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Hard To Breathe	By : DazWolf Category: Singers/Bands/Musicians > Savage Garden Views: 871 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. I do not know the members of Savage Garden. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 1-Hard To Breathe
- 1
Title: Hard To Breathe
Disclaimer: Since I don’t really mention names at all, I can’t say I own anyone. As for what is implied, it didn’t happen, I don’t want it to happen, and God forbid anyone take this seriously. No harm is intended. Song ‘Harder to Breathe’ belongs to the guys of Maroon 5. Story based loosely on song ‘My Bloody Valentine’ by Good Charlotte.
Summary: When the madness takes control, life takes on a new meaning.
Pairing: Implied D/D
Genre: Supreme Angst
Rating: R for one swear word, and murder.
Chapters: 1/1
WARNING: I cannot stress this enough. As some of you already know, I am very dark when it comes to writing much of my fiction, and this is no different. This is probably my most bitter, strongest piece I have ever done, however it does deal with murder and what effect jealousy can drive people to. Please, use common sense. I’m not out to save the world or anything, but I don’t want to get flamed for something you think you didn’t see coming.

***

They don’t understand the theory of a madman, one who has been to his last straps about everything in his life. No one ever really does, not until it’s too late anyway. No institutions, no menial services, no real reason behind anything unless there has to be. Erratic, unpredictable, unstable at the best of times. Good descriptions for the ones they know about. It’s the others that should be worried about, the ones that can hide what they are even though that glaze comes over their eyes like some rabid dog seeing it’s last meal.

I imagine I looked at you a lot that way, but I don’t know if you ever noticed. You were too wrapped up in what’s his name anyway. He had you strung up by every word he muttered under his breath, even if they were blindly stabbing at everything you desperately fought to keep. Interesting that the madman could see it even when you couldn’t. I said every whisper that laced across my tongue when I saw what he was doing. He took you from me, and my jealousy overroveryverything else, everything but my madness, my insanity.

‘How dare you say that my behavior is unacceptable
So condescending unnecessarily critical
I have the tendency of getting very physical
So watch your step cause if I do you'll need a miracle...’

I don’t know if I forgot his name, or if I simply decided never to learn it in the first place. I know you saw it in my eyes when you draped yourself on his lap like some lazy cat on a hot summer day. You could blame it on the drink for what you were doing, one too many and everyone knew you would be laid out until the end of the week. Funny how no one else seemed to notice how possessive he was of you from the start. He was always there, with you like a shadow that was choking you, but you didn’t see it. You just glanced at me blankly like everyone else did, muttered about how crazy I was and how it wasn‘t my life to live. I didn’t want to live your life; I wanted to be a part of it.

You lashed at me nearly as bitterly as he did back stage when you chased him away so you could change. He hissed poison in my ears, bitter words of contempt born in fear of rejection. He wasn’t scared of me, he was scared of you leaving for *me.* Maybe he and I were walking the same line, fighting a war that wasn’t for us to decide a victor. No, that was your job, and you weren’t leaving his side, even when he fed off of you like a parasite. I watched your sapphire eyes grow steel and tired, filled with every lie you believed because it was his voice that said them. His voice that crept into your dreams like some silent fog, the calm before the storm. I wonder if you even knew it was coming, wonder if that would have changed anything.

Every day, that other side started to come forward, the side that you never knew about. What made me genius made me technically ill and beyond all salvation. They always say that it’s the quiet ones that need to be watched, to be wondered about, did anyone ever heed that? Made me doubly dangerous in a way, no eve ever knew what was coming. I guess that’s why you were so critical, the both of you even. My patience was wearing thin, just as I’m sure his was with the fact that you would never willingly walk away from the music that held us together. Perhaps I was seeing things, but I could swear he was foaming at the mouth every morning.

‘You drain me dry and make me wonder why I'm even here
This Double Vision I was seeing is finally clear
You want to stay but you know very well I want you gone
Not fit to fucking tread the ground that I am walking on...’

I got on your wrong side one night, a livid fight that never really ended simply because he came in the way. He stepped into something that didn’t concern him, and he showed that he was starting to mean more to you in the band then I actually was. I bit my tongue hard, hard enough to taste the bitterness of my own blood, hoping that it could compare with the ice that you were shooting at me from every angle. Was I really that bad, or did you just crawl under all the complicated layers that covered what I really was? Whose soul did you see mirrored back when you had the ambition to look into my eyes again? What did you see staring you down into your private nothingness?

You were the miserable explanation of life, you and your hazardous snake that poisoned your veins like he did your thoughts and decisions. You were tainted so badly that no one near you could see clearly through the toxic waste oozing from every pore, spreading the virus in a descending cloud to everyone else. They were all deceived, fooled and conned into believing that he was what you always wanted, what you *needed* to make everything work the way that it was always supposed to. Fame was only worth enough for you to have and share with him, half-and-half with a demon that snarled curls of scorching flame while your back was turned. You walked over the casualties as if you didn’t see them, as if you couldn’t smell the burning flesh of the friends you used to always turn to. You never had to look for a number at 3am anymore, because he was in every breath you took. There was no use for that little black book anymore, and it went into the pit with everything else you used to hold dear.

You turned me away when I raised my voice; tried to open the shudders to a darkened room that you had long ago locked the door to. It was your mistake that I bee been locked in that room, in your mind so thick in grime that you had literally drowned yourself in it. You had kept me in, you had remembered a semblance of something more pure and bright to fill the last space you had free, the last four walls that he hadn’t knocked down. Before I laid myself down to rest, I always prayed that those walls were your heart, but I knew deep inside that I could never have that with him still leaching from your soul.

‘When it gets cold outside and you got nobody to love
You'll understand what I mean when I say
There's no way we're going to give up
And like a little girl cries in the face of a monster that lives in her dreams
Is there anyone out there cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe
Is there anyone out there cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe...’

I heard you scream, I heard it through my dreams as it drove and pierced my heart. You were in the next room, only the thin wall separating my room from yours, and I heard you screaming endlessly for him. It drilled into the very center of my mind, burned there for an eternity as a reminder of what I had not changed, what I had not stopped from happening. He didn’t deserve to have you, didn’t deserve to light the torch under your tender emotions, didn’t deserve to sleep in your bed with his thoughts of domination tripping in silence.

I caught his gaze the next morning, my eyes glowing eerily as he walked by me, his form daring me to make a move, any sign because he *knew* what was on the tip of my tongue. He hung over me like a morning haze, his entire being invading my presence like an unavoidable plague. He force-fed his tales of conquest down with my breakfast, leaving a stale metallic taste lingering long after. As his venom slid across the table, locked away in my little room I dreamt of my hands ending what he had started, ripping the breath from his lungs as his chest greavyeavy from pressure and pain. I imagined making him suffer for every breath he had taken since making his first move into a situation he had no baring in. I envisioned him falling at my feet, never to infect another innocent mind again.

‘What you are doing is screwing things up inside my head
You should know better you never listened to a word I said
Clutching your pillow and writhing in a naked sweat
Hoping somebody someday will do you like I did...’

You said I was scaring you the way I had grown so dark, not the man you once remembered loving in memories passed that had no chance of ever surviving in your new found environment. I had wondered myself why you even bothered remembering when you supposedly had everything you ever asked for in *him.* I wasn’t your lover, your brother, your partner, your friend. I was only a fading dream that something was struggling to push away, perhaps lock it up with me in the solitary room I still had within you.

He couldn’t save you from the dreams that haunted you whenever you closed your eyes, your guilty conscience coming back to lash at you in ways that I never could. He wasn’t the one you held when you were ripped from your sleep back into wake, the cold sweat staining the sheets you slept on every night. You were bathed in it, marinated in everything that it stood for in your mind, even in the parts that you couldn’t willfully bring back. He’d wake up in the morning and wonder why you clutched your pillow so tightly, why it was never him you latched to in the darkness of night. And just like your screams inside my head, he could never cool the burn that your helpless whimpers left within him. Even he wasn’t allowed to know what was cracking you, even when I could see it more clearly then anything else.

My words echoed in quiet rooms, a foreboding presence that left no one in peace. Everyone had told me that I was lost from my sanity, driven away by my own lust for things that would never be mine again. You started to see it though; the lost words that were coming back tenfold with your own vengeance breathing new life and new meanings into old observations. You finally understood when you cornered me in my room after too many nights waking up scared of your own past, afraid of what had possessed you for so long. You saw it in my eyes, and suddenly the lock was beginning to rust away.

‘When it gets cold outside and you got nobody to love
You'll understand what I mean when I say
There's no way we're going to give up
And like a little girl cries in the face of a monster that lives in her dreams
Is there anyone out there cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe
Is there anyone out there cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe...’

He was furious, his grip threateningly tight on the both of us when he found you with me, as if his shackles that had chained you to him were mysteriously disappearing. It was as if my lungs were filled with an ancient smoke that was slowly stealing my breath as he loomed over me, his hatred clawing away at the only defenses I had left to me. As he stood there trying to spread his deadly whip around me, my mind plotted it’s revenge, one that would seal the fates and end the pain inflicted on everyone, and offer freedom which had been held an inch away from everyone.

I spat his own hideous threats back at him, his promises of a tortured end, his visions of the strong standing tall while the weak would fall back into the pit with everything else. I hissed them back as a promise to myself that I would see the final act be done, the final battle won, and my madness made me believe that every word muttered was worth more then life itself. I would make his monsters seethe, I would make his blood boil until he ended it himself, but there was more then that. I turned his own poison against him, made his eyes glow dim in the harsh lights before he stormed away.

I stayed awake at night for my own personal pleasure of hearing him writhing against his own dreams, the monsters finally turning against him, chasing him into his own personal hell. I know you could hear it as well, even though you pretended to sleep. You knew he was seeing me every time he turned, with every step he took. I warned him the first time we had a confrontation, I would never give up, the sickness wouldn’t let me.

‘Does it kill
Does it burn
Is it painful to learn
That it's me that has all the control...’

You were the one that had told me, made me aware that he looked for his solace in the storm, in the rain and thunder coming down around him. He was trying to drown in the squall what he couldn’t calm in his own mind. He wasn’t like you, couldn’t swamp away everything in feet deep piles of murk. He needed physical redemption, and that’s where I found him totally alone and ready for his forgiveness, something I was not willing to give.

I had never told you what I had actually planned, what I had pl out out a thousand times since that morning. As long as he was still living, he would have a grip on you, and that was something that I could not deal with, would not deal with. You had tried to stop me on my way out, you had seen that look in my eyes, but you weren’t enough to stand in my way. No one would have ever stopped me.

With the sharp headlong winds whipping the rain into a frenzy, he never knew what was coming, never knew that his suffering had only begun for what he had done. I had made a great devicerfeerfect in what my minds eye saw as the best way to deliver his punishment, my way to rip his breath away and make his lungs burn. I wonder if the cleaning staff ever noticed the bottle of cleaning bleach missing from the cart that was left out in the hall on the forth floor...

‘Does it thrill
Does it sting
When you feel what I bring
And you wish that you had me to hold...’

I was sitting on his chest, his arms penned down by my knees at his sides the first and last time he saw the bottle of bleach. Of course it had changed considerably since I had stolen it from the cart, but a simple quick death was not something he was deserving of.

The bottle was attached to a modified gas mask, something I made all on my own for the occasion. Instead of keeping gases and other substances out, it would only let them in. His fight against me was futile when I slipped the mask over his face and secured it in place. As I looked down into his eyes in thatent ent before I opened the bottle, there was nothing there but the blank realization of what was to become of him and his vicious ways. There was no more fear there, his worst dreams had already come true, and his salvation was nowhere in sight.

As the bleach flooded through the mask, he thrashed against me, struggling to take and hold one last breath. The liquid began to burn and eat away at his flesh, his eyes going wide as he tried to scream. The air quickly escaped as more of the bleach took its place, slowly flowing down his throat and into his lungs. I sat watching; emotionless as he struggled his last moments away, the wind calming to no more then a slight breeze as the rain soaked my clothing, ran through my hair. The thunder rumbled above me as the last strike delivered against him.

‘When it gets cold outside and you got nobody to love
You'll understand what I mean when I say
There's no way we're going to give up
And like a little girl cries in the face of a monster that lives in her dreams
Is there anyone out there cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe
Is theryoneyone out there cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe...’

You understood, at least you told them that you did. You wouldn’t let them take me even though everyone knew what had happened, what the genius, what the madman had done. They all see it more clearly now that gon gone, now that the virus has been stomped out. You believe in me, in a small fragmented way. You finally see what truths I had warned you of so heatedly.

No, there are no institutions; none that you would have me sent to, so I still sit in a locked room though this one isn’t filled with swampy filth. This room is nice, nice enough for someone to find their sanity again...Nice enough to hold the breath of a new life and a new day...

‘Is there anyone out there cause it’s getting harder and harder to breathe...’
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Hard To Breathe