Gilliam's Angst

                “Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! Damn it, we’re friends! You’re ruining everything! Don’t you fucking get it?! We have something special, and you’re going to fucking ruin it. You’re all going to look up, and you're not even going to be friends anymore. Don’t any of you bastards care?!” Terry's eyes were filled with rage, his eyes stinging, and he started to cry, and all of that was what he wished he had said. But he couldn’t say anything. He knew better not to become involved between the Cambridge clique, Eric, John, and Graham, and the Oxford boys, Michael and Terry. He thought they figured he was stupid. They often said that if Terry G found something funny, then anyone would. Terry was deeply touched, but now he wonders if they meant they looked down on his intellect.

                Terry G remembered that when he first met the Oxford boys, he saw them in the corner talking among themselves, and after pleasantries, they resumed. They might as well have said, "Go away," to his face. Michael always remained pleasant, but he clearly had a favorite person. Perhaps it was ego, but he found himself a lot like Terry Jones; it could also be because he was partial to the name Terry. Eric found him exotic and used him as a case study on anything American. At first, Terry G liked the attention, but now he felt it was annoying. Especially when Eric dismissed his work or quirk as a “must be an American thing.” Terry G had ideas and wanted to contribute, but when he found himself trying to speak up, almost as if they practiced at home, the 5 of them would stare at him as if to say, “Are you serious?” And he often stammers and says, “or maybe it’s not a good idea, never mind.” And retreated to his animation studio.

                The Cambridge boys were harder. Terry G got along great with John when he worked on the Frost report, but since Monty Python came along, he seems more arrogant and has an air about him. John liked Terry’s animations, but sometimes took the fun out of creating. He expected Terry to give him a complete dissection of his work or its meaning, sometimes looking deeper into something that had just popped into his mind. “What does it mean?” John would ask. “Nothing, it’s just funny.” “Funny how?” “It just is; if I tried to explain it, it wouldn’t be funny.” “It doesn’t make sense.” “Well, it’s surrealism.” “So what does it mean?” And Terry just walked away. He felt the most distance from Graham. He tried to figure him out and never could. He asked Graham what his motivation was for certain scenes, and Graham, through his pipe, would say, “Just felt right.” When he tried to ask what inspired a skit, he said, “Nothing much really.” When he tried to make small talk, “How was your night?” “Long.” And continued smoking on his pipe. And Terry just walked away.

                Terry drops his cigarette and crushes it beneath his feet. Being satisfied with the crunch, he can’t bring himself to go in. He thinks of when the show aired. Their 5 names appeared together in the end credits, but Terry was listed separately. “Animations by”. It was true, but he didn’t think of himself as separate. He was as much of a python as the others. He took on costumes the others didn’t want to wear, and how would persnickety Eric like to be under hot studio lights in a knight costume, swinging around a rubber chicken? And they were also the only sketch show with animations, which set them apart. He should be grouped with the 6 of them. He wanted to say something about the credits, but he already had many incidents going toe-to-toe with the BBC over his animations. If he had to choose a battle, he decided that one. He was hoping the others would say something, but he didn’t even think they cared. It was his girlfriend who asked why his name was separate, and he hated minimizing it by saying it wasn’t a big deal and just what the networks chose, yet he was embarrassed.

                Another incident was when they were mobbed for interviews; the others were, but he wasn't as much. The crowd doted on the other 5, and amid the many voices, he heard a shrill voice: “Who is that bloke?” Terry could’ve answered with humor, maybe say he was John's lover to cause a spectacle, but someone answered, “probably just some cameraman or sound guy.” Terry J was right next to him; how could he not hear? How could he not step in? But he figured that Occam’s razor, Terry J, or any of them didn’t care enough to say anything. He did get an interview, but it was a small blurb, and when Monty Python was plastered on the paper, it was a 5 of them. He remembers it was sweet Michael who spoke up to the photographer, “He’s in it too.” But the photographer barely phased said, “Well, we really just like the faces for now. Will be sure to include that there is a 6^th member.” And Michael didn’t push harder, and neither did anyone else. If he could go back in time, he would’ve photobombed every shot they were in to be a nuisance, but there was no going back.  

                Going out to drink with them wasn’t always welcoming either. Terry was a college graduate as well, but compared to the Cambridge Clique and the Oxford boys, they might as well be speaking another language. He sometimes laughed along just to be included, until Eric spoke up: “You’re laughing, but do you get it?” And Terry G's face broke. He quickly recovered, “It’s more so the funny way you talk when you drink.” Soon, they turned on Eric, and Terry G could breathe easier for a moment. With a few more drinks, Graham took the attention off of him altogether with wild antics throughout the bar. Any chance of conversation he had would be gone after that. On a different outing, he was struck with an idea. He went tohis car, got his sketch pad, came back to the table, and drew wildly. He was giggling, his hands moving rapidly; he couldn’t wait to show them, he knew they would get a kick out of it. When he was finally satisfied, he looked up, and they were gone. Maybe they said goodbye, and he was just too engrossed to hear…but realistically, perhaps they didn’t say goodbye at all. He crumpled up the drawing and threw it in the trash.

                He felt he should walk away; they probably didn't need him as a stand-in for a background character, and they could find anyone. Would anyone notice there was no animation? Would anyone notice there was no Terry? Sadly, he couldn’t face that answer, at least as long as he shows up, he will never have to know how replaceable or unnecessary he is. He breathed deeply and walked in.

                It was John who spoke up first. He excitedly said, “Terry, there you are, we were waiting for you!” Terry, shocked, “Um, you were.” “Of course, we have some skits we need you to weigh in on.” Then Graham spoke up, “I actually think what I came up with should open the show. John thinks his, so I said we should put it in front of someone with good sense to be the tie breaker.” Terry G didn’t feel as if Graham was talking down to him; he seemed genuinely like he couldn’t decide between their two Cambridge minds. Then John added, “Come on, Terry, tell us which is funniest.” Then Terry J spoke up, “No, you have to read ours first, ours is so good it doesn’t need to open the show, I guarantee it will steal the show!” John, with snark, said, “Then you won’t mind going after us.” It was Michael's turn to speak next, “Oh, go ahead, besides Terry, you’re in this one, so we’re going to have to steal you away, but don’t worry, there is plenty of room to adlib, so do what comes natural.” Terry beamed, but before he got too excited, he said, “I speak as the knight?” Terry J said, “No, as the 3rdinquisitor, our sketch is called the Spanish Inquisition.” Terry bowled over with laughter. He didn’t need to read it; just the idea of Python and the Spanish Inquisition, it wrote itself.

 Eric interrupted, “Well, start showing him the sketches already; we have a lot of work to do.” Terry composed himself. He was riding a high, but had to address something, “Hey guys, I appreciate all this, but I want to bring up the ending credits, and how my name is separate from-“Eric interrupted, “No, it isn’t. I called and got that fixed weeks ago.” “You did?!” “Yeah, I told you, remember that night you were scribbling and giggling like a schoolgirl over something that popped in your head.” John said curtly, “I knew he didn’t hear you, I swear, Gilliam, you are so lost in your own world. At least you kept your head down, and drawing didn’t get you kicked out that night with the rest of us.” “You guys were kicked out, I thought you just left!” Michael spoke next, “You didn’t notice when Graham tried to take that woman's skirt off.”  Graham, with no shame, said, “And I still say I would’ve worn it better and gotten her boyfriend to kiss me." Terry J asked frustratingly, “Was that before or after it took the 4 of us to stop him from kicking your ass?” Michael spoke again, “We all got tossed out, I guess, since you were still sitting, they let you stay. Sorry, I thought you saw us. What was that drawing?” Terry G, not wanting to ruin the moment, quickly lied, “You know, as soon as I finished, I didn’t like it, but I can recreate it if you guys are curious.” Eric interjected, “Show us over drinks tonight, we have a lot to do today, and besides, you're reading my script first!” And the rapturous talking started up again, with Terry trying hard not to cry.

Many years after Python, sadly, Terry's self-fulfilling prophecy came true. Their friendships did deteriorate. John and Eric can’t stand each other. Terry still considers Michael a good friend, but Michael himself said he no longer comes to them for emotional support in interviews. Eric gave him the hardest time over his directing and took cheap shots at his daughter, and they don’t speak. And now Terry Jones and Graham Chapman have passed on. Still in his old art studio, where he makes some Monty Python-like drawings just for fun, lies a picture from an interview with all 6 of them smiling happily. One thing always comes to mind when he looks at it…