Beautiful Mess

BY : Ian
Category: J-Rock/J-Pop & K-Pop > Dong Bang Shin Ki
Dragon prints: 749
Disclaimer: DBSG belongs to SME, not me. I am making no profit. I do not know the people about whom I am writing. This story is a work of fiction.

Beautiful Mess
by Ian (poopsmcgee420@gmail.com)
Genre: OneShot, Romance
Rating: NC-17
Pairing(s): MinSu
Warnings: Teh ghey.
Word count: 1430

Junsu POV

Our night had been full of passion, pleasure, and moments I will never forget. His voice whispering the word "Saranghae" in my ear before I finally succumbed to my desire for sleep still rings in my head even now, ten hours later. I smile as my fingers softly graze his prone form, running down from his chin to his neck, down his shoulder and side, finally coming to rest on his hip.

I would not have let my emotions best me as they had the night before, but over the past weeks I'd seen our youngest member fall so far from his usual grace. Even so, he had shone with a radiance none of us could match. He was a beautiful mess. I only wanted to be a part of such a perfectly imperfect person.

Surprisingly, he had been the one to make the first move. I was fine, even comfortable, with things how they'd been, hiding my feelings though I knew they showed on me clear as day whenever he was near. I would have settled for friendship. But when Changmin wants something, he knows how to get it, and will not give up until he succeeds. Some see this as a flaw. After everything, I don't think I could ever think of this as something bad about my dongsaeng. My love.

When he came to me, he did not let feelings and confessions pour carelessly from his lips, leaving me to deal with these words and find my own to return. He left me simply with an offer. Choose him, have him in that moment that he was offering himself, or pass up the offer and lose it forever. Kneeling before me, open, willing, waiting... I didn't bring our lips crashing together, didn't let out a heartfelt confession of my deepseated feelings. Nothing so romantic.

I kneeled on the ground in front of him, studying his eyes. He did not look away in embarrassment. He stared at me unblinkingly, unashamed. I suppose by then, after everything, neither of us really had it in us to bother with such silly emotions as shyness or embarrassment. I hugged him. Held him close. Smelled his hair, like raspberry and cleanness, and Changmin. His fingers dug a bit into my back. We were both tired, tired of games, of hiding, and it took Changmin's offer for me to really realize just how tired I'd become.

He sighed heavily, breath brushing along the nape of my neck. I shivered. He knew, more than words could have told him, he knew well how I felt and wouldn't have come to me if he didn't. But just then I didn't know how to say a thing, how to move this further. All I wanted really was to hold him like this, him knowing about me, me knowing about him, both of us accepting, approving, reciprocating. I sighed as well, felt his hold tighten, knew his eyes were shut. We stayed like this for quite awhile, just feeling the warmth and strength and tenderness of one another's arms.

Then I felt his lips graze my neck, softly, barely contacting. I exhaled slowly and tilted my head to the side, giving him access as freely as he wanted it. He took advantage of my willingness, lips beginning a pattern against my skin that made me tingle from head to toe, wanting this to never end, yet wanting so much more.

Then the contact was gone and I straightened my neck, opening my eyes and pulling away some to look at him. He was breathing a bit heavily, his bottom lip sucked into his mouth as he studied my face. I brought our faces close, gently touched his jawline. His eyes locked with mine, his bottom lip returning to its rightful place as his breathing stopped. I could tell it had, because mine was gone as well. Then I kissed him, gently, tenderly, slowly. Barely contact, barely a kiss, but it was all I could manage, my lips trembling. His were as well. I could feel in them how much this was for both of us. Our escape. Our moment.

With a hand to the back of my neck, Changmin deepened our kiss, lips moving against mine, opening to me. When I opened in return, his tongue found mine easily, and we kissed passionately, deeply. No alarms went off, no sound of angels, no rockets. Only us, only our moment. We sought in one another the way out of this hardship that had run us both ragged, these times that would kill those less strong, less strengthened to withstand the pressure. And in our search we found exactly what we needed.

We made our way onto the bed, our bodies fitting together as though we were made to lay like this, his legs spread for me as I settled between them, lips, tongues, and hands exploring. It was like finally being given water after being so thirsty for so long, like taking a breath after being without air for minutes... I was needy, eager, thrilled. Satisfied. Finally I was being given exactly what I needed. All I needed to do was take it.

Within minutes we both lay naked on the bed, bodies moving easily together, pleasure building. But I stopped. I pulled away.

"This isn't how I want it, my first..."

He nodded to me. He understood completely. I wasn't sure if even I understood myself, but he did. Though I had turned from him after his nod, I knew he was looking at me, considering me. Then I heard him move, felt his arms embrace me from behind.

I leaned back against him, trying to let him know without words. Not like this, not for this reason. When we have more of a choice, rather than a compulsion. When it will mean how much I love you. Not how much I need you.

His lips again found my neck, suckling softly as his hand moved lower, gently stroking me. I moved with his hand, moaning softly. He rocked our bodies together. I felt him pressed against my back, hard and needy. I rolled my hips back to rub against him, hearing his quiet moan against my skin. Slowly we moved, not going any further. I knew he would respect my wish not to do anything more than this.

Then I turned, pushed him to the bed and settled over him, kissing him as I grasped both of us in one hand. I stroked quickly, his hips and moans matching my hand. Together we grew closer to release, and he held me tightly. His moans grew louder and louder, until finally I felt him tense, watched his face as he called my name and released. Soon after I brought myself to my own peak, calling for him as he had for me.

Panting, he pulled me close, settling us comfortably on the bed. I grabbed the handcloth off my nightstand and quickly cleaned us off before cuddling to him. We slowly came down from our respective highs, tired but awake enough to be aware of one another fully.

Long moments later, I said, "Soon...."

He nodded again. And understood, again, more that I did what it was I meant. Soon, when this is all over, when it's just you and me...

My eyes grew heavy and I began to drift off, fighting to stay in this moment. The last thing I heard before falling asleep was his gentle voice, confessing, "Saranghae."

Now I sit beside him, smiling down at him, fingers tracing a small pattern on his hip. I lean down and kiss him softly, see him begin to stir.

"Saranghae," I tell him in his half-waking, half-sleeping state, before he's even opened his eyes.

"And I love you," he mumbles, then cracks an eye open. "Oh... I thought I was still dreaming."

I shake my head. I am unable to stop smiling. For weeks not one member of this group has been able to crack much of a smile even at interviews and the like, but now I have no choice, and he smiles as well, then chuckles. I laugh. He joins me, pulling me down to him and laughing loudly. Neither of us see anything particularly humorous, but it feels so good to let out this happiness. Then we are kissing again and I am still smiling against his lips, loving him, loving this moment and most definitely not looking forward to the day to come but enjoying myself nonetheless, pretending we have no schedule, no stress, only one another, forever.

Perhaps, I think, I too have become a beautiful mess.


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