Unholy confessions of a vampire heart | By : nuclear000rainbow Category: Celebrities - Misc > Slash - Male/Male Views: 1301 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0 |
Disclaimer: I do not know Ville Valo or any of the members of HIM, This is purely a work of fiction, I do not make any money writing this. Full disclaimer in chapter 1. |
The lyrics used in this chapter does not belong to me! Lyrics used in this chapter: HIM- Vampire heart and HIM- Behind the crimson door
Eight days later, Bam’s pov:
‘Bam! Bam? Where am I? it’s so dark in here, so cold!’ I’m in a dark cell, the smell of damp soil filling my nose as I try to concentrate, two glowing emerald orbs the only sign it’s my Ville speaking to me. ‘where are you Ville? They took you away from me! I’m so sorry I couldn’t save you!’ I speak softly, trying not to startle him, I know it’s just a dream, but I still have hope that it’s one of *those* dreams! ‘I know Bammie, I know they hurt you! They told me you were dead! I knew they were lying! I can still feel your heartbeat! Please come find me!’ ‘We’re trying Ville, I’m not allowed to move yet, the wound was so bad! Andy and Novak’s out looking for you! We’ll come for you! I promise! I promise I’ll find you!’ ‘The angels are guarding the cell, the ones that attacked us! Please be careful Bammie!’ Tears, I can smell his tears! They smell salty! Why? They should smell like blood, not salt!...
“Bam! Wake up!” Dunn’s voice startles me, tearing me out of my dream. “What?” I bark out, pissed off beyond belief at the wolf. “Christ heard heartbeats, two of them, outside! The sun just set, so we’re on our way to check it out, we just wanted you to know!” Dunn speaks calmly, his body language submissive as he looks at me apologetically. “That’s all?” I mutter before standing up slowly, a hiss of pain escaping me as I walk towards the opening, my first trip to the outside in more than a week seems tempting at the moment, and I would have been happy about it. If it wasn’t for the sight that met me… Two of our family members, in a heap of limbs on the ground. The light drizzle of rain already soaking them to the bone, leaving them both wet and cold, their skin bluish white like that of a vampire and lips nearly black. “Dunn! Shadows! Syn! Come here quickly! We need to get them inside!” I shout at the people I know are already on their way. The tree of them quickly pulling both Andy and Novak off the ground and carrying them inside, my own pain forgotten as I follow as fast as I can. “Get them out of the wet clothes! Lay them by the fire and rub their arms and legs!” Rev barks out as soon as he sees them, the two of them being placed on the ground and stripped of their wet clothes in seconds. “Syn, don’t you have some spare clothes somewhere?” I ask as the vampire walks towards us with his arms filled with firewood. “Yeah, already sent V to fetch them! They’re probably be a bit too big on them, but at least they’re warm!” “Good! I’ll help with the fire, I’m useless with everything else!” I smirk at him, grabbing a few logs of wood from his arms. “I thought we could build a few more fires in here, get the heat up a bit more. You make one in that corner, and I’ll go over there!” Syn smirks before walking to the far corner of the cave, the sound of firewood being dropped to the floor sounding as I turn and walk towards the spot he pointed out. Two new fires quickly being lit, lighting up the dim cave even more and the heat soon rising. “How long have they been out there? Novak’s freezing! I thought the wolf blood kept you guys warm no matter what!” Shadows asks while rubbing Novak’s arm, his golden eyes filled with worry and confusion as he never stops working on getting some warmth back in the unconscious wolf. Everyone else doing the same, scattered between Novak and Andy. “My only guess is that he neglected to eat and sleep while being out there for more than a week, he must have exhausted himself while looking for Ville, and considering Andy’s state, he did too…” I speak quietly, a sting of pain shooting through me as I mention my lost Omega, I need to be out there! I need to find him! My thoughts keep going back to the dream, my love locked up in a dark cell, I need to get him back! We need him! “I know what you’re thinking Bam, but not yet! You need to heal up first!” Rev speaks calmly from Andy’s side, his head down on his chest, most likely making sure his heartbeat’s getting stronger. “I know Rev, but I need to save him! They’re keeping him locked up in total darkness!” I mutter quietly, knowing well that they can all still hear me. “You had one of those dreams again, didn’t you?” Dunn speaks calmly, his blue eyes searching my face. “Yeah, and you woke me up before I could ask him why his tears smelled like salt…” I growl in disappointment, Dunn suddenly frowning with guilt. “Don’t worry about it Dunn, you couldn’t know!” I smirk at the wolf, my bad mood have got nothing to do with him. “Salt, water, not tears!” Novak suddenly moans out, startling us all, his voice barely audible. “What do you mean Novak?” I ask quickly as the wolfs eyes fluttering open. “Not Ville’s tears, the sea, they took him across the sea!” Novak chokes out while trying to sit up, eager and stern hands forcing him back down. “Stay down mutt, we need to get your blood flowing back into your limbs!” Shadows orders while putting a hand on Novak’s shoulder, the wolf sinking back down without a fight. “How’s Andy?” He asks softly, his tired eyes seeking the angel. “Same state as you, muttered something about an Ashley before falling back asleep.” V informs us before walking towards the fire Syn lit earlier, a pot of something being placed on the glowing embers. “Ashley?” I ask before looking towards the angel, his skin starting to turn back to his normal white and his lips no longer blue. “He never mentioned anyone named Ashley earlier!” My curiosity evident to everyone around. “He never speaks about his past, so I’m not shocked!” Gee smirks at me, him and Frank working on the angel’s wings, carefully aligning the feathers while Dico tries to dry them off with a soft piece of cloth. “Andy talks in his sleep, but I won’t tell!” Dico giggles while never looking up from his task, the crazy wolf just smiling secretively down at the black feathers. “Well, I’ll ask him when he wakes up! To curious not to!” I snicker before turning back to Novak, the wolf now being helped into the warm clothes V dug up from Syn’s stash. The gray wool pants pooling around his ankles and the knitted sweater hanging off his skinny frame, almost making him look like a kid in his fathers’ clothes. “You look better!” I comment as I sit down next to him, Novak smiling carefully in return. “I feel better too, nice to be warm again!” He giggles softly before being interrupted by his stomach, the loud growling letting us all know I was right. He did neglect his own health while looking for his Omega. “Here Novak, eat this!” Christ say as he suddenly appear in front of us, the tiny vampire reaching towards Novak with a big steaming bowl in his hands. “V and Rake made stew, it’s deer meat and veggies, they boiled it with the bones, and he added some of the deer blood to make it thicker! It’s made specially for you and Andy, to get your energy back up!” Christ smiles brightly as Novak takes the stew from him, earning a bright but timid smile in return from the wolf. “Eat up Novak! And don’t smile like that! I forgave you years ago you know!” Christ giggles before walking back to Jimmy and Dunn, the two wolves helping Syn and V getting clothes on the still sleeping Andy. Their struggle with getting the angel dressed making us all laugh, even Novak who ended up choking on a mouthful of stew. “You two try getting this guy dressed! Not as simple as it seems!” Jimmy snaps while struggling with one of Andy’s wings, the black beauties refusing to let the garment on. “No need to snap!” I chuckle before standing up carefully, the stitches still giving me trouble when moving. “Move over!” I order while pulling out a knife, the wolves and vampires stepping away quickly, looking at me wide eyed as I lay the sweater flat on the floor, quickly making two slits from about the middle of the shoulder and down. Syn just shaking his head in disbelief. “Try now!” I laugh, handing the garment back to the vampire. And what do you know, it worked! “And that’s why you’re the Alpha!” Jimmy laughs as they finally get the angel fully dressed, the wings now sticking out through the fabric without a problem, although the back hangs in tatters. “Just put a few stitches along the bottom, and it’ll stay in place!” I snicker while smirking at Syn, the vampire giving me wicked smirk in return as V just giggles. “That’s one way of doing it! Let’s just hope he wakes up soon!” Syn speaks calmly, his eyes scanning the angel for any signs of life. “When we’re talking about waking up, shouldn’t you vampires settle down soon? It’s almost daytime!” I ask while looking towards the now blocked entrance, Raab and Shadows just finishing it up with thick branches covered in leaves. “Yeah, I’m already struggling to stay awake, but we had to finish up with Andy first!” The tall vampire states before yawning, his jaw popping in the proses. “Go, sleep! You’ve all deserved a rest!” I order, pushing both him and V towards their chosen spot, the two of them looking grateful to be dismissed. “Bam, Andy’s still a bit cold, same with Novak! He’s still shivering, and he’s sat by the fire! Could you all change into wolf form tonight and lend them some warmth?” Rev asks while walking over to me, Shadows close behind his mate as always. “Sure, that’s actually a good idea! Wolf fur’s work even better on the actual living being!” I laugh while motioning to the others to change, the whole pack quickly surrounding both Andy and Novak, curled up like big puppies. Even Christ joining the heap on the floor, snuggled tightly between jimmy and Dunn as always. “Ok people! Get some sleep!” I order softly before changing myself, swiftly finding my way towards my pack and curling up right next to Dico, the crazy wolf snuggled up against the angels’ wings and barely noticing me joining them. Soft snoring soon the only sound to be heard along with the crackling of the fire.
*********
Andy’s pov:
Dreaming, I know I’m dreaming. It’s so cold here! Why is it so cold? Where am I? Salt, I can smell salt, must be close to the sea somewhere! Another door, I’ve gone through so many already, there must be a way out of here! What’s that? A light? I should probably follow it! Follow the light Andy, light means life! Ugh! That smell! Wet dirt and mold mixed with seawater! There! That’s the door with the light! Please be open! Let me out of here! Oh no! It’s locked! Is that a window? It’s so tiny I can barely see anything! The light… Need to see the light! That’s… Oh no! Ashley? Ashley, is that you? Can you hear me Ashy? Ash! I’m here! What did they do to you? Why? I’ll come get you Ashley! I promise! I’ll find you! I need to get out of here, I need to get back to the others! I need to get back to the real world so I can tell them about this! We need to find them! If they put my Ashes here, Ville got to be close! I need to tell Bam! Bam! I need to wake up! Bam!
*******
Bam’s pov:
Andy screaming and trashing his wings have us all jumping to our feet, poor Dico getting thrown across the room before he even gets the chance to jump out of the way, the wolf landing on the floor with a crash that would have been funny if not for the panicking angel. “Andy! Andy, calm down!” I speak softly while shaking him gently, his eyes wild with fright as we all try to keep him still. “Ash! They got my Ashley! They told me he was dead! But they locked him up!” Andy cries as I pull him up, letting him cry and hopefully calm down a bit. The black wings shaking along with the rest of his slim frame as violent sobs wreck through him. “Andy, who’s Ashley?” I ask carefully, trying to catch his eyes as Novak walks towards us carefully, the silver eyed wolf carefully grabbing Andy’s hand as he sits down next to him. “You can tell him Andy, he won’t judge, you know Bam!” Novak states calmly while locking eyes with the angel, a few seconds feeling like an eternity ending with a small nod from Andy. “Let’s wait for the coven to wake up, I don’t like talking about it, so I’ll rather just tell it once.” Andy barely whispers as Novak gives his hand a squeeze and I gently wipe away the tear stains from his face, the angel almost looking like he’s going to break down again as his head drops to his chest. “No problem Andy, you two have a lot of stuff to tell us anyway, we didn’t want to question Novak without you!” I smile gently before giving his shoulder a reassuring squeeze and standing up, my instinct telling me to check on the others after the turmoil, and the first on my list being Dico. The crazy mutt sitting against the wall, whimpering, as I walk towards him. “You hurt Dico?” “No, just shaken and bruised, going to heel up in no time!” Dico explains while clutching his side, his face twisting in pain as I pull the fabric away, a big bruise forming from where he landed badly. “More than just a bit bruised Dico, we’ll let Rev have a look at it when he wakes up, wont we?” I speak sternly like you would to a pup, the crazy mutt huffing at my words. “It’s just a bruise Bam, I don’t need to waste Rev’s time with it!” “If Bam wants me to take a look, I will! Now, lie down baby-brother! Let us see it!” Rev cackles crazily after appearing behind me, Shadows beside him only smirking as Dico pouts in disapproval. “Do as Rev say, or I won’t let you join him on the hunts anymore!” I say as sternly as I can before winking at Shadows, the vampire understanding the emptiness of the threat, but the two crazy goofballs on the floor look horrified at the moment. And what do you know! Dico willingly let Rev pull his shirt off so he can treat him! I need to remember that threat, it actually works! “Nice one Bam! I’m going to use that the next time they’re acting up!” Shadows laughs quietly as we both make our way back towards the fire, the others already gathered around Andy and Novak, eagerly waiting to hear what happened. “Guys, give them some space!” Frank snaps at the wolves surrounding the two as him and Gee tries to wind their way between them with bowls filled with steaming hot stew. The pair almost tripping over every few steps because of the eager wolves. A yelp of pain sounding as Frank stumbles over Raab’s legs, spilling some of the hot food down his arm ending with an angry hiss and a whip-like sound as Gee gets pissed. “Frank said move! Now move!” The incubus growls angrily while letting his forked tail slap the guys into place, his eyes glowing bright red before turning back to hazel as he looks towards his mate. “Frank, go see Rev!” I order as I grab the bowl from his hands and points towards the vampire who just finished up with Dico, Shadows grabbing the one from Gee, sending him with his mate. “I know you all want to know what they’re going to say, but when a member of the coven asks you to move, you move!” I growl in irritation, the pack looking guiltily at the floor while the coven just stares with blank faces, the vampires not really caring that much about the way of the wolves. “Sorry Bam!” Raab mutters carefully, his eyes cast towards the floor. “It’s not me who needs the apology, it’s Frank who got burned!” I scold them all as I turn on my heel, following Shadows towards the wolf and the angel stil hunched over next to the fire. “Here, eat up! Both of you!” Shadows says with one of his dimpled smiles, flashing his fangs like always. “Thanks!” Andy speaks up with a small smile before digging in, both of their bowl empty in mere minutes. “So, I’m all patched up thanks to Rev! And we’re all gathered Bam!” Frank informs me as Gee pulls him down on the floor, kissing his burned and bandaged hand carefully before sending Raab a death glare, the mutt covering away and crawling behind Rakes back, making me chuckle. “I’m really sorry Frankie!” Raab whimpers, his eyes resembling a kicked puppy as he looks at Frank. “It’s ok, but next time we tell you guys to move, you move! Ok?” The Aasgaardian giggles while cuddling up to Gee, the incubus putting his arms around his mate protectively. “Now, what did you two discover?” I ask before sitting down next to Jimmy and Dunn, my betas moving over slightly before turning their attention towards Novak and Andy. “Not much, and what we did find out, you wont like!” Novak mutters sadly. “We searched for days! Novak on the ground and me in the skies! We couldn’t find any trace of Ville anywhere close to where you were attacked, but Novak picked up a scent that we chose to follow…” Andy continues, his eyes clearly telling Novak to continue the story. “I lost the scent more than once, but we somehow picked it up again, it led us to the shore. They took him across the sea Bam, where we couldn’t follow!” Novak trails off, silver tears escaping his eyes from pure disappointment and frustration as I grab his hand. “You did good Novak, and we will find Ville! I’ll never stop searching for him until he’s back home where he belongs, with us all!” I smirk at the wolf, his silver eyes filling with hope once again. “I know I messed up in the beginning Bam, but Ville and the guys became my family. I never felt I belonged anywhere until Ville and Christ beat the crap out of me, and still decided to let me stay! I’ll help you find him, no matter how long it takes!” Novak smirks between his tears before getting tackled by the smaller ones. Christ, Gee, Frank and V all enveloping him in a tight hug, leaving the wolf startled and laughing. “Now Andy, your turn! Who’s Ashley?” I ask as I turn my attention back towards the angel. His shoulders sloping and eyes turning sad as I mention the name. I can see him pulling a deep breath, trying to control himself as he looks around the room. His bright blue eyes clouding over for a minute before he finally speaks. “There was five of us amongst the angels, five rebels that didn’t fit in. No one liked us because of who we were, we wanted freedom, not to follow their rules like mindless slaves. They called me the Prophet because I spoke about freedom to be ourselves, of a world with a will of it’s own, a will to choose what we wanted to do with our lives. I was a firm believer in the prophesy of fire and ice, and so was my friends. Ashley, he went by the name Deviant. He was my lover, my everything, my reason to live and my right-hand man in the fight against the mindless drones. The others, my best friends and fellow soldiers… Jake the Mourner, Jinxx the mystic and CC the Destroyer. We were wreaking havoc amongst the angels, sowing seeds of doubt against the so called almighty god that none of us have ever seen. No angel have ever met him, spoken to him or seen him, he’s just as unrealistic to us as to you humans. So why would we follow his so called rules? But the holier than thou pricks on top put an end to us. They took us down while we were sleeping, we tried to escape, but we failed. They locked us up in one of their towers, split us up to keep us from planning against them. I was locked up for centuries and they tortured me every day! They told me graphic tales about what they did to my friends, to my lover. And one day, they told me Ash had been killed, that they left him bleeding out on the floor after he fought back. That the others were already dead and gone and Ash was the last one! And I believed them, an angel can’t lie! We’re not able to! So, I believed them, my heart broke and I chose to fall. That was the only way out of that place, the only way they couldn’t contain me anymore. I ended up down here, on earth, walking amongst humans. Trying to survive and live with the guilt of not being able to save my friends. I never interacted with anyone until I ended up in Ville’s village, I found Harms and he somehow gave me hope to keep going. Then I found you all again and you decided to take me in, even though I’m not like you. And now, after they took Ville… I’m sorry about you getting hurt Dico, really! But you need to know Bam, Ashley is still alive! I had one of those dreams! It was dark, pitch black and I couldn’t see a thing, there was cells lining the hallway. The smell of damp soil and mold mixed with seawater. I have a feeling that if we find this place, we won’t only find Ville, we’ll find Ashley too!” Andy finishes softly, his eyes pleading as he looks at me. I’m in shock, his story’s hard to take in that quickly. But I know he’s not making it up, and if he believes we’ll find them both, I’m in for it! “I had a similar dream the other night, about Ville in a dark cell. Same smells as you described Andy! I think you’re right! If that’s where they have my Ville, I’m sure they have your Ashley and most likely your friends too!” I state eagerly, every member of our crazy family nodding in approval. “So, across the sea then?” Syn smirks at us with a raised brow, V in his lap grinning wickedly towards us. “First the Alpha council, then we cross the sea!” I chuckle towards them, my blue eyes glowing as I think about the new adventure. The sparkle infectious as all eyes start glowing back at me, blue, grey, red, all of them! “Let’s leave as soon as the sun sets tomorrow! But no exhausting yourselves!” Rev cackles crazily while smiling widely, his laughter sounding through the whole room, making us all crack up along with him. “No problem Rev, we’ll take it slow!” I chuckle at the lanky vampire. “Now, you vampires go hunt while we clean the place up and pack up our stuff! We got no time to waste tomorrow!” I smirk while standing up slowly, my eyes darting around the cave before I start barking orders to the eager wolves. “You two, you just relax!” I order as Novak and Andy starts scrambling to their feet. “I’ll have Rake fix you some more food, you need your energy for tomorrow!” I wink at them before walking away, giving new orders as I go.
********
Ville’s pov:
I wish I had a way to tell the time, but for some reason my biological clock doesn’t even work here. I don’t go stiff as I sleep, and I don’t even get the tingling sensation of the sun rising. All I can do is to keep count on when I decide to slumber, hoping that I keep to a close to normal rhythm. But when you don’t feel the need to sleep, it’s not that easy. The darkness is starting to brighten up a bit too, but most likely because I’m getting used to it. My eyes adjust quickly thanks to the vampire blood running through my veins, but not as quick as I would want it to! At least now I can make out the shapes around the room! Not that much to look at either… Four blank walls that looks like they were carved out of the soil, a small hatch in the middle of the roof and a smooth dirt floor. Syn would have cried if he saw it I giggle to myself as I think about the fashion loving vampire. I’ve stopped crying by now as well, no use in wasting energy on tears, I need it to plan my escape! I know Bam will come for me, I know it, so I have to stay strong until that happens! Fingers crossed it will happen soon rather than later! But for now, I’ll focus on torturing the angels! The white one really hates my singing! Always complaining about a headache or his ears hurting, it’s fun! The dark one, Lauri I think he’s called, doesn’t complain that much. He mostly stays quiet, but sometimes I can hear them whispering outside my cell, not loud enough to make out anything useful, but at least I know they’re there! Ugh! I’m getting bored again! Oh, hell! Another song it is! I giggle to myself once more before letting the words come to me.
You can't escape the wrath of my heart
Beating to your funeral song (You're so alone)
All faith is lost for hell regained
And love dust in the hands of shame (Just be brave)
Let me bleed you this song of my heart deformed
And lead you along this path in the dark
Where I belong 'till I feel your warmth
Hold me
Like you held on to life
When all fears came alive and entombed me
Love me
Like you love the sun
Scorching the blood in my vampire heart
A loud groan coming from outside making me smirk as I up the volume, the lyrics most likely hated by the one called Jonne, the holier than thou soldier most likely plugging his ears in annoyance. I smirk to myself as I just keep singing, the words gliding effortlessly off my lips…
I'll be the thorns on every rose
You've been sent by hope (You'll grow cold)
I am the nightmare waking you up
From the dream of a dream of love (Just like before)
Let me weep you this poem as Heaven's gates close
Paint you my soul, scarred and alone
Waiting for your kiss to take me back home
Hold me
Like you held on to life
When all fears came alive and entombed me
Love me
Like you love the sun
Scorching the blood in my vampire heart
Hold me
Like you held on to life
When all fears came alive and entombed me
Love me
Like you love the sun
Scorching the blood in my vampire heart
Hold me (Like you held on to life)
Like you held on to life
(When all fears came alive and entombed me)
My vampire heart
Love me (Like you love the sun)
Like you love the sun
(Scorching the blood in my)
My vampire heart
“Does that demon ever stay quiet?” What I’ve learned to be Jonne’s voice screeches out in anger. “Oh hush, It’s better than screaming and sobbing!” Lauri speaks softly, his voice barely reaching me through the walls. “But it’s so sinful! The words are evil!” Jonne whines once more, his temper gone already. Maybe I should sing another one I chuckle as they both quiet down again, or maybe not. I can hear their footsteps retreating. No use in singing only to myself! What was that? I think I heard something! “Hello?” I ask towards the total darkness in the room. “Anyone there?” I try once more, feeling stupid for most likely talking to myself. “Please don’t stop singing?” A soft voice barely whispers back, startling me a bit as I scan the room for the source. “Who’s there?” I ask as I strain my hearing to pick up the weak sound of another being. “I’m Ashley, the Deviant. Please don’t stop singing?” The voice answers back, almost begging. “I’ve been here for so long, so have my friends! You’re the first new one in ages! Our Prophet used to sing to us to give us hope! Please don’t stop singing?” “I won’t, but I sing to piss them off! The white one doesn’t like it at all!” I answer back, smiling as I know I’m not as alone as I thought. “Jonne doesn’t like anyone thinking differently!” Ashley answers softly with a light chuckle. “Please, just one more song? It’s the first time CC have slept in years!” “CC? There’s more creatures down here?” “There’s lots of us trapped here, yes! My friends are in the next three cells after mine, and every other cell is occupied as well…” Ashley trails off as I just stare into the darkness, if the whole place is filled with creatures, we need to get them all out of here! Not just me! I need to let Bam know! He has got to know about the others! My thoughts being broken as Ashley speaks once more, the pleading tone back in his voice… “Please, whoever you are, sing one more song?” “My name is Ville, and if it can bring some relief to you all, I’ll sing…” I state calmly before sitting back down against the wall, pulling my knees towards my chest before breathing in deeply. New words of hope and love leaving me without me even thinking about it…
Covered the carcass of time with flowers
To send the scent of blame to the grave
Set the darkest thoughts on fire
And watched the ashes climb to Heaven's gates
We hide behind the crimson door
While the summer is killed by the fall
Alive behind the crimson door
While the winter sings: "Your love will be the death of me" (Death of me)
"Your love will be the death of me"
Death served wine for lovers
Brought from the world where devils reign
And intoxicated angels with sorrow
They witnessed in the eyes of their slaves
We hide behind the crimson door
While the summer is killed by the fall
Alive behind the crimson door
While the winter sings: "Your love will be the death of me" (Death of me)
"Your love will be the death of me"
We hide behind the crimson door
While the summer is killed by the fall
Alive behind the crimson door while the winter sings: "Your love will be the death of me" (Death of me)
"Your love will be the death of me"
We hide behind the crimson door
While the summer is killed by the fall
Alive behind the crimson door while the winter sings: "Your love will be the death of me" (Death of me)
"Your love will be the death of me"
We hide behind the crimson door
We hide behind the crimson door
We hide behind the crimson door
We hide behind the crimson door
A soft ‘Thank you!’ being heard as soon as the last word leaves my lips, making me smile as I lay down against the wall, curled up in a fetal position before falling into a slumber…
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