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agitator	By : UtsukushiiAiji Category: J-Rock/J-Pop & K-Pop > Crossovers Views: 1722 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own or represent any of these celebrities. I make no profit from this, nor do I claim anything herein as the truth. It is purely fictional.

Chapter List
- 1
- 2
Title : agitator
Author: Alexandra
Genre : Band rivalry meets obscure and sociopathic drama. Copious amounts of sex ensue.
Rating : R for violence, sexual situations, and the usual foul language
Pairing : Kaoru x Toshiya, Die x Shinya, Kirito x Aiji, Jun x ?, estranged Kirito x Kyo and Kyo x Toshiya
Comments: Considering how long this fic as a whole is, this first part may seem superfluous in dialogue towards the end, but everything is said for a reason. This story came about because of an old rumor I heard in Japan, my want to see a Kirito x Kyo fic at a time when there weren’t any, and because it’s fun to fuck around with J-rockers :D For those who may own old Fool’s Mates, check out the January 2001 issue to get a feel for the band imagery of the time.
agitator
FILE 001: PUBLIC ENEMY
~doko ni demo aru you na eigao doko ni demo aru you na namida wo
tare nagashiteiku shikanai, doko ni demo iru you na kimi
kami wo kaki mushiru sugata ga mieru yo, -okashiku- naru made sude ni byouyomi sa~
-- Pierrot, AGITATOR
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Kaoru was tired.
Tired, frustrated, and nursing a bitch of a headache.
It was days like this that really pissed him off the most. He worked his ass off to make sure everything went smoothly when it came to Dir en grey, and he’d think that the damn magazine companies would have the courtesy to do the same. But oh no, they couldn’t figure things out beforehand, could they? You know, why not just change things at the last second to make it easier on everyone?
“I want a cigarette,” Kyo hissed at no one in particular, his mood just as sour as the guitarist’s walking behind him.
“Dammit, can’t you wait until we get outside?” Kaoru snapped in response.
No one ever spoke after Kyo said anything that wasn’t meant to provoke conversation when he was in a foul mood. It was like licking one’s finger and trying to jam it in a socket -- not a good idea. Kaoru may have had the most authority in the band, but even he knew better than to provoke the blonde’s unpredictable temper.
Well, that’s what they’d all thought at least.
Toshiya and Die exchanged anxious glances while they walked, afraid a storm was brewing. Shinya began focusing his gaze on the texture of the wallpaper beside him.
Kyo looked back over his shoulder and shot the taller man a glare that conveyed quite vividly what he thought about his previous outburst. Kaoru purposely ignored it, although his nerves were plucked rather harshly once Kyo fished his pack from his back pocket and decided to light up despite the no smoking sign plastered at the beginning of the hall.
Sometimes he really just wanted to throttle the shit out of the little bastard that was their vocalist and supposedly his friend.
Supposedly.
If he wasn’t so damn vulgar, if he wasn’t so damn stupid and stubborn, if he would have taken better care of himself, today wouldn’t have happened, Kaoru fumed silently. They wouldn’t have all had to waste weekend time at this stupid fucking interview, watching Kyo decline to answer certain questions and make the interviewer create new ones, then decide to take forever to think about the questions he did agree to answer. If he hadn’t had had that whole hearing epidemic Fool’s Mate wouldn’t have called them in today and decided to drop interviewing the rest of them and he could be at home, sleeping. If the people at Fool’s Mate weren’t so goddamn incompetent they would have made that decision earlier and Inoue-san wouldn’t have asked the rest of them to wait on Kyo to make sure the idiot didn’t pull stunts such as smoking in a non-smoking corridor and if --
Die noticed with alarm that their leader’s tightly balled fist was beginning to shake, and began hurriedly motioning with his head towards the older man to Toshiya. Toshiya gave Die a helpless look in return, but did as the redhead suggested and quietly saddled up beside the other guitarist, slipping a thin arm around his. This was a tactic that had never failed to calm the man before, and had even worked on Kyo one time when he was smashed and Kaoru wasn’t around (one of the few secrets the band ever managed to keep from their leader). Die said it was because the thought of Toshiya’s legs could distract anyone. Shinya said it was because Toshiya had sugar lips and once he got started no one could get a word in edgewise. Toshiya claimed it was the geisha he was in a past life coming out. Whatever the case may be, once the bassist began stroking Kaoru’s silk clad arm with his free hand and likewise began stroking the guitarist’s ego with melodic whispers that the others could never hear, the clenched fist relaxed.
Die gave a small sigh of relief. Shinya nervously looked behind him to make sure no one else was around to see how gay his friends looked.
Scratch that, how gay they were.
“Ne Kaoru-kun, don’t be angry….Kyo-chan doesn’t mean anything by his actions, you know that; he’s just upset because they kept asking him all those personal questions…you hate them too …and he’s had a hard time recently what with being sick and all, ” he reasoned, voice smooth as sweet cream, “…Anyways we’ll be home soon……I can warm your bed tonight if you want me to you know……”
Kaoru felt himself winding down against his will as a slender hand caressed his neck. He was never quite sure if it was Toshiya’s words making sense that got to him like this, or if it was a purely instinctual reaction to his seductive mannerisms instead. Either way his mind eased up on Kyo and redirected all rage towards Fool’s Mate and the morons they called their staff. Toshiya was right -- soon he’d be comfortably home in bed ,warmed by a heated blanket and the bassist’s pretty body, being fed sugar cubes from an equally as delightful palm.
Toshiya smiled his boyish, crooked smile as he felt a wordless murmur of approval resound within Kaoru’s chest. He closed his long-lashed eyes and leaned against the purple-haired guitarist’s shoulder. There was no need to worry after all.
Shinya made an abrupt noise of what might have been surprise.
Die swore under his breath.
Toshiya opened his eyes and wondered why the hell he always had to take the most positive outlook in life.
~*~
“I think they overdid the eye shadow on me this time,” Jun said rather downheartedly.
“You looked fine and even if you didn’t, it was only like three pictures anyways,” Takeo replied as the two walked side by side down the hallway.
“Yeah but they’re gonna be in the front -- everyone sees the front! I mean, if you don’t like what’s there you assume the magazine’s not going to have done a better job on the inside, you know?”
“You’re making too big a deal of it Jun, for just --”
“Shut up.”
Takeo immediately kept quiet after hearing that voice come from the front of the group. Jun glanced apologetically in his direction and he acknowledged the request for forgiveness, although neither of them had been doing anything to warrant the those curt yet calm words. But that was the way it was with Kirito -- you didn’t have to do more than breathe to get on his bad side most of the time. Aiji glanced back at the two to make sure they weren’t offended and Takeo smiled weakly in response.
“Kirito, you okay?” Kohta said quietly to his brother, a little worried considering he wasn’t normally that outright rude to his band mates.
“No, I’m not okay. The lights for the cover shot were too fucking bright and now I have a headache, my contacts are hurting my eyes, and I’m exhausted from all the work we’ve been having to do lately. Now quit talking to me,” the as-of-late redhead hissed coldly.
Had he been another person, Kohta may have been hurt by such an answer to his concern, but having grown up with Kirito he was used to such mood swings. They generally went from indifferent at best to downright cruel if something had angered him enough. Maybe he got it from their father’s side, he didn’t know. All that mattered to him was that they were of the same blood and he would always watch over his kin. Even if he suspected said kin would let him get hit by a car if it suited him not yell a warning.
That was why he disregarded his brother’s words just this once and kept talking.
He bent over to whisper into the vocalist’s pale ear.
“Kirito, just don’t get angry with him okay? It’s safer that way.”
“What the hell are you talking about?”
Kirito was rapidly growing very agitated with the whole situation. Jun never quit whining about anything, those lights had basically set his brain on fire, he hadn’t gotten much sleep at all recently, and now Kohta, who of all people should know when the hell to shut up, wouldn’t.
He turned his head sharply to stare at his brother, but then realized the bassist wasn’t looking at him, eyes fixed ahead of them in the hallway instead.
~*~
Kaoru had just about had it with Fool’s Mate. Of all the stupid fucking idiotic things they could have ever pulled on Dir en grey, this probably ranked as number one. Not only had they managed to waste 4/5ths of the band’s time and piss everyone off, waste a holiday and a photo shoot, and then make the band’s remaining time together hell by angering Kyo, they’d decided that they needed something to just set the whole thing off in one big massive ball of flames. And what could be better? he thought almost maniacally, wanting to laugh his head off at the whole thing, What could mix better with a pissy Kyo than
BINGO
A pissy Kirito?!!
Not like he even needed to be in a touchy mood to set Kyo off. The blonde still hadn’t forgiven him for that incident during their indies days, and still vowed to avenge the band’s dignity every time he saw Pierrot’s name anywhere. They all knew that by heart, seeing as they’d heard it so many times before. Not like it had mattered though, because most magazines throughout their history had seemed to realize there was some – okay, a lot -- of tension between the two bands. No one was foolish enough to even place them in the same building.
No one except Fool’s Mate that is! he thought merrily to himself.
Even after he’d given them that gorgeous photo shoot of him and Toshiya entwined in each other’s arms…..
And now, of all days, of all times, of all fucking anything he had to see the sparks fly between the two men who hadn’t met each other since that lovely live.
No, wait, he thought as Toshiya hugged onto his arm tighter.
He trained Kyo better than that, hadn’t he?
Kaoru watched as the ugly blonde one (hey, no one said he was fond of the band either) whispered something into Kirito’s ear. They were brothers, weren’t they? He couldn’t remember, but he thought he saw the resemblance between the two. Yep, they both had that same monkey face -- that settled it. He almost mentally scoffed at the behavior. He didn’t have to tell Kyo to keep calm like that. As much as he got angry with the guy, he knew that the small vocalist had enough smarts to know not to do things that would endanger the band. And getting in a brawl, especially a brawl with someone with a company as big as their own, who could easily afford just as big a lawsuit, was not something he was dumb enough to do, even on his most vicious days.
For a second, he almost felt proud of the little guy -- face full of piercings, obsession with blood, child-like temper and all.
That was why as the two bands drew closer, the equivalent of a smile, as much as he could muster when not performing, laughing, or drunk, appeared on his face.
~*~
Kirito couldn’t believe his luck. One thing after another, his day just kept getting better and better it seemed. What could be better than seeing an old friend right now? One he hadn’t seen since -- when was the last time anyway? Oh yes, he remembered lovingly, since I dissed their band for not being worth the cheap lipstick they slap on crookedly! That was it!
They were all there, although why he didn’t know. Their manager had told them they were the only band going into the office today, and he made a mental note to stop listening to his manager as well. Kirito’s unnervingly corpse blue eyes looked Dir en grey over once as he closed the distance. There was the freakish one with the weird maw, who he could swear was had the balls to be smirking at him at him right now, although probably only because their bassist that was always dressed like a street hooker was clinging to him. He noted ironically that the leader always got the benefits and wondered if it was he who put the bondage collar around the boy’s thin neck. Walking behind them was the retard with the flaming red hair whose smile really got to him for some reason and the thin drummer who he’d notice seemed to be going through a sex change recently with pretty horrid results.
His band wasn’t a walking fashion crisis at least, he reminded himself with a little pride.
And then there was Kyo. He stared at Kyo’s little pug face, taking in the difference between the photos he’d seen in his absence and how he really looked nowadays. He mentally smiled at the other vocalist’s attempt to be bad-ass with his new piercings, tattoo, and the spiked jewelry he was wearing.
It had to be a case of penis envy, he was sure of it.
~*~
Kyo looked to the guy who had apparently run out of ideas a long time ago and took to ripping off Marilyn Manson instead.
First it was that impudent interviewer asking the same damn set of questions he was never in the mood to hear. He’d thought they’d gotten the hint by now, but apparently they hadn’t. He hadn’t come in today expecting to be the only one talking -- truth was he hated it more than anything. Well there were lots of things he hated, so maybe not anything. It was a shitload easier for them to trip you up if you were alone and that was a pet peeve of his that could make him get really nasty if provoked. No one made him look stupid. Then on that note, Kaoru just had to give him lip to remind everyone how big and bad he was, trying yet again to make him look stupid. And now this bullshit, with that fat bastard who had tried to make him look stupid so long ago.
Well today was just not the day to try and fuck around with Kyo. His nicotine fix wasn’t kicking in like it should, he was irritated with everyone and everything, and most of all, he was out for blood.
Kirito’s would do nicely, he decided.
~*~
The two bands passed each other awkwardly and sullenly in the hall.
Takeo and Jun gave faint smiles aimed in Die and Shinya’s direction, thinking them to be the most approachable at that moment.
Aiji moved closer to Kirito and followed the vocalist’s lead, looking straight ahead with a slight air of superiority floating about him.
Kohta shot an instantaneous look of what might be malice or warning towards the other band as he walked protectively beside Kirito.
Kaoru met them all with what could have been a grin, strangely allowing a meek Toshiya to cuddle against him despite the obvious interpretation Pierrot might make.
Die tried to smile back at Takeo and Jun, but stopped once he saw Kohta’s face.
Shinya and Toshiya thought it best to keep looking at the floor.
All in all, it really didn’t seem like the two bands had much against each other to your average passerby.
That is until Kirito’s and Kyo’s shoulders brushed against one another’s and the blonde growled “faggot” into the grace-saving silence.
Kaoru’s heart stopped beating. He knew it wasn’t his vocalist who just said that.
It couldn’t be.
Kirito whipped around faster than even his band members thought he could.
“What the hell did you just say?” he retorted in a deathly low tone of voice.
Shit, he really did say that.
Kaoru picked up the pace and laid a hand on Kyo’s shoulder, trying to push him forward and out of the line of fire. But it was too late -- Kyo was already turning around for a stand off.
“I said you’re uglier than my fucking grandma,” he spat back.
Kirito’s eyes widened at the insult and both bands instinctually gathered behind their vocalists, not sure what was about to go down and not quite sure whether or not they wanted to be a part of it.
Toshiya eyed the look on Kohta’s face and suddenly realized that he and Kirito looked a lot tougher than any member of Dir en grey. The thought of a fist smashing into his face made him shiver.
“Kaoru,” he whispered urgently, “ I don’t know how to fight…make Kyo stop!”
Kaoru was equally as worried at this point. They weren’t just normal guys roughing each other up at some bar after one too many drinks. They were rock stars in the hallway of a building very prominent in both band’s careers, and this would cause more way more trouble than the satisfaction of taking a swing at Kirito was worth. Toshiya was right, he had to make Kyo stop before he got them into shit he couldn’t reverse, he thought frantically. He was leader, it was his responsibility to stop things like this from happening.
He opened his mouth to apologize for Kyo’s behavior, but one of Pierrot’s guitarist’s had already stolen the floor.
Aiji hovered beside the redhead on his side and spoke loud enough so that both bands could hear him.
“Kirito, don’t be offended by his crude mouth….and besides…we all know who the real faggots are here….”
Kirito’s eyes glittered in amusement at that comment and a smirk lit his lips.
Kaoru’s whole body stiffened and he resigned in a heartbeat to let Kyo beat the shit out of anyone he wanted to.
Toshiya blushed severely and looked to the floor, letting go of Kaoru’s arm at the same time. He despised that word more than anything and the whole band knew it. Shinya and Die shifted closer to the youth, both staring daggers at the rival band now, and Die put an arm around Toshiya’s shoulders protectively, afraid he might cry. Aiji had successfully managed to piss off all of Dir en grey with one sentence.
Kaoru took a few steps forward and stood beside Kyo in silent agreement, his face livid yet deathly still.
“Yeah yeah and I’m sure Kirito’s always cramming his tongue down your throat because he’s lost something down there -- now fuck off!!” Kyo hissed impatiently, flicking his cigarette in Kirito’s direction and waiting for him to make the first move.
It wasn’t the vocalist who made the first move though.
“No Toshiya don’t!” Shinya practically yelled as the bassist shrugged Die’s arm off and slid past Kaoru in one rapidly fluent movement.
“You snobbish little bitch!!!” Toshiya shrieked with a tear rolling down his cheek as his palm cracked against a shocked Aiji’s face. Aiji stumbled backwards from the impact and Jun rushed to his side to catch him, eyes wide in surprise and fixed on Toshiya.
All eyes turned to the black-haired youth as everything fell silent again except the boy’s heated breathing.
Pierrot’s vocalist looked to his friend clutching a reddened cheek and then back to his assailant.
“How dare you touch Aiji, you whore!” Kirito snarled, placing both hands on the bassist’s chest and shoving as hard as he could, sending Toshiya flying backwards and into Die’s arms again.
“Toshiya’s not a whore, you asshole!!!” Kaoru yelled and shoved Kirito back in the exact same manner Kirito had performed seconds ago.
“Get your hands off Kirito!!!” Kohta cried as he lunged into Dir en grey’s leader, tackling him to the floor with a dull thud.
“You egotistical sonofabitch!” Kyo growled with a feral smile on his lips, rushing Kirito and planting a fist in his gut before the vocalist could recover from Kaoru’s attack.
Then all hell broke loose.
Die jumped on Kohta, pounding his fists against the darker man’s back while simultaneously trying to grapple with him and pull his body off of Kaoru’s. Kaoru and Kohta were soundly strangling the crap out of each other, both puppets to adrenaline rushes they weren’t used to feeling off stage -- both looking a hell of a lot more scary than their fans could have imagined them to ever. Jun ran to help Kohta by attempting to pry Die off of him while Takeo and Shinya tried desperately to restrain Aiji and Toshiya from killing one another, although they had managed get close enough to slash viciously at each other with their short nails, almost mimicking a female catfight. Kirito and Kyo were also on the floor engaging in a strange combination of wrestling and fist fighting. Jun and Shinya pleaded while everyone else swore up a storm that would have made even a veteran yakuza uncomfortable. No one knew how long this was going to go on, the sweaty, violent tangle they had all managed to mold themselves into, until Kirito let out a cry so disturbing everyone stopped their fighting for a moment to stare.
“Fuck I’ll kill you!!! I’ll kill you you ape-faced bastard!!!” Kirito screamed like his band had never heard him do so, a white hand covering his mouth while blood spilled from between his fingers and onto the carpet.
Kyo laughed his patented evil laugh in challenge, sneered, then licked the blood off of his ring.
“Oh my god!” Aiji, Kohta, Kaoru and Toshiya all exclaimed at the same time, in varying degrees of masculinity, then all turned to look at Kyo in disbelief.
“His face! Not his face Kyo!” Shinya yelped in horror, knowing that they were in too deep now.
“Kirito!” Aiji fell to his knees beside the vocalist. “Oh my god Kirito!”
Kohta disentangled himself from Die and Kaoru to hurriedly rushed over to his brother.
“What the fuck did you do to him?!!” he yelled at Kyo.
Outraged, he kicked the smaller man sharply in the ribs, about to do so again before Kaoru managed to shove him hard enough so that Kyo could back away and into the shelter of his group.
“I’ll kill you!” Kirito hissed again and suddenly launched himself at the half-standing form of the blonde, hand shooting out and grabbing a fistful of the dyed hair.
“No one touches my face!!!”
Kyo snarled back at him, trying to throw another punch, but suddenly he was screaming as loud as Kirito had before, his blonde hair becoming matted with more crimson than was originally on Kirito’s hand.
“FUCK!!!” he yelled and clutched at his ear, grimacing in pain.
“Kaoru they’re bleeding! Oh shit! Oh shit!” Die stated the obvious rather loudly while beginning to lose it.
Simultaneously the bands swarmed over their lead singers protectively, dragging them away from one another, now all too aware of what they should have predicted was going to happen.
Kirito laughed despite his rapidly swelling busted lip, and then flung a bloody earring at the wall right next to Shinya’s head. The drummer paled once he realized what the object was and tried to keep his stomach calm.
“God what are we gonna do?! Kohta what are we gonna do?!” Jun said nervously, eyes fixated on Pierrot’s injured vocalist.
Panic settled in as the band members all attempted to find things to quell the bleeding with, so much so that no one heard the swift footsteps getting closer and closer.
“Holy shit.”
Kaoru winced at the sound of that voice and wished he was dead.
Pierrot paid no attention at all, still nursing Kirito so he could look suitable enough to leave the building.
“Holy shit,” Inoue-san repeated while staring at the two bands, the blood on the carpet, and the various bruises forming and cuts visible on Dir en grey’s member’s pale skin.
Security filed in and they all knew they were in for it.
~*~
“You just had to say that to him didn’t you? Fuck Kyo what the hell were you thinking?! That he would invite you over to bake cookies afterwards?!!” Kaoru berated Kyo in the back of Die’s Land Cruiser on the way back from the hospital.
Kyo was slouched in the corner against the window, one hand cradling the mass of bandages on his ear, the other rubbing his bruised ribs, a cigarette hanging precariously from his lips. Kaoru sat rigidly beside him, too many fears and worries assaulting his mind at once for him to do anything more than just yell at Kyo mindlessly. Inoue-san hadn’t gotten visibly upset, but Kaoru knew the man was disappointed with the lot of them, and now he had to go through the trouble of talking things out with Pierrot’s manager so they didn’t all get the pants sued off them. He felt horrible; Inoue-san had never been anything but good to them all and then they went and pulled a stunt like that in return. And his headache had only gotten worse. Gods they’d all acted like they were in high school again, he thought miserably…He was coming up for 30 soon enough and he was still acting like he had when he was 15…..
Kaoru sighed irritably and Toshiya gave his hand a small squeeze for support, and for a brief moment the stress that usually hounded him was lifted. He was really glad the bassist sitting next to him insisted on doing such effeminate things like holding his hand sometimes.
“And you know who hears about this kind of shit don’t you…Yoshiki Kyo, Yoshiki….Do you want to face him? Because I sure as hell don’t…Goddammit and if the press gets a hold of this what the hell are we gonna say… ‘Oh no we didn’t mean anything by it, these things just sort of happen when you have lead singers who can’t get over things that happened eons ago...’”
Die and Shinya’s eyes met in agreement on one thing -- they were glad they were sitting in the front.
“Listen would you shut up already?!! Toshiya was the one who hit Aiji first and neither of you got your earlobe ripped in half so why the hell are you bitching at me?!!” Kyo mumbled roughly, annoyed with the tone Kaoru was droning on in.
“He wouldn’t have had to hit anyone if you could have kept your temper in check for once!!!”
Kaoru didn’t like when Toshiya was blamed for anything and he felt himself getting just as wound up as he was earlier.
“It’s not my fault Kirito’s an asshole!!”
“No, but it is your fault you let it get to you!!”
Kyo sat up straight and met Kaoru’s dark eyes with his own. He was getting really pissed off with the older man’s behavior today.
“Oh yeah and I saw you handle that faggot comment with stride as well, Fearless Leader…”
Toshiya silently wondered what had gotten into them all as he stroked the sensitive flesh of his lover’s palm restlessly. Was tonight a full moon?
“Kyo don’t make me put that cigarette out in your eye because I will.”
“Yeah let’s see you try…..”
“Hey I’ve got an idea!” Die exclaimed while keeping his eyes on the road, trying to prevent himself from smashing his car into the nearest telephone pole to get Kyo and Kaoru to stop quarreling. Sure he still hadn’t paid for all of it yet but the result would be worth it.
“Why don’t we all go out drinking? That way Kyo won’t feel anything and Kaoru can reap the benefits of Totchi’s infamous drunken lap dance!” he tried to say as enthusiastically as possible, despite the fact that he really wanted to get them wasted just so they’d shut the hell up and he’d up the chances of Shinya’s face falling in his lap with an open mouth.
“Yeah, that’s a great idea,” Shinya piped up, attempting not to sound overly sarcastic towards Die’s witty choice of words.
“Mmm let’s go Kaoru-kun, drinking would be fun…,” the bassist cooed in agreement, all too ready to forget the day’s events so far. His pink tongue darted out to lick Kaoru’s earlobe in persuasion.
“It’s decided then! Three against -- well whatever we’re going dammit,” Die finished determinedly before Kaoru or Kyo could object.
“Let me drop the car off and we’ll call a taxi.”
Shinya turned on the radio to Gackt’s Secret Garden rather loudly to end all conversation, and Toshiya began softly singing along.
~*~
“You know, maybe you’re right Kirito…Maybe you need a break or something….” Kohta suggested quietly without looking to his brother sitting shotgun.
The vocalist paid little attention to the blonde, too busy fiddling with the bandages covering the left side of his mouth. He’d hated bandages ever since he was a kid and right now he wanted to do no more than just rip them off his face, even if it did mean bleeding all over the place.
At Kirito’s insistence, the rest of the band had returned home, albeit a tad reluctantly, after the hospital was done with him. At Kohta’s insistence the two had ended up together in his car, upon his being adamant that Kirito wasn’t in the right state for driving. The redhead surprisingly didn’t object -- Kohta figured it was because it hurt to speak having seen the gashes Kyo had managed to inflict. There wasn’t one, but two thick cuts revealed by the doctor’s cleaning -- the first having split his lip deeply and the second having torn up the side of his mouth. Kirito claimed it was due to Kyo sucker-punching him consecutively after making contact the first time. He also claimed he was soon going to own all of Kyo’s rings via cutting his fingers off, but that was another story.
“Mom’s been asking about you….Maybe after we wrap up this magazine round we should go home for a bit, huh? You know, maybe you need to get away from the city for awhile, get some fresh air or something….”
The bassist dared to spare a glance at Kirito in hopes of finding support. He found none, only a glare that let him know his brother would rather die than follow through with that suggestion.
“If you hadn’t noticed, the round ended when a fist collided with my face. And I’m not going home,” he hissed, wincing at the pain those words incurred.
That was why he hated being left alone with Kohta -- the guy always got overly-sentimental with him, talking about memories of their childhood or seeing their parents or other shit he could care less about, didn’t want to think about, and definitely didn’t want to talk about. If they weren’t in the same band he probably wouldn’t see him either -- no, he definitely wouldn’t see him either, Kirito reinforced mentally, angry that Kohta’s answer to everything was to return home.
There was silence in the car for a little bit.
“She’s really worried,” Kohta began again, this time in a much softer voice. “The both of them are…They think we’re working too hard, you especially since you haven’t been home in ages…..And they’re kinda right, aren’t they? I mean look at today,” he subconsciously rubbed his throat to soothe the still-stinging nail marks Kaoru had left there, “it really shouldn’t have happened….If we weren’t so stressed it wouldn’t have, would it? I mean you’re normally so composed….I can’t help but think--”
“Well you need to quit thinking for once damn it. And where are we going anyways? Back to your place?”
“No,” he lied.
Kohta knew by Kirito’s tone of voice that going back to his apartment was the last thing he wanted to do, but he had a bad feeling about leaving his brother alone. Not like he was bound to fall into a coma or something, but….
“Where do you want to go? We could go get some drinks, to ease the pain and all…,” the blonde suggested genially.
“That’s what the pills are for and no I don’t want to go drinking. Just take me home.”
“To my place,” he muttered as an afterthought, knowing Kohta would take any chance he got to drag him back to their real house.
“Okay, if that’s what you want.”
The blonde put his turn signal on to loop around and head in the opposite direction.
Then a thought occurred to the vocalist. A very pleasant one. He knew what he wanted….
“No wait, take me to the office.”
“Huh?”
The office you moron, his brain snapped, where we go almost everyday of our fucking lives to practice…
“Work Kohta, to work….I left my wallet at the studio.”
“Oh, okay.”
He quickly looked at his brother to make sure he’d heard right then mentally sketched a map for the best route to take. Maybe it was best for Kirito to go home and get some rest, he thought after all, but something still wasn’t sitting right. He tried to look at the redhead from the corner of his eye and figure it out.
Then it hit him.
Why was Kirito wearing his wallet chain if he didn’t have his wallet?
~*~
“Sayonara daisu~ki na hito~”
“Sayonara daisu~ki na hito~~”
“Zu~tto, daisu~ki na hito~”
“Zu~tto zutto~ daisu~ki na hito~~” Toshiya, Shinya, and Die sang together in drunken camaraderie, previous solos forgotten.
Die threw his arms around Shinya for emphasis and Shinya giggled, not aware that Die had been ordering him much stronger drinks than he was used to (the fruit and umbrellas had fooled him).Toshiya began waving goodbye to no one in particular as he sang, having discovered around three rounds earlier that he really, really liked to sing. Kaoru laughed at the sound and sight of all three of them, as well as the feel of Toshiya singing in his lap.
Kyo literally banged his head against the table in hopes that he could drown out the awful sound. They weren’t even at a karaoke bar for Christ’s sake.
“I swear that song has the stupidest fucking lyrics ever,” Kyo spoke loudly into the table upon the trio’s finish.
“Oh yeah like ‘one sad sexually two sad sexually’’s gonna win the Nobel Prize soon…” Die scoffed before he took another swig from his mug.
Kaoru laughed harder at that.
“Die-kun~ Kyo-chan’s just jealous ‘cause he can’t sing, that’s all,” Shinya giggled into the guitarist’s scarlet hair, suddenly liking the scent of it.
Needless to say the two of them were really wasted.
Kyo rolled his head to one side so he could say exactly what he thought about their comments, then jerked upwards abruptly, cursing profusely and clutching the ear he’d forgotten he’d injured.
By now Kaoru was laughing so hard he had trouble breathing.
Toshiya thought he could help the situation by changing the hand that was waving goodbye to fanning air into the guitarist’s face instead. Then he decided it was taking too much effort and to go back to singing instead.
“I can’t have lots of beautiful things, because I’m scared to lose them,” he began happily.
Shinya immediately recognized the song and began drunkenly murmuring the lyrics into Die’s ear, while the bassist started drawing circles on Kaoru’s somewhat exposed chest.
“But, I want you I want you I want you even if you love someone else~”
Kyo couldn’t tell if he wanted to vomit because of the taste of the vodka he’d just downed or because of the ludicrously smug looks on Die and Kaoru’s faces.
“I don’t care if you don’t know why the clear sky is so blue, but I want you to know why~~~why my cheeks~~ are pink.”
The blonde cringed at Toshiya trying to hit the high notes and noted that his pronunciation was even weirder than Hitomi’s.
He wanted to go home.
Now.
“Darlin’ Darlin’~~ Koko ni kite~~ Mieru dessho~ Watashi ga~” everyone, except Deg’s vocalist ironically, sang.
That was the last straw. When Kaoru started singing he was out of there.
“Darlin’ Darlin’--”
“I’m leaving.”
“-Ano hi no kissu --”
“I said I’m leaving you idiots!!!” Kyo yelled, and despite the clamor of the busy bar a few people turned their heads to look at him.
“Well fine, you don’t have to be so rude about it,” Toshiya said in a huff, offended that Kyo had disrupted his group harmony. Had he no respect for the sacredness of a band’s unity?
Kaoru hazily realized that Kyo may be seriously angry and brought his hand up behind his lover’s head to guide it towards his neck, bringing Toshiya’s lips closer to the flesh so that he would refrain from talking and do something more useful.
“But our cab’s not set to come until later…”
“I don’t care. I’ll find my own dammit.”
“Are you sure?” Die asked lazily, not too interested if Kyo stayed or went. Either way he was getting laid tonight, and that was all that mattered to him.
Kyo surveyed the scene one more time.
Toshiya was straddling Kaoru now, his tight blue jeans stretched like a second skin, neck bent so he could continue his quest to leave a record amount of kiss marks on the shorter man’s neck. Kaoru was looking at him with a smirk, eyeliner smeared from the many times his lover had kissed his eyelids earlier, arms wrapped around Toshiya’s shapely waist. Die was looking at him too, with eyes half shut in pleasure and drunken stupor, and one arm draped around Shinya’s shoulders. Shinya was curled against him, still giggling about something, his hand repeatedly stroking Die’s chest. That was unnerving enough, seeing the normally reserved Shinya giggling like a schoolgirl. A really wasted schoolgirl. But it was pretty obvious what was on everyone’s mind.
What the hell did they expect him to do, try and bed the goddamn table?
“Yeah, I’m sure,” he spat icily.
“But Kyo hasn’t sung yet!” Shinya attempted to protest once he realized the blonde wasn’t sitting with them anymore, although it finished with him giggling again.
Die laughed softly to himself at Shinya’s extroverted behavior.
“Shhhh,” he said in what he thought was a quiet voice, placing a finger somewhat in the center of the drummer’s lips since he was too drunk to judge where the center was, “Kyo-chan doesn’t like to have fun the same way we do…..”
The blonde resisted the urge to rip his band mate’s head off.
“Well I’m sorry getting it up the ass isn’t my idea of a good time Die,” Kyo growled while rolling his eyes, completely fed up with the lot of them.
No one retorted as the small blonde heatedly stormed off, lips too busy attending to other matters for them to speak.
Toshiya lifted his head up after he saw Kyo had left.
“Kaoru-kun…,” he whispered lovingly, entwining his finger in the leather cord hanging around the guitarist’s neck, “…..would you find me sexier if I told you I could Para Para?”
~*~
“Is he okay do you think?”
“As okay as he’ll ever be I guess….”
Aiji and Kohta had been on the phone for about an hour before they had finally hit the one subject they both inwardly wanted to talk about.
“How was he on the way home?”
“Quiet, as usual, but when he did speak it was a little stranger than normal. I think it hurts to move his mouth.”
Aiji turned off his TV with a click so that he could pay closer attention to their conversation. He wasn’t in the mood to watch the end of Saturday SMAP anyways.
“God I guess the only thing we are lucky about is that the tour is over with….What the hell would we have done if he had to go on stage like that?”
“You tell me…I can’t believe Kyo didn’t have the consideration to at least think of that. I shoulda punched him in the face so we could see how his band’d deal with it.”
Although they may have sounded like gossiping teenagers to most ears, in reality Aiji and Kohta were close friends and always talked more than was usual for males their age. They’d never really mentioned the fact to one another, or wondered how such a relationship had formed. It was mutually understood their concern for Kirito had drawn them together in such an odd fashion and the need for the affection that he rarely provided either of them with that kept it together. Strange, yet a fully functioning bond that suited the both of them fine. At least that was what the rest of the band had figured, seeing as the two had only a few things in common besides their music. Kirito himself was thought to have no idea about the whole thing or to at least not care enough about it to say anything.
“Yeah I know -- an eye patch is one thing and even a cast can be dealt with, but when he can’t sing properly….Although knowing Kyo I bet that’s what he was aiming for, trying to maim Kirito-kun senseless and ruin all our lives ‘cause their tour got screwed….Needs to fucking get over it…..”
Aiji paused briefly, still marveling over the balls and stupidity Dir en grey’s vocalist had shown.
“I swear they should keep a muzzle on the ferocious little mutt…Provoking Kirito like that, it’s absurd…..How do his band members stand him anyways?”
“I don’t know, but I don’t wanna know either. All of them freak me out in one way or another, and I really don’t want to think of what they actually do with one another….”
The guitarist made a grunt of approval.
“Hey, you’re okay aren’t you? I didn’t think that Toshiya bastard left a mark, but I’ve been meaning to ask….”
Kohta was worried about that as well but he hadn’t wanted to mention it for fear of embarrassing his friend. Having some guy who decidedly had a cup size slap him would have bruised his ego pretty badly at least….
“Yeah yeah I’m fine. Was just a little shocked after all…But I’ll tell you, Takeo has a grip like there’s no tomorrow! I always hear drummers have the strongest arms but I didn’t believe it…But I really wanted to lay it into him though you know? All I got was a couple of scratches on his face and ripped his shirt a bit…I mean what the hell it isn’t my fault he goes around parading like some flippant slut and then expects to be called a man…He wants to slap someone it should be Kyo to begin with for saying what he did….”
Kohta’s throat rumbled in agreement this time.
“And what about you? Kaoru didn’t hurt you did he?”
“What do you think?”
There was a slight slice of silence and then the two began laughing in unison.
“Nah, he left a couple nail marks but I left a few bruises I think are gonna make Toshiya jealous…Guy wouldn’t have known what to do with me if I’d actually let him off the floor….”
“That’s what I thought ne….”
Aiji looked at the clock at his bedside and realized it was getting somewhat late.
“Hey you tried to go home with Kirito right?” he said abruptly, changing the subject a little.
“Yeah, but he wouldn’t have it. Why?”
“I wanna go see if he’s okay…”
“Aiji I don’t know if now’s the best time….He’s been kinda, well, you know how he’s been lately….”
“It’ll be okay, don’t worry about it…I just want to make sure he hasn’t run off to kill Kyo or something.”
Kohta chuckled a little at the thought, but still disagreed somewhat with his friend’s idea.
“Hmm..I guess, but be careful okay? He’s in a bad mood and you know the kinda of things he --”
“Yeah I know the kind of things he says,” Aiji ended, tone soft but rushed, cutting Kohta off before the blonde could finish.
The bassist was speechless for a moment as the same curious feeling Aiji more and more frequently induced within him rose to the surface yet again. Sometimes he really wondered what spurned Aiji to look after his brother so much when there was no need for him to do so, or why he quietly yet consistently believed he could affect Kirito when he himself couldn’t…
…and he found himself wondering if Aiji wasn’t just as offended by Kyo’s comment as Toshiya was by Aiji’s.
Sure the stage was just a stage, and he knew that both Aiji and Kirito would do anything for the band, yet…But he brushed the fleeting notion aside. If the guitarist could reach his brother more than he could then by all means he wasn’t about to dissuade him. If he made Kirito happy in a way he couldn’t, then it couldn’t be wrong….
“Well take care of him okay? I mean he’s probably ripped all the gauze off his face by now, undone his stitches accidentally and is covered in blood…Maybe the sight of you will put a little sense back in him ne?”
Kohta’s voice was warm, completely enveloping the slight ambiance of awkwardness Aiji had stirred, and the brunette was a little taken aback.
“…Yeah you’re probably right, that sounds like Kirito doesn’t it? Anyways, I’ll do my best ne? Even if he starts to bite…”
They laughed a little again and then said their goodbyes, with Aiji promising to call Kohta the next day. All in all Kohta felt relieved with the way things were going, despite the little tugging at his brain that said he really had no idea how things were going, or how they’d been going when it came to Kirito’s life. Especially Kirito’s life and Aiji’s life intertwined. He reached over for his bedroom’s air con remote and turned the heat up a little, resigning himself not to pry, even if it did concern two people in his life that were dear to him.
Everyone had a right to some amount of privacy, he thought to himself while rolling over in bed, weary from the day’s events and ready to sleep.
He just prayed inwardly that Aiji wasn’t searching for something that didn’t exist…
~*~
“Hora,” Takeo mouthed to his companion, not quite sure if he was feeling the effects of the never-ending mug of beer he’d been nursing for the past few hours or if he was really seeing what he thought he was.
“Nani?” Jun whispered back, slightly tipsy himself.
He had no idea what the hell the drummer had just tried to say.
“Hora, mitte yo!” he whispered back, gesturing with his head to look behind both of them.
“Nan da ka?” Jun whispered as he turned his head around slowly, afraid of what he might see.
“Dude is it just me or is that chick in the corner back there doing that Para Para shit?”
Pierrot’s inebriated guitarist squinted his eyes so he could see through the smoke-filled the air. Damn the booths looked really freaking far from the bar, he thought. Or maybe his eyes just weren’t what they used to be. Or maybe he was drunk. Anyhow, he was having a hard time spotting the person Takeo was talking about as he scanned the area.
“Wrong direction aho, over in the opposite corner!”
Jun redirected his gaze.
Ooooooooohhhhhh. She was pretty obvious now he knew where to look. And she was pretty good at hand dancing too from what he could see, her friends cheering her on, even though the music in the bar was way off the beat she was following.
“She’s pretty,” Jun replied, hypnotized by the sparkly Union Jack shirt the young woman had on.
“Yeah but isn’t it weird to see a girl in here? Every time we come it’s nothing but guys…Plus what the hell is she doing Para Para for, this isn’t Mickey Mouse’s Rave for crying out loud….”
The guitarist nodded his head in agreement, but his eyes were still fixed on the body in the corner. Wasn’t that Night of Fire she was pulling off?
“Yeah….no wait….”
Jun squinted harder as the man whose lap the girl was sitting on slipped a hand up her shirt, forcing the rigid fabric to climb upwards with his quick fingers. The female in question’s face lit up as a smile totally different from her normal looks spread across her face and she melted back against the man’s body, tilting her head back immodestly as she let the him caress a nipple in plain view.
“Hey Takeo, that isn’t a girl….”
“Huh?”
Takeo turned his head back around to see what Jun was looking at.
“She’s got no breasts…..”
The drummer half snorted/half laughed at the mock peep show going on in the corner.
“I’ve dated worse, trust me.”
“No I’m serious man, that’s a guy….That’s….that’s….”
What was it anyways? He felt like he knew something important but was too wasted to remember it at the moment….
“That’s…..that’s….holy shit that’s Totchi!!!!” Jun cried out as a brick of soberness went flying through the window of his brain. Then he hurriedly turned his face back to the bar in case the bassist had heard.
“Totchi? What the hell’s a ‘Totchi’?” Takeo inquired suspiciously. “You’re not getting back into collectibles again are you?” he finished in a slightly worried tone, remembering the guitarist’s past fetish for blowing money on strange furry things.
“No retard, it’s Totchi! Toshiya, that guy who slapped Aiji today!”
“Then why are you calling him by some goddamn pet name?” the drummer retorted in a slightly heated manner, annoyed that Jun was acting like he should have assumed anything called Totchi doing Para Para was naturally Deg’s bassist.
When Jun didn’t reply immediately due to his sudden revelation that Toshiya had changed clothes and that’s why he looked different from this morning, his drinking partner got a little antsy.
“……..He’s not your bitch is he?”
Jun tried not to look at Takeo like he had a few tentacles popping out his mouth and a little beak in the middle of it all. He’d forgotten his friend’s habit of speaking in the most un-Takeo-like fashion possible when drunk.
“…Is he?” he inquired again, slowly starting to fear the answer.
“Uhh no Takeo, he’s not my ‘bitch’, I just hear a lot of people call him that….”
Jun sneaked another peek at the table in the corner. Toshiya’s lips were locked onto the other man’s while a hand was tucking itself beneath the waist of his jeans and out of sight.
“And by the looks of it, he’s already got a dog collar slapped around his neck….”
“WHOA yeah I see what you mean…”
Takeo wished he hadn’t turned to look back as he blushed over the eyeful.
“Who’s he with anyways?” the drummer asked as he downed the rest of his beer.
“I dunno…maybe a boyfriend? The rest of the band?”
“What the guitarist?”
“I can’t see who’s lap he’s sitting in, it could be him…”
“Maybe a customer?”
Jun’s eyes widened as he tried to figure out if his friend was serious or not, but found himself laughing anyways.
“Takeo!”
“What I’m just saying, I hear some of these guys like to do weird things in their spare time…”
“Yeah right -- like who?”
“I heard one time that Gackt---”
“Hey don’t you start about Gackt again. I like him,” Jun said defensively, knowing how Takeo liked to rag on the pretty boys.
“Yeah well I’m just saying, I’ve heard some weird stuff….”
Jun finished his own mug of Kirin and waved to the bartender for another one.
“Well what I wanna know is why he’s here anyways. This is our bar you know?”
“Yeah.”
Takeo paused for a moment of contemplation.
“Yeah it is. Let’s go kick their asses.”
The guitarist laughed and rolled his eyes.
“Man Takeo, drink a little slower -- you’re really wasted. But that aside, I do wanna go over there.”
“Why?”
The brunette eyed him funny again.
“I’m not sleeping with Toshiya, lay off it okay?”
He seemed content with that answer and took another swig to let Jun continue.
“Well I mean it’s not like we hate them or anything right? It’s basically just Kirito and Kyo who hate each other, and we should be on as good a terms as possible the way I see it…..Publicity and everything right? Kinda like we just give a no hard feelings speech and tell them Kirito’s just a little strange in the head or something. They’ll believe it. Be the nice guys and make up for a few bad words said in the past. And say Aiji doesn’t really hate gays.”
He paused to marvel over his quick yet non-sober thinking.
“Yeah, we should definitely say that. Toshiya could turn the whole J-rock community against us if that little quote got out.”
Jun and Takeo both shuddered at the thought of being spit on by any other band they were liable to tour with ever again.
“Okay okay, quit making sense will you…We’ll play nice for now. But if he starts acting bratty or really queer or something we switch to my plan okay?”
Jun peered over at the youth and his companion for the night and wondered if it the “really queer” part of Takeo’s notion wasn’t going to screw him over big time.
~*~
“Kirito?” Aiji called gingerly into the darkness.
“Kirito? Are you home?”
He quietly shut the door behind him, afraid of disturbing the vocalist’s rest lest he be sleeping.
Despite how antisocial Pierrot believed the redhead to be, he’d given Aiji alone a key to his apartment in case of emergencies. The day that he’d done so might have been the day Aiji started walking down the wrong path so to speak -- he’d naturally thought Kirito was inviting him into his bed or subtly demanding it. He’d learned fairly soon that Kirito had been speaking literally -- that he always said what he meant despite the damage it might inflict to those around him. And Aiji liked that; he liked knowing exactly where he stood with the vocalist even if it wasn’t where he wanted to be.
“Kirito? It’s me, Aiji….,” he spoke softly as he turned on a light, then mentally slapped himself for not having learned his lesson with saying that phrase.
Of course it’s you, who the fuck else would it be? Kirito habitually spat at him until he’d started saying simply “konnichiwa” or nothing at all.
Nothing at all, he thought bitterly, nothing at all is what suits him best, isn’t it?
Although he had never used it for the purpose of an emergency, he did ironically enough use his key quite frequently due to Kirito’s impossibly hard to tolerate behavior. It had began one afternoon back in their indies days when the vocalist had been particularly agitated about something and had basically told everyone he didn’t give a flying fuck about practicing for the rest of the day and left. Out of concern Aiji had shown up at his apartment soon afterwards, expecting that Kirito maybe needed someone to talk to. Past opening the door and saying “oh, it’s you” however, the vocalist didn’t speak to him at all. Nor did he ask him to leave. Aiji had just waited patiently, sitting on the couch watching TV with him for around three hours until he realized Kirito wasn’t going to talk to him at all, just let him sit. The next time the same occurrence had replayed itself, Aiji had given the confidant approach another try, but when he found Kirito’s behavior to be no different, left out of indignity and hurt. The following day the vocalist had made his life hell, singling him out during practice and saying things so harsh he could do nothing more than look at the floor and pray Kirito didn’t slap him to make the sting of his words physical. After that, he had become used to the pattern of following an upset Kirito home and consoling him with silence. If he missed a day he was always in for the same cold words afterwards. Soon Kirito had tired of answering the door for him and eventually yelled from the couch just to use the key. He was always sitting on the worn piece of furniture with the remote in his hand, staring at the television screen with a vacant look on his face but never really watching it. The guitarist always wondered if they flashed that the world was going to end if even that could catch his attention.
Aiji walked to Kirito’s bedroom to check if he was sleeping.
Why he had fallen for Kirito he really didn’t know. He’d heard love was blind, but never that it was deaf, mute, and stupid as well. Kirito had never given him a compliment in his life, never said a word of praise, something nice, something friendly -- he’d never said anything that wasn’t an insult to him period. He barely acknowledged that Aiji was human at all, and if he did, refused to treat him like one. He’d never once hinted that he wanted Aiji in a sexual manner, that he liked the company of men, that he liked the company of woman -- of anyone at all.
Kirito’s room was dark as usual save for the red glow of the heating lamp in his snake’s aquarium. Aiji walked over to the tank to see the pale cream and lemon form coiled and resting in an indiscernible mass.
She was beautiful to Kirito -- this he knew well. He treasured the albino boa immensely although no one knew he had it and Aiji himself didn’t quite understand the passion his friend held for the animal. One time he had let himself in the day Kirito had complained of a headache during practice and practically fainted at the mike. Kohta noted that he had a fever, but once the vocalist had regained consciousness he’d left before anyone could protest. Aiji had followed naturally, although when he had opened the door the man wasn’t sitting in his usual position. It had taken a lot of courage on his part to check the bedroom, his mind instinctually harboring thoughts of finding not one, but two people there. Alas, when he had opened the door, he found Kirito was lying on his bed alone, looking paler than normal and definitely ill. But what had frightened Aiji the most was the sight of a large snake sliding over his sleeping body, one unblinking blood red eye staring back at him while it’s forked tongue tasted the air relentlessly. The guitarist had wanted to kill it, immediate thought being that it had appeared out of nowhere to suffocate Kirito to death. He hadn’t known what to do, watching the seemingly endless body of muscle woven within Kirito’s legs and resting on top of his body almost lazily, head being the only part that moved to keep an eye on the unnerved guitarist, for at least a half an hour. Eventually Aiji had remembered everything he’d seen about snakes on TV and steeled his nerves enough to try and move the reptile, but didn’t get far. The minute he’d tried to pick up its tail Kirito’s eyes fluttered open and, despite the fever-induced sluggishness about him, he’d quietly yet thoroughly explained to Aiji what he would do to him if he ever tried to touch his pet again. Aiji didn’t know whether to think Kirito had cracked or what as he watched the youth lovingly gather the reptile in his arms, allowing her to wrap half her body around one of the appendages and lay the rest around his neck and shoulders. He couldn’t tell if it was the illness or not but there had been a fire in Kirito’s eyes that had seemed so insanely wild yet protective and caring that had made him shiver in both delight and fear. However, the vocalist had calmly laid back down after his threats, heavy eyelids falling over his ochre irises as peace had washed over his face once more, while Aiji could do no more than leave, the reptile still eyeing in him in soundless thought.
He looked to the bed but saw no outline of a body and decided to check the kitchen for clues.
But Aiji knew what it was like to feel that way for something, to find it so beautiful and enchanting that you wouldn’t let go no matter what, even if it killed you. Kirito’s voice had done that to him -- the sound of it was like a shot of liquid heroin to his veins, each time making him crave more and more. He found the melodic voice blocking out the rules of society, what he had been taught about who it was right for him to be infatuated with and who wasn’t right, because the high made him weak, made him fall to the floor in ecstasy and not remember life past Kirito’s song. And at first that’s all the man was to him -- a skillful manipulation of vocal chords that touched something deep within him. Then Kirito just had to give him the key….The second their hands had touched he had realized that there was flesh and blood behind his secret pleasure, that the voice could be touched and felt and in turn could touch and feel as well. He’d known all along that Kirito wasn’t handsome by normal standards, but there was something about him that steadily began driving the guitarist wild in the most unconventional of ways….That his eyes had this horrible knowing look in them whenever he gazed at Aiji -- like he knew of all of his sins, but was inviting him to commit more. The way he ran a hand through his hair when he was irritated or getting impatient; how when he smoked a cigarette he let his index and middle finger rest on his lips like he did in photo shoots. His smirk. That when he was healthy he stood as if nothing could enter his world and scathe him, but how when he was sick he was so weak he could do no more than murmur in his lovely voice, completely helpless. How when he wanted it to his body flowed with both the fluidity of water and the flickering grace of fire. And when he began touching Aiji during concerts the guitarist thought he was going to die….The slight rubbing of cheek against cheek, Kirito taunting him to lose control, to shudder and whimper in frustration and agony…To place himself below him like that, to throw his head back and let Kirito place his hands where he wished to….to open his mouth in submission and lust and let the vocalist skim his lips with his own, delving his tongue into the waiting cavern and let the soft, rose-colored pieces of flesh slide against one another…..He wanted him to wrap his hands around his neck and whisper those hateful things he thought into his ear in that magnificent voice; for him to pour all of his enigmatic animosity out and onto his yielding body, to throw him to the floor and do what he would to him, loving and despising him and breaking him apart to show him he meant it. It got him so excited sometimes he forgot the next guitar riff; left him breathless at night and wondering why such thoughts felt as good as they did.
The kitchen table was clean, meaning Kirito hadn’t eaten since he’d returned home, as he even though he didn’t eat much he always left used plates on the table until the next morning. Aiji was starting to wonder if the man had returned at all, until he noticed one of the counter drawers was left open. It was the knife drawer, and Aiji knew so because sometimes Kirito asked him to get random things from the kitchen -- he’d thrust his hand inside thinking it was where the regular cutlery were, forgetting he wasn’t in his own apartment and cutting up at least one finger. He peered inside to find most of its contents had been thrown around and several of the utensils had been slapped on the counter top haphazardly, and a few more lay scattered on the floor.
But he didn’t believe he could ever really have Kirito. After all, he wasn’t beautiful himself. Why would Kirito want to love one of the humans he so tactfully avoided anyways, let alone an unattractive one at that? He’d never cared about his appearance until he’d fallen for the vocalist. Before he’d felt that keeping himself neat, clean, and wearing nice clothes kept him at full potential as a male. Even when he’d entered a band and then got thrown into the Visual Kei scene he didn’t give much thought to what designers wanted to do to him -- he just let them work, figuring he’d invariably have the same face at the end of it all. But things had changed. Drastically. It was if one day he opened his eyes all over again, and saw the people in his industry for the first time.
And envied them, horrendously.
The men who’s bodies were so aesthetically pleasing that merely parting their lips caused hearts to stop. Who could slide paint across those same lips and shadow across their eyelids and have any man they want, wash it all off and have any woman they so desired -- have those of both genders who swung both ways any time of the day they felt like it. Who rarely looked outside of their own world of glamour for company because no one else was worthy of theirs. Who looked wonderful in any possible piece of clothing and simply stunning when wearing nothing at all.
Men like Toshiya.
He looked at the mess of gleaming silver for only a moment longer, then began picking up the pieces and placing them back in the drawer.
Honestly Aiji didn’t say what he said because he detested the boy. He barely even knew him -- how could he? From what he’d seen, Dir en grey seemed like a bunch of normal guys, each with a few stereotype-inducing characteristics, but nothing more. So what if at least one of them was gay. It wasn’t like he hadn’t seen it before. Wasn’t like he wasn’t just as queer himself, even if it was all for Kirito. But something had snapped today, like he knew it would eventually. He’d just been waiting and trying to fight it along the way. Seeing that gorgeous boy pressed against his lover so openly, looking so perfect molded against his side despite the clashing of clothes, the difference of height, the fact that they were both male…..It had made him want to kill him. To rip them apart from each other and disrupt the picturesque scene so he didn’t have to think about what he’d never have anymore. How he’d never be able to wrap his arm around Kirito’s and whisper wordless nothings into his ear, laugh demurely by his side, lean his head against his shoulder and sigh, all because he wasn’t beautiful, would never be beautiful, and only beautiful people could do such things. It was reality, a very solid reality that was spoon fed to Aiji on a daily basis. He looked awkward, plain, and completely undesirable. In a word -- ugly. And it tore at his heart. At one point he had even started bullying Jun because he thought his friend to be prettier than himself. He hadn’t wanted to, just like he hadn’t wanted to make Toshiya cry today….he just didn’t want to be ugly. He wanted to be something Kirito could boast about, wanted to be the special human that stood apart from the rest and didn’t look disgusting to his eyes…..When Toshiya had slapped him he couldn’t really blame the bassist. After all, he was acting out of spite and jealousy, just like some spoiled child. Toshiya had every right to see through him and hurt him even more -- teach him a lesson to fight against the way the world was.
Aiji slid the drawer back in place and went back into the living room, but as he left the kitchen, something else caught his eye. The drawer of the desk in the corner of Kirito’s living room had been pulled out as well, and placed on top of it. Various papers and pens were scattered on and around the piece of furniture, and the guitarist moved closer to investigate. He stopped in his tracks as he heard a crunching noise, then bent over to pick up a ruler he’d stepped on.
Yet today had been worth it. The slap had been worth it, and he would have suffered through a thousand just to see what he had seen, to re-experience the swelling of raw emotion in his chest that had seeped into every inch of his lungs and nearly suffocated him. It had been indescribable, that surge of seemingly everything, all because of those eyes…
Kirito’s eyes.
There had been the same glow of untamed passion within them when he looked down at Aiji right before he pushed Toshiya. The same blaze in his eyes Aiji had witnessed only once, on the day that Kirito had been so very sick. ….Even through the plastic contact coating he could feel it, feel the gaze set his soul afire and consume him whole. And it was good. Great. Fucking perfect. Bliss. He knew it now, knew that he meant something -- occupied some obscure little crevice within the vocalist who occupied all of his mind and spirit. In the hospital when Kohta had gone to fill out the necessary forms and Jun had followed out of anxiety, prompting Takeo to leave as well, Aiji had refused to leave Kirito. He really couldn’t, not after someone had inflicted pain upon the one person who meant so much to him. The whole world could abandon his love and he would never move an inch from his side, he had vowed to himself long ago. In silence he had watched the vocalist clench his fists so tightly Aiji was sure blood would flow from them any second or Kirito would snap and start destroying whatever he could in the room. He hadn’t said a word since he had screamed at Kyo. But Aiji knew something was going to happen between the two of them. He had almost tried to initiate it right there, in the antiseptic hospital room, but stopped himself out of fear of the others invading their private world. He couldn’t have that. Whatever Kirito wanted to bestow upon him was for their eyes only. So instead he had waited until now to come receive the vocalist’s blessing. Ultimately he had been waiting for years for this moment -- a little more time was going to hurt.
He realized that whatever Kirito had pulled from the drawer was his own business and would probably just cause unnecessary trouble if the redhead caught him cleaning the mess up. Instead he bent over to pick up the broken ruler and throw it in the trash. When he was done with the task he walked back to the couch and grabbed the remote control off the table, clicking the television set on and turning down the volume to a low buzz. He sat down on his normal side of the couch and shifted a bit to get more comfortable.
The brunette had a vague idea of where Kirito was and what he was doing right now. He whole-heartedly supported any decisions the other man made and wasn’t about to do anymore than wait for his return. They would settle things with one another then. For now…..wait.
It was going to be either the best decision or the worst decision he had ever made in his life.
~*~
Jun and Takeo warily made their way over to the booth in the corner, both grasping their beer mugs tightly for support.
“Oh wait, shit, what if Kyo’s there?” Takeo realized halfway across the bar room. “He’ll try and kill us for sure…..”
Jun looked to the group of men surrounding Toshiya and quickly searched for any trace of blonde hair.
“I don’t think he’s there -- the coast is clear!”
Takeo looked wearily to the group and back to Jun who had already resumed walking in their direction. Well, that idea had certainly fell flat. He followed after the guitarist until they were both standing directly in front of the group’s table.
The two members of Pierrot stood quietly, waiting to be acknowledged by the four men who were way too interested in one another to give a damn if a meteor just about crashed into their table at that moment. Jun took another sip of his beer and fidgeted a bit. Takeo shifted from foot to foot as he stared at the couples coming as close to having sex was possible in a public place, although he was pretty sure the redhead was crossing even that line and inventing a new limit.
Wait, the redhead?
He stared at them all again, wondering why the man’s hair looked so familiar. Purple, black, brown, red. Purple, black, brown, red….The guy under Kohta, the guy who slapped Aiji, the guy holding back the guy who slapped Aiji, the guy Jun was trying to pull off Kohta…..
A chilly sense of dread crawled up his spine as realization sunk in.
“Jun,” he whispered frantically into the boy’s ear, tugging simultaneously on his sleeve, “Jun, he really is with his band, you were right…and…and they’re all gay….and they’re all making out, with each other…Dir en grey is a bunch of homosexual FAIRIES…”
Takeo froze as he thought Kaoru’s eye opened enough to focus on him.
“It appears that way, doesn’t it?” he replied, a little irritated with having the band members pay no heed to his attention-getting coughs. Sick of being ignored, Jun innocently reached a hand over the table and pushed a quarter-filled beer mug over.
“Samui!” Shinya cried as the liquor spilt over the table edge and onto his thigh.
The band ceased their activities at the sound of their drummer’s voice and fought to catch their breath.
“Here, lemme clean that up for you…” Die murmured as he ventured under the table.
Toshiya and Kaoru started laughing as Die tried his best to cram his body under the cheap furniture and disappear into the darkness beneath. Toshiya laughed harder when Shinya began giggling, then looked to Kaoru to see his pretty smile, only to realize Kaoru wasn’t smiling anymore. His mirth died down as he saw the murderous glare residing in his lover’s dark eyes.
“Kaoru-kun, what are you -- oh, hi there!”
Jun smiled back at Toshiya’s sweet face and Takeo tried to muster a grin.
“You must be Jun and Takeo right? From Pierrot?” he said warmly, speaking as if their sudden appearance was the most natural thing in the world.
The addressed nodded.
“Hey Takeo, you wanna sit down? You’re looking kinda pale over there…”
Takeo shook his head briskly in declination.
“Anyways, I’m Toshiya. I play bass. And I can draw. And sing. And I have the sexiest man on Earth as my boyfriend. The gods love me, how about you?” he said with a slight slur to his voice, but ending it all in a toothy smile.
Jun continued to smile because he didn’t know how to answer and Takeo paled a bit more, then took a long swig from his mug.
“Oh and I hit your friend today too. So---”
Kaoru interrupted the boy’s apology by touching him somewhere the others couldn’t see, forcing Toshiya to end his sentence in a moan.
“I’m Kaoru. I play guitar. Your friend called my baby and I faggots today, and if you haven’t come to apologize, I can also kick your ass.”
“Yeah well about that,” Jun began nervously, knowing Takeo probably hadn’t taken that last comment too well, “we--”
“Shin-chan roll call!” Toshiya sang as he stretched an arm out to get the thinner boy’s attention. Jun paused to wait until he had finished snapping his fingers at the other band member to continue.
“We--”
“Shinya. Drums. Die-ughhhHHHHH Die!” he moaned loudly as the aforementioned sucked on the fabric of his pants a bit too close to home for comfort.
Toshiya giggled and kicked Die’s body under the table.
“Die-chan roll call!”
Takeo raised an eyebrow at Jun and the guitarist smiled meekly in response.
“Die, guitar…,” but the rest was muffled as Shinya shoved his hands under the table. “…..sex,” was the last thing Jun heard.
Toshiya laughed some more and then looked to Jun and Takeo expectantly.
“Well? Tell us a little bit about yourselves,” he prompted, shifting his position in Kaoru’s lap so he could prop his elbows on the table and lean forward, but also so he could grind his hips against the older man’s.
The two standing looked to one another in expectation. They played a fast round of Jan Ken Pon and Takeo lost.
“I’m Takeo. I play drums.”
But I don’t wear garter belts like your drummer and my band isn’t a bunch of homosexual fairies, he wanted to finish with, but resisted the urge.
“…and?” Toshiya nudged.
“And I like playing drums.”
“Anooo,” Jun began hastily, “I’m Jun, and I play guitar.”
“He likes collectibles,” Takeo added with a smirk.
“Shut up Takeo I--”
“I like Totoro collectibles!” Toshiya blurted happily. “They’re so cute!”
Jun rubbed the back of his head in a stereotypical fashion.
“…uh yeah, me too.”
Die emerged from beneath the table, immediately attacking Shinya’s lips with his own.
“So like, we came over here to apologize about today…”
“Apologize,” Takeo reinstated while looking at Kaoru.
“Kirito normally wouldn’t have acted like that except he’s been rather stressed lately, and well, he’s a little strange to begin with…you know these lead singers…”
The guitarist looked around for support and found Dir en grey nodding in agreement, even Shinya who was trying to push a hormone-infused Die off of him so he could listen to what the two had to say better.
“And Aiji…,” Takeo began to remind Jun of the most important thing yet to be said.
“Yeah and Aiji,” Jun said timidly, looking into the subdued yet alarmingly infuriated eyes of Kaoru, “Aiji doesn’t really hate gays….Uh none of us do…You see, Aiji just has a quick temper, that’s all….,” he bluffed to add a little more believability to his statement. Aiji had the best temperament out of the five and they all knew it.
“Oh that’s okay, no hard feelings….He was just trying to protect his lover after all. You’d do the same thing for me too, right sweetie?” Toshiya purred as he fell back against Kaoru’s chest and let himself be washed with kisses.
Jun thought Takeo’s eyeballs were going to pop out of his head.
“What do you mean ‘he was just trying to protect his lover’?!” he nearly shrieked.
“Kirito, Aiji -- couple. Must fuck like--” Shinya cut Die off with a sloppy kiss.
“Well I mean they are going out, aren’t they?” Toshiya inquired rather knowingly, obviously not about to believe otherwise. “Anyone can see the love in Aiji’s eyes…”
“Uh no they’re NOT going out, and it’s not love you see in his eyes, it’s testosterone, because unlike you and your band we’re not ---”
“What Takeo is trying to say is Kirito and Aiji are friends and that’s all. Kirito doesn’t have an interest in dating. And Aiji’s straight.”
Takeo glared at his friend for cutting him off.
“Uh, he’s really straight….?” he added humbly in attempt to please Takeo.
Kaoru’s lips drew into a tight smile.
“No please Jun, let your friend here finish what he was going to say…Unlike us, your band isn’t what?”
Die stopped harassing Shinya so he could turn and look to Takeo like the rest of his band was. Kaoru especially, eyes sharp as a hawk’s and twice as piercing.
The drummer faltered as they all stared expectantly at him, but then had a surge of courage.
Drunken courage.
“We’re not gay.”
Toshiya started laughing again while Shinya giggled. Kaoru kept his tight-lipped smile and Die shuddered with repressed laughter himself. Jun blushed at their reaction.
“Oh I’m not gay,” Shinya replied with a giggle.
“That’s right, he isn’t,” Die asserted while stroking the drummer’s silky hair. “Until he starts drinking he’s totally straight, na Shinya-kun?”
Shinya sucked at his neck in response.
“I’m not gay either, but you should see my Shinya in a dress…” Die groaned softly as he felt teeth sink in.
“I’m bi,” Kaoru stated simply, reaching for his cocktail. “But if you saw our postcards you’d know why I bed Totchi…”
“Wait wait wait, lemme get this straight,” Toshiya started, still laughing his ass off, “Kirito and Aiji aren’t dating, and you two are here, together, drinking, in a gay bar, because you’re just friends???”
Jun blushed further and Takeo nearly dropped his mug in horror.
“This is a gay bar??!!”
“Uh duh, do you even know what part of town you’re in? Welcome to Shinjuku baby!” Toshiya cooed as he blew a kiss at the bewildered drummer.
Takeo turned on Jun.
“You’ve been bringing me all these years to a gay bar?!!”
“I swear I didn’t know! I didn’t! They all look like normal guys!”
Dir en grey minus Kyo decided they had just found themselves the best joke ever, provided they remembered it in the morning.
“What, you think we wear tags when we take off the makeup or something?” Die said in a sardonic, yet amused, tone of voice.
“And what’s so wrong with being gay anyways?,” the youth in the sparkly shirt retorted, “It’s good for group bonding. We know everything about one another, don’t we Die?”
Toshiya giggled as he leered closer to the guitarist, who took a hold of him and dragged him into a tight embrace, kissing him passionately and making sure both Takeo and Jun could see glimpses of their tongues.
“Shinya?” he murmured breathlessly, breaking from the kiss, ass sticking up in the air as he sprawled his body over both Kaoru and Die’s lap to reach the drummer.
Shinya took a hold of one of Toshiya’s hands and slid his tongue against each finger thoroughly, then gathered the bassist’s face in his slender grip, planting a firm kiss on the pouty lips himself.
“Kaoru?”
Toshiya flipped onto his back so his head lay in Shinya’s lap and his legs in Kaoru’s. The guitarist shifted beneath those lovely thighs and bent over so he could lick his lover’s stomach, leaving little wet glistening trails in his wake. He stretched his long torso further so that he could nibble a nipple and Die helped him by tugging up the bassist’s shirt.
Jun’s cheeks bled into an even deeper shade of crimson as he saw the top of Kaoru’s head travel back down and Toshiya arch his back in response. Takeo refused to look.
“Where’s…..where’s Kyo?” Jun asked shyly, trying to find a way to bring the guys back into reality and out of their group orgy without Takeo flinging his beer mug at them.
Kaoru brought his body back into view and took another sip of his cocktail calmly.
“Huh? Kyo-chan?” Toshiya’s voice called from under the table as he struggled to sit back up.
“Yeah your freakish runt of a vocalist, does he know you all are like this?” Takeo spat angrily, not knowing what to say anymore and still mortified over the fact that he’d been coming willingly to a gay bar for god knows how long.
“Oh Kyo-chan knows,” Toshiya began as the rest of the present members smirked, “but we won’t let him play with us. He likes to hurt you when he plays. Too rough.”
They all made guttural noises of agreement.
“But we like to tease him sometimes, don’t we boys? He’s so cute when he’s angry, like he’s going to tear out your throat and sell it to the meat market,” he sniggered. “You know, he and your Kirito should hook it up some time -- by the looks of it they were meant for each other…”
“Why don’t you two sit down -- we won’t rape you you know,” Kaoru added in a genteel voice, tired of watching Jun subtly bend his knees to keep from fainting. All of Deg present scooted over in one fluid movement so there was space for two more.
Jun looked hesitantly to Takeo, took a long pull from his mug, and then slipped inside the booth. He was beginning to like these guys. Takeo looked a little shocked but Jun’s baby eyes pleaded silently with him until he gave in and sat next to him, albeit a more than a bit miserably.
“So do other bands know you’re like this?” Jun spoke up, realizing they were all watching him again.
Die leaned forward and said in a seductive tone of voice Jun could never imagine him to harbor,
“Why sweetie, you wanna have a go with us?”
“Die!”
Shinya slapped him on the head.
“The boy doesn’t even have eyebrows for crying out loud!”
Toshiya shot Shinya a puzzled look and bust out laughing again.
“Awww is my Shinya-kun jealous?” he said teasingly, wagging his tongue at the drummer.
“I do too have eyebrows!” Jun muttered defensively, and Kaoru laughed softly beside Toshiya.
“They’re drawn on! Feel mine Die, they’re real.”
Shinya grabbed the guitarist’s hand and placed it above his eyes as if to offer proof.
“Oh Shinya what lovely eyebrows you have….I must take you home and make you mine this very instant!!!” he laughed heartily, but ended up kissing the overprotective boy to wipe the miffed look from his face.
Kaoru tried to stifle his laughter and bring his attention back to their guests.
“To answer your question , yes, other bands know we’re ‘like this’. Chances are they assume Pierrot is too.”
“You’re so innocent Jun, I swear…Other bands don’t just know we’re like this, they’ve had most of us or we’ve had them at one time or another!” Toshiya stated matter-of-factly.
“Oh yeah….like who?”
This came from Takeo, who, unbeknownst to Dir en grey, couldn’t resist gossip. He tried to act as if he could care less however. The four stared at him in surprise, but then all smiled eagerly at a chance to flaunt how desirable they were.
“Hakuei fucked me after a publicity shoot once. Said he couldn’t resist that I had long hair. Had this thing for pulling it. Gave me his number too,” Kaoru stated proudly, pulling out a cigarette.
“Chisato’s had me!” Shinya called out before pouring himself more beer from a large bottle.
“Then I stole the number from Kaoru and seduced him over dinner. So Hakuei’s fucked me too. But he’d already gotten his tattoos by the time I got around to him, and I’m not too hot on body art. It was still a wild night and I loved every moment of it though, so I can’t complain,” Toshiya confessed, then whimpered until Kaoru gave him a cigarette as well.
“Sugizo had me in a restroom. But he complained afterwards that he was getting too old to do those kind of things anymore. It was kinda weird -- it was the restroom of this club and I had no idea it was him or what he wanted until took off his glasses and smiled. I thought he was an angry boyfriend or something. It was nice though, he’s really gentle. Oh and he said J was interested in you ever wanted another bassist for a fling,” Die mentioned casually to Toshiya.
“What?! You never told me that part of the story! You know I idolize J!”
He punched Die in the arm.
“Itte! Hey hey I didn’t think he was your type okay? I mean would you really sleep with him?”
The bassist crossed his arms in mock anger and then contemplated it a bit.
“No, you’re right. Oh well. But it’s the thought that counts!”
Die rolled his eyes. “Like you haven’t had enough ass in your life…”
“Yasu had me twice. He was fighting with his lover at the time and kept saying how pretty I was because I had makeup on both times. He has a really cute smile,” Shinya said a little dreamily.
“Let’s see…..met Atsushi one time when I was younger, around MISSA….I had way longer hair then and a lot more of it and he said it was sexy and he’d screw me to give the band good luck. Worked I guess.” Kaoru took a long drag off his menthol.
“I met Kiyoshi at one of those restaurants that’s open until the trains start again, you know the kind, and I thought we were going to have sex, because he was being really sweet to me and listening to all my jokes. But it turned out he was only really drunk. He kissed me a couple times but when I suggested we go to a hotel he like magically sobered up and said he thought I was someone else. I was disappointed,” Toshiya said with a sigh. “But I went over to Kaoru’s and we had some great sex anyways, didn’t we?”
The guitarist kissed his cheek as an answer.
“So what, are you the most passive Visual Kei band in history or something?” Takeo interrupted.
“What’s that supposed to mean? You don’t think we don’t get out fair share of action?” Toshiya shot back, offended that the drummer could think such a thing. “Okay everybody, time to start listing. Takeo here thinks we’re always being shown the ceiling.”
And off they were.
“Aya.”
“Kyoka.”
“Yoshiki.”
“Hisashi.”
“Taizo because he kept flaunting his body in front of me and then claiming he was straight. I changed that, the goddamn tease…”
“Miyabi.”
“Izam.”
“What the hell?!” they all said in unison.
“He was a sweetheart shut up!!” Shinya whined.
“Michi.”
“Who?”
“Maschera - his lips were sexy.”
“Kamijo.”
“What the fuck?!!!”
“The room was dark, he wasn’t calling himself Kamijo-sama, and I thought he was someone else okay?!!”
“Sure you did.”
“Kiss my ass.”
“Gladly.”
“Mariki.”
“Ryutaro,” Toshiya and Die both said at the same time.
“Mori.”
“Because he looks like Aya?”
“Yeah.”
“Machi.”
“Ken.”
“Which Ken?”
“From Syndrome.”
“Die you’d better watch yourself man, Kisaki’ll kill you if he finds you bedding his band members.”
“Yeah yeah well he’ll have to take me down for the drummer as well…”
“Die you manwhore!”
“Heh that’s me…”
Toshiya sacrificed his turn to goad the Pierrot members to break their silence. “Hey Jun, Takeo, why don’t you guys join in? You’ll have a lot of fun harassing each other about it tomorrow morning, we promise!”
“Uh because we’re not gay?” Takeo answered righteously for the both of them.
Kaoru rolled his eyes. “C’mon, you must have bed someone famous, regardless of whether it’s a man or woman…”
“Well…..one time…..,” a hesitant voice ventured.
Jun’s voice was so soft it took awhile for Toshiya to hear him.
“Hey listen guys, Jun’s got a bedtime tale….”
Jun blushed unconsciously and stared at his beer mug.
“One time….well you know how Pierrot was at Sweet Trance again right? And how there were other bands there….and how La’cryma was there….”
“Oh god no, do not say what I think you’re going to say Jun….” Takeo groaned in prediction.
Jun glanced at him and then got quiet.
“C’mon Jun, don’t listen to Takeo--- he’s just being difficult because he’s the odd man out tonight,” Toshiya reassured.
“Yeah Straight Boy, quit scarin’ him,” Die piped up for good measure.
“…………..La’cryma was there,” he continued, encouraged, “and well, on stage, he had smiled at me…and he has the whitest smile…Backstage he was so nice to me, he kept me company when the band left me by myself….And he said the sweetest things….made me feel…..beautiful….”
Toshiya sighed in appreciation and cuddled against Kaoru. Shinya’s eyes grew a little misty and he dragged one of Die’s arms around him for comfort.
“I guess I wasn’t thinking straight, I don’t know, because he made me feel so strange….And then, because I told him I was lonely, although I don’t know why I told him, he…….Hiro…”
Toshiya gasped and whispered ‘I knew it’ to himself.
“…Hiro kissed me….”
The drummer sitting next to him made a rather loud, agitated sigh.
“Oh fucking A Jun, Kirito was throwing a fit over something so Kohta and Aiji had to take care of him and I,” Takeo blushed a bit himself, “I was busy too but we didn’t leave you alone on purpose okay?! You didn’t have to go and get all gay on me while my back was turned….”
“Well what the hell were you doing anyways? You guys left me in the back with the staff for like an hour, looking like a complete idiot! If it wasn’t for Hiro taking care of me I would have been all alone while all the other bands were celebrating!” Jun yelled back.
Takeo glared back at the guitarist, obviously wanting to say something but having a hard time doing it.
“I….I….fuck Shuse had me cornered in the bathroom and wouldn’t let up okay?! Don’t act like I wanted to be there because you know I damn well didn’t.”
The four staring at their counterparts tried their best not to laugh and interrupt the heated discussion, but were fighting a losing battle. Toshiya eventually burst.
“Shuse? Shuse??? Dude you’re shitting us! He was trying to get fresh with you?”
The brunette made an obvious effort to hide behind his hair and fixed his gaze embarrassedly on the mug clasped between his two hands.
“Yeah…..I’d just gone into the bathroom for a few moments to well you know, and then like while I was washing my hands he appeared out of nowhere and started talking to me about god knows what….I kept telling him I had to get back to my band and he kept saying no I didn’t and kept blocking my way…So then I gave up and let him chat away, but soon he started flirting with me….”
“How’d you get away?”
“Well…..I got really desperate and acted like I wanted to touch him, but grabbed his cell phone instead and flung it into a urinal. He looked kinda shocked but eventually dove after it and I ran.”
“Takeo man that’s evil,” Kaoru said with a laugh.
“Well what else was I supposed to do? He wouldn’t let me go and I knew Jun was by himself and probably upset by then…”
“Awww Jun, don’t be angry with Takeo-kun -- seems like he’s always thinking of you…” Toshiya said with a sly smile and a chime-like giggle.
Before Takeo could respond to that Shinya spoke up.
“You gotta watch La’cryma Christi though, they work as a team. Isn’t that right Die?”
“Yeah,” he hugged Shinya closer to him, “One time at a party Levin and Hiro came up to me while Shinya-kun here had gone off to get drinks, and they wouldn’t stop talking to me no matter what I said. I tried to be polite about the whole thing but eventually I lost my temper and just pushed Levin out the way…Turned out Taka had taken a fancy to Shinya and was chatting him up in the corner….Sleaze bag….”
He took another sip of his beer.
“But they never started hitting on me, even though Levin was dying to know who Kyo was dating…Maybe Shuse really likes you Takeo!!”
The short drummer made a face to convey what he thought of that idea.
“Don’t knock it till you try it….Shuse looks ‘well endowed’ if you ask me…”
“Ne ne ne, I wanna here the end of the Hiro story Jun!” Toshiya exclaimed, not too interested in Shuse at all. Kaoru looked suspiciously at the bassist’s zeal.
Jun was too busy sympathetically watching Takeo’s humiliation until Toshiya began tugging on his arm.
“The Hiro story? Well…..we um,” he turned his back to his friend trying to become one with the table so he didn’t feel as funny about continuing, “well we kissed for awhile since no one was around…He was really gentlemanly about everything…kept holding my hand and speaking in a soft voice, touching my cheek….eventually he asked for my keitai and punched his number in, telling me he wanted to keep seeing me after the night was over with…..We talked about everything under the sun until Takeo showed up and dragged me off….He looked really sad that I had to go….”
“So have you called him since then?”
“Yeah Jun, have you called him since then?” Takeo mumbled sourly, yet still wanting to know.
“I…..he looked so…..well……we’ve been uh….dating ever since then……,” he whispered guiltily.
The drummer slammed his mug on the table and shook the rest of the glasses there.
“You lying bastard! You told me you hadn’t dated anyone since what’s-her-face broke your heart!!!”
“What was I supposed to say?!” he cried, liquor making him raise his voice, “‘Yeah Takeo, I went from a tanned V6 teenybopper to the guy who wears black lipstick from La’cryma’? How would you have taken it anyways? Like you are now?!”
“I…I….whatever, I gotta go take a piss,” Takeo growled irately and abruptly left the table.
The Dir en grey members exchanged concerned and knowing looks with one another.
“Ne Jun-kun,” Toshiya started in a soft voice, “we’re happy for you at least. Hiro’s a beautiful and considerate guy….”
“He is….” Jun agreed quietly with a smile, but clearly he was upset over Takeo’s behavior.
The five men were silent for a moment as the resident smokers all lit up another cigarette.
“Is your friend always like this?” Shinya asked while playing with a piece of Die’s hair, breaking the silence. “I mean, he seems kind of on edge or something….”
Pierrot’s guitarist examined the inside of his empty beer mug.
“No, not normally…He just gets strange when we drink, but most of the time it’s a humorous kind of strange, you know? But sometimes….I don’t know, he’s never really acted like he has tonight, but it’s driving me crazy….Why can’t he just be happy with my choices……I’ve been lonely for so long…..”
Toshiya was about to try and comfort the boy before Takeo returned to the table.
“So guys, how about the honorary weirdest lay ever story?” Die said off-handedly, hoping to drown out any arguing the two Pierrot members might want to voice.
“That’s a good one! We haven’t had a new round of that in forever…..You first baby,” Toshiya approved while caressing the man who’s lap he was sitting in’s face.
“Weirdest lay huh…” Their leader paused a little to think. “…..Probably hyde.”
“Laruku’s Haido?” they all said in disbelief.
“Yeah.”
“You mean Mr. ‘I’m too cool to associate myself with those Visual Kei scum anymore’ Haido?”
“Yep.” He took another drag off his cigarette.
“Seriously? But isn’t he married or have fiancé or something?”
“Yeah, isn’t he straight?”
“Well maybe he is now, but he obviously wasn’t too straight when we had sex, was he?”
“You’re such a smart ass Kaoru…So when did this happen anyways?”
“I don’t know, awhile back….It was at some party Yoshiki had taken me to, I guess make me feel like I was finally famous or something…”
“Or maybe because you got in his pants?”
“Hush Die!”
Kaoru ignored the remark and continued.
“So anyways, Yoshiki introduced us and I was about to leave it at that, and I thought he was too, but a little bit later he found me and dragged me away from some model or another I was talking to and into a private room. I knew something was up when he locked the door behind him, but I couldn’t very well go running to Yoshiki whining about how hyde was sexually harassing me…He sat down and started talking about guitars, and I kinda listened and nodded my head, wondering what the hell he was thinking, and then he started talking about bass guitars and how he couldn’t believe how some people didn’t understand that infidelity included all people, not just those of a certain sex, and then he asked me if I knew anyone like that. I said no, but I doubt he was listening anyways, ‘cause it was right about then he pounced on me and declared that we were going to have sex, in that room, and he was going to be on top. Since I’d never even once thought of hyde and I doing it I was tempted to say no -- you know, fuck him over for thinking he owned the world -- but for some reason he started looking really cute since he was all huffy and angry and probably intoxicated as well, and I gave in. I didn’t even have any makeup on, I still don’t know what the hell he was thinking….”
“Oh please, you know you fucked him for the brand name Kaoru…cute and huffy my ass,” Die mumbled as he finished off his drink.
“Okay, so maybe I did think it’d make a good story down the line, but still, hyde’s a good looking guy and you know it, even if he is a little small…”
“In what way?”
The guitarist rolled his eyes and Jun tried not to laugh.
“Well I have a better weirdest lay story than that, Toshiya announced grandly, smug look gracing his slightly flushed face.
They all sat quietly save for mug clinking and smoke inhalation.
“Well?” he said while giving them expectant glances, obviously waiting for a fuss to be made.
Finally Shinya spoke up so Toshiya would get on with it.
“Oh Toshiya-sama, that can’t possibly be true…please enlighten us cretins with your amazing tale of…uh,” his sarcastic voice faltered as he forgot how he wanted to end his mockery.
“…slutty behavior,” Die offered.
“..of slutty behavior!” he barely finished seriously, a major laugh threatening to spill from his lips.
“That’s better.”
Toshiya broke into a huge smile that forced Takeo to look away, not yet used to Toshiya’s teeth. It had taken him long enough to adjust to Jun’s….
“My weirdest lay story has to do with -- drum roll please Shin-chan --”
Shinya did his best to oblige by rapping his fingers against the table in mimic of drumsticks.
“Mana-sama!”
The bassist crossed his arms and stared at the ceiling with a smile on his face, attempting to feign innocence towards their reactions.
Die began cracking up in disbelief. Takeo choked on his drink and spit it back out into his mug. Both Jun and Shinya’s mouths hung open. Kaoru’s mouth hung open too, except that instead of looking surprised, he looked appalled.
“Toshiya, are you telling us you slept with Mana, as in Malice Mizer’s thinks-he’s-the-Gothic-Lolita- Goddess-fucked-up-sense-of-humor-you-can’t-touch-me-with-a-five-foot-pole-Mana?! You slept with that weirdo and since then you’ve been sleeping with me, passing all of his nasty gothic cooties on to my body?
Toshiya how could you!”
Toshiya laughed at the seriousness of his boyfriend’s tone.
“‘Nasty gothic cooties’??? What the hell’s in that cocktail of yours Kaoru?”
Kaoru clearly wasn’t too amused and tried to distance himself as much as he could from the younger boy, which was a fairly fruitless effort since Toshiya was still sitting in his lap. He kept up his pissed off face though to let Toshiya know he meant what he said.
“Okay okay baby I didn’t know you hated him so much, I’m sorry….It’s not funny….,” he said, trying to kill his laughter and cuddle back up against the violet-haired guitarist.
“I don’t hate him, he just gives me the creeps…You’d better have a damn good explanation as to why you ended up anywhere near him…,” he muttered indignantly, wrapping his arms back around the boy’s waist.
“I do, sorta…Well I think I do, the whole thing was so strange I can barely believe it happened…Anyways, it happened one day when I was out shopping by myself, looking to expand my superb collection of brand name clothing….I was in Dancing Heart, just checking to see if they had anything interesting -- you know, I’ll go anywhere when the shopping fever strikes me -- and I was staring at this queer little object they had for sale, trying to figure out what I’d do with it if I bought it, and then I felt this hand on my shoulder. I kinda shivered a little, ‘cause it reminded me of some horror movie, not like the store was helping much, and I figure it’s either A) a really straightforward fan, B) a male suitor, or C) a foreign store clerk about to tell me I can’t touch the merchandise. So I all brace myself for one of the above, turn around, and I see what I thought was a fan, because I thought it was a female and it definitely wasn’t a clerk, so B and C were shot down. I’m all like ‘Can I help you?’, thinking she’s going to ask for my autograph or to touch me or something, and then I hear in a really soft voice -- I’m talking like I saw lips moving but didn’t think words were coming out -- ‘Look closer at my face’. So I do, intrigued by that statement, and she pulls down her colored glasses a little so I can see her eyes. I’ll admit, it took me awhile to figure out who the hell he was, especially since he didn’t have on the fake lashes, the contacts, wasn’t wearing his lipstick in that Betty Boop fashion, and his hair was pulled back into a bun. Okay so it was an elaborate bun with braids and stuff, but still, he had done his makeup like a normal working girl. I don’t mean prostitute Die, quit laughing. His clothing was like that too -- a sort of pant set except that the jacket was a little longer than usual and his pants were almost like a skirt. Black of course. Oh and he had a black fur wrap around the collar as well. Nothing too fancy, but it looked it because it was so simple, and the one time I touched his clothes I could tell the fabric was out of my league. By now I can tell who he is, and I’m about to say his name to confirm it all, but he presses his finger against my lips and asks if I want to go have coffee with him.”
“Forward huh?”
“Well maybe he didn’t want the competition to know he was checking them out or something, or he’s just big into that Romanticism stuff like everyone always says he is. I got a kick out of it anyways, and I agreed. He took me to this little dark café and it was right around then that I realize this is the Mana taking me for coffee, and I get kinda jittery, feeling like I’m with a big celebrity or Sakai Noriko, okay maybe not her, but still, it was that kind of sensation. We make small talk for a little bit, which was really a bitch because I could barely hear anything he said, and his expression never changed, so if he made a joke I was totally fucked and left to drown by myself. He must of thought I was brain dead or something, ‘cause I kept kind of laughing at intervals just to make sure I hadn’t missed something I was supposed to laugh at. So eventually after two cups of coffee I figure he’s fed up with me being a despondent retard, and cuts to the chase by abruptly saying ‘I like your style’, one of the few things I fully comprehended that came out of his mouth. And me, instead of saying thank you, ask why.”
“Smooth.”
“I said I was nervous okay? But he apparently thought that was a proper response and said, and I quote, ‘Because you have looks and talent and you know how to flaunt both of them.’ You hear that? He said I have talent. Everyone’s always telling me how pretty my ass is, but no one stops to tell me I can play bass worth shit….”
“So you slept with him because he told you you had talent?!” Kaoru spat.
“I…well I was flattered at the time okay!”
“Dude Totchi that’s weak…” Die added.
“Shut up alright, lemme finish the story…So I graciously thank him and try and think of a compliment I can give him that won’t sound too much like I’ve never thought about complimenting him in my life, but before I can babble on he asks me if I want to go to a hotel with him. Of course we all know what kind of hotel he meant, and my curiosity got the better of me…I don’t know, I had this urge to see him naked….”
“Gross!”
“Die shut up!”
Toshiya blushed and hid behind his bangs.
“Well don’t you ever wonder?”
“No.”
“….Not really.”
“Can’t say I do.”
“Ugh.”
“Well, I kinda do….”
Toshiya looked to the guitarist next to him gratefully.
“Thank you Jun, at least someone here isn’t going straight to hell for lying…So to wrap this up, we went to this obscure love hotel he apparently knew well by the directions he gave the taxi driver, and rented a room…The place was really expensive for a love hotel, cuz I saw the price for the room he rented, but the decorations were really elegant and, surprise surprise, gothic…Although it had a kinda SM theme about it, which didn’t bother me until I saw what I swear to god were bloodstains on the carpet in various places, but the lighting was dim so I couldn’t be 100% sure….I got slightly worried then. He took off his jacket, and then, well the rest is a secret since apparently me and Jun here are the only ones who ever wondered what Mana looks like under all his fancy dresses….I’ll just say it involved a candle, a whip, a bondage collar, some handcuffs - okay, it involved a lot of things so screw that idea. I had fun anyways,” he ended with an impish smirk.
“Wait, so who was uke and who was seme?” Die asked in concern.
“We were both on top.”
“Are you saying you had sex with him more than once?!” Kaoru choked on the cigarette smoke he had just inhaled.
“Maybe….”
“God we are going home and I am throwing your ass in the shower and scrubbing you until your skin turns pink…”
“Really?” he whispered cheerfully into the older man’s ear.
“You naughty little thing you….I will deal with you when we leave…,” The guitarist hissed lovingly into his boyfriend’s ear.
Toshiya simply giggled and took out a cigarette of his own.
“Die-kun, it’s your turn….” Shinya spoke up, having been waiting himself to hear his story since they started their tales.
“Hmm me? I don’t think I have anything as interesting as that..what with candles and whatnot…But I’ll give it a shot…,” he inhaled deeply and laid back. “….My weirdest lay story would have to be with Ken.”
“Ken from Syndrome?”
“Nope, Ken from Oblivion Dust. I guess it was weird ‘cause I really thought he was straight and because he’s a haafu ne….”
They all murmured appreciatively at that last remark.
“I went to one of their concerts back in the day because a friend said I should check them out…He happened to be friends with the drummer so he got us backstage and I met the band. You know, no big deal, they were tired and all and I just said I liked their music. Ken recognized me though, despite me wearing shades and a beanie….So we started talking, and he asked me all sorts of questions about what it was like to be in a Visual Kei band, and how the fans were and stuff. Everyone was going in and out of the room we were in, and eventually at one point we were the only two there. He was all like ‘Can I ask you a question?’, and of course I said yes, and then he said ‘Can I kiss you?’ and I was like what the fuck but said sure. So we swap saliva for a bit and then my friend comes back in the room, sees we’re busy, then hustles back and tells everyone the room is now off limits. Since no one’s coming in, Ken starts to get all touchy-feely on me and we hit the make out point and keep going strong, but when he puts a hand down my pants he’s all like ‘You know what? I’m too tired to go through with this. Sorry’, and I say okay ‘cause it was all his idea in the first place. So, wait, you know what we never had sex. Never mind, sorry, I’m drunk guys, I guess this story doesn’t count.”
There were a few groans of disappointment.
“You’re so retarded Die….”
“Yeah, I thought I was gonna hear what it’s like to bed someone who’s half,” Toshiya complained.
“Well sorry I suck so much ne, move onto Shinya then….,” he said faking sarcasm.
“I don’t believe Shinya’s done anything weird before he met us, and I doubt he has since then...,” Deg’s bassist cooed teasingly.
“That’s not true, my Shinya’s a wild little thing underneath, y’all just don’t know it…,” the redhead retorted playfully, licking the drummer in question’s cheek
Shinya blushed under the scrutiny of his band mates.
“Totchi’s right, I don’t have any weird stories….Mine just happened to be a fluke….”
“Oh really? Do tell Shin-chan, we all love to hear about your escapades….”
“Well there’s really nothing to it…..I wanted to talk to Machi after a Lareine live, and I walked into Emiru’s dressing room by mistake…..He thought I was a Mayu cosplayer and he thought I was a female, and that about sums it up….It was pretty embarrassing…..”
Toshiya had been expecting something a tad more wild than that, but tried to hide his disappointment.
“Don’t be embarrassed Shin-chan,” he said while patting whatever part of the drummer’s body he could reach and that Die wasn’t hoarding greedily, “I hear Emiru’s a pretty horny guy under all that pink lace….just like Die under the leather…..”
The four Dir en grey members began laughing again and Jun laughed a little more quietly, not sure if it was his place to find the jokes they made about themselves amusing yet. Takeo remained silent, eyeing the exit, and Jun had almost forgotten he was there, too engrossed in the other men and the atmosphere they were producing. This band was so different from his own -- obviously open about everything with one another, even if it didn’t seem like their relationship with Kyo was too great. At least they knew something about him, whereas Jun and Takeo had no idea about Kirito apart from his strange sense of humor and bad temper. And that was another thing, they all seemed to be living in the same world, unlike Pierrot, who practiced together on a near daily basis but all seemed to be lost within their own little universes…He couldn’t remember the last time they’d all gone out drinking together, or to the beach, or done anything together past their indies days. They all seemed to have a link with one other band member and that was it, no beautiful interconnecting strands of gobbledygook forming one of those human nets or networks or whatever they always talked about on TV when they wanted to forget people were killing one another. He wanted that for once. Where he could talk to any of the guys about his problems, or tell them he had found men sexually attractive for awhile now and didn’t understand why without them flipping out like Takeo or laughing at him like Kirito probably would. It wasn’t fair. He didn’t ask to be put in a dysfunctional band. Maybe that was why he liked Hiro so much, he thought to himself while watching the smiles on the other band members’ faces. He listened to him and acted like he gave a shit about what was bothering him, and tried to help him with his problems. Takeo was his friend, but the boy had a terrible habit of arguing over anything in which their opinions differed. Like him being gay, or bi, or whatever Hiro had made him. But he didn’t want to think about the drummer staring blankly into space. It made him angry for some reason. He just wanted to laugh with these people who were being so kind to him even though…..well even though. He didn’t care if he was being selfish. Takeo should have been nicer to him. Now he could sit and wait.
“Okay, well I got a question…..,” he began, not wanting to think to himself anymore.
“Hmm?” Toshiya turned his head at the sound of Jun’s voice and the guitarist smiled subconsciously. Toshiya was a really nice guy and he appreciated it.
“You guys seem to have met a lot of the guys in the industry…..anyone ever--,” he tried to think of the best way to phrase his question, “-well, anyone ever ano…met…Gackt?”
Eyes widened at that question, except of course for Kaoru’s, which managed to stay in a stoner-esque state despite what emotion they were displaying. He lifted an eyebrow instead.
Deg’s bassist laughed a little in disbelief.
“You mean you don’t know?”
“Know what?” he answered cautiously.
“You really don’t know, do you?” Toshiya marveled.
Jun just sat their with a bewildered look on his face.
“Gackt-san doesn’t need any of us to satisfy his needs…”
“Or anyone else for that matter…,” Kaoru murmured with a smirk on his face.
“Wait, I don’t get it…”
“Here, lean over a little and I’ll tell you,” the bassist said while brushing Jun’s hair away from his ear.
Toshiya whispered something into the other brunette’s ear, making his eyes grow wide, and Takeo caught the word ‘mirror’. He snapped out of his distant state.
“See Jun, I told you the guy was a weirdo! I was gonna tell you the same thing earlier but you wouldn’t listen to me…” Takeo mumbled angrily.
Toshiya looked at him in a way he couldn’t discern and he wanted to say something harsh to the pretty boy who had stolen his friend away, but he held his tongue for Jun’s sake. However, he didn’t want to be in this bar that was so familiar yet had turned so alien in such a small amount of time any longer. He felt like he wanted to be sick, but he didn’t think it was because of the liquor.
“Jun,” he said to the guitarist who wouldn’t meet his eyes, “I’m leaving.”
He slid out of the booth and stood up.
“Are you coming or not?”
Takeo could feel all four pairs of Dir en grey’s eyes watching him, their previous gaiety killed by his attitude and the sensation was only making him more uneasy and more frustrated. Jun didn’t respond, watching him like the others were. So that was the way it was going to be.
“Fine.”
So what if something felt wrong. So what if it hurt. Who the fuck was Jun anyways, he thought maliciously as he pushed past patrons to reach the door. Obviously he didn’t know the guy like he thought he did. Who wants to be friends with a liar. With someone who’d leave you in the blink of an eye for others. Jun could cling to those freaks as much as he wanted to, he didn’t care. He should of let Aiji go. The taller man could have ripped Toshiya’s gleefully shiny face off in a heartbeat, he was sure of it. Then he’d have another image in his head instead of that ugly fucking smile of his. How could Jun like someone like that? Them and their loose morals and appalling behavior. What was so great about that? He never should have let him go over there. Hiro? Hiro?! And for what, a few months now to boot. Were they screwing each other? Did he even want to know?
“Takeo! Takeo wait up!” he heard a voice call behind him.
He stopped in his tracks, which wasn’t what he’d wanted to do at all. He’d wanted to keep walking, just keep walking past the blaring neon lights and their soundless comfort, keep walking until they faded into nothingness and darkness filled the void.
“Takeo,” Jun panted breathlessly into the night air as he stopped running a few feet behind the drummer. “Takeo are you okay?”
“Okay?” Why do people ask such things when the damage is already done?
He didn’t answer, only gazed at the stream of people flooding the sidewalks, splitting to walk around him then joining once more behind his back.
“Takeo, hey listen, about tonight….,” Jun said softly, a hand reaching out to touch the other man’s shoulder.
He didn’t want to hear Jun try and make excuses for what anyone sitting in the same room could have seen. He had been enjoying himself. He didn’t need to excuse himself for that. He just needed to learn Takeo didn’t want to be a part of it.
“I don’ t think there’s much to talk about, do you?” he replied coldly, shrugging off the small hand and walking forward once more.
The alcohol coursing through his veins may have been making the drummer act more rash that usual but he felt he had a right to. Jun was his only friend in the band; he had a right to do whatever the hell he wanted to if the guitarist fucked him over. He had trusted the Jun. He’d always thought there was something strange about their favorite bar but he trusted Jun’s decisions. He trusted him to tell him when things were wrong, when he had problems -- to stand by him when Kirito yelled at the two for being late to practice. But now he could see he was just being stupid. Jun didn’t trust him back. Jun would rather put his faith in total strangers instead of him. Jun didn’t need him.
Then he didn’t need Jun.
“Takeo I thought you liked listening to them…” he said exasperatedly to the drummer’s back.
He kept walking.
“Takeo why are you being like this? Why are you always such an asshole about the smallest things?” Jun finally yelled, ignoring everyone one else around him, attention focused on the man still distancing himself from him.
Because…..because I don’t want you to be different from me. Because I want us to be the same. I want to know I can rely on you when things come crashing about my head because I have no one else. Because I thought you were my brother, and that meant more to me than any other bond could. Don’t you understand? I don’t care about a lot of people but I care about you. I don’t want to think anyone could alter our relationship but now I see they can. You didn’t have to say it, I could hear it in your voice. You’re in love. He’ll take you away from me and I’ll be left alone again. But you don’t know what that feels like, because you don’t need me like I need you. The slightest threat scares me and tonight was too much. I’m sorry. I just want to know things won’t change….
Takeo wanted to say it all but he couldn’t. He knew he never could; Jun never expected him to think such things and a part of him didn’t want to admit he did. He vaguely heard the boy swear in the background but he was already a good distance from him.
He knew Jun would have someone to comfort him tonight, so he thought little about leaving him. Right now he wanted no more than to think little about everything --- just go home and sleep. The night had been too long already.
He kept walking until the crowd consumed him whole, leaving an upset Jun worried and alone.
~*~
Kyo woke with a bad taste in his mouth and a pain in his neck, staring at the floor of a place that most definitely wasn’t his apartment.
Shit, I’m still on the train, he thought hazily.
His brown eyes searched for a sign outside the train window to tell him what station he was at. Luckily he’d woken up two stations before his own, even though it felt like he’d been sleeping for four hours or so. But he realized by the muggy sensation clogging his brain that he’d only been sleeping for thirty minutes at most and he was still a good deal intoxicated. He made a mental note to stop going straight to the hard liquor in future, and winced at the thought of the hangover he was going to have in the morning. Life was harsh, he mumbled sourly to himself. First Kirito ripping his ear off, and then his band and their gay ass jokes and their gay ass singing and their gay ass relationships and them being gay Gay GAY and always thinking about ass Ass ASS.
Fucking A, no wonder he was crazy.
The train started moving again and the subtle friction of the wheels moving against the tracks that had lulled him to sleep earlier was now making him feel sick. He looked around at the other people on the last train for the night and found them to be a sorry lot -- a couple businessmen as drunk as himself, probably lacking the money to stay the night in a hotel and grudgingly returning home to their wives, a few too-perky-for-their-own-good women who’d had to shop until the last minute, and the rest seemed to be partygoers who didn’t have cars or a place to stay for the night. He eyed two girls huddled in the corner who seemed to stand apart from the rest in his car, probably due to the fact that one was dressed like a baby doll and the other like a slightly fucked up rendition of a businessman, both decked out in dark makeup.
Visual Kei fangirls. Kyo smirked.
They whispered to themselves and laughed about something they were looking at, maybe photos, he couldn’t tell. Probably returning home after a live. Sweet things by the looks of it; maybe a little strange in the head, but who was counting. The girl in the lacy attire was clutching an equally as extravagant bag, while the male impersonator had a black case covered in pictures sitting beside her feet. That caught his attention. He squinted to see more clearly through the sunglasses he had on as part of his disguise -- not like he needed it considering his head was covered in bandages to begin with. He’d hope his fans wouldn’t expect to see him like that. He’d be pretty pissed if they did. He could fight dammit, if said people didn’t take to yanking piercings….He rubbed his temples to remind himself he was wasted and tried to remember what he’d originally been thinking about.
…..her case.
The case was covered with magazine clippings and color copies, and Kyo smiled when he saw the Dir en grey patch she’d slapped artistically in one of the corners. She seemed to be a fan of his too, as most of the pictures he could see had the other members cut off.
Good, he thought. Served them right for being assholes.
Now supremely content, he looked over the rest of the case since he had nothing better to do and the two girls seemed oblivious to everything but each other. Him in his Myaku outfit, him from an Arena 37°c photo shoot, a SHOXX special, concert getup, an indies photo, him with black hair and a cross on his eye, him with red……wait. He’d had black hair before, but the cross wasn’t his trademark….it was---
The girl went from being to cute to on his People He’d Get Revenge On Before He Died list.
What the fuck was she thinking?! he fumed. Everyone knew you only put one band on a case. You felt like walking around with another favorite then you damn well bought yourself another case to cover. It was an insult. Him and Pierrot? Him and Kirito? What planet was she living on?! His head wanted to explode in indignity. Sometimes he wished he had the power to call on his fans and have them beat the crap out of people, just like that spat they got into with the La’ Mule crowd that one time. Damn straight, it was all about the loyalty. That was a fond memory. At least she wasn’t stupid enough to put him next to them. Then he’d have to walk over their and throw her case out the train window himself. But Pierrot was just as bad. Especially after today. That fucking jerk. He was supposed to lay there and let him beat the crap out of him, not fight back. And Kohta didn’t have to be so damn tall and have such big feet either. His ribs started aching again at that thought and he cursed out loud, not caring if anyone heard. Today had been one of the shittiest days he’d had in a long time. Where were the drugs when you needed them…..
…..all with Buck-Tick, he mused bitterly as the train came to his stop and he got off.
The station was basically empty save for the few residential homeless people curled up in shady corners. Well, today might have been horrid but at least he had a warm, safe place to return to. He had no idea how the unfortunate managed to survive winter piled under rags and cardboard when the station was
-2°C just like the air outside was. He’d have died by now given the same conditions. Come to think of it, he didn’t know if he had the stamina to walk the 20 minutes required to get to his apartment either, considering he wasn’t walking completely straight. Thank god for taxis, the blonde thought while slightly stumbling out of the ticket gate and into the somewhat lively nightlife around his home station. He spotted a cab that looked decent and stepped in.
“Evenin’,” the driver said cheerfully in some dialect that Kyo really wasn’t in the mood to hear. If the guy was a hic he’d probably wanna talk…
The vocalist gave him directions and leaned back wearily against the frilly doily covering his seat. There was silence for a little bit, but then he heard the old man draw in breath like he was about to say something.
Oh god please I don’t need your stupid patronizing mothball-covered advice right now old man…
“You know, if you don’t mind me saying so, seems like you’ve had quite a night naa,” he began, laughing a little after the end exclamation.
Kyo rolled his eyes but flashed an extremely fake smile that any fan would recognize yet he knew the driver would perceive as amiable.
“You don’t know the half of it sir….”
The driver laughed again in a manner Kyo thought was utterly ridiculous. If he ever had kids and they laughed like that he’d beat them.
“Heh, you young people, always so wild and crazy…Man when I was young….Well take those sunglasses of yours for instance, ya see, back in my day we wore sunglasses when it was sunny outside, but you kids today…Crazy! It’s pitch dark outside, what do you need sunglasses for? I mean isn’t it dangerous? You can’t see can you?” he asked, looking up at the rearview mirror.
“No sir I can’t. I’m blind.”
“Eh?” The taxi driver laughed again, but this time it was more out of confusion. “You kids and your crazy sense of humor, I didn’t mean it that way…” He shook his head, laughing again.
“Sir why are you laughing? Do you always laugh at handicapped people?” Kyo inquired as innocently as he could, trying his best not to die from the kick he was getting.
The old man’s laughter died down at Kyo’s tone.
“This old woman today pushed me out of the way for a seat on the train, and because I couldn’t see her I fell, and my head landed on this person’s bag and they had a glass vase in it, and my head broke it and I got a piece of glass stuck in my ear. That’s why I have this bandage on the side of my head.”
“Uhhh…..”
“Her laughter was a lot like yours,” he added for good measure.
“Maa, listen kid I’m sorry, I…”
“It should be my stop by now.”
The taxi driver stopped the cab.
Kyo pulled out twenty thousand yen and thrust it into the front of the cab like he had no idea where to put it.
“No that’s okay kid, you keep your money. Sorry about today,” the man said embarrassedly.
The blonde smiled but it wasn’t for same reason the driver thought it was. He hopped out of the cab in a rather un-blind manner.
“But hey, wouldn’t you need a dog or a cane or something?” the man leaned back to yell upon second thought out the still-open taxi door.
“My dog ran away!” Kyo yelled back, laughing as he started walking down a back alley and away from the cab.
Old people, he thought as he walked up to his apartment complex, mood a few centimeters higher than it had been before the cab ride. Screw everyone, he was going to sleep. Screw sex, screw drinking, screw Pierrot, Dir en grey, that girl on the train, and the old cab driver. And Hana*Hana for making that god-awful song that was starting to creep back into his head. He stepped into the elevator and punched the button for his floor.
“Hurry up dammit, I’m cold,” he mumbled to himself, watching his breath float before him.
The elevator beeped and some unknown Japanese woman’s voice started announcing that he could leave, just in case he couldn’t see the doors open before him. Just in case he was blind.
He sniggered again.
At least he’d left his air con on in his bedroom so he could expect some inviting warmth. He dug around in his pockets for his keys and dragged them out, fingers numb even with his gloves on, making everything twice as hard.
Come to think of it, the jingle of his key chain seemed really loud in the silence of night -- he should buy a quieter one. He would, he decided, if the thought was still appealing when he was sober. The key didn’t want to fit for some reason and he found himself humming louder than he wanted to to the song that had pissed him off so much earlier.
Finally Kyo shoved the key into the lock and turned, opening the door to his apartment just as he heard a soft noise behind him.
Things happened in slow-motion from that point on.
He began turning his head first to see if he’d been imagining things, but before his body could start the turn as well he felt something heavy smash into the back of his neck. His knees buckled beneath the weight and slammed into the floor, followed by his torso falling forward and his face crashing into the genkan tiles. His head swam as darkness flooded all of his senses and drowned everything out into oblivion.
And behind his unconscious body, an all too familiar voice hissed “Okaeri nasai.”
END PART 1
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