Dozing Green

BY : Kai_mono
Category: Dir en grey > General
Dragon prints: 787
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. I do not know the members of Dir en grey. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Title: Dozing Green [SongFic]
Warning: Implied KaoKyo. Angst and Dark theme.
Italics: flashback
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Song Translation by little_kyoto@ LJ
Mesmerized by those eyes with bugs crawling on them, my breathing stops
My heart calms itself
The refreshing sun mixes in with sound of the rain
My slashed heart dances, and i question in vain
The white voice, the leaking of the breath in the sun
The obscene exposure of the wound
Disappears into nothing, the wind of dogma
Your melting heart
The dark morning, echoing goodbye
My slashed heart dances, and i question in vain
I just want to be alone right now
A single season of spring, even the tearful neck and you crawling the earth
Love Me
Abandon Hope
----------------------------------------------------

He was still there; lying on the ground, collapsed forth on the grainy dirt ground, with one hand stretched out – yearning and never reaching. How long has he been here, staring down at the other? Kyo could no longer recall. It felt like ages.

Those eyes looked back at him, cold and dead like those of the china doll his little sister loved. He wondered, if he was to pick the man up and shake him, would his eyes blink like the doll too? Maybe. His musing went and he lapsed back to a dazed blank. At the back of his mind, he thought he heard the rain from that day, still falling endlessly.

Somewhere in between, the sun has risen atop the horizon and everything was brighter and warmer. Under the golden flush, the blond could see clearly, details he had missed in the deceptive shadows. For a split second, he thought that it was a stranger lying before him, with his ashen cheeks and hopeless eyes sunken deeply into sockets. Suddenly, one lower eyelid twitched and trembled, making Kaoru seemed like he was almost winking. Then there was a very soft sickening plop and a fly emerged into view from under the skin. Kyo was hypnotized by the ugly bug, crawling slowly across the unmoving eyeball, pausing only to rub its forelegs in glee. He could almost see himself reflected in those eerie red compound eyes.

“Kyo…”

That familiar baritone voice which called to him - Was it his imagination? He shifted his attention away from the fly, eyes trailing downwards to the chapped pale lips.

“Kyo…” He heard his name again and he swore the slightly agape mouth had moved. His gaze jumped to the gun wound that had went through the man’s heart before returning quickly to the lips again. “Kaoru? Are you alive?” he whispered out loud and the question sounded ridiculous in open air. For a long moment, there were no more answers spoken and the blond began to question his sanity.

Poro poro… The sound of the rain in his head grew louder until he could hear nothing else but the angry rhythmic pounding from that day. He tore his eyes away from sad, sad Kaoru lying there quietly on the ground, and collapsed to his knees while clutching his hurting head.

“Fuck them. We are ourselves. I don’t want to fight this war anymore. Let’s leave together, Kyo!”

Pieces of memory from that day began to flash rapidly across his mind. Images of them running away from camp, trying to escape the ugly fate life has led them to. With comrades-turned-enemies pursuing right behind their tails, the two of them fled under the relentless and unforgiving rain before they were forced to split up because he had clumsily sprained his ankle.

“Get away from here now, Kyo! Let me lure them away. I will meet you under the old Sakura tree later. HURRY UP! GO NOW!” Kaoru pushed at his shoulders urgently, worry lining his handsome face. As he turned around to leave, Kyo reached out quickly and grasped his arm.

“Kaoru…there has always been something in my heart that I want to tell you. I…I lo…” the smaller man struggled with his words, frowning deeply.

“Kyo. It is okay, you don’t have to say it out. I know. I feel the same too.” Kaoru hugged the blond and replied gruffly.

Kyo smiled sadly.


He threw back his head and screamed to the heavens, raw pain reflected in his powerful vocals. His eyes were screwed tightly closed, yet tears flowed from them easily. For a long time, he cried and shrieked until his voice became hoarse.

Finally, when he has no feelings left inside, Kyo stood up to leave. He took one good last look at the being that was once Kaoru. The man had died a few meters away from the old Sakura tree with his hand outstretched in its direction. The ground behind his body has trailing signs of him crawling and dragging his wounded body across the rough floor towards their meeting place.

A gust blew through and some Sakura blossoms floated down, showering on Kaoru. After some final words, Kyo parted.

“Love me.
Abandon hope.”


THE END



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