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Until You Lose Your Breath II	By : theProphet Category: > Kyo/Kaoru Views: 1827 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: This is the work of fiction. Don't know Dir en grey and don't make any money from this.

Chapter List
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Thoughts are marked with * *

CHAPTER 5

Toshiya yawned lazily and stretched. The sun was shining into his face and he couldn’t sleep longer. He turned his head and looked at his lover. Miyavi was rolled into his blanket so that nothing could be seen. Not even his face. Toshiya leaned forward and tickled his lovers belly under the covers. Miyavi stirred. Toshiya tickled again.
-Ok, enough is enough! –Miyavi suddenly said and pulled the blanked from his face.
-Good morning! –Toshiya smiled and kissed him on the lips.
-Why are you up so early?
-It’s not that early. It’s almost nine! I wanted to have breakfast together before we go.
-Go? … Oh yeah…
Toshiya had to meet his friends at Kaoru and Kyo’s place.
-Ok, I’m not sleeping any more, -Miyavi yawned.
Toshiya grinned and got up.
-Go get a shower, I’ll make us coffee and toasts!
-Again? Why is it that when we’re at your place, we’re always eating toasts?
-What would you like then?
-A sandwich! With jam and cheese!
-Uh… I’ll look if I have cheese. Hurry up!
-Ok, -Miyavi stretched lazily and did as he was told. When he came to the kitchen, the breakfast was already done.
-You’re so excited today, -Miyavi grinned.
-I am! I want us to form a band again! I’d love to play my bass! Oh, I just can’t wait to hear what others think about it!
-I’m happy for you, -Miyavi smiled and pecked Toshiya on the cheek.
-Let’s eat and get ready! –Toshiya exclaimed and beamed. –It’s going to be a great day!
***
When Kaoru said that Die and Shinya were coming over, Kyo didn’t mind. He wanted to have their company. But when Die asked when Toshiya and Miyavi are coming, he glared at Kaoru waiting for an explanation.
-I invited them as well, -Kaoru smiled apologetically, -I wanted to have all of us today at dinner.
Kyo wanted to ask if it was about the band business, but didn’t manage, because the doorbell rang and Kaoru went to open the door.
-So how are you doing? –Shinya asked.
-Just great, -Kyo mumbled and sat down.
-What’s with the attitude? –Die asked curiously.
-Hey! –Toshiya burst into the living room all smiling and happy with Miyavi trailing after him.
-Hi, Totchi! –Die and Shinya greeted. Kaoru came after them and they sat at the table.
-Oh, I’m so excited! –Toshiya exclaimed. –I’m so happy that we’re going to rally the band again!
-Yes, that’s just great news, -Die agreed and Shinya nodded. Kyo suddenly stood up.
-Where are you going? –Kaoru asked.
-Somewhere. I have nothing to do here while you discuss this… thing.
-But Kyo, you’re a vital part of our band! –Shinya said surprised. –It has to do a lot with you!
-I’m not joining it again!
Kaoru took Kyo’s hand firmly and made him sit again.
-Let’s talk, Kyo.
-No! I already said my opinion!
-Then state the reason why you don’t want to join the band again! You’re responsible for this too. You deliberately took away our jobs! Why don’t you want it back now?!
-I told you not to ask me this again! If you really love me, stop bothering me about it!
-But Kyo, -Shinya said, -you love singing. Kaoru said you can sing, then why don’t you want it?
-It’s non of your business!
Everyone was staring at Kyo and he felt uneasy. He knew he had to explain, but he didn’t want to.
-Kyo, please, don’t be childish, -Kaoru started again. –You ask me if I love you. But I feel I have to ask this question you! I believe that lovers shouldn’t have any secrets from one another. And now you’re not telling me what bothers you and why are you acting like a child.
-Ok, Kaoru. You want to know why?
Kyo said it with so much anger in his voice, that all other guys felt uneasy.
-What do you love more: me or Dir En Grey? –Kyo asked.
-What a stupid question! –Kaoru laughed relieved. He was waiting for something more serious. –I love you and the band the same because you’re the part of Dir En Grey and I can’t imagine band any other way!
-That’s why I don’t want to join it!
-Huh?
-Why are you with me, Kaoru? You only want me because without me you can’t have your precious band! But what happens if you’ll have it back?! What’s going to be with me?! Well I know what!!! You’ll leave me as soon as we’ll be on stage again! You’ll dump me like that last time and make me suffer again working with you but not having you! And I don’t want that! I don’t want to loose you again!
Everyone was silent. Kaoru could just stare at Kyo dumbfounded.
-But Kyo… -he finally managed to get back his voice. –It’s not true. I don’t want you only because of a band. I love you and I want to spend all the days working with you together in our beloved job!
-How should I know it’s true?! –Kyo shot back angrily. –I never thought you could leave me, but you did! Why should I trust you now?!
-Because… just because! I’m not lying to you, Kyo!
-Ok, then prove it! Don’t ever ask me again to join the band! Never!
-Kyo! I can’t! I want it back! All of us want it back!
-FINE! –Kyo stood up glaring at Kaoru. –Then I don’t have another choice!
I should have pretended that I can’t speak for the rest of my life! But it’s not late! I’m not going to speak again to anyone! EVER!
He turned and stormed out of the living room. All eyes were now on Kaoru.
-Shouldn’t you go after him? –Die asked.
-I bet we should better go away now, -Shinya interrupted. –It’s obvious that you two have to figure it out between yourselves first.
-But how should I… what I… -Kaoru shook his head in frustration. –Why doesn’t he trust my words so much?
-Because he was hurt badly by you, Kaoru, -Shinya whispered. –Have you forgotten everything? Kyo, apparently, hasn’t. He even tried to kill himself then. Perhaps his associations with the band now are only the bad ones.
-But I love him! –Kaoru said looking desperate.
-Then prove it to him!
-But how? Haven’t I done enough to him? I thought everything’s fine between us!
-Maybe he needs more time, -Toshiya suggested.
-He needs discipline, -Kaoru said a bit angrily. –He’s being selfish now and unfair!
-But that’s for you two to figure out, -Die said standing. –I don’t want to interfere.
-We should go too, -Miyavi said to Toshiya.
When they went away, Kaoru went to look for Kyo and found him in the bedroom sitting near the window.
-Kyo, let’s talk about it, please.
Kaoru sat near his lover and sighted.
-Kyo, I really love you. I can’t promise you that we’ll be together till death do us apart. But no couple can know this! You could just as easily leave me as I could leave you! But I really love you and I don’t want you only for the band. Why are you so unsure? Why don’t you trust me?
Kyo just looked at Kaoru not saying anything.
-Kyo, talk to me.
But Kyo remained silent and Kaoru got a bad feeling that when Kyo said he’s not going to talk ever again, he meant it.
-Kyo, don’t do this.
Kaoru leaned closer and caressed Kyo’s cheek with a hand.
-Kyo, I love you. It breaks my heart to think that you don’t trust me at all.
-…
-Kyo, please, say something… Kyo…
Kaoru felt so helpless pleading like that. He knew that Kyo was going to do just as he said he would. He was not going to talk ever again.
-Kyo…
But Kyo just looked him in the eyes and remained silent. Kaoru stood up and looked at him angrily.
-Ok, have it your way! Be immature and selfish! If you don’t trust me, then there’s nothing I can do! I’m going to my home! When you’ll grow up and want to talk, you can come!
He then turned and left the apartment. Kyo hung his head down and felt like crying but tried not to.
* Why can’t he say that he loves me more that the band and his work? Why am I not the most important one in his life? Why can’t he just be happy with me? *
Kyo rubbed his eyes and sighted feeling tears already running down his cheeks.
* Kaoru, don’t leave me…
Kaoru… *
***
Miyavi looked at Toshiya with troubled look on his face. Toshiya sat next to him in the passenger seat and was looking through the window. He didn’t say a word all the way from Kaoru and Kyo’s.
-Hey, Totchi, are you ok?
-Why do you ask?
-Because you’re so quiet all of a sudden.
Toshiya sighted and looked at Miyavi.
-I wanted to play in a band so much, but there won’t be any band to play in after all.
-But it’s still not clear, maybe…
-You heard Kyo, -Toshiya interrupted. –I know him quite well. Kyo’s not going to change his mind. And I fear that he even might stop talking again!
-Hmm… I don’t think so, Totchi. If he loves Kaoru, then he’ll have to yield to him.
-But Kyo might be quite stubborn if only he wants to. Have you forgotten that he didn’t talk for such a long time to anyone though he could?
This time Miyavi sighted.
-Let’s just drop this subject, ok? It’s not up to you or me, so leave things as they are and we’ll see what will happen.
-Yeah, you’re right…
Toshiya looked through the window again.
-Miya?
-Hai?
-You know I love you?
-Mmm…
-Because I really do. With all my heart.
-I know, Totchi, -Miyavi smiled and concentrated on the road missing the sad look on Toshiya’s face.
***
After coming back from work Kaoru sat in his empty apartment with a can of beer in his hand, watching something on TV but not seeing anything at all. All his thoughts were on Kyo.
* I never thought you could leave me, but you did! Why should I trust you now?! *
He had to admit that Kyo had a point. But he loved that stubborn little devil! Why would Kyo doubt him after all that they came through?
Kaoru sighted and rubbed his aching temples with a hand.
What should he do now? He didn’t want to forget the idea of working together again. But he didn’t want to lose Kyo as well. He wanted both things at once.
Kaoru sighted again.
There was no easy way of getting everything he desired.
TBC
I would love to get feedback ^^ Comments are love ^^
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Until You Lose Your Breath II