Decisions

BY : sango_houshi
Category: J-Rock/J-Pop & K-Pop > Nightmare
Dragon prints: 685
Disclaimer: i do not own the members of naitomea (slavery is illegal) and i make no money from this fic AND!! its (OBVIOUSLY) a work of fiction...

Sango: okay, so this IS the final chapter. however, this isnt the original ending. the original ending was...so much sadder. there was going to be a possible character death, but i never finished writing it...if you guys want i'll write up the alternate ending where there is SO MUCH angst..

other than that....

on with the fic

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Ruka had spent every waking moment, since writing that song, staring at the lyrics, even though the words were seared into his retinas every time he blinked. Song writing was a good of expressing his angst, giving free reign for his emotions to run wild and make some semblance of coherence in the words on paper. Of course, this song was would never be part of a CD. Though he wanted to hear Yomi sing these words, it suddenly felt too personal, too pathetic to pine after someone who didn’t want him.

He lit a cigarette, looking at the flame of his lighter, contemplating whether or not to burn the sheet that seemed to mock his inner emotional distress. He picked up the piece of paper but a sudden knock at his door made him accidentally put out the flame.

Hm...who could it be? Maybe Kei? He’d told the guitarist that he didn’t feel too good and the younger man had said that he’d take him out for drinks. But then wouldn’t he call before coming over? Ruka wondered going to open the door without looking through the peephole.

He opened the door and stared blankly at...nothing. There was no one in his immediate line of vision. Without a sound, he made to close the door until he heard an indignant ‘hey’. His hand stopped mid-motion, his whole body freezing. His eyes widened as he stared down at Yomi, the vocalist looking offended for not being seen. Then again, almost an entire foot separated their heights.

“Yomi?” Ruka whispered, incredulous, afraid to be too loud, lest it be a hallucination that he shatter with his voice.

“Hey, Satoru. Can I come in?”

Yomi almost never used his real name. So maybe this wasn’t a cruel play of his imagination. He stepped aside, his jaw still slack and he quickly snapped it shut, his teeth clicking audibly in the too silent room.

“Yomi? Why are you here?” Ruka asked still not believing his eyes. The man he loved, truly loved, was right here in front of him and he was trying not to grab the tiny man and crush him in a tight embrace.

“I...uh...wanted to hang out.” Yomi said, not saying the real motive for his visit, and Ruka knew that there were a lot of more important things they had to do than ‘hang out’. But Ruka became nonchalant and shrugged it off, motioning the vocalist into his living room. If Yomi wanted to avoid the subject, Ruka wouldn’t pressure him. He’d get to it eventually, Yomi was like that when he was nervous, beating around the bush.

Ruka offered him a coke, taking one for himself, picking up empty cans in an attempt to tidy up his living room table. When all the cans were gone, a single sheet of paper with Ruka’s familiar chicken scratch was left, catching the vocalist’s attention. With the curiosity of one of Hitsugi’s cats, Yomi took the sheet of paper and began reading it, tears coming to his eyes the more he read.

‘I don’t see your shadow on our future way

Time goes by without mercy...’

These words struck Yomi as he understood, felt as though the words were written for him, for the feeling that he’d never have Ruka in his life...

‘There are too many holes in my heart to count

Unreasonableness becomes visible a little as night slowly closes in...’

His heart had been so broken and he’d felt he’d go half mad with all the thoughts and anger that had caused so much turmoil and sadness in him that week he’d been irrationally angry at Ruka and Hitsugi, though he knew it was for naught….at least now, he knew he’d been worried for nothing...

‘An ordinary flower sometimes doesn’t flourish

There I get hugged by loneliness

It seems to me as if I was left behind on the world on my own...’

That overwhelming feeling of despair and loneliness that took over him after he’d seen Ruka and Hitsugi together came back at him and threatened to overwhelm him again, but he pushed it back, knowing that now he had a true chance at happiness with Ruka. If only he could open his mouth and tell the drummer, then it would all be better, but the words were lodged in his throat and he was waiting on that soda to make it better.

‘Your silent goodbye

That was the only chance

If only I could see you in my dreams

It’s just an empty desire...’

And tears ran unhindered down Yomi’s cheeks, causing his vision to blur and he blinked the annoying haze away wanting to finish reading the song. Because he knew that Ruka had written a song, something so personal to him and it tore at Yomi’s heart that the drummer felt that way because of him. But…he had been in the same boat, for a long time now, and seeing Ruka reciprocate his feelings gave him a feeling of elatedness that made his heart beat painfully in his chest.

‘End. End. Something you left behind as a surrogate for you

Showed me one important thing

Please. Please. I dearly wish

That this thought could reach you...’

And Yomi’s body shook with a sob, knowing full well that Ruka wrote this song for him. Only for him. Ruka loved him. Oh gods, the drummer really loved him.

‘In the hindmost corner of a rainy city

Happens a story that no one knows about...’

**

Yomi set the paper down and tried to breath normally, but his heart constricted painfully and he felt so sorry, so so sorry for making the drummer feel this way because of him.

“What’s the title?” He asked in a choked voice, for he hadn’t regained composer, but he really wanted to know—needed to know. Needed to hear the drummer speak, the tall man that had been watching him silently since the second he picked up the paper.

“Oh, you know.”** Ruka said with a shrug of his shoulder, walking over casually to the vocalist to hand him his now warming soda. He had barely set it on the table when Yomi threw himself in his arms a heart wrenching sob escaping him and Ruka held him tight, hands tightening in the vocalist’s shirt as Yomi cried himself to exhaustion in the drummer’s embrace.

Finally, after what seemed like forever, Yomi finally pulled away, going to the bathroom without saying anything to Ruka, washing his face and wiping his nose to look semi-presentable with his eyes red and puffy. He went back out to face the drummer, to face his future with the man he loved.

 

i was thinking of ending it here, but hitsu-chan also deserves happiness

so....

 

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4 Years Later

Hitsugi had yet to find the love of his life, but he didn’t mind. Maybe it just wasn’t his time. Out there, somewhere, was someone who would love him just like Ruka loved Yomi and how Ni~ya loved Sakito and vice versa. Yet he didn’t know how close that ‘somewhere’ was.

Hitsugi sat at the island of his kitchen table. His best friend and bassist of SID was making him dinner. He loved Aki’s cooking. The bassist made his cooking look and taste like it came from a restaurant and the conversation was comfortable. He liked hanging out with Aki but their schedules rarely coincided and he liked spending as much time as he could with the bassist.

But today was totally different from their other hanging outs. Aki was quieter than usual. More contemplative. And every time Hitsugi would look at the bassist, he’d catch the dyed blonde staring at him. It was…unnerving. It made Hitsugi’s heart skip a beat when he recognized a particular look in the bassist’s eyes—lust. However, the bassist always covered his true emotions/motives with his sexuality. And Hitsugi was no stranger to Aki’s lust, but never when they were alone. Aki was always very genuine and open, so to see the lust, it was confusing, it felt…weird, yet…right. It was like he was being stripped from his clothes with the bassist’s eyes.

“Uh... is something wrong? I don’t have anything on my face do I?” Hitsugi asked, self conscious for numerous reasons, but trying to play it off, telling himself that he was just seeing things.

“Remember how that reporter said that I was like your girlfriend, because you stayed over for a week and I always cooked for you?” Hitsugi didn’t know where the bassist was going with this, but he nodded, indicating that he did remember that time. It had been for a photo shoot of only Hitsugi and Aki and then the reporter had made that comment. It had stayed in the back of his mind for a while, but he forgot it after not being able to see the bassist for a few good months. It was just now when both of them were taking a mini vacation that Hitsugi was able to once again hang out with his friend. And the question piqued his interest again. Hmm...Aki as his girlfriend. He mentally chuckled, a small smile playing on his lips.

“Yea, I remember. What about it?” He asked, his head cocking to the side, making him look like a curious kitten.

And Aki snapped.

He stood up from his stool and leaned across the island, placing his lips suddenly against Hitsugi’s, stunning the guitarist. The redhead pulled back, gasping as his stool tilted back dangerously before catching himself and fixing the seat.

“Aki.” He said breathlessly, looking shocked at the bassist.

“I’m sorry, Hitsugi. I’ll leave.” With that the usually reserved and overly polite sex god got up to leave but Hitsugi stopped him before he reached the door.

“Wait!” His voice sounded too loud in the tense silence as he stood abruptly, stopping Aki from grabbing his jacket leaving to face the September night chill.

“You could...stay...? If you want.” He added quickly, blushing as he looked at his feet. And that rare smile that graces Aki’s lips, the one that made Hitsugi forget everything around him, lit the bassist up and Hitsugi felt his heart flutter as the dyed-blonde walked to him again, within touching distance and said,

“I’d like that.”

Owari for real

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**the lyrics in italics is the translation of the song mahora, which means, 'oh, you know'. thats why i used those words and made ruka say that line-- in case you were wondering. and i KNOW ruka didnt write that song(sakito did), but it works better this way.

ALSO:

if i get 5 replies, i'll show u how the story could have ended... remember, u dont need to sign up to reply OR rate the story... please do

i thrive on reviews



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