Adult-FanFiction.org : Celebrity

Such Synful Thoughts	By : Need2ScreamNow Category: Singers/Bands/Musicians > Avenged Sevenfold Views: 3118 -:- Recommendations : 1 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. I do not know the members of Avenged Sevenfold. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 15
- 16
- 17
A/N: Alright, I’m sure the guys’ families are made up of really nice, loving people; but I’m making them evil because that’s what I do. They are in no way, shape, or form based on the real people I'm just making this up.

Brian’s POV

Zack quietly opened the door later the next morning and shuffled in, he was holding one of Matt’s shirts and his gaze flickered over to Brian and Jimmy sitting on the couch. Immediately the two were by his side checking him over asking him if he was alright. The guitarist only nodded and then went up to his room, he came back after a moment without the shirt and Jimmy took him into the kitchen to find him something to eat. Brian followed them intending to sit and keep them company and make sure Zack was truly alright.

Jimmy had his back to them while he pulled out milk and orange juice from the refrigerator when Zack quietly whispered, “Thank you.”

Reality: What?
Paranoia: The weight of his grief has finally driven him to madness; he’s talking to the voices in his head!
Denial: No he’s not, idiot.

“Huh?” Brian looked at him confused and Zack ducked his head before looking up at him through his hair, “Last night…I know you were there.” He said softly. Brian bit his lip, “I didn’t mean to—”

Zack shook his head, “It’s okay…it was nice…thinking he was still there…for one more night.” He reached up and lightly ran his fingers over the gold chain around his neck and Brian felt the remnants of the pain from the night before begin to reform into a tight knot in his throat. Jimmy sat a bowel of cereal and a glass of orange juice down in front of him and then sat across from Brian. Zack slowly began to eat, almost mechanically, he was light years away from them. Brian stared at the table in front of him trying to hold himself together; Jimmy’s soft fingers brushed across his hand and he reached out and took his hand.

“When does it start?” Zack asked quietly after a few minutes of them sitting in silence. Jimmy sighed, “Noon.” It was almost eleven.

“Do you want to go?” Brian asked not looking at him. Zack flinched but didn’t immediately say ‘no’.

Reality: It might help; seeing him last night seems like it did some good.
Denial: It nearly killed him! Didn’t you hear that sound he made when he was in the shower?

Slowly he shook his head, “I’ll go…later.”

Brian hoped he wasn’t going to be making a habit of doing everything in the middle of the night, “Okay, but if you decide to go at midnight wake me up.”

He nodded slowly and again touched the chain around his neck.

Curiosity: Has he always worn that? What is it?
Reality: No, that’s new.

“What is that?” Jimmy asked quietly. Zack’s fingers stilled and he looked down at his cereal for a moment before he tugged the chain out of his shirt. It wasn’t very long and dangling at the end of it were the two silver rings Brian had found the night before.

“Why didn’t you tell us?” Brian asked not really looking at him but at the wall over his shoulder.

“It doesn’t matter anymore.” He answered quietly. He blinked and looked at Zack, he had his head down and was gripping the rings loosely. Jimmy was staring at the table he saw a single crystalline tear drop to the worn wood and he looked at his own spot on the table.

A week passed but Zack seemed to be getting worse; the meager progress Brian had thought he’d seen the night before the funeral was made sinister by the growing distance he seemed to be putting between his mind and body. He watched Zack as he mechanically put his shoes on; he was going to the cemetery, the same place he’d been going since they put him in the ground. He would walk down there and spend a half hour at the grave and then come back a little further away than he had been.

Reality: We need to stop letting him go, this isn’t helping.
Denial: We can’t take this from him. He’ll find some other way to go.

He sat on the couch and rubbed his eyes tiredly, he hadn’t been sleeping well with his constant worrying about Zack, said guitarist gave a quiet good-bye and then walked out the door.

Jimmy came down the stairs and collapsed exhaustedly next to him, Brian leaned his head on his shoulder and tried to take a nap.

“The label wants to know what we’re gonna do.” He said quietly totally shattering any thoughts of a nap.

Reality: The label? What?
Denial: We’re in a band, remember.

“They wanna know what?” he said tiredly

“They wanna know what we’re gonna do with the band.”

Brian sat up and looked at him, “Matt’s dead and they wanna know what we’re gonna do with the stupid band?!” his frustration, grief, and worry came together and he felt the acute need to maim someone. Jimmy nodded, “They said they’d line some singers up for us.” Jimmy’s voice was hollow and the sudden swell of fury that had been inside Brian began to fade, in its place was a dead feeling as he thought over the words, “They don’t even care…”

Jimmy shook his head slowly, “Don’t tell Zack.” He whispered. Brian nodded, “Not a chance in hell.”

Reality: He should’ve been back by now.
Denial: He’s probably doing something else.
Reality: Something’s not right…

He looked at the clock again, the hundredth time in two minutes, Zack was late. Very late. Zack left the house at one-ish and then usually returned between two fifteen and two thirty. It was almost three thirty. Brian paced back and forth in the kitchen looking out the window and at the clock.

“Brian just go look for him, you’re driving me crazy.” Jimmy said walking in. He looked at his friend, “He should’ve been back by now.” He whispered. Jimmy came up and wrapped his arms around his waist, “Then go find him.” He murmured in his ear, “I need to stay here and try to keep Johnny sane; he’s worrying about him too.”

Reality: We need to find him
Denial: Don’t you think you’re becoming a little bit over protective?
Reality: He is in the grips of depression. We need to make sure he didn’t walk out in front of a bus or something.

He nodded and Jimmy took his arms away and he walked out the front door.

Zack wasn’t at the cemetery; he didn’t go over to the fresh grave but he could easily see it was vacant.

Reality: Well where the fuck is he.
Logic: Matt’s house. They start going through his stuff tomorrow, I’m sure there are things he wants.

The door was unlocked again and he shook his head as he pushed it open and walked in. Nothing had really changed since the last time he had been there, the crime scene markers were gone and that was the only immediate difference he could see.

“Zacky? Zacky are you here?” he listened, but was only answered with silence. He started to go upstairs to see if he had fallen asleep in Matt’s bed one last time but as he was going up the stairs he saw a figure on the floor in the kitchen.

Denial: No. No, no, no, no, no…

He walked toward the unmoving form with weak knees. Zack was curled on his side an empty bottle of Jack Daniels was laying next to his outstretched hand and Brian felt his heart restart. He kneeled down and gently pulled Zack over and an empty white bottle rolled out of his other hand. He realized that Zack was still, very still; he wasn’t breathing.

“Zack wake up. Zack, Zacky!” he pulled him all the way over onto his back and pulled up one of his eyelids, the pupils were dilated and didn’t contract in the minimum light of the kitchen.

“Oh God.” He checked for a pulse and found nothing.

Reality: CPR Dammit!
Denial: It’s too late
Reality: The hell it is, he’s still warm!

He leaned down and pressed his lips to Zack’s and tried to breathe life back into him.

Zack’s POV

He sat up suddenly and looked around; he was on a path surrounded by ancient firs and oaks. The last place he remembered being was in Matt’s kitchen with Jack Daniels and a left over bottle of Matt’s prescription pain pills that he had used when he pulled a tendon in his leg two summers ago. He stood up unsure of where he was and looked around; faintly he could hear a stream gurgling and decided if he was going to find help it would be near water.

He found the stream easily enough, it was a quaint little thing only two or so feet across, the path crossed through it, he reached the edge and saw on the other side a beautiful valley illuminated in a halo of sunlight. He stopped and stared at it from what he could see there were wildflowers of every shape, size, and color decorating it and where there weren’t flowers the spaces were filled with feathery looking grasses. Hemming in the entrance to the valley were two wild, climbing red rose bushes, the hundreds of blossoms on them were almost as big as his hand and they curled around two giant maples that shaded this small part of the stream.

Zachary

He spun around, the voice sounded like it had been carried on the wind, there was something familiar about it too. He started to go back to find out who had called him when the overwhelming need to look at the meadow again overtook him. He turned around and forgot all about the beckoning voice.

Matt was standing at the entrance to the valley; his hazel eyes were alive with joy, passion, and confusion. Without thinking Zack dashed across the stream and ran straight into his arms. He kissed him deeply and nearly collapsed with the joy he felt just by touching the singer’s warm body again.

“Zachary, Zachary.” He whispered his name over and over again when their lips weren’t attached.

“You shouldn’t be here angel.” He whispered, his voice had a strange almost echo-like quality to it; Zack looked at him hurt, “You don’t want me?”

“No, no, not that baby,” he sighed kissing his neck, “you shouldn’t be here. Not yet.”

Zack looked at him confused and a little hurt, “Why not, where is here?”

“It’s not your time angel, you need to go back.” He murmured holding him tighter. He looked over his shoulder at the stream and gasped. Zack turned around and blinked, the stream had widened, it was now almost six feet across and the water was moving faster.

“What happened? It wasn’t that big before?” he looked at Matt confused; the singer looked at him with agony in his golden eyes, “You need to go back, now, before it’s too late.” He pushed him toward the stream, that was quickly becoming a river, but Zack grabbed his arm, “I’m not leaving without you.” He whispered. Matt reached up and brushed his hair out of his face, Zack could almost feel the anguish in him as he spoke, “I can’t Zack. I can’t cross the water.”

“Then I’m not going.” He said stubbornly. Matt looked at him, there was a flicker of indecision in his eyes but it was quickly covered by a tender affection, “I love you Zack. I’m always watching you and I’ll always be with you.” He wrapped his arms around him and kissed him slowly. Zack wrapped his arms around his neck and held him close as he tasted the singer.

Something wrapped around his waist and started to pull him away from Matt, he whimpered and clung to him but Matt loosened his grip and gently pulled his arms off his neck. Panic gripped him, “Matty? Matt? Don’t, please don’t. Don’t do this to me, not again. Come with me, don’t leave me alone again!” he grabbed Matt’s arm and pulled himself close the singer again; Matt whimpered and pushed him away once more.
“Don’t, don’t do this to me Matty don’t. Let me stay with you, I wanna stay with you!” he begged and cried as the unseen force steadily dragged him further away.

“I love you Zack. I love you.” Matt’s voice was choked. Zack screamed and swore at whatever was pulling him across the river away from Matt and tried to reach for the singer. Matt’s face was a mask of pain and he reached out and let his fingertips brush Zack’s and then they were too far apart. He slowly sank to the ground at the bank of the river as a pained wail was ripped out of him and then Zack was dragged around a curve in the path and he couldn’t see him anymore.

Brian’s POV

Zack coughed once, twice, three times and then started to throw up. He rolled him over onto his side and he started to empty his stomach. He coughed more and cried weakly in pain and threw up more of the half digested pills. Brian pulled out his phone and dialed nine-one-one he gave the operator the directions and then hung up and called Jimmy.

“Did you find him?” the drummer asked when he picked up. He nodded his head even though the drummer couldn’t see, “Yes,” his voice broke and Jimmy caught on, “Brian where are you? Is Zack okay, are you okay? Brian!” his voice had a near hysterical quality to it and Brian told him where they were before he hung up and checked Zack again. His breathing was ragged and a little unsteady but it was growing a little stronger with each breath. He pulled the groggy guitarist into his arms and held him tightly as they both shook.

Reality: He’s alive! Thank God he’s ALIVE!
Denial: For the moment. We don’t know what those pills are going to do to his body.
Reality: The paramedics are on their way, they’ll finish getting that shit out of him.

Zack’s body went limp in his arms as he passed out and Brian checked his pulse; it was strong and fast.

Jimmy arrived before the paramedics and he and Johnny flew into the house and dropped to their knees beside him. Zack was still unconscious but his breathing had evened out.

“Jesus Brian, come here.” Jimmy kissed his neck and pressed close to him, Johnny snuggled against his other side and he lightly combed his fingers through Zack’s hair. Terrified shivers still racked Brian’s body and he could feel the tears dripping down his face. It wasn’t long before they heard the welcoming sound of sirens in the distance.

The paramedics loaded Zack onto a stretcher and rolled him into the ambulance, he needed to have his stomach pumped and the doctors needed to see what kind of organ damage the pills had done. Brian watched them numbly as they shut the doors and quickly climbed into the cab and then went speeding off toward the hospital. Jimmy sighed and after the ambulance was out of sight pulled him toward the car.

The next day was bright, sunny, and warm; a direct contrast to his mood and what they had to do. Zack had woken up in the middle of the night but wasn’t allowed to leave until the hospital psychologist had a look at him.

Reality: We’ll have to swipe him something.
Denial: Absolutely not.
Reality: Why not?
Denial: It’s not ours to take.
Reality: Pfft. When is the last time that stopped us?

He was tired, worried, and not looking forward to cleaning out his best friend’s house. He stared out the window blankly and had to shake himself awake when Jimmy pulled into Matt’s driveway for the last time. They kept their heads down when they walked up to the door; Jimmy raised his hand to knock but the door was yanked open before he could. One of Matt’s cousins glared at them and then without a word stepped to the side and as they filed in handed them a box and a trash bag, “The only papers we’re keeping are the important ones; bank statements, deeds, things like that. Everything else goes.” He said shortly and then walked away.

Since everyone else seemed focused on the downstairs Brian headed upstairs to Matt’s bedroom. If there was anything in the house he could pocket for Zack it would be there, he was only glad the guitarist had grabbed the rings, he wasn’t entirely sure what Matt’s family would’ve done with them and he shuddered at the thought.

Reality: Okay, we need something small because there’s a chance they might pat us down before we leave.
Denial: They will not. *rolls eyes*
Reality: Well either way we can’t walk out of here with his laptop or something.

He went over to the desk hoping to find a jump drive or something that he could download some things onto off of the singer’s computer but the laptop wasn’t there.

Reality: Shit, they must’ve already grabbed it.
Denial: I’m sure it’s for the best.

He sighed and carefully started picking through the things on the desk. There wasn’t much interesting stuff; he found pens, pencils, erasers, lead for the pencils, sticky notes, tacks, tape, scissors, and the notebook that held the lyrics for their latest album. Nothing unusual, He put everything in piles and was surprised to see how much bigger the desk looked when the stuff was somewhat organized.

Reality: He needed a maid.
Denial: He enjoyed chaos.
Reality: Yeah but there’s a limit.

He opened the center drawer and found more writing utensils and papers and he put them in their respective piles. He closed the drawer and heard something rattle, it was faint but it sounded like a pen or something he missed. He opened it up again and looked but didn’t see anything.

Reality: It’s probably shoved in the back.
Denial: It’s just a pen, leave it.

He reached his hand back and jumped when the bottom of the drawer moved with his hand.

Reality: We broke it!
Denial: No we didn’t, just tape it back together!

He pushed the bottom piece of ply wood again, it slid back easily and revealed another drawer.

Denial: See, we didn’t break it.
Reality: Thank you Sherlock.

This drawer was more organized, it didn’t have as much stuff but at first glance there actually seemed to be some kind of order to it. There were two journals stacked to the left and a larger, thicker volume was on the right. There were pictures everywhere, most of them of Zack but a few had Matt and Zack in them. The rattling sound he’d heard was from the scattering of pens in the drawer.

He pulled out one picture, it was Zack on Christmas day; he was curled in a mess of papers like a giant cat. Brian snorted and gently set it aside and picked up another one. Then next one he grabbed had both Matt and Zack in it, it was a little dark but it looked like they were sitting at one of the corner cafés on PCH. Zack was in the middle of laughing and Matt had a smear of whipped cream on the side of his face, he looked like he was trying hard to keep the annoyed look on his face. There were dozens more; some had Zack with Matt’s hat and glasses on with a goofy look on his face, others were of Zack curled up in the sun fast asleep, and still more with them together. He pulled out one picture and stared at it for a long time.

It wasn’t goofy like the others that populated the drawer, it was only a quick snapshot of Zack looking directly at the camera. His hair was brushed to the side and the green of his eyes seemed to be illuminated from the inside. There were a million different emotions in those eyes, some he knew and others he didn’t; there was one emotion that he’d never seen before in those green depths. He couldn’t tell what it was, it seemed to be a cross between adoration and affection and yet something infinitely deeper than both. He stared at the picture for a long time before he set it down.

“Find anything?” Jimmy whispered walking up behind him; he pointed to the picture and the drummer picked it up. Like Brian he stared at it in silence for a moment before he too slowly put it back on the desk.

“You know, I’ve been trying to be angry at him for…ya’ know…but I can’t do it. I want to go over to the hospital and tell him how stupid it was but…it just doesn’t seem like that.” Jimmy whispered.

“I know…it just…it seems like they should be together.” Brian said staring at the picture again. They stood in silence for a moment each lost in their own thoughts until Jimmy let out a breath, “Have you looked at those yet?” he asked reaching forward and pulling out one of the journals.

“I wasn’t gonna look through them.” Brian said rolling his eyes.

Curiosity: The hell we aren’t!
Denial: We do not need to be snooping through his stuff.
Reality: We’re not going to sit down and read it, just flip through it.
Denial: No, that is so rude!

Brian reached in and picked up the largest book and opened to a random page.

We had dinner tonight over at Eva’s Bistro; Zack is still nervous about people seeing us out together, I am too sometimes, but it drives me crazy when he won’t even look at me in a crowded place!

He closed the book and set it on the desk next to the confusing picture of Zack; Jimmy slowly put his down too.

“What do you think they’ll do with them?” Brian asked slowly.

“Get rid of them probably.” Jimmy said quietly. Matt’s family hadn’t taken it well when they heard the news of their son/nephew’s gay relationship. They had specifically told Jimmy that Zack was not allowed to help clean out Matt’s house. But knowing they would willingly throw out three years of their son’s life made Brian a little ill. Zack was going through hell and he knew it would destroy the rhythm guitarist if he found out they had tossed his and Matt’s memories into the trash.

“I think Zack would…” Brian asked glancing at the door. Jimmy looked too and then said, “Put everything in a trash bag and we’ll toss it in the back seat.”

Brian nodded and then put the journals and the pictures on the floor out of sight. Without a word Jimmy opened the top right drawer and started pulling out its contents. Once everything was scattered on the desk he wiggled the bottom and Brian heard the soft sound of it sliding open.

“A bunch of keys and his social security card.” He said rummaging around.

Curiosity: Well that’s no fun. Look in another one!
Denial: We are not snooping through his stuff.
Reality: His family will burn this stuff if they find it. They obviously didn’t agree with Matt’s sexual preference and they’ll probably do anything to cover it up.

He opened the top left drawer and pulled out a stack of papers; the bottom didn’t move. “Huh, it must only be those two.” He said. Jimmy nodded as he tested the bottom of the second right hand drawer.

Curiosity: Boo! I want some more cool hidey hole stuff!
Denial: Oh my God
Reality: Only two drawers do that? That’s stupid, I would’ve done more.

He pulled out the contents of the second left hand drawer, one of the papers caught and he heard the bottom slide. His eyes widened and he set the stuff on the floor before he pushed the bottom open, “Hey look, there are more, they must be random.” He said excitedly. Jimmy finished clearing out the third right hand drawer and tested the bottom, “Yep, this one does it.”

Curiosity: Yay!
Denial: *Rolls eyes*
Reality: We need to hurry up, you know someone will be up here to check on us.

He pushed the bottom back and found three white boxes and a book the size of the bible; it was another journal. The book was heavy, its leather binding was cracked and worn with much use and it was crammed with random things. He sat back and opened up to a random page and pictures spilled onto the floor. He muttered a curse and then started picking them up, Jimmy snorted and helped him pick up the snapshots.

He hadn’t really been paying attention to the pictures as he was picking them up but he saw one that brought a light blush to his cheeks and made him swallow noisily. Zack was almost naked, he was holding a towel in front of himself, but it was low enough that Brian could see a little of the dark, curly hair contrasting against his pale skin. His skin looked wet and flushed, like he had just gotten out of a hot shower, and his hair glistened in the light with a thousand tiny diamonds of water clinging to it. There was a coy smile on his lips and a lustful look in his eyes that made Brian swallow again.

“What’d you find?” Jimmy asked startling him out of his, less-than-innocent thoughts. Jimmy plucked the picture from his hand before he could come up with a reasonable lie and stared at it for a second before he looked at Brian and smirked, “What are the chances I find a picture of Johnny like this?”

Brian choked out a laugh and grabbed the picture and stuffed it back into the crowded journal.

Curiosity: There’s gotta be more, maybe some of him totally naked. Maybe some of him jacking off, come on go look, no one’s gonna know!
Denial: That picture was meant for Matt, not us.
Reality: I have to agree with him on that one. Zack never thought anyone else would find it so leave it.

He put the journal off to the side out of reach and temptation and instead pulled out the three whit boxes. They were each labeled in Matt’s chicken scratch writing; Invites, Inserts, Envelopes. He pulled the top off of the one labeled Invites expecting more pictures and found cards. He set the box down and pulled one out; it was a light grey color and elegant script across the front in a shimmering gold color.

Mathew Sanders
And
Zachary Baker
Will be exchanging wedding vows on
December fifteenth, two thousand and eight.
Your presence is warmly requested…

Brian stopped reading and slowly put the card back in the box. He didn’t open the other two.
They finished cleaning out the desk in silence and then put the journals and pictures into one of the trash bags. He tried to look nonchalant as he walked down the stairs holding the bag; he kept expecting someone to stop him and ask to look in it.

Reality: We’re fine; no one wants to look in the fucking trash.
Denial: You know how weird his family gets…

He made it out to Jimmy’s car and quickly stuffed the bag under the seat and went back inside.

They got back to Jimmy’s house well after the sun had set, Brian let out a relieved breath when they pulled into his driveway. Johnny grabbed the bag and they went inside; there was a message on Jimmy’s answering machine and Brian hit the play button, “Hello, this is doctor Carson from the hospital.” A pleasant female voice said, “Mr. Baker has been reviewed by our psychologist and he has said that he is ready to come home. If you’ll stop by tomorrow to pick him up we can go over the specifics of his return to you. Thank you.”

They were at the hospital early the next day and Zack’s doctor greeted them warmly and then led them to Zack’s room. The guitarist was sitting up with his knees drawn against his chest gazing out the window. He looked up at them when the door opened, he watched the guardedly measuring their reactions. Brian immediately went over and pulled him into a hug, apparently that’s not what Zack was expecting, he tensed for a second and then relaxed and hugged him back.

“Don’t ever do that again.” He whispered. He felt Zack nod against his shoulder and he held him tighter. Jimmy sat down next to them, “We got somethin’ for ya’.” He murmured. Zack turned and looked at him but the drummer’s blue eyes betrayed nothing.

“If you gentlemen would come with me I’ll get you the information you need to help your friend and you can go home.”

Johnny and Jimmy got up and followed her out and after a moment Brian reluctantly let go of him and ran to catch up with his friends.

“There wasn’t any serious damage done to his organs, we were able to get the pills out in time, but he has some minor abrasions that are going to make him uncomfortable for the next couple of days. Peppermint tea will help with that pain; we can’t give him anymore medicines because of the burns he has, ingesting more will only make it worse.” She rattled off a couple more things they could do if his stomach started to really bother him and they were given strict instructions to bring him back to the E.R. if he started urinating or vomiting any amount of blood. She was holding a clipboard and checking things off as she spoke.

“Finally,” she said putting the clipboard down, “talk to him. He needs a lot of love right now or else he’s going to be back here again, or worse.” She pushed away from the counter she had been leaning against and started walking back to the room.

Zack was still sitting on the bed, but got up when they walked in.

“Are you ready to go Mr. Baker?” the doctor asked; he nodded and she gave him a stack of papers to sign. He signed everything quickly and handed the papers back, she glanced through them and then shook his hand and they were free to leave.

Zack still hadn’t spoken since they had met him that morning; he followed the other three quietly up the stairs to his room. Jimmy opened the door and they stood off to the side, he glanced at them curiously until Jimmy motioned for him to go into the room. Cautiously he walked in and looked around. He stood still for only a second and then he walked over to one of the dressers; on top of it were four journals and the dozens of photos they had taken from Matt’s. Brian watched him anxiously still unsure of what he would do; gingerly Zack picked up one of the volumes and flipped through it. He closed it quietly and turned around to look at the three of them, “Thank you.” He whispered hugging the blue book against his chest. Brian felt like a weight had been lifted from his shoulders and he walked over to the guitarist and hugged him. Zack melted against him still holding the book tightly, “I’m sorry.”

Brian hushed him gently and held him tighter, within a few minutes Zack’s breathing began to even out and grow deeper and he was sound asleep against him. He looked to the doorway and found it empty, he shook his head and carefully moved Zack over to his bed and covered him with a quilt. The guitarist never let go of the book.

A/N: The next chapter is going to be kind of long so it might take a little longer for me to get it up. Thanks for your awesome reviews ^_^
- 15
- 16
- 17
You need to be logged in to leave a review for this story.You need to be logged in to leave a review for this story.
Report Story

Such Synful Thoughts