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Until You Lose Your Breath II	By : theProphet Category: > Kyo/Kaoru Views: 1827 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: This is the work of fiction. Don't know Dir en grey and don't make any money from this.

Chapter List
- 11
- 12
- 13
The lyrics included in this chapter are from Miyavi’s song ‘Aishiteru kara hajimeyo’.

CHAPTER 12

The next days went by very quickly. Nothing changed. Just Kyo’s mood lightened a bit. He was unusually gentle whenever he got a possibility to sit or just be near Kaoru. And the concerts were almost there. The music for the new album was almost done, and one morning it was finally a day for the lyrics.
When they all gathered in the room and sat at the table, Kyo felt a bit nervous. It’s been a long time since he showed for the others what he had wrote. He never wrote for the others, but when he had to show these quite private poems to somebody else, it always made him feel uneasy.
-Well, Kyo-kun, give them to us, -Kaoru said. –You made copies for each of us, didn’t you?
Kyo nodded.
-Kaoru, you haven’t read them yet?
-No, Kyo rarely shows me what he writes.
-And you’re never that interested, -Kyo said. –So don’t complain here.
-I’m not complaining, -Kaoru laughed. So they all took the pages that Kyo gave them and started reading. When they were finished, silence followed while everyone looked at Kyo.
-So? –Kyo asked.
-Hmm… -Kaoru mused. –Dark, obscene, horrible… just like always.
Kyo smiled slightly, unsure if it was a compliment or not.
-I like ‘the pledge’, -Shinya suddenly said. –It has a deeper meaning and is so true…
-What do you think, Die? –Kaoru asked. Die shrugged.
-Why does suddenly my opinion on the lyrics is so important. It’s not like he’s going to change something we don’t like.
-You’re right! –Toshiya said. –Nobody would listen to your opinion one way or the other, so better shut up.
-Toshiya! –Kaoru slammed his fist on the table. –I don’t want to hear any of this during working ours!
-Sure, ok, -Toshiya mumbled looking displeased.
-Well, -Kaoru cleared his throat. –I’m very satisfied with the lyrics, Kyo. You did a great job.
-Thanks, -Kyo smiled. They looked at each other for some time and it seemed as if they were going to kiss soon, but the knock on the doors disturbed them.
-I’m sorry, but there’s a package for Toshiya-san, -one of the staff members came in and put a small, thin package on the table and excused himself. Toshiya took the package and opened it. It was a cd. Nothing was written on it.
-Play it now, -Kaoru said. -We have a PC here.
So Toshiya did so, even if he was a bit unsure – it might have been private. There was some kind of video in it, so Toshiya clicked on it for the video to start playing.
As soon as he did it, the screen appeared with the Miyavi’s face in it. Miyavi looked directly into the screen and cleared his throat: ‘I wrote this song just a few days ago. I wrote it thinking about you, Totchi… It’s for you and… well… just listen, please. Everything I want to tell you is there…’. After saying this, Miyavi took a guitar and started gently playing and singing:
Let's begin from "I love you"
No matter how tough we act, we are holding each other on the palms of love.
Loving, being loved, loving each other...
And again, from there love is born
Let's start from "I love you"
No matter how much we hurt, we are on the palms of love, we can still love each other again
What is love, what is love I wonder?
A thing that does not need be thought about, is love, I think.
I am me, and as you are you, love is love.
I love you, I love you, I love you,
We'll start from there
I love you, I love you, I love you,
Yes, I'll tell you again tomorrow
I shall
When the last sounds of a guitar died down, Miyavi put his instrument down and looked at the screen again. ‘Totchi, please, let me be with you… I miss you badly… I need you…’. It looked like he wanted to say something more, but changed his mind and turned the camera off.
Everyone turned cautiously to look at Toshiya and weren’t surprised to see that tears were already at his eyes.
-We’ll do a break here, -Kaoru said. Everyone nodded, but didn’t move.
-I’d like to talk to Toshiya here, -Kaoru said.
-There’s nothing you can say to me, -Toshiya said. –And I don’t want to hear anything, Kaoru.
-Toshiya, think about it, -Kaoru said, thinking it was a time to finally end this once and for all. –If you will not show him that you are serious, he won’t leave you at peace! You must show him clearly that you are through! Otherwise he won’t stop bothering you!
-I try, but he just doesn’t listen… Maybe if Die went and talked to him, he might listen! They are now best buddies!
-Toshiya! –Kaoru got angry. –Leave Die out of this!
-I fucking hate his guts! –Toshiya screamed. –I hate you!
Die looked dumbstruck after this outburst and Shinya squirmed uncomfortably in his chair.
-Toshiya! Die has nothing to do, if that pop singer doesn’t want to leave you alone! Toshiya, he’s so young! He’s what, 5 or more years younger that you? He’s just a stupid kid yet, Toshiya! It’s no wonder he likes to go around fucking everyone! You’d be better of without him! Look what he’s done to our band! He made us to be angry with each other!
-But that jerk here had to think first before fucking with his friends’ lovers! –Toshiya screamed.
Shinya suddenly stood up and went out of the room not wanting to hear anything more of this.
-Toshiya… please…
-What, Kaoru? What? It’s not that simple to stop loving him! It’s not!
Kaoru sighted.
-So what are you planning to do?
-I don’t know… Leave me alone now. Leave! Please…
They did so. And before they almost closed the door, they heard Miyavi’s voice again.
***
That day they didn’t do more work, because Toshiya went home without even saying anything to anyone. The next day they all gathered as usual but Toshiya wasn’t there. When he didn’t show up for the next 30 minutes, Kaoru got concerned.
-Give him time, -Kyo said. –I bet he just doesn’t want to see us now.
-But it’s our job, he can’t just skip it if he’s not in the mood.
-Then give him some hours and then call. Just not now, let him be a pain in the ass for a couple more hours.
Kaoru grunted, but agreed. Die and Shinya pretended they haven’t noticed at all that Toshiya was missing.
Die sat on a chair in the corner of the room looking at Shinya while the drummer was busy with his drums. Die didn’t want to be here. Every day spent at Shinya’s and especially Toshiya’s presence was a torture, but he had to bear it because it was his fault.
He wanted so much to go and apologize to Shinya and to try and get his forgiveness. But he was scared that that would be the last time he would speak to the drummer alone. He was afraid that Shinya would just say to finally come and take his things from Shinya’s apartment and not to bother him anymore. Die was afraid that this would be his last time spent alone with the drummer, and then their relationship would be officially over for good.
Die sighted and looked at Kyo and Kaoru. They were sitting on a sofa. Kyo was absentmindedly playing with Kaoru’s shirt buttons and listening very carefully to what Kaoru was saying to him. At some point Kyo leaned very close and kissed the corner of Kaoru’s lips. That made Kaoru stop talking and turn to Kyo. They exchanged glances and Kaoru was obviously amused about the situation and from his facial expression it looked like he wanted Kyo to get more serious, but Kyo just grinned back at him.
At least some of us are happy, Die thought. But that didn’t make him feel any better. He looked at Shinya again. Shinya was still doing something at his drum set. But he looked so sad these days. Die sighted feeling the biggest jerk on earth. And the biggest coward, because he was scared to death to go and talk to Shinya. He just knew that it would be the end of the slightest hope he still had.
***
Toshiya showed up after three hours looking like he hasn’t slept at night at all. Kaoru decided not to comment, though he really wanted to. Later, during their break, he got to know from guards that some tattooed guy came to talk to Toshiya and they argued. After that Toshiya went to the restrooms and still hasn’t come back. Kaoru got furious, but there was nothing he could do except one thing. He ordered the guards not to let Miayvi even near this building anymore. At least he hoped that this would help.
Then he went to the restrooms, but he bumped into Toshiya who was already going out. His eyes were red.
-Toshiya… -Kaoru started, but Toshiya didn’t let him finish.
-I’m fine. Let’s go back to work.
***
After that day, some weeks have passed and Miyavi hasn’t showed up any more. But that didn’t make Toshiya feel better. Now that Miyavi was gone, he felt perhaps even worse than before.
Shinya still didn’t talk to anybody. Only when it was unavoidable. Die at least started to talk more to Kaoru on the stuff related to work and he even smiled slightly once. But that was it. It felt like they were really a dark rock band, full of sorrow and pain that they were trying to communicate to the people by their music. Just this pain now was never leaving three of the band members.
-Well then, good news, everyone! –Kaoru announced one morning. –The album is almost done and we’re having a concert next weekend!
-So soon? –Kyo asked.
-It’s not that soon, we’ve been waiting for it for ages.
-You have been waiting for it for ages, -Toshiya said.
-Aren’t you happy about it at all?
-We are, Kaoru, -Shinya said suddenly. –It’s a good turn of events.
-Yes, it is, -Kaoru smiled. –So our first concert is on Friday! We have lots of things to do before that!
-Giving a concert to Kaoru is like giving a candy to a child, -mumbled Toshiya. Kaoru just frowned but didn’t say anything. He was glad that Toshiya spoke at all lately.
-Right then! Let’s get to work!
And after many days of hard work and Kaoru’s constant commanding, the day of the first concert came. The tickets were sold quickly, there was supposed to be lots of people and the guys couldn’t help but feel nervous. Now, instead of their heavy make-up and elaborate clothes, they all wore what they felt like wearing – jeans, t-shirts, or a scarf on the head, as Toshiya did on that day. There was a bit of hesitation when they had to put their hands together just before the beginning. Kyo and Kaoru were the first, then Shinya followed. Toshiya, seeing that he will have to touch Die’s hand, just stood there glaring at the ground and Die felt neglected and ashamed. And he also didn’t want to put his hand on Shinya’s.
-Oh, fuck this! –Kyo growled, withdrew his hand and went to the stairs that led to the stage. Kaoru knew there was no time for getting angry, but he couldn’t help thinking that it might ruin the concert.
But it seemed that he was worrying in wane at first. The beginning started smoothly. Everyone did their role as best as they could and seemed to enjoy being on the scene after such a long time. Especially Kyo got the most of the fan’s attention, because the last they saw him on the stage was when he collapsed. Now the fans just couldn’t get enough of him.
And then, in the middle of the concert Kyo climbed up on his red box. And when the fans started to suddenly scream twice harder, Kaoru curiously turned to look what Kyo was doing to make the fans react so fiercely. What he saw made him feel weak in the legs. Real blood was all over Kyo’s face. And at the moment Kaoru saw that, Kyo started to claw at his chest with his nails and from the wounds on the chest more blood appeared.
Kaoru knew that Kyo liked this kind of stuff, but it never was so intense. Nothing could have prepared him for what he saw. All Kaoru wanted to do was to drop his guitar and go to Kyo. But he had to continue. He saw that eventually other guys saw what happened as well and they looked worried. But Kaoru barely managed to do his job properly.
When at last Kyo sang the final notes of the song, he dropped his microphone down and went out the first. Others had to finish playing and only then could leave the stage. As soon as Kaoru was backstage, he went looking for Kyo with the others following him. They found him in the changing room on the sofa. Kyo sat there eyes closed and breathing hard.
-Kyo, - Kaoru said. –Kyo…
He went up to him and sat near him.
-Kyo, what happened? Why did you do it?
-I just felt like it.
-What? You… you felt like it? Kyo, I don’t want to ever see it happen again!
-As if you can order me around! –Kyo shot back. –I can do on stage whatever I want!
-No, Kyo! You can’t! You won’t hurt yourself onstage anymore!
Kyo stood up and went to the table to take a towel and then started cleaning himself.
-Do you hear me, Kyo?
-Yeah, I can hear you perfectly well, Kaoru. But as I’ve already told you, I’m going to do on the stage whatever I like.
Kaoru didn’t want to argue again in front of everyone, so he decided to leave this for later. But he was not going to let Kyo do this anymore. He was sure about that.

TBC
- 11
- 12
- 13
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Until You Lose Your Breath II