if it wasn't for you

BY : Luc2
Category: J-Rock/J-Pop & K-Pop > Dong Bang Shin Ki
Dragon prints: 694
Disclaimer: I do not know DBSK. This is all work of fiction. I didn't make any money for this story.

I left Changmin when I saw him sit down in his chair, yet again he was invading my thoughts. How could he leave me like that? Just saying he needs to talk to me to ask me a question then just go to his classroom. Talk about not being fair. I took a deep breathe figuring that I would get the question from him later. As I went to my classroom I started thinking about the question, what if it was about me? I would answer of course; but what if it was about something else, like to come over to his house for the weekend. I already told him that I would ask my parents if I can come over for a little while. But for the weekend I didn't know if I could pull that one off somehow. My mom didn't like it when I left the house for a weekend or even a night. I never understood why but that was what it was.

I sat in my chair just as the bell rang. I just made it before the bell. If the teacher was already there I would get a warning and my parents would hear about it. That wouldn't be good if I asked to go to Changmin's house. I would already know the answer to the question before I even asked it. Taking another deep breathe to calm my nerves I looked up to see Junho right in front of me. 

“Su you alright?” Junho asked as he sat down in front of me.

I smiled at my brother.  “Yeah I'm fine bro. I just don't know if I will be able to go over to Changmin's house. I mean what if mom wouldn’t let me?”

Junho was thinking about it I could tell the wheels in his head were turning. “Well, just ask I mean all that could happen is that mom will say no. Then again mom will have to met Changmin first and his parents.”

“I think he just lives with his mom. He doesn't talk about his father.” I told him tilting my head to the side thinking about it more. 

Junho turned around when the teacher came in so he wouldn't get in trouble. If he got in trouble he would be staying home for a change instead of going to Daesub's house later tonight. Which is one of the things that Junho got away with. Though it seemed like it was nothing could keep him from going over there when he wanted to. But you never know, for once I would love to hear my mom tell Junho no about going over to Daesub's. But I had a feeling that mom would never tell her son no. It was just a feeling but it was a strong one. I just would have loved to hear it that's all I needed. 

During the next class English, I never liked English but I took it anyways never knew when I might need it. I couldn't concentrate on what the teacher was saying but I did know it was about the classes that they had over in America. It sounded just like all of the same classes we had but I wasn't sure. Since I was mostly still going over the question that Changmin had to ask me. If I didn't stop just thinking about Changmin then I would start getting bad grades. Of course if I started to get bad grades in any of my subjects then mom wouldn't let me do anything no matter what it was. 

While I was walking to my next class which was Math, I starting to think about everything else. I started wondering if mom would let me go to Changmin' s again, I hoped so. But if I stay the way I was going today I wasn't going to be able to do anything. I took a deep breathe waiting for one of the most girlish boy I have ever seen to move out of my way so I could get my Math books from my locker. I was waiting for him to move but he was talking to one of his friends, who had his locker right next to mine. 

“Excuse me can I please get to my locker, Young II.” I asked him nicely.

“Oh I'm sorry Junsu-hyung.” Young II said moving quickly on the other side of his friend. “I didn't mean to keep you waiting Sugar.”

I smiled lightly opening my locker. “It's alright. Could you do me a favor and not call me Sugar again.”

“Oh of course Junsu-hyung.” Young II said in that weird voice of his. 

Young II had one of those voices that you knew he was gay just from the sounds of it. I didn't really mind it as long as he keep his hands off of me. I knew when I first got those thoughts my head that since I was going to an all boys high school there will be a few gay guys. Of course I was right. The strange thing was that I knew all of them in school. Either they were out in the open or not. I had to turn a few down seeing some of them cry. That was always weird. Every guy that has asked me out I always thought was gross and disgusting. 

I reached for my math books when I thought more about the issue that was at hand. Maybe Changmin was in love with me, Oh boy what if it was that. I would have to turn Changmin down as well. I looked at my math book deep in thought about the whole thing putting my back against my locker. One my mother wouldn't approve of anything like that. Two the Heavenly father would never approve of something like this. And the last reason I would turn Changmin down would be that it wasn't me. At least I think it's not me. Everyone always should try things before saying things. But this is something I just think wouldn't be for me. 

Well, if it was that I hoped we could work around it. If not then I didn't want to hurt Changmin more by being around him in the beginning of our friendship. That would just hurt Changmin more then necessary. 

When I went into my math classroom, I handed my teacher last nights homework and sat in my chair still thinking of what Changmin needed to ask hoping and praying to myself that he wasn't in love with me. I don't think I could lose another new friend because of that. Since the others who said that they loved me, that were guys as well I lost each and every one of them as friends. Then again he hasn't known me for a long time like the others so it can't be that. Unless it was love at first sight, which I did not believe in. I found myself looking around the room wishing that Changmin was in my Math class with me. If he was it would have been more funner. But since he wasn't I couldn't talk to him at all. I just had to wait to see him during lunch. Hopefully we had he same lunch time with each other. I looked up at the teacher writing my notes down to catch up with the rest of the class so I wasn't going to get left behind. After I caught up I noticed I was doodling on my notes. I've never done that before. I looked at the doodles seeing that they where mostly about Changmin. What was wrong with me? Never in my life so far has anyone got into my head as much as he has. Maybe I did have feelings for him, just thinking about it made me shiver for being grossed out. I couldn't fall for a guy I just met not to long ago could I?

As Math class finished I decided to run to my locker to get my lunch bag out, hoping that if I was fast enough Bae and his brothers wouldn’t bother me today. What I was happy about is that I got my lunch and my bible out without any surprise guests. I was pleased that I was able to dodge them then it sunk in that I haven’t seen Bae all day. That was different, though I could get used to it, Usually by now he has bugged me a few times already. Maybe he was sick and his brothers decided to stay home with him. Or the other way around, either way they weren’t here today. And to me it was a blessing. 

I got to the lunch room looking around for either my brother or Changmin. When I noticed Changmin first sitting on his own with his lunch and books spread out in front of him. It made sense he would be trying to study since he was new and he was out of school on his first day thinks to Bae and his brothers hurting him so much. I went over sitting down across from him, he looked up when I sat down and I saw the smile on his face which in turn made me smile at him. 

“Hello Junsu. I'm just trying to get some of this done.” Changmin said with a little bit of stress to his voice. 

“Not a problem I'll be right here if you need help. Though it looks like you've been here for a while.” I said noticing the pile of work Changmin must have to get done. 

Changmin took in a deep breathe and let it out slowly. “Yeah my classes had tests so I was sent down here to get caught up. Well all of my classes besides my computer class. Which was last period, so I did some typing in there for English class. Which wasn't too hard surprisingly.” 

I couldn't help but giggle lightly when he talked that fast and noticing that I could keep up with it. I pulled out my food setting it in front of me, putting my hands together to pray for my lunch that mom made this morning for me. When I was done I looked at Changmin hoping he wouldn’t make fun of me praying at school but instead he was quiet and he prayed as well, so that I could bless my food. 

“So which religion are you Junsu?” Changmin asked when he noticed I was looking at him

“Oh I'm Seventh Day Adventist. “ I told him. Which is the truth. “What religion are you, Changmin?” 

Changmin shook his head lightly. “I'm Buddest. So I don't go to a church but I do go to my temple every Sunday.” 

“Just thinking about it, Changmin I wouldn't be able to go over to you're house on Saturdays. Since that is the day that we do things together as a family and that is our church day. But I might be able to come over Saturday night if my parents say it's alright. After all they let my brother go over to his friends house Saturday nights.” 

“That fine with me. I don't mind if you come over and spend the night Saturday but you would have to come to the Temple with me on Sunday. If you don't mind” Changmin said. 

“No I don't mind at all Changmin. I also don't mind that we are different religions. It will not change that I'm you're friend.” I told him. “Why do you ask about my religion?”

Changmin shrugged his shoulders. “I heard something about it, during computer class so I thought that I would ask and get it from you. Would some people in this school don't like certain religions?” 

“Some guys do some don't. I'm not one of them. I don't really care about that. I knew people talked about me but I didn't think it would be so much.”

Changmin bite his lip like he let something slid out of his mouth. But I didn't mind him telling me about it. I was really starting to wonder how much people really talked about me behind my back. Maybe with Changmin it can help me with finally figure it out. But there was no way I was really going to ask him to spy on others for my behave. 

“Sorry about that Junsu. It's just that I hear so much about you I just want to know more about you from you not from the other students at school.” Changmin told me though he was blushing lightly. 

I looked at him watching him eat after the apologize to me about it though it didn't bother me. He realized that I was watching him and he got redder. I don't know what was going though my mind besides for some reason it was hot to see. Hold on, this wasn't me. I can't think like that, but Changmin was getting to my mind and my heart. This was different. He wasn't coming on to me but I was coming on to him in my mind. Oh this isn't right. I would have to stop at the church on the way home from Changmin's house. 

“Junsu is something wrong?” Changmin said. 

“Oh no there is nothing wrong Changmin, nothing at all.” I told him though I was lying though my teeth. I did not want to lie to him ever again. But there was no way I was going to challenge our new friendship with something like this.

“Well, I was asking if we could hang out more. Out of school I mean. Not just in school but out of it as well. I would like to get to know you more. Myself not from the students here.” 

“Of course I don't mind. As for coming to your house later to help you with you're homework that you missed I need to ask my mom and dad.” 

“Don't worry about that I know that Junsu. I don't mind waiting for that. It's just that I still want to know about you. I want to become you're best friend in the world.” Changmin was saying before he took a bite of his food watching me closely. 

I told a deep breathe before replying to him “I don't mind having you as my best friend Changmin. Also I would love to be around you more. Including getting to know you more as well. Like if you have any siblings?” 

Changmin looked at me. “No I don't have any I'm an only child. It gets lonely all the time. You should be lucky you have you're twin brother. It's better then being alone.”

As I looked at Changmin he got sadder as he talked. I didn't want to see that sad look on his face. I wanted to see his smile reach his eyes again. This was another reason I didn't want to bring up his father thinking that I would see that frown more. 

“Do you just live with you're mother?” I asked carefully. 

Changmin nodded his head. “Yeah it's just me and mom. No one else. It's been just us for going on three years now.” 

“Oh sorry if I brought up bad memories Changmin.” I apologized still seeing the frown on his face. 

“It's alright Junsu. I'll be fine. It is something that I am going to be living with so don't worry about it alright Junsu.” Changmin said lightly smiling. 

I didn't know if he just smiled to cheer me up but he smiled. I felt a little better just seeing him smile. I was about ready to ask another question when the bell rang for the next class, so I was going to have to wait for more questions for later. 

“Well, I'll see you later Junsu.” Changmin got up going out the cafeteria. 

I went and ran off to my class known for a fact I wouldn't be seeing Changmin again until the end off the day. Well I went to the rest of my classes without seeing Changmin or anyone else. Not even my own brother. Which was weird we had most of the same classes but then again I wasn't paying attention to see if Junho was in class or not. Even so I still wanted to know where Junho was but more then that I wanted to understand this feeling I had for Changmin. Since I have never felt this way before about a friend of mine that was the same gender as me. Or for any of the girls I knew and came friends with. Maybe I would ask one of my friends that are girls about this. After I of course got done with my chores at home.

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