Lust In Love | By : Majer Category: Singers/Bands/Musicians > Linkin Park Views: 1338 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0 |
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. I do not know the members of Linkin Park. I do not make any money from the writing of this story. |
The silence in the car was almost deafening as the two friends sat with their gazes locked. Rob shook his head a couple of times and looked towards the front door again, not wanting to believe what he had heard. The secret was out. But Mike had been right; this wasn’t the truth he wanted to hear. Not even by a long shot. Mike hadn’t stopped crying since the first devastating word had left his lips, and both of them had lost track of time. Mike was wiping away fresh tears that made their way down his heated cheeks from the tension that was overwhelming them. Rob looked over at Mike hastily and then down at his hands.
“Don’t cry because of me.” His voice was slightly raspy from not having talked in a while. Mike squeezed his eyes together too hard in order to prevent more tears from coming. With no luck though as Mike’s shoulders started bobbing up and down as he sobbed out loud. He felt horrible. He didn’t want to be there anymore. He wanted Rob to leave the car. He didn’t want to seem this weak in front of him. Rob sat in silence and watched Mike’s cheeks become flooded with tears, and he didn’t know what to do about it. Before the secret was out, he would have put an arm around his shoulders, giving him a secure hug. But would Mike take it the wrong way?
“For how long, Mike?” Rob didn’t want to be there, he wanted to leave the car, but he couldn’t. Not before he got some answers. “For how long have you…” he took a deep breath and looked back down to his hands again. “… Liked me?” Mike’s head snapped back and leaned against the seat. His breathing was erratic and quick from the sobs. He didn’t even bother wiping away the tears anymore, and they were making his sight hazy and no matter how hard he tried to sustain the tears, he couldn’t.
“I don’t know.” The words were coming out between the sobs, and were hardly audible. Rob couldn’t take seeing his friend like this. No matter what the circumstances were. He scooted closer to him and put an arm around his shoulders, pulling his sobbing frame into his arms.
“Don’t cry, Mike. Please, don’t cry.” His hug was comforting to Mike, but also terribly confusing, and he pulled away from Rob.
“It’s just...” Mike didn’t dare to look at Rob again. He was afraid that the confusion would show in his eyes, and Rob didn’t need to see it right now. He wanted answers, and no matter how badike ike wanted to give them to him, he didn’t know what to say or where to start.
“It’s just what, Mike?” Rob reached a hand over and placed it gently on Mike’s shoulder. A gesture that used to say ‘I’m here for you’ but now neither Rob nor Mike knew what to make of it.
“It’s just hard for me to tell you when it started. Cause I’m not even sure what this is about.” Mike still kept his gaze away from Rob.
“But… you know enough to tell me about it. So that should mean something.” keptkept his hand on his shoulder and he looked at his sad and confused friend. It was obvious that Mike was trying to hide his confusion by not looking at him, but he failed miserably. Everything about him screamed out his frustration, the crying and the flickering gaze.
“It does mean something. But I don’t know what.” Mike slowly stopped shaking from sobs and calmed down a bit when experiencing the warmth from his friend’s hand.
“Mike? Are you? I mean… are you?” Rob’s words were similar to Brad’s earlier on, and Mike felt slightly annoyed that none of them could get the word past their lips.
“Am I what?” Mike suddenly moved his head and looked Rob dead in the eye.
“Are you … gay?” Rob’s eyes shot down the second the word was out and he removed his hand from Mike’s shoulder.
“No.” Mike shook his head for a few seconds before continuing. “No. I’m not. I don’t know what this is. I just feel something. When our eyes meet. And I wanted to tell myself that it was all because of the tension we had between us after the situation with Gemma. But it’s not. And when I heard that Gemma and you were back together. I wasn’t fine.”
“I see… Gemma?” Rob returned his gaze back at Mike’s eyes and his hand found its way back to his shoulder.
“No… haven’t you been listening?” Mike looked away from him for a brief moment and then looked back with a vulnerable look in his eyes. “You.”
“So what are you saying? You don’t just like me? You … “
”Love you.” Mike nodded reluctantly. “Yeah. Maybe… I don’t know. Maybe its just lust.” He was terribly afraid of what the word would do to Rob.
“Lust?” Rob choked on the word and yet again removed his hand from Mike’s shoulder. “Lust?”
“I don’t know. I’m not ready to give you any answers right now.” Mike looked dot Rot Rob’s hand that had previously been resting on his shoulder.
“But you are ready to tell me? And then not give me any answers?” Rob looked down as well and sighed. “Sorry, dude. But that pisses me off. Maybe I’m not ready to deal with this either… ever thought about that?”
“Yeah. I’ve thought about that. But Chester thought that…”
“Chester? Chester knows?” Rob interrupted him abruptly and shook his head with closed eyes.
“Yeah…” Mike nodded and looked at Rob. “And Brad.”
“What?” Rob opened his eyes but kept his gaze away from Mike. “Brad? So that’s why…” Signalling with his hand, pointing towards the house, Rob showed Mike that he meant the tension at practice. Mike nodded a few times and kept his eyes directed at Rob’s eyes, which were darting around, but never once landing on Mike.
“Yeah… that’s why.” He felt the need to break the silence and so far it didn’t look like Rob was going to say anything. “I’m sorry, Rob.” Mike didn’t think twice about it and rested a hand on his knee squeezing it reassuringly. He noticed how Rob froze beneath his touch but that didn’t bring him to remove it. Not yet. Something inside of him didn’t want to waste the opportunity. Not only to discover what exactly it was that he felt when it came to Rob, but also to see if Rob felt something. Anything. Mike kept his gaze firmly planted on his friend’s face to see how he reacted. With his eyes wide open, Rob just sat there staring stupidly at Mike’s warm hand on his knee. He was sitting absolutely still as if moving would be the biggest crime that he could commit.
Mike’s gaze fell to Rob’s chest that was rising and falling with his very uneven breathing. He couldn’t tell if Rob was in shock or if he too had a well hidden need within him.
Contemplating on the idea to take it further, Mike felt himself get more and more nervous and afraid. Afraid of the feeling that slowly but securely settled in his own chest. Desire. He didn’t want to push Rob too much, so he gave in to the least alinaling thing to do, and slowly removed his hand from his knee. As the movement took place, Mike’s hand accidentally made a brief contact with his new interest’s inner thigh. The fleeting touch made Rob whimper quietly from surprise and the sudden feel of Mike’s hand. His hand froze just above Rob’s lap and Mike gave him a long look. He could tell that Rob too was crying now. Warm tears were flushing down his cheeks and dripping from his chin, but still he didn’t move a single muscle. His breathing had quickened from the tension that was clinging to the both of them like a bad sweat. Still hovering over Rob’s thigh, Mike’s hand was staying absolutely still. Rob was still watching it intently as if nervous about where it was heading next. But even Mike wasn’t sure. Slowly and with a shy look in his eyes, Mike moved his hand a few centimetres back down towards his thigh. Stopping for a moment, he looked over at Rob. When seeing that he was still frozen, he couldn’t help but to take the chance. Moving his hand all the way down to his friend’s thigh, Mike shivered as the realisation of what was going on finally entered his mind. Carefully caressing his inner thigh, Mike kept his eyes locked on Rob to make sure he wasn’t making him feel too uncomfortable. That was the last thing he wanted to do. All that caught his eyes were a couple of closed eyes that were forced shut and a horrified expression on his face. But it wasn’t a disgusted or unpleasant look. It showed a great deal of fear, but also pleasure. With a shaking whisper, Rob broke the horrid silence that hung in the car.
“Mike… I’m not yours.” With his hand still on Rob’s thigh, Mike seized his actions and glanced nervously at Rob’s hands that were twiddling in his lap. Rob didn’t do anything to remove his hand, but the look in his eyes, when he finally moved his head to look at Mike said it all. Mike slowly moved away his hand and wiped away tears that were hanging from his own chin.
“I understand completely.” His words were muffled and barely understandable but Rob nodded and took Mike’s hand in his, the hand that was previously causing great confusion between the two friends.
“But it’s okay.” He forced Mike to look at him. “It’s really okay.” Mike frowned in puzzlement and his eyes darted to their hands clasping together. With a thoughtful expression and obvious concern in his voice, Rob looked at him and nodded as if he was answering an unspoken question. “It’s okay.” Rob tried to deny it, but no matter what he told himself, he couldn’t run away from the fact that his curiosity was piquing as he felt the heat from Mike’s hand in his own. His eyes slipped from Mike’s and onto his lips. He wanted to make Mike see that what he thought he was feeling, never even excited. But how could he do that without… Gently Rob leaned forward and brushed his lips against Mike’s. The kiss hardly lasted a second, but it was enough for Rob to sense the shock running through Mike’s body. Rob brought a hand to his face as if to wipe away tears that were no longer there. He ran it through his hair and sighed.
“I’m sorry … but I have to convince you that you don’t feel anything. That it’s just something you are imagining.” Rob looked over at Mike, hoping that he would find an ounce of understanding in his eyes.
“It’s just not fair, Rob.” Mike sensed a sharp wave of disappointment rush over him, “Not fair at all, Rob.” Rob raised an eyebrow wanting an explanation to what eh was talking about. Mike squirmed slightly in his seat and looked away for a second. “Kissing me isn’t fair.” He looked back at Rob. “Especially since I’ve just told you about how I feel…” Looking away yet again, he sighed. “Do you have any idea how that makes me feel?” Rob was just about to respond when a knock on the window startled them both. Rob turned around to face the person outside. A smile broke the saddened look in his eyes as he was face to face with her. It felt as though his heart dropped down to his stomach as she was grinning insanely at him. God, he needed her right now. Moran ean ever, he needed to be reassured. Quickly, his hand left Mike’s and he opened the door. Gemma looked at both of them and it didn’t take her a split second to realize that something wasn’t right. The dried tears and the taunt tension that was haunting in their eyes. Afraid to say something wrong, she looked at Rob with a questioning look. Rob merely shook his head and stepped out of the car. He bent down and looked at Mike as if he wanted to say something, but remained silent with a sad look on his face. Mike was giving him a strong and certain look telling Rob not to leave in the middle of things. But without further notice, Rob’s head disappeared from the door and Mike could see his hand snake down the side of Gemma, taking a hold of her hip. Leading her inside in a hurry, he never once looked back to check if Mike was okay. Leaning against the steering wheel, Mike felt like a victim of insecurity with unwanted feelings trapped in his mind.
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