What It Means To Me

BY : totaljammer
Category: J-Rock/J-Pop & K-Pop > Dong Bang Shin Ki
Dragon prints: 464
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. I do not know the members of Dong Bang Shin Ki. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Title: What It Means to Me
Author: Indifferance/Totaljammer
Pairing: YooSu
Rating: PG
Genre: Romance
Summery: Yoochun POV. Your friendship, your laughter, your touch, your gentle words, your love. I cannot say how much you mean to me.

I can still remember our first kiss, the first time out lips met and I realized what you really meant to me and how much more we could be.

It was an accident, a silly joke in the name of fan service, at least that's what I always thought when I'd give you a light peck on the check. Fan service was nothing new and none of us ever restricted who they would give the little play kisses. Thinking back though, you would always shower me with more kisses and fan service than anyone else. I never thought anything of it, we were the best of friends and spent more time in each other's company than with anyone else so it seemed natural. I don't think I ever would have realized how deep my feelings went for you, that they went far beyond simple friendship, if it weren't for that off chance.

When it happened I was shocked and scared of it, you and what it could mean to the band. Would it destroy us? I was terrified of losing all I had worked so hard for, to have it all crash down from some misplaced fan service, but really I was most scared of what it would do to change my relationship with you.

I never really had a best friend before, a real 'I got your back ALWAYS no matter what' friend. I guess growing up in America and being so different I was never able to really connect with anyone, but then I became one of the luckiest people on the planet.

I met you.

I never imagined I'd connect with someone so well and so completely. First we should have been band mates, but we skipped that bonding instantly as friends. I was so surprised by you, you were the first chosen and had been training the longest but you didn't have the arrogance to go along with it. I was afraid of being treated differently since I grew up in America but you didn't care, you always treated me kindly and there was never an awkward moment where I felt out of place or different. You encouraged me to just be myself with your off the wall antics and impersonations, you were never afraid to just be yourself and watching you gave me the courage to be me.

I didn't want to lose you, I was afraid of changing our relationship. What if something went wrong? Could I even be with a man? You never worried though, you told me that no matter what you loved me and anyway you could be with me would be enough. You were ready to love me forever without any hope of being loved back the same way, not just ready but happy to be given the chance just to be near me. Your courage, inner strength and sacrifice shocked me, but your ever present love and tender care completely blew me away.

It had been over a month after I turned your affections down but you never once were angry with me, nor did you act cold towards me. You never stopped being my friend, my very best friend. You never let it grow awkward between us, any time I'd feel weird with your affection you would laugh and call me an idiot to think that you would do anything to jeopardize your place by my side. I was thunder struck by the power of your devotion. I imitated a fish gaping at you in disbelief, smirking you told me I better close my mouth before something fell in it. My mouth shut with a click and you just laughed at my deer in head lights expression before walking away. Watching your back slowly disappear from view I felt fear grip at me for the first time, I was afraid that you wouldn't come back, that you'd give up on me.

I grew cold at the thought of never seeing your warm smile, or feeling your gentle touch...never tasting of your lips again...

It was then I realized I loved you, truly honestly loved you. I wanted you, I needed you and like hell if I was going to just watch you walk away maybe for the last time. I ran catching up to you, I grabbed your arm swinging you around and pulling you into an embrace crushing our lips together forcefully. You were surprised to say the least, but almost instantly you melted in my arms, molding your body completely against mine. Our second kiss was sloppy, uncontrolled and left both our lips swollen and sore.

I'll never forget its perfection.

I let all my reservations drop and with wild abandon attacked your lips, bringing out all of my strong emotions for you in one frantic kiss with you. You too seemed to let go of control as you crushed your body against mine feeling all of me at once and still wanting more. Hands felt, pulled, grabbed and held. I couldn't even tell which one of us was doing what I was so intent on you, your body and our dueling tongues.

After the need for air forced us apart we stood there panting holding each other almost painfully, staring into each other's hungry and needy eyes. I don't think you consciously did it, but you had a look of wonderment on your face as you sucked in your your bottom lip tasting the last lingering flavors of our kiss...it was beautiful, you were beautiful, you were always beautiful I just never thought about it until then. I couldn't help but kiss you again.

What I have with you...its more than anything else on the world, and when we kiss I am no longer me, and you are no longer you, we just are and I know I'll never grow tired of you.

I love you Junsu.


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