On The Road Again

BY : BlissGirl4Life
Category: Reality TV > American Idol/Pop Idol
Dragon prints: 1666
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. I do not know the people I am writing about in this fanfiction. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Thank you so much, Ali, Brooke, and alyssa for the reviews! I love them. :)
 

Chapter 14: Trouble In Paradise

 

 

I didn’t sleep well that night, despite being in a hotel room. I hadn’t even wanted to make love with Chris the night before.

 

 

“You’re actually turning down sex?” Wow. I guess you are satisfied from earlier after all. I thought you’d want what you never ended up getting in the dressing room.”

“Well LaKisha walking in on us kind of killed the mood, Chris.”

“Why? She was cool with it.”

“Yeah well I’m not.”

“Dude, you seriously need to lighten up.”

After a few kisses, and an exchanging of goodnights, we settled in for sleep. I rested my head on Chris’ chest, and closed his eyes. I wasn’t even in the mood anymore to get aroused by the fact that his sexy bicep was around me. He and I would have to be extra careful from now on, for nobody else could ever find out about us. Not our parents, not the fans, not our remaining friends, not anybody. That was the last thought in my head before I drifted off to sleep.

B∞C
 

I couldn’t sleep that night, which was unusual since I usually took advantage of having a hotel room. I normally slept very well when in a hotel room. But this thing with Blake had kept me up for what seemed like hours until I was finally able to figure it out. Blake was so worried about people finding out about us. So what would happen if we just let people know? There would be no more speculation. There would be no more worrying that people were going to find out. We could just relax, and have no more pressure of trying to hide our relationship. Most of our friends already knew anyway. Heck, the only one of us who didn’t know was Sligh, and I know he would be as understanding as the others were. Most of the fans already suspected that Blake and I were a couple. Heck, the majority of them wanted us to be a couple. If we came out, I’m sure they would all be supportive of us. Plus, Blake and I would be giving back to the fans. They wanted us to be a couple, and we’d be admitting to them that we were. We’d be giving back to the fans and at the same time relieving the pressure of trying to hide it. As for our parents, well, Blake’s parents already loved me. I knew my parents loved Blake. Yes. It was all so clear to me as I felt myself finally drifting off to sleep. Coming out was the answer.

B∞C
 

I woke up to the sound of Chris singing in the shower. I contemplated on joining him, but with my luck, Chris Sligh’s room key would open up our room door, and he’d come in and find us together. It may sound bizarre, but the others all finding out about us was pretty bizarre too!

I shaved, and then gathered up my clean clothes. I would shower when he got out of the bathroom.
 

Five minutes later, he came out of the shower, looking happy and perky. He was fully dressed, and for a split second, I wished that I had joined in in the shower.

“You’re in a good mood,” I said with a smile.

He walked over to me and kissed me. “Good morning. I shaved, showered, and brushed my teeth, so now the bathroom’s all yours. I would have woken you up to join me, but you looked so peaceful sleeping. I know you don’t get much sleep, so I wanted to let you sleep in.”

I grinned. “By beautiful and considerate boyfriend,” I said, pulling him in for a kiss.

He grinned too, and kissed me back. “You know, I was thinking about something last night that would be the end to all of our problems.”

“I wasn’t aware that we had any problems,” I said. I sat down on the bed.

He sat down next to me. “Well, I know how much stress you’ve been under lately, what with our friends constantly walking in on us, and you and I having to hide our relationship.”

I looked away. “Oh. That.” Way to kill any chance of me having a good mood like his today.

He turned my face to his by moving my chin with his index finger. “I thought about it last night before falling asleep, and I came to the conclusion that we should come out—to everyone. We can come out to our fans, our remaining friends that don‘t already know, our parents, the media—everyone! That way everyone will know, and there will be no more stress and worry about them finding out about us in an embarrassing way, like they’ve been finding out so far. We can call the shots and just tell them ourselves. So what do you think?” He grinned, looking so happy.

I really hated to be the one to have to wipe that smile off his face, but it had to be done. “Are you out of your effing mind?”

Yep. There went the smile.

B∞C
 

I was shocked at Blake’s reaction. Thinking back to it now, I guess I should have expected that reaction from him, but at the moment, I was completely floored. I thought he’d love my idea and shower me with kisses for thinking about it. Instead, he just seemed, well…ticked.

No. I think it’s a rather good idea. I thought you’d be happy about it.”

Blake laughed. “Happy? Happy? Why would I be happy about you wanting to tell the whole world when I am trying so hard to stop the whole world from knowing?”

“But that’s just it, Blake! You’re so worried about people finding out about us, but you don’t have to! The fans already want us together, my parents love you and yours love mine, and our friends so far have been so understanding and supportive of us. I know Sligh wouldn’t be any different. There would be no more pressure. We could finally live our lives in peace,” I reasoned.

Again, Blake laughed. This time was bitterer sounding. “You’re so naïve, Chris. First off, I’m not gay. You’re the only man I have feelings for. Second off, what parents want to hear that their child is in a gay relationship? And not all of our fans like us as a couple. Heck, not all of the fans are fans of us. We’re not everyone’s favorite. There are eight other people on this tour, you know.”

“You having feelings for a man, so even though it’s just one, it still constitutes as gay. Our parents may not be happy to hear that we’re gay at first, but I know they would accept it. I just know it! And I also know that we‘re not the only ones on this tour, but I’m sure all the fans would be supportive of us even if we aren‘t their favorites,” I reasoned.

“The media would have a field day. They’d be all over us, asking rude questions and digging into our personal life,” Blake continued.

“And we can just tell them no comment. We don’t have to tell them anything we don’t want to.”

Blake shook his head. “It doesn’t mater. Reporters will find stuff out about us without us having to tell them anything. And if they don’t, then they’ll make stuff up. And before you bring up our friends again, don’t. They are our close friends and we’re touring with them, so they have to accept it. Our other friends may not be so supportive of us.”

“Well then they wouldn’t really be our friends, would they?” I asked. “And besides, since when does Blake Lewis care what other people think of him?”

“I care when it affects my career. Homophobic people won’t buy my album, and I may even lose a lot of the lady fans who thought they could one day marry me. If I’m gay, then what good or fun am I to them? None! No fun equals no album sales.”

“But think of all the gay fans you’d gain.” I was trying to break the ice between us, but the look on Blake’s face told me that that ice wasn’t planning on melting anytime soon.

“That’s not funny, Chris. I’m serious.”

“Oh lighten up, would you?”

“Will you stop fricking telling me to lighten up? It’s really annoying the hell out of me.”

“Well so-rry for trying to lighten the mood! You’re getting ahead of yourself anyway. If anything, girls love gay guys, so I highly doubt you’re going to lose any fans. If you lose them, they aren’t the kind of fans you’d want anyway.”

Blake crossed his arms over his chest and scowled at me. “How do you know what I’d want? You apparently don’t know now.”

I sighed, and rolled my eyes. “You’re such a fricking diva. What? Your career is more important to you than us?”

“I’m not a diva; you’re just naïve. Grow up, Chris. This is the real world. It’s not all flowers and butterflies. It may be gay-friendlier than it used to be, but for every supporter there is a basher. We’re not coming out, and that’s that.”

I sighed, trying not to cry. I hated how I could cry so easily. Though, for some reason, just as Blake had the power to make me happy with the flip of a switch, he could also make me sad at the drop of a dime.

B∞C
 

“So do you not want to move to LA with me after the tour then? I mean, how would that look, us two moving to LA together? So bad, huh? We can’t let people find out about us. Heck, we should just cut the cake medley out off the show from now on.” Chris was being sarcastic now, and it was only fueling my anger even more.

“Well Phil says you’re moving to Nashville, so I think it’s you who is the one backing out,” I quipped. That had been on my mind, but I hadn’t said anything until now. I figured it was just Phil being pushy, but now I wasn’t so sure. Maybe Chris was bringing this whole coming out idea up because he wanted me to push him away so that he would have an excuse to move to Nashville instead of LA.

“Well Kristi, and even you for that matter, have talked about you going back to Seattle and finishing your album there. So where does that leave LA and us, huh? Why would I move to LA if I don’t have a reason to?” he asked.

My heart sank a little. “You don’t find me a reason to move there? I was planning on having a place in both Seattle and LA. What? Are you just going to move to Nashville and dump me and LA all together?”

He shrugged. “Maybe I should. It seems that you care more about your stupid career than you do about me.”

“Oh, my stupid career? Is that what it is now?” I was so livid. How dare he?

He nodded. “Or maybe it’s just you who’s stupid. You’re so worried about coming out when there is no reason to be! You only care about yourself and how many precious records you sell. You don’t care about us at all, do you?”

“You are so off base it’s not even funny, Chris. If anyone here is stupid, it’s you for believing that everyone is just going to be so loving and accepting about us. And as for my career, you’re just jealous that I’m more popular than you are. You’re jealous that I’ll sell more records than you could ever even dream of selling.” I knew it was a low blow, but right then I really didn’t give a damn.

When I saw the hurt look on his face, I was so close to apologizing. But for some reason I didn’t. I held back like a coward.

“I can’t believe you just said that,” he said quietly.

“Well I did, so there you go. What are you going to do about it?” I asked nonchalantly.

“Fame has changed you, Lewis. You’re not the same guy I met in Hollywood.”

I shrugged. “People change, Chris. If you don’t like it, then maybe we just shouldn’t be together anymore.”

“Is that what you want? For us to break up?” he asked, still quietly.

I shrugged. “If you don’t like the person I am now, then we might as well. I’ll tell you one thing though. I sure as hell aint coming out. I‘ve been thinking, and I really don‘t even need to come out to my parents either. I‘m not gay, so there‘s really no point in it anymore, is there?”

“So you’re just going to leave me. After this tour is over, we both go our separate ways and never hear much from each other again.”

It didn’t sound like a question to me, so I just shrugged and nodded. “If that’s how you want it, that’s more than fine with me. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to take a shower, brush my teeth, and get dressed before we take off. Are you done hogging the bathroom?”

He nodded, wordlessly.

“Good. You better have left some warm water.”

With that, I pushed past him and into the bathroom. I slammed the door behind me and locked it

It was only when I had the water running and I was in the shower that I let the tears run freely down my cheeks. What had just happened? I had just lost the best thing that had ever happened to me. That’s what. It was just too bad I was too stubborn to do anything about it. So I was just going to have to settle for living with a broken heart that could probably never be repaired again.

B∞C
 

“What have I done?” I asked it to the empty room. I felt as if my heart and stomach had both been ripped out of me and stomped on the floor. I thought Blake was going to be so happy with the prospect of us coming out and not having to worry about it, but I was wrong. In fact, I was dead wrong. How could I have misjudged him so much? I didn’t know. All I knew was that my stupidity had just cost me not only my best friend, but also the love of my life. I didn’t know if I should be angrier with him for putting his career first, or myself for pushing him too hard.

It call came down to my worry about him and I drifting apart and going our separate ways after the tour. I had been so worried that our careers would take us in separate directions, and now that it was looking like that fear was going to come true, it just made me snap.

Blake didn’t even seem like he was trying to make things work between us. It dawned on me then. I was angrier with him than I was with myself. He didn’t care about us as much as I cared about us, and frankly, it ticked me off.

I could hardly wait until the tour was over so that I would never have to see Blake Lewis’ ugly face again. It was too bad that he was anything but ugly. He was the sexiest man I’ve ever known, and I knew he could be a jerk sometimes, but… God help me I loved him. I loved him so much it hurt, and as much as I wanted to hate him, I just couldn’t.

I sighed, and buried my face in my hands. I was even more depressed than ever now. How was I supposed to get through the next three weeks knowing that they would be my last three weeks with Blake? How was I supposed to get by these last three weeks when Blake and I were no longer boyfriends, but enemies? And finally, how was I supposed to go on living when I felt that I had just lost my main reason for living? Without Blake in my life, what was there for me? My career might never take off, I knew. He was right about him being more successful than I’d be. What if I faded away to obscurity? What if Blake fell for someone else and I became no more than a distant memory to him?

The thoughts made me sick. I couldn’t take it anymore. I got up off the bed, and left the room, slamming the door behind me. I then headed to the hotel’s private gym to work off the tension. Unfortunately there wasn’t enough time or equipment in the world to get rid of all the tension I had. And there was no exercise that would cure a broken heart.

B∞C
 

I had the worst luck. Of all the days for Chris and I to get into a fight, it had to be a day where we would be stuck together on a bus all day. There was no escaping him. I planned on staying as far away as possible from him, even though it couldn’t be as far as I wanted to be.

When I got out of the bathroom, I saw that he had left, leaving his things for me to take care of.

I contemplated just leaving his stuff there. It would have served him right. But I didn’t have the heart to, as angry as I was with him.

So, I gathered up both his and my stuff, and then headed out to the bus.

When I got there, I threw his stuff in a heap on his bunk.

“Sheesh, dude. You could be a little more careful with his stuff.”

I turned around to see Phil looking surprised.

“Yeah, well he should have brought it out himself,” I grumbled.

“Having a little lover’s quarrel?” Sanjaya asked, popping his head up from his bunk.

“Shut up. I’m not in the mood,” I snapped.

“You’re never in the mood,” he quipped.

“He is for Chris, right Chris?” Phil joked as Chris entered the bus just then.

Instinctively, I turned towards the door to see Chris.

Chris blushed. “Apparently not anymore.”

I looked away, ignoring the stinging sensation I felt in my stomach. I crawled into my bunk. “Thanks for leaving your stuff for me to drag back,” I said sarcastically.

“I didn’t ask you to. I was just down in the gym. It’s not my fault you decided to bring it back before I came back up to grab it,” he snapped. He began to place his things where he wanted them. Apparently he didn’t like the big crumpled mess I had left them in.

“I realize that now might be a bad time to bring it up, but do you mid if I tell my sister about you guys? She keeps asking me if you like her, Blake. She has this huge crush on you. So badly I want to tell her that you’re gay and dating Chris. At least it will get her off my back.”

I sighed. I would love to have told him no just to hurt Chris, but at the same time, I didn’t like her in that way. The last thing I needed right then was for some lovesick sister of Sanjaya’s to fawn all over me. “I don’t consider myself gay, but sure. Chris and I aren’t a couple anymore, but you can still go ahead and tell her we’re one anyway so as not to hurt her feelings. I‘m just not into her in that way.”

“Thank God. I’d hate to have you as a brother-in-law,” Sanjaya said.

“The feeling is mutual, punk,” I said.

“Make sure she doesn’t tell anyone about us though. It would be such a tragedy if it were to get out,” Chris said extremely sarcastically.

I rolled my eyes.

Sanjaya didn’t seem to have picked up on the sarcasm. “Don’t worry. She’s completely trustworthy. She would never spill a secret like that.”

“So wait. You guys aren’t a couple anymore? How can that be? You guys are crazy mad nuts about each other,” Phil said.

“We were, but not anymore,” I said dryly.

Chris nodded. “We’re not even friends anymore.”

“What happened to end it all of the sudden?” Phil asked. “You two were all over each other when I saw you guys head to your room last night.”

“Chris decided he wants the whole world to know we’re a couple. Also, he wants to move to Nashville. Apparently LA and I aren’t good enough for him anymore,” I said bitterly.

Chris shook his head. “Why would I go to LA when he cares more about himself and his career than he cares about me?”

“Why would I care about you when you’re the one who only cares about yourself and what you want? You just want to sabotage my career because you’re jealous that I’m going to have a career and you’re not!” I snapped back.

“Whoa, you guys are cold! Why are you guys so mad at each other?” Sligh asked, coming onto the bus just then.

“Blake thinks that Chris moving to Nashville means that he doesn’t care about Blake. Chris thinks that Blake favors himself and his career over Chris. Chris doesn’t feel that moving to LA would be worth it since Blake feels that way,” Sanjaya said as if he were recapping a soap opera episode. In a way, he kind of was. There was so much drama in my life lately.

“Wow. You two really need to talk it out. My goodness, you act like you’re a couple or something.” If he only knew… “No wonder the fans all think you are. Just because you’re in different cities doesn’t mean you can’t still be best friends. We’re rich now. You’re both going to be successful separately after the tour. You can both afford to fly out and see each other. I also have a feeling that you two will be performing on stage together again one day anyway,” Sligh said.

“They’re not friends anymore,” Sanjaya said.

“Why not?” Sligh gave Chris and I a look. “And here Sanjaya is supposed to be the immature one of the bunch.”

“Hey!” Sanjaya protested.

Sligh turned to Sanjaya. “No offense.” He turned back to Chris and I. “You two are being the immature ones. Ending a tight friendship like you two have over something so petty as cities to live in and careers? That’s not cool. That’s just stupid and petty. You both should be ashamed of yourselves. You’re acting like an engaged couple fighting about where to live.” Sligh shook his head, apparently done with his chastising. He went into his food cupboard and pulled out a box of Twinkies. Next, he took a soda from the mini fridge, closed the fridge door, and then finally he went into his bunk to snack away. He said nothing more on the matter.

“He’s right you know,” Phil said to Chris and I. “It’s stupid to throw everything you guys have together away over one stupid fight.” He went into his own bunk.

Sanjaya nodded. “You guys are lame.” He put his headphones on, and then lay back in his bunk to listen to his ipod.

I looked at Chris, who was looking at me. I quickly looked away, and then lay down on my side with my back faced towards him. Deep down I knew that our friends were right, but I wasn’t quite ready to forgive Chris just yet.

B∞C
 

I looked away when I saw that Blake was staring at me too. Even Sligh, who was oblivious to Blake’s and my romantic relationship, could sense that we were a couple. He really thought that Blake and I were like an engaged couple.

I sighed. He was right. They were all right. Blake and I couldn’t throw it all away because of this one argument. I knew that I should try to find a way to make things better, but at the moment, my mind was drawing a blank. I really didn’t feel like I was the one in the wrong, and therefore, I didn’t know what to do to make things better. How could I apologize when I didn’t really feel that I had anything to apologize for?

I lay on my side, casting another glance over at Blake. He was in the bunk across from mine, but he was lying on his side with his back faced towards me.

I sighed, and lay on my opposite side so that I was now facing the wall instead of Blake. It hurt too much to look at him, even if it was just his back.



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