Decisions

BY : sango_houshi
Category: J-Rock/J-Pop & K-Pop > Nightmare
Dragon prints: 685
Disclaimer: i do not own the members of naitomea (slavery is illegal) and i make no money from this fic AND!! its (OBVIOUSLY) a work of fiction...

Sango: im so sorry it took so long to update this. i've been a real lazy wench. but here it is. and the good news is that theres (most likely) only one more chapter to go. hmmm...idk. this story has gotten more reviews per chapter than any other fic in this section, so im actually kinda proud of that. ^_^

so here you go, enjoy. and remember that you dont have to have a profile to review, so please do!

enjoy

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Yomi couldn’t get home fast enough.

Yet he knew he was in no condition to drive. That and he’d been driven to Ruka’s apartment by the drummer. He hailed a cab and tried to keep his composure as the driver kept giving him weird looks. He was too distressed to be polite, so he completely ignored the cabby. When they arrived, Yomi opened the door and with a huff gave some money to the driver, not caring if it was enough or too much and got out, slamming the door after he got out, earning a few surprised and curious gazes from the people around him.

The tiny vocalist was seething. He was angry and he was hurt and he felt like hurting something, hurting someone. How dare they?! They didn’t even talk to him about it. He had the right to know how his love life and therefore his entire life and or future was going to be affected. But they simply went behind his back and assumed that he was going to be okay with it. Well he wasn’t! He wasn’t going to be third wheel in their little...whatever the hell they claimed they were. A relationship was supposed to be between two people that loved each other. And he knew that Hitsugi was only infatuated with them because of his stupid wet dreams. He should grow up and learn that he can’t have everything he wants!

But Yomi wasn’t a vengeful person and he knew he didn’t have it in himself to consciously hurt someone, no matter how that person treated him. And it was also his fault that Hitsugi even had his dream come true, but he chose to ignore that part. So, instead, he’d just be the bigger person and ignore them both.

And Ruka...he had been in love with Ruka for a long time. He’d just been too afraid to tell the tall man. And he saw that Ni~ya had been right: he had to make his own decisions before fate decided for him. And now it was too late. Ruka had chosen Hitsugi. Yomi considered it foolish, the drummer hadn’t even penetrated the young guitarist and he still chose to be with him. So maybe it wasn’t about the sex.

Arg!

He’d been happier being angry thinking that it had been the sex. That both had just been thinking with their dicks. But now…now it hurt more to know that with him and Ruka it had just been sex. It hurt to be cast aside like that. To have them add him to their little tryst only because they didn’t want someone to be left out. He didn’t need their pity! And he wasn’t boasting when he said he could have whoever he wanted—it was just the truth. Sure, he wasn’t Sakito or Ni~ya, but he was famous and lots of people wanted to be with famous people. But...that’s not what he wanted.

He sighed. He was so screwed.

He wanted Ruka. He loved Ruka. Hitsugi didn’t. Hitsugi was being childish. The sex was great, but come on! Hitsugi...Hitsugi didn’t know what he wanted. One day was not enough time to think things through. And now, because of him, he lost Ruka and his chance at being happy with the man he loved.

 

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Ruka sat at home, depressed.

Hitsugi had said that he needed to “think things through”. That had been over a week ago. And their new album’s release date was being pushed back because they couldn’t practice because of the almost hostile working conditions. Hitsugi had been avoiding him, making cheap excuses for not answering his phone. After his 5th attempt, Ruka gave up, knowing that that’s what the guitarist wanted, though it was a cowardly way of getting out of the relationship. Hitsugi didn’t want to be even more guilt ridden, and Ruka cared too much for him to give him any more crap than what he was already getting from Sakito. The lead guitarist hadn’t said it aloud, but it was obvious that he blamed the redhead for their setback.

So Ruka did the only thing he could to make everything right, he went to Hitsugi’s house and ended the relationship officially with the small guitarist, and while he was happy, he was also hurt and a tad angry to see the look of almost-relief that the guitarist got. They’d talked it through and knew that without Yomi in their life they wouldn’t be happy. It was better to have a friendship with all three of them than a half-relationship with two people. It didn’t take Ruka long to see that he loved the guitarist, but it wasn’t like how he loved Yomi.

Yomi to him was...everything. And Hitsugi understood that and genuinely wanted them to be happy together. However, Yomi still wasn’t talking to either one of them; which was what had Ruka sitting here on his couch, his 5th can of Coke lying empty next to a still burning cigarette in his ash tray. He gazed disinterestedly at the television, another comedy show. It wasn’t that funny. Or maybe he just wasn’t in the mood to laugh. He needed to get out of this funk. He didn’t like being depressed. So he did the only thing he could think of to de-stress and began writing down everything. All his emotions, and fears and anger and desperation for wanting the love of his life back in his life. And that’s how a new song was written. He didn’t care for how it was sung, only knew that it had to be Yomi’s gorgeous voice singing his lyrics; knowing how he felt and understanding and at least talking to him— to be in his life again, and not like just a business partner.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Hitsugi was feeling bad.

Well, not completely. He understood things better now. He knew that he had overreacted. Okay, so that too was an understatement. But he knew that he loved Ruka and he loved Yomi, but he wasn’t in love with either one of them. And he knew that Ruka loved Yomi, and Yomi had confessed his love for the drummer when he walked away from them that day not too long ago. But that wound was almost gone, because it wasn’t a true love leaving. Yet he knew that he could not be happy without Yomi and Ruka in his life—they didn’t need to be his lovers for him to love them. He guessed he had been wrong before, he did love them—just like he loved Sakito and Ni~ya: like brothers.

And he did feel truly remorseful for not being able to look Ruka in the face for wanting to call off their barely-day-old relationship even though it felt much longer than that. And he felt regretful for having all but smiled when Ruka was man enough to come to him and talk about their…relationship, fiasco was more like it, Hitsugi felt, and he hated the look of hurt and anger that flashed over the drummer’s face, even though they both knew that it was for the best. They weren’t in love and they were hurting a very important person in their lives.

So that was why Hitsugi was now making his way to Yomi’s house, without calling, for he knew that he wasn’t the only one that had been avoiding someone. Yomi had made the excuse that his voice had gone out so he couldn’t sing and thus couldn’t practice. And Hitsugi knew that Sakito blamed him and didn’t question Yomi even though they all knew the vocalist had been lying. But Sakito gave them their space, telling them to return as soon as they handled their business—they’d already postponed their new CD release a week.

Making his way to the vocalist’s apartment, Hitsugi got another tenant to open the door, telling himself that he was going to wait outside all night if need be if the vocalist really wasn’t there. And he didn’t think Yomi could avoid him for long if he was persistent, or if he disturbed the neighbors. He just wished Yomi wasn’t mad enough to call the cops if that happened.

He got to the door. It looked like all the other ones, but Hitsugi knew he’d reached his destination.

Just beyond the door was the most beautiful voice he’d ever heard singing very sad lyrics. They pulled at his heart and he remained frozen at the door until the last words were sung a-cappella and forced himself to break the trance he was in by knocking on the door, the three quiet knocks sounding like gunshots in the still silence. He heard shuffling footsteps stop at the other side of the door and stay there for what seemed like an eternity. Hitsugi held his breath in anticipation and almost hated the way his heartbeat pounded so fast in his ears, eager to see the vocalist after a week apart.

Finally, finally Yomi opened the door and a sullen vocalist stared up at him, his face blank as he tried to shield his emotions from the guitarist.

“Can I help you?” Yomi asked, the words cold and distant—words you would ask a stranger. They cut into Hitsugi, but he had to do this and would not get hurt more than he already was.

“Can I come in?”

Yomi could have said no. He could have told Hitsugi to go jump off a bridge. He could have slammed the door in his face, and he would have been justified. But he did nothing, he just stared at Hitsugi real intensely and then after a minute of Hitsugi trying not to twitch and shuffle nervously, Yomi stepped aside, leaving a space for Hitsugi to go through—into his home.

“What are you doing here?” Yomi asked the second he closed the door, his voice carefully calm and empty.

“I needed to talk to you.” Hitsugi said, looking at the floor, unable to meet Yomi’s unwavering cold gaze.

“Needed? That means you don’t need to any more, right? You can go then.” Yomi said but instead of opening the door as an invitation to leave, he stood there, waiting to see what the guitarist was going to say.

Would he apologize for what had happened over a week ago? Would he rub it in his face that they in fact did not need him and were happy without him in their little... relationship? And Yomi hated to think that, his cold façade was breaking as that thought ran rampant in his mind. He couldn’t help it that his eyes widened, and a look of panic flashed through his face before he could school his features. What if, because of him they decided to change the band—or end it completely? There would no longer be a Naitomea, or in minimum one with another vocalist. Oh gods, no he couldn’t live with that.

“Did Sakito send you to get me to go back?” He asked slowly, quietly, not trusting his voice and avoiding Hitsugi’s gaze as the swallowed thickly, his throat tightening as tears threatened to make his gaze misty.

Hitsugi’s brows scrunched down, confused. What did Sakito have to do with this?

“No, he didn’t. I’m here to talk about us. You, me and Ruka.”

Yomi’s face hardened, too many emotions to distinguish chasing themselves on his face. His face settled on anger—the easiest to portray and feel without having to think too much.

“I thought I told you I don’t want to be part of your relationship.”

“You won’t be.” Hitsugi said and Yomi’s face fell with shock and hurt replacing anger.

“But, we’re no longer in a relationship.” The guitarist said, curving his middle and index fingers to make air quotes around the word ‘relationship’.

“What do you mean? Why?” Yomi asked, not knowing why these idiots had to go and prove him right, making him feel even worst, even though a part of him was elated that Ruka had finally come to his senses. Nevertheless, he couldn’t help but feel sad at Hitsugi and Ruka ending their relationship. It was very confusing. But to Hitsugi, it was a tad amusing to see all the emotions the tiny vocalist could portray in only a matter of seconds. Confusion, hurt, anger, sadness, hope; and many others he couldn’t name.

“He doesn’t love me like he loves you.” Yomi’s eyes widened and he looked a little fearful for a moment there before a smile broke through the surprise before he once again schooled his features, needing to hear Hitsugi completely before making a decision.

“And I realized that though I do love him, I’m not in love with him. Not like how you love him.” And again, Yomi’s face showed his total surprise.

“How-how do you know that?” Hitsugi smiled warmly at him.

“You said it yourself when you…when you walked away.” Hitsugi stumbled on that last part, not wanting to bring it up.

Yomi shook his head.

“No. I said I thought I was in love with him. Him being with you showed me just how fickle he is. He thought he was in love with you without even putting his dick inside you. That made me see that it wasn’t just sex talking. But it was just the sex for us. Why else would he choose you over me?” Yomi ranted, bringing up all the questions he had asked himself both in his head and aloud, never getting an answer.

Hitsugi looked at him shocked.

Oh gods, what had he done? He hurt Yomi more than he ever though he had and it was now his fault that Yomi was like this. Without thinking he walked quickly over to Yomi, grabbing the vocalist in a tight embrace, hurting even more that the small man tensed in his arms. He tightened his hold, his face hiding in the crook of the smaller man’s neck as he repeated his apologies a thousand times.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, Jun.” the use of his real name made Yomi snap out of his ranting trance and he flinched violently, as though his body was rebooting after a long nap. His arms went around Hitsugi hesitantly before a deep sigh made his body lax.

“Why are you apologizing Hitsugi?” he asked, not liking how he felt this heavy weight on his shoulders because of the seriousness of the situation. It was so much easier without all this drama. [oh, please. Yomi talking about not liking drama—he was the biggest drama queen!]

“Because I’m such a selfish idiot! Oh, kami you do love him. And he loves you too. And I was stupid for wanting that—that love that you two have for myself. I shouldn’t have gotten in the way. I’m so sorry, Yomi. Please forgive me.”

And the guitarist broke into tears against him, wetting his skin and making it perspire and become uncomfortable with the hot breath against his neck. Yomi just held him, digesting everything the guitarist had said. They had broken up because of him.

“You broke up because of me?” Yomi said, a little guilty.

Hitsugi pulled back, wiping his eyes with his sleeves while shaking his head, no.

“We did it because neither one of us could be happy without you as our friend. But Ruka needs you to be so much more than that. He loves you, he really does. And I know he’s an idiot sometimes, but he could be your idiot.” He said with a broken smile as that got a huffed laugh from both of them.

 

They continued to talk about everything that had gone on during the week that Yomi missed, locked up in hiding (from the band members) and was so relieved to know that he wasn’t going to be taken out of Naitomea, that they were going to continue being a band but that their CD release was set back a week. And he felt guilty for that, but not so guilty that he didn’t feel happy and elated that he could be happy with Ruka, that the drummer did love him.

Another hour or so after things had calmed down and they continued talking, it felt as though they had gotten reacquainted. Hitsugi then left, he had to feed his cats, making Yomi shake his head and repeat Ni~ya’s words that the guitarist loved those cats more than himself. But after Hitsugi left, Yomi knew what he had to do.

Yomi got up to take a shower and get dressed, as his alter ego, Chiba, said “and now to go get my man” as he opened the door to go to Ruka’s place.



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