fun of me.” They shared a laugh. Michael didn’t think he would smile this soon. Michael comforted John, “Well, if there may be a chance he likes you, I say tell him. You’re not brutish, you're charming, poised, hilarious, and extremely kind. He is a lucky guy to have you.” In a sudden moment, John kissed Michael passionately. No one has ever kissed him like that before. In an instant, he was melting. John broke the kiss, looking scared of what Michael would say. John didn’t seem afraid of anything. The fact that he was waiting on bated breath for Michael's reaction softened Michael toward the stern man.
“John…me?” “It’s been you for a long time. No matter how bad a day I’m having, just being here to see you smile makes it all worth it. Everything about you is truly marvelous. Sometimes I wish I could be as good a man as you. I wish I could get out of this logical mind and make myself more emotional, but I’m trapped, and I see you, and it comes so easily, it ignites something in me. Something I haven’t been able to turn off in a long time.” “John…You have terrible timing, or maybe…” Michael takes out the watch he had for Terry. “Or maybe this is a sign you’re right on time. I hope you don’t mind a re-gift, but now I feel you should have it.” John took the watch and admired it. He quickly put it on. Michael softly tells him, "I just need more time myself.” “Would you like to go somewhere and talk about it? “I'd rather be anywhere than home right now. John stands and softly reaches for his hand. He holds it warmly, and Michael feels safe. They walked to the doors, where John let it go and quietly said, “You understand…” Michael understood right away that he was going to be John's best-kept secret. Monty Python is still in its infancy, and Michael himself was a children's TV star. A scandal would tank everything, so he didn’t mind. He was happy walking beside him.
They went back to John's place. Michael didn’t want intimacy, and thankfully, John didn’t initiate it. When Michael told him he had planned, John had tried to imitate it. First, he made Michael dinner, turned off his lights, and had a small lamp on. John apologized for not having any candles. He took Michael to a small plant he was growing and asked Michael, “Will you take care of it for me? It will be beautiful when it blooms, but I have been neglecting it.” Michael accepted the gift graciously. Then John sifted through his records; he had plenty of classical, but he remarked, “Jazz is for uplifting your mood, you don’t want to sit in a somber mood.” The effort touched Michael, and they even danced a bit, giving John a chance to steal another kiss. After the festivities, they just talked until sunrise. It was uncharacteristic for John, and probably the first time, he blew off work to spend another long day with Michael, and Michael did the same. Terry seemed so far from Michael’s mind that he started to become very infatuated.
They had gone on scenic hikes and horseback rides, and they had made each other dinner countless times. John even read him poetry. Michael was no longer thinking of Terry at all. One day, when he had to go to work, his thoughts were filled with John, and although he didn't mean anything by it, he basically ignored Terry and constantly asked John what he thought. When they were done, Michael couldn’t leave fast enough, instead of getting drinks with Terry and Graham. When he came to John's, the house was nicely decorated with flowers and candles. He still chose jazz over classical, but it was smoother and quieter than big band. John walked slowly to him and took his hands. “Michael, will you have me?” Michael smiled and softly said, "Yes, John, I am ready.”
John gave him one of his passionate kisses, picked him up, and put him in bed. John undressed him, kissing exposed parts very slowly. John caressed his thighs and took him in his mouth. Michael let out an audible gasp. Cambridge boys' mouths aren’t just for exquisite words, it seems. John was so methodical and attentive. He almost seemed hungry for it. Worshipping Michael, he didn’t think he could hold on much longer and tried to get John to stop so their moment could last longer. “John, please, I can't take much more.” John suddenly stops and says, “Don’t leave me behind. "John quickly undressed and topped Michael after he lubricated himself. He slips it in, and that’s when Michael sees the first signs of John's darker side. Any softness was gone, replaced with pure aggression. He almost seemed like an animal. His face grimaced as if he were in pain. He kissed Michael on his neck, but it was no longer like his sweet kisses as John quickly started to bite him. Michael was shocked; he didn’t expect this from the reserve man, who seemed to be uncomfortable with the idea of sex at all. Michael isn’t very experienced with men; he hasn’t been taken this roughly. He figured maybe with someone this big and working this hard, it was to be expected to hurt at first. He wanted to tell John to slow down, to go a little easier, but Michael is a pleaser, and this was their first time. He thought that, to make John wait patiently, he should get exactly what he’s been waiting for. John didn’t ease up. He started pounding harder, panting the words. “I want to break you, submit to me!” Michael now knew John knew he was being too rough. But the man that he was falling for must have just been in the moment, he couldn’t really want to hurt him? Michael decided he wasn’t ruining their first time; he could talk to him about it in the morning. He wanted John to finish, so he played into John’s fantasy, “Yes, I submit, I submit.” That seemed to do the trick as John came, he screamed, then very loud moans, and finally collapsed on Michael, not caring about his weight on the much smaller man's body.
Michael was trembling and starting to ache. The words I want to break you rang in his head. John cradled him tightly and moved to stroke him. Michael had to try hard to get out of his own head to be able to climax for John. When he did, John brought them a towel. He cleaned them both up, made tea, and after they drank it, John cradled him; his passionate kiss was back. The soft man he fell for was there, making him feel safe, so he thought it best to keep things to himself. He eventually told John about his roughness, but John took it more as disapproval. John was right when he said they started fighting more over intimacy. After a year, he couldn't take the roughness anymore, and lately, when they were intimate, John seemed annoyed if Michael even asked for foreplay. He rarely even wanted to give him oral, and Michael suspected John never liked it. He once remarked, “Get on with it.” And Michael just stopped him altogether. Michael felt John only led him on with oral sex to seduce him to stay. When John was tired from work, he quickly took Michael without even caring whether he finished, passing out after he cleaned himself up. There was even a time when John said, “Take it bitch.” And Michael was so offended and told him to never call him out of his name again. This caused another fight, and John wouldn’t touch him for weeks. When things were good, they were amazing, but lately they haven’t been suitable for a while, and John just wasn’t the man he first fell for. Still, he was devoted to John.
Michael huffed and quickly got out of the car, slamming the door behind him. He marched briskly to Terry's door and gave it a hard knock, and Terry, already in pajamas, opened his door to see Michael. “Mic-“ “Don’t say anything, we need to talk! What were you thinking? If you knew you were about to get a hard-on, why didn’t you move? Why would you even dance with me with John right there?! Do you even know what trouble you cause? You can’t do this. I am spoken for, understand?! Well, I'm sorry for raising my voice, but it had to be said.” “But that’s not why you're here.” Michael became flustered and tried to find the words. Terry walked closer to him. “Michael, why are you here?” Michael gathered his courage and said, “I just wanted to know what you were thinking? Why me? I know the body reacts sometimes without much thought, but maybe there was more.” “There was, you looked so dashing tonight, I couldn’t keep my eyes off you, and the alcohol didn't help. I saw you blowing on your soup, and I thought your lips were so beautiful, and how I longed to kiss them. Then, when we shared that dance, my drunk brain wondered what if you were coming home to me tonight, with our bodies pressed together. I was seconds away from kissing you in front of everyone.”
Michael's face became warm and red. He shyly asked, “Was it just tonight? How long have you felt this way?” “For years, honestly, back since college. I remember one morning I woke up with a hard-on, and you were in the shower. I had to touch myself just at the thought. Then I heard you moaning, and it was like we were doing it together, and I pretended we were. Even called your name softly a few times. It was a miracle I came before you came out of the shower. It would've driven me mad if I didn’t finish in time. “But you never said anything, and you dated women. If it wasn’t for you drunkenly confessing how you felt about men, I assumed you were straight.” “I wasn’t exactly out, Michael, and neither were you, and we started working together professionally, really building something I didn’t want to tarnish. I’m sorry if this is bad for you to hear.” Michael looked away and said, “No, it isn’t. I started falling for you in college as well. But I thought the thoughts I had about men were normal. Men can be beautiful too; it was natural to find someone attractive, no matter the sex. But one day, during a party, someone told me, people always experiment in college, and I tried it, and I liked it, but I didn’t seek it out again until I started developing feelings for you.”
Terry was shocked, "Why didn’t you tell me? “I was going to. Last year, I had a gift, was going to make dinner, had roses, and soft music. And you told me you were seeing someone, and John comforted me that day, and you know the rest. Why didn’t you ever say anything?” “Because Michael, how do you look your father in the eye and tell him that you’ve fallen for a man? How do you tell your mother, who was so excited when you got into college, that the next step was marriage and a baby? Then gleefully sang about being a grand mum.” “I think I can understand. I imagined the same thing about my dad at one point, but when I started the frost report and was panicking, he assured me that if I failed, I could tell him anything and he would never see me as a failure. I know it’s not exactly a green light, but I had to feel that, in time, he’d accept this lifestyle. Graham's father is as stuffed shirt as he comes, and even he accepts it.”
Terry Jones started laughing. “My timing is terrible. To think what we could’ve been.” “That’s why I got you watch when I was going to confess, but I already re-gifted it to John, giving you a gift after you around about way rejected me didn't feel right.” Terry grabs his face and looks deeply into Michael’s dark, intense eyes. “Well, let's make up for lost time.” Terry goes to kiss him, and Michael stops him, “I can’t cheat, I refuse. I was cheated on once, and I made up my mind right there, and then I never make a person feel that way.” “Then break up with him.” “What?!” “Come on, Michael, you two haven’t been getting on in a while.” “How do you know? I thought we were hiding it pretty well.” “To the others perhaps, but not with me, and knowing John's personality, it was only a matter of time before he dims your shine. The only reason I didn’t go crazy with jealousy is that I know that you two would make a great go of it, but it wouldn’t last unless John changed or you lost yourself completely in him. Can you honestly say you love him, Michael?” “Hard to say, he caught me at a vulnerable moment, and then we were intense from the start. I never had time to sit with my emotions. Though sometimes, and I try so hard not to think this, but I have to wonder if he showed me the best of himself until he could land me, now he doesn’t have to pretend anymore. I know it’s not all pretend, he can be great, but he can also be terrible.” “Michael, that is not what people saywhen they are deeply in love. Michael, if you want to keep this going, I will have to step away from you, but you’ll wake up old and unhappy thinking about this moment. This is our window, Michael. This is our time.”
Michael sat down on the couch and tousled his hair. He felt that way now; he didn’t need to get older. His eyes met Terry's intense eyes, and he knew that’s where he wanted to be. “May I use your phone?” Terry extends his hands toward the phone as if to say, "All yours." Michael picked up the phone, and the second he heard John's voice, he summoned the courage to say, “John, I care deeply for you, but I'm not happy, and I won’t continue to be if I stay. I’m sorry, John, it's over.” Michael quickly slammed down the phone. He was afraid John would say something to change his mind or tear him down severely. He was so thankful to be at Terry's house that he knew his own phone would ring all night if he were home. Terry sat down next to Michael, and Michael looked at him and said, "There it’s done.” He removed his ring and put it on the table. Terry quickly grabbed the man's face and began kissing him deeply. John was still the more passionate kisser, but Terry felt warm, velvety, and sweet.
Terry started caressing Michael's body and undressing him. Once he started, he couldn’t stop himself, and Michael didn't want him to stop. Michael, between kisses, huffed, “Take me to your bedroom.” Terry grabbed his hand and led him to the bedroom. He lay him down gently and resumed kissing him and undressing him. He moved down, and once Michael's pants were discarded, Terry took him in his mouth, devouring him slowly. It has been so long with Michael, and knowing he was with someone who actually likes to do it made him melt. He had to stroke Terry’s hair, which he loved, as it was growing longer. He swallowed hard, trying not to drool as he was in complete ecstasy. Like his first time with John, he didn’t want it to end too early and asked Terry, “Take me, Terry.” Terry took off his pajamas and lubed up. He entered Michael slowly. The difference between John and him couldn’t be greater. Where John was aggressive, Terry was gentle. When Terry reached out to him, he braced himself for a choke or his hair being pulled, as was the standard with John. Terry grabbed his face and then rubbed a finger across his lips as he kissed him again. Where John swore and once called him out of his name, Terry called him beautiful. “You’re so beautiful, Mike, my god, you’re beautiful.” Michael teared up, but instead of pain, it was due to pure affection from the raven-haired man.
Terry stopped himself and climbed on top. Finally, Michael thought. John would never be taken, but Terry rode him happily and softly rubbed his nipples. Michael grabbed Terry's thighs to steady him and started to move his hips to fuck Terry. Who arched his back in pleasure. Michael finally felt powerful. Michael, inbreaths, whispered, “Look at me.” And Terry did, and the minute their eyes met, Michael couldn’t contain himself. “Terry, I’m-“ he could hardly get the words out as Terry stroked himself vigorously and managed to cum just a few seconds behind Michael, but they finished together. Terry rested each hand beside Michael's head and looked at him lovingly before giving him one more deep kiss. He slowly climbed off him and grabbed a towel to clean off Michael. He tossed the towel on the floor. John would never. Terry cradled himself in Michael's arms, and Terry held him, still feeling powerful that he wasn’t the short one for once. He kissed Terry's head, and they fell asleep in each other's arms.
When the morning came, Michael woke to Terry making him breakfast. Terry greeted him warmly, "Morning darling, I hope you’re hungry, poached eggs and toast, fresh fruit, and bacon are on the menu. Sorry, no spam.” Terry laughed, but Michael looked somber. Terry became concerned, “Please tell me you don’t regret last night. "You don’t have to do this, Terry; you already impressed me. It was a nice night.” “Well, I’m hungry too, Michael.” Once again, Terry tried to joke, but Michael couldn’t smile. Terry walked slowly to Michael, kissed him, and said, "I'm not John.” “But once you have me, how do I know you won’t change? ”Michael, look at me, I’ve been the same man to you since college, but I can't lie, I will change.” Michael almost looked scared until Terry continued, "Because now I will cherish you more, and it seems I have to work harder to make you never worry, you’ll never lose me.” Michael held him tighter and started to cry. Terry held him even tighter, “It’s okay, darling, let it out. You needed a good cry.” Michael looked up at him and kissed him gently as the sun cascaded over them both.
When Michael drove back home, his mood was elated, and the day seemed sweeter. He made it to his flat and opened the door, but there on his couch was John, who, when he looked up at Michael, could tell he had been crying, probably for hours. Michael was afraid to speak, and John spoke first. “Michael, baby, I’m sorry, we can’t end this way. I’ll fix it. Just tell me what todo, I’ll do anything, I’ll change everything I am.” Michael's heart stung. He remembered what Terry said, that for him and John to work, John would have to change everything he was. And now here he was doing just that. Michael felt conflicted, but he had enough broken promises and was sticking to his decision. "John, I can’t, I have to move on. “No, I love you more than I have ever loved anyone. I will put you first, I swear. Not work, not even Graham.” Michael decided to finally get to the bottom of things. “John, tell me honestly, was there anything between you and Graham ever?” “No! I…” John seemed reluctant to say the next words, “Graham has alcoholism.” Michael looked shocked. “You saw it yourself, you found the half-empty gin bottle before it was even lunch. He has been dealing with this for a long time. I thought it was to suppress his homosexuality, but now he can’t use that excuse anymore. He is getting worse, and I am trying to pull him out of it, but it’s so hard. Sometimes, drinking is his only concern; he does not even care if his work is suffering. It hurts to see him this way, but I can’t save someone who won’t save himself, not at the expense of my relationship. Not anymore. John tries to kiss Michael, but Michael tries to pull away, but John won’t let him. As they struggle, John stops and looks him in his eyes, his eyes turning cold.
“Where were you all night? ”John…last night I saw Terry and” "I don’t fucking believe this!” The angry John was back. “Did he get between us?” “John, no, I haven’t been happy, I just didn't know how to walk away and.” “Oh, this is bullshit, so instead of trying to work it out, you go running to Terry.” “John, you wouldn’t listen to me if I tried, and I have tried.” “Did you fuck him, Michael?” Michael was terrified. "You did, didn’t you? You broke up with me so you wouldn’t cheat on me, you fucker, you disgraceful bitch.” “John, no, it wasn’t like that.” Michael made the mistake of trying to touch John, who punched him square in the mouth. Michael collapsed on the ground, and blood was starting to pour from his lips. John was filled with regret and went to hold him, “baby, baby, I’m sorry, please, I’m so sorry.” “Get out,” “Michael…” “Get the fuck out, get out of my house! We will never be together again. It’s over! Get out, get out!” John briskly turned to leave, and Michael grabbed the plant he had given him and threw it at John. Maybe there was a small part of him that still cared for John because he barely missed him, and he wasn’t trying to miss.
At the studio, the tension was thick. John and Michael avoided eye contact. And didn’t speak. Terry arrived a bit late, but the minute he saw Michael's face, he turned to John. “Did you fucking hit him?!” John stared daggers, and Terry exploded, “You fucking bastard! I’ll kill you.” Terry picked up a chair and threw it at John. John screamed, "You shouldn’t have fucked him!” The rest of the Pythons looked shocked, except Graham, who grabbed his bowler and pipe and said, “Well, goodbye.” As he briskly walked out the door. It was Eric's time to explode. “Enough! I hate to break up this fucking love triangle, but we have a lot of work to do. Whatever it is, leave it the fuck at home. The show comes first. I don’t care who fucked who, either make a skit out of it or let it the fuck go.” There was more tension when John finally broke. “Terry Michael, I’m sorry, this is all my fault.” Eric, snarky as ever, quipped, “Of course, this is your fault; anything bad that has ever happened in history is your damn fault! You didn’t have to say it, you oaf.” Before the tension exploded again, Terry Gilliam burst outlaughing and couldn’t contain himself. He started snorting wildly and could barely get out. “The holocaust, world war 2, all John’s fault!” And continued to laugh manically and fell out of his seat. Gilliam always had a contagious laugh, and soon Michael started laughing, then Terry, and even John had to chuckle a bit. Eric looked pleased with himself, “Yes, yes, now that we got all that out of the way, ladies get to work. I will chase down Graham before he gets drunk.”
The tension eased. But breakups don’t resolve that easily. There were still days of tension, still a while when John stopped shooting daggers, and Terry tried his best to remain composed. But they were a group and did as Eric suggested, all putting comedy first. After a while, John gave his blessing to the two men, who finally found their moment in time.
