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Until You Lose Your Breath II	By : theProphet Category: > Kyo/Kaoru Views: 1827 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: This is the work of fiction. Don't know Dir en grey and don't make any money from this.

Chapter List
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Shinya was barely able to concentrate on driving and his hands were shaking badly. He barely saw the road as his eyes were clouded by tears, but he managed not to let them fall. He wanted to see Die as soon as possible. Shinya didn’t know what he was going to say or do when he’ll finally be at Die’s place, but he desperately wanted to see him. Die looked so horrible these days. As if he was barely able to stand.
And it’s entirely my fault…
A few tears finally managed to run down his cheeks, but he inhaled deeply and tried to compose himself. It was not time for him to be weak.
Shinya gripped the wheel tighter and concentrated on driving. As much as he wanted to see Die and tell him what he just heard, he was very scared of facing the guitarist. Die might not take him back. Shinya was too harsh on him, too unfair. All this situation was so unfair to everyone, but Die got hurt the most. And Shinya was the one who punished him most. Shinya, whom Die loved so much, was the only one treating Die so cold and heartless.
Shinya suddenly stopped the car at the side of the road and started crying.
How cold he was to Die! Never looking at him, never saying a word to him. Acting as if Die did not even exist in the world. Pretending not to give a damn about him. How could he ever do this to Die? To the most gentle, caring person he ever knew.
What if he will really never take me back? Will never forgive?
***
The doorbell rang for what seemed like a hundredth time and Die finally opened his eyes. He was aching all over and he felt dizzy and weak in the legs. Still, he got up somehow and went to answer the door. It might be Kaoru checking up on him. Damn that stubborn leader.
Die sighed and slowly proceeded to the door. But when he opened them, he couldn’t believe his eyes - Shinya was standing there. His eyes were red as if he was crying. He looked extremely nervous and even scared.
Die didn’t know what to do or say. He even thought he was hallucinating, as Shinya in front of him just stood there not doing anything. But suddenly Shinya leaped forward and hugged Die’s waist, burying his face into Die’s neck and started to cry.
Die just stood there feeling like everything around him was surreal. He slowly lifted his hands and lightly touched Shinya’s back. He felt how Shinya’s body was trembling from crying and the front of his shirt was getting wet by every passing second.
“I’m so sorry, Die! I’m so sorry!”
Die hugged him back now strongly and closed his eyes. He was feeling so weak in his legs that he though he would collapse soon. But instead he just stood there, hugging Shinya and trying to believe this was really happening. Shinya was back in his arms again.
“Die, I love you so much! I never stopped loving you! I never did!”
“I love you too, Shin-chan…” Die managed to whisper before the world went black in his eyes.
***
Die groaned and opened his eyes. The first thing he saw was Shinya’s worried face.
“It wasn’t a dream…” Die whispered and smiled weakly.
Shinya caressed Die’s cheek with his hand and smiled back, even if his smile was sadder than anything else.
“You’re so weak, Daisuke. I will go make some tea for now, as there’s nothing edible at all in your kitchen I will order take-out. I don’t want to leave you even for a moment alone. I’ll go to the shop tomorrow and bring you tons of healthy food and you will have to eat. A lot.”
Die just stared at Shinya, still thinking it might be some crazy dream.
“Daisuke…” Shinya started and lowered his eyes, withdrawing his hand from Die’s face. “I… there’s something…”
Shinya didn’t know how to say it. He was afraid that Die would just get angry with him and tell him to go away. But he felt Die’s hand caress his leg gently, as he couldn’t reach anything else, and Shinya felt like crying again. Die was always so kind to him.
“What changed your mind, Shinya? Why did you come back to me so suddenly?”
“Because… it’s because you never cheated on me…” Shinya finally managed to utter.
He then briefly retold Die all what Sakito said while Die just listened.
“I was happy to hear all of that, but at the same time very disappointed with myself and scared that… that you would not want me back anymore…”
“I want you back, Shin-chan, how could I ever not want you?” he heard Die say and lifted his teary eyes to look at his lover. Die had a small smile on his lips and he looked so calm and happy.
“I missed you so much, Shin-chan…”
Shinya brushed the tears from his eyes with his sleeve and stood up.
“I’ll go make you some herbal tea and order you a double portion of nutritious salad with chicken. You need to eat.”
He then hurried to the kitchen taking his cell from the pocket. Die closed his eyes and smiled happily. He could not believe this was really happening.
When Shinya came back, he was forced to drink hot, disgusting herbal tea, but Shinya insisted that it was very healthy for Die’s stomach. Their order was also soon brought and Shinya made sure that Die ate everything there was, even though after a few bites Die said that he was already full. Then he helped Die to take a shower and put him to bed. Shinya lied down beside him using Die’s pajama pants and covered them both with a blanket. Die snuggled into Shinya’s embrace and as soon as he closed his eyes, he fell into a deep, calm sleep.
Shinya then sent Kaoru a message that he and Die would not appear tomorrow at work and shut down his phone. Then, he drew Die even closer to himself and kissed his lover’s forehead.
“Goodnight, Daisuke… “
***
Toshiya was so silent during the entire way home, that Miyavi got a bit worried, but he didn’t know what to say. He knew that Toshiya had every right to be angry. Instead, he handled the situation very well and even didn’t attempt to murder Sakito. That at least was good. But the silence worried him. Still, he knew Toshiya had to think so he didn’t say a word. He knew Totchi would sooner or later tell him what was on his mind.
And as Miyavi parked the car and turned off the engine, Toshiya turned to look at him. Miyavi met Toshiya’s gaze and smiled.
“Myvs, I really, really don’t want you to ever meet Sakito again. I know he’s your friend, but friends don’t do things like that. They don’t ruin other people’s happiness for their own selfish needs. And I don’t want you to have friends like that. I would go crazy if I knew you were meeting him again and especially alone! I don’t want you to ever see him! Ever!”
Miyavi sighed and gently caressed Toshiya’s cheek with his palm.
“But Totchi, I cannot just pretend he doesn’t exist.”
Toshiya pushed Miyavi’s hand away angrily and glared at him.
“I don’t care! All I ask you is that you never see him again! You never know now if he is truly over you or if he just pretends and waits for another possibility to have sex with you!”
Miyavi opened his mouth to say something, but it seemed like he didn’t know what to say.
“You see? I am right! You can’t trust him now! You just can’t!”
“But he is sorry. Can you imagine how hard it was for him to come and tell everything to the five of you? But he did it because he knew he caused me pain and many problems. He came and confessed because he wanted to make things right for everyone. If he had any hopes or plans for the future with me, he wouldn’t have done that.”
Toshiya turned from Miyavi and felt that a few tears ran down his cheeks.
“Why do you always defend him?”
“Because I know him and I try to place myself in his position. I know how hard it is to love someone and not be able to be with that person. When we split up, it was the worst days in my life. I needed you so badly, but I didn’t have you. It hurt so much. And Sakito still feels the same. But despite this, he sacrificed his happiness so that I could be with you. Totchi, Sakito is not that bad. He is just hopelessly in love and confused. He did something he thought nobody would ever know. And he came here and told the truth because I asked him even though he was scared shitless to face all of you. And especially you. And he was very embarrassed in front of me and sad.”
Toshiya was still starring at his hands and refusing to look at Miyavi.
“Totchi, I’m not saying I will be seeing him every day. Of course not. But once in a while I might bump into him and I’m really sorry, but I will not ignore him. I feel very bad for him. He suffers because of me and there’s nothing I can do. But at least I can promise that I will always tell you if I met him or if he wrote me or called. And this is not going to be frequent. We were barely seeing each other before and this is not going to change. But please, don’t ask me to throw him out of my life completely. I cannot do this.”
Toshiya sighed and brushed the tears from his face with the back of his hand.
“But what about me? What about the pain that he caused me? And how on earth will I be able to face Die ever again after all I said and did to him?!”
“Die will forgive you…”
“How do you know?” Toshiya turned angrily to look at Miyavi. “You don’t know Die at all!”
“You’re right, I don’t know him. But I think he will. You’re friends, after all.”
Toshiya lowered his head again and sighed.
“I’ll better take you home, Totchi. We’ll have a good sleep and in the morning things will look better. I promise.”
“I know” Toshiya sighted. “I’m happy to know the truth and to know that you never cheated on me… It’s just… It’s sad… It ripped our friendship apart, especially between me and Die. I was even cruel to Shin-chan and he most definitely didn’t deserve any of this…”
Miyavi kissed Toshiya on the corner of his lips gently and took his hand.
“Everything will be fine, Totchi, I promise. Let’s go home now.”
Toshiya nodded and let Miyavi take him home.
***
Die woke up feeling Shinya lightly caressing his back. He smiled and opened his eyes. Shinya was sitting in bed and looking at Die while stroking his back with a hand at the same time.
“Good morning!” Shinya smiled. “How are you feeling?”
“Better, I guess,” Die said and moved closer to Shinya. He then hugged Shinya’s waist with one hand and drew Shinya closer to himself. As he felt Shinya’s hips touch his stomach, he was a bit surprised to feel that Shinya was hard. He looked at Shinya and Shinya blushed.
Die smiled wider and drew Shinya even closer, so that Shinya’s hardness would definitely be up against Die. Shinya probably was awake for quite a long time now and was watching Die. Considering how long they were not able to be this intimate, it was no wonder that Shinya reacted this way only watching Die sleep.
“Die, I…”
“Shh…” Die said and caressed his lover’s hand, then took Shinya’s hand and drew it under the covers and put it on his own crotch. Shinya felt that Die was also almost as hard as him. Shinya smiled shyly and kissed Die on the lips.
“I missed you so much, Daisuke” he whispered. Die only moaned in response and kissed back. He felt Shinya’s hand starting to remove his pants and he helped him. As soon as he was naked, Shinya then removed his own pajama and threw the sheets aside. He hungrily eyed Die and without any more delay lay back on his stomach, looking at Die over his shoulder.
Shinya was so hard and needy that he didn’t want any preparations or caresses. He just wanted to feel Die inside him. He desperately needed just that. As Die started to look around a bit confused, Shinya grabbed Die’s hand to get his attention.
“Never mind, Die, just make love to me right now! I need you now!”
Die nodded curtly and kneeled between Shinya’s legs. He wetted his fingers with saliva and quickly rubbed his already painfully hard member. Then he grabbed Shinya’s hips to make his lover be steady and pushed inside. He was so nervous and eager that his hands were trembling a bit and he desperately tried to steady his grip on Shinya’s bony hips.
Shinya let out a strange sound that might have been from pleasure or pain, Die couldn’t understand. He himself felt like hundreds of drums were pounding in his head. He tried to stop his hands from shaking and start moving.
But it was too overwhelming for him. Die managed to feel the tightness in Shinya, he managed to pull out and back again for just three times. And then, while he pushed hardly in for the fourth time, he released himself in Shinya at once, feeling the whole word spinning around him and moaning in pleasure. He didn’t even manage to last 15 seconds.
Die fell on top of Shinya with all his weight and Shinya also fell back on bed with Die. As Die didn’t move, Shinya tried to turn his head and look at him, even though he himself felt weak from the intensity of the orgasm he had the moment Die pushed in the first time. That is why he was so tight for Die. But the guitarist didn’t notice that Shinya came the moment he entered him, because he himself was so disoriented.
“Die?” Shinya managed to utter finally, still trying to see Die’s face and regain his normal breathing. As Die didn’t answer, Shinya pushed him back on the bed. He felt Die’s semen run down his tights.
Shinya now turned to look at Die and suddenly felt very scared. Die was unconscious.
Shinya for a moment was very lost and didn’t know what he should do, but after a moment he calmed himself down and ran to the kitchen to get some cold water. Die was still very weak and even this short intercourse and excitement was too much for him. Die couldn’t have sex because he didn’t have any strength for that.
When Shinya got back, he started to wet Die’s forehead with water. After several minutes Die finally opened his eyes and looked around a bit confused. Then he remembered what they were doing and blushed.
“I’m sorry, Shin” Die whispered. “I didn’t even manage to make love to you properly…”
“Don’t be stupid, Die! I’m the one who should have thought first before doing something. You’re still very weak. You need to get your strength back and only then have sex.”
“But I didn’t last even a…”
“Do you think I care about that now? All I want is for you to get better, Die. I cleaned you, so you can get back under the covers and take a nap. I’ll now quickly run down to the store to get you food and then I’ll make you nice breakfast. I think you need to eat a lot. And no cigarettes until you get better!”
Die smiled affectionately and only nodded. He didn’t mind to be pampered by Shinya. Not after such a long breakup. And he had to admit – he was feeling so weak for a very long time now, so he had to get his strength back. Especially when the tour was almost here.
“I’ll take a nap” Die agreed. “I don’t feel too well…”
Shinya covered Die with a blanket and kissed him on the lips tenderly, without the trace of previous passion, only gentle and tender affection.
“I’ll be back soon” Shinya smiled and Die closed his eyes. He had all he ever wanted. He had his Shinya back. So now he could sleep without any worries clouding his mind.

TBC

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Until You Lose Your Breath II